Harry Potter and the Return of Two

Chapter Two

Harry let the story of his uncle and his best friend sink in slowly. It took care of any question that he could have had-like Why wasn't I living with this person all these years? and the like. Harry looked around and noticed for the first time he was in Dumbledore's office. He looked back at Dumbledore himself, who was standing a few feet in front of him.

"I think I should let them back in," commented Dumbledore. When he opened his door, two bodies fell into the room like they had been leaning against the door listening to the tale Dumbledore said with much effort. The fact was that Steven Evans and Owen Black were. Getting up off the ground, and straightening out their robes they looked at Dumbledore.

"I see you two couldn't help but listen to me, even though you already knew the tale," said Dumbledore, with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Well we had to make sure you weren't telling any lies," commented Steven with a slight laugh. Harry saw that he was wearing blue-tinted glasses, which covered up his green eyes. He was also wearing completely black robes, was about 6' 2" and was more or less ripped and had black hair that was bleached at the tips.

"And you didn't of course," added Owen, laughing as well. He was wearing dark-blue robes, had normal wire-frame glasses on over his light blue eyes. He was a bit taller than Steven at around 6' 4" and was also built.

"Oh and Professor," said Evans "Did you tell Harry the good news yet?"

"No Steve, I was about to though," answered Dumbledore "That's why I brought you back in. Now Harry, you know how I said that these two" he motioned to Steve and Owen "were very mischievous?"

Harry nodded.

"Well because of this michevousness," he continued "You will be staying with them for the rest of the holidays, and possibly until you graduate from Hogwarts."

Dumbledore was interrupted when Harry started to choke on his spit because this latest announcement caught him off guard. He was going to be staying with those two for possibly the rest of his time at Hogwarts?

"Why sir?" asked Harry, obviously excited.

"Well before they took you up here," Dumbledore started to answer "They took it upon themselves to turn your Aunt and Uncle's house upside-down. Literally."

Harry tried to comprehend this. They literally turned the house upside down? Then it hit him. "You mean they..."

"Yes Steve here thought it would be funny to put the house on it's roof," Owen finished for Harry "And when I was just about to put it right, you other relatives showed up. You could probably guess what happened from there. They want nothing to do with the Wizardry World from now on, thank goodness, thanks to this git here." He said motioning to Steve. Before anything else could be said, however, Steve spoke again.

"Well Harry, grab your things and let’s go!" he said "There's a small surprise waiting for you at our house!"

* * * * *

Steven and Black had decided to drive a car instead of flying or taking a port-key to their house. When Harry asked about this Owen summed up why.

"Well we don't like to fly over long distances, and we HATE port-keys with a vengeance, so Steve drives us everywhere we go," as he finished, a Dodge Viper 2001 model drove up in front of Owen and Harry-who were waiting on the steps of the Hogwarts Castle. At the wheel of the car was Steve, who was now wearing a pair of Ray-Bon sunglasses.

"Hop in," said Steve, pushing a CD of the muggle group Less Than Jake into the CD player "And make sure you buckle up!"

"Why?" asked Harry as he climbed into the back seat not putting his seatbelt on. He soon found out why though, Steve drove at INSANELY fast speeds. As soon as Harry had securely got his seat belt in place, he asked how fast they were going.

"I'm only going 250," replied Steve "Because you aren’t used to how fast I normally go."

"250! What if you hit someone?!?!?!?!" asked Harry.

"It works on the same thing the Knight Bus does," answered Owen "No one sees us and we don't hit them. Get the picture?"

"Yes," said Harry, putting his head between his knees because he was getting very sick.

* * * * *

When the car stopped, and Harry got out, he looked up at the house that he had arrived at and did a double take when he saw the size of it. It was HUGE! It was just two stories, but it sprawled out quite a few acres. It was made out of brick, and on the second floor he saw a patio. When Harry, Steven, and Owen got to the door he saw a small plaque next to the door above the doorbell.

The Evans-Black Mansion

And underneath that it said something in a foreign language that Harry didn't know.

Vorsicht von zwei Kindern hat in den Körpern der Männer eingefangen

"It means Harry," said Steve seeing the confused look on Harry's face "Beware of two children trapped in the bodies of men in German. You'll find out why it says that too after being here for a while." At this point Steve opened up the door. He walked in and motioned for the Harry to follow him. As he led Harry up a grand staircase, he explained a few things to him.

"This is important," Steve started "You must never open a door on the left-hand side of any of the hallways. Now before you ask how do you know which is the left hand side and which one isn't, the hallways are enchanted so that they know what you left hand side is."

"Ok," said Harry, slightly confused "But why?"

"Because idiot here," said Owen coming up behind them "Decided to make it like that."

Steve stopped outside of a room. "This is your new room Harry," he said opening the door to the room "Even though it is a bit bare right now, I'll take you out tomorrow to get stuff for it. Now meet us downstairs in a few minutes for lunch, you must be famished. Because I know I am!"

As Steve and Owen were walking down the hall, Steve leaned over to Owen and whispered to him "I give him 2 minutes."

"You're on," replied Owen.

Harry walked into his new room and set his trunk down. He thought he had to be dreaming, this room was more than twice the size of his room at the Dursley's house! He looked around his room and noticed that something was already waiting for him in the room. His owl, Hedwig, was waiting on a perch in the corner. Harry went over, and stroked her plumage, then decided to go downstairs for lunch.

As he was leaving the room his curiosity got the better of him. He had to know why NOT to open up the doors on the left-hand side of the hallway. He opened the door on the left-hand side of the hallway. When he did this he screamed.

Harry screamed as about 100 different curses were thrown at him. He quickly ducked but still got hit with a couple of them. He felt his body seize up when he was hit by one of these and instantly felt like he had gotten the worst sun-burn of his life. Moments after all the curses had come after him, a certain pair of people showed up behind him.

"We told you not to open up the doors on the left hand side," said Steve "But you did and now you are feeling the effects of my trademark curse, The Ultimate Sunburn Jinx."

Harry tried to nod, but it was quite painful and couldn't make a full nod.

"Now here's the thing," Steve continued "I don't know the counter-curse to it."

Harry screamed at this despite the pain.

"But I do so don't worry," said Owen after a few moment. Moments later he had performed the counter-curse, and helped Harry up.

"Now lets go eat lunch," Owen said once Harry was back on his feet "We still need to go to Diagon Alley."

Steve led the group down to the house kitchen where there was a lunch for all three waiting. While they were eating, the three had a very interesting conversation.

"How come you don't know the counter-curse to your own curse?' Harry asked Steve, whom had his feet magically suspended in the air.

"For some reason, I can never come up with a counter-curse to anything I come up with," answered Steve "But my faithful side-kick Owen here can-"

"First of all, I'm not a side-kick," interrupted Owen "And second of all, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be able to move right now."

"Point taken," replied Steve.

"Why's that?" asked Harry.

"I decided to try my sunburn jinx out on myself for some reason," answered Steve "And I got it double. Luckily my PARTNER here saw what happened, so he came up with the counter-curse."

"And what's that?"

"The Ultimate SunTan Lotion Jinx," answered Owen. Seeing that all three had finished their lunch Owen continued on "Now let's get going to Diagon so we can get you some supplies Harry."

* * * * *

Five minutes later, Owen and Harry were waiting by the front door while Steve pulled a car around.

"That was an impressive car Steve drove us here in," commented Harry.

"Well wait till you see the other ones he has," said Owen with a hint of laughter in his voice "He has a bit of an obsession with cars."

Sure enough, Steve pulled up in a different car than the one they had driven home in. This time it was a BMW Z3 Roadster. "Hop in."

This time, Harry didn't feel as sick because he had been driving with Steve at the wheel now. But it wasn't until they had left when Harry noticed it was only he and Steve in the car. Then it hit him; the car was a two seater.

"You wouldn't say no to Everclear would you?" Steve asked, indicating to the CD he was holding in his hand.

"Aren’t they a muggle band from America?" Harry asked in return. Steve nodded, as he slid the CD into the car's CD tray "I've heard them before they are probably my favorite band from America."

"Well want to go to one of their concerts later in the summer?" Steve asked as Songs From an American Movie Volume Two: Good Time for a Bad Attitude started to play.

"Sure! I would love to!"

"Great, anything for my favorite nephew."

"I'm the only one aren’t I?"

"Well yes, but you still would be if you weren't," Steve responded with a grin.

* * * * *

A couple of hours later, after Steve and Harry had gotten everything that they needed for school, Steve took Harry to a store so they could get stuff for Harry's new bedroom.

"Now Harry," said Steve on the way to the store "Don't worry about the cost of anything. If anything, get the most expensive things! I make to much money for my own good!"

"Oh from what?" asked Harry.

"Well as you know I am an international Auror," Harry nodded "Well me and Owen are on what is so affectionately named 'The Suicide Squad.' It is called this because it is considered, well, suicide to do the kind of stuff that we do. Because it is basically almost a 100% chance that we will get killed on the missions we do, they pay us quite handsomely. Right now I am making about 50,000 Galleons a mission, and I go on about 2 missions a month, so you can see where I get the money from."

"Well I do now," Harry laughed "So what do these missions involve?"

"How does sleeping with a Lethifold sound?"

"Holy God you did that?"

"Sure did," answered Steve with a slightly lop-sided grin "Scariest experience of my life."

At this point, they both had reached the store, which was called The Young Wizard Emporium. The first thing that Steve made Harry get was some new robes.

"You're going to be living in the wizardry world permanently now, so why not get some wizardry robes?" Steve said. Harry agreed. Next, Steve had Harry pick out some things to 'spice up' his room. This meant Harry got about 10 posters for his walls, all of Qudditch Teams, and Witch models. Next Steve got Harry the biggest Stereo System in the store.

"One problem Steve," said Harry.

"And what would that be?" asked Steve, looking up from a magazine called Maximum Dark Arts.

"I have no CDs," answered Harry.

"Well lets get some for you then," Steve replied, putting the magazine down into the floating cart that was following them through the store. After about 10 minutes in both the wizard music section, and the muggle music section, Harry now had a pretty impressive music collection that looked something like this:

Sparkle and Fade by Everclear
So Much For The Afterglow by Everclear
Songs From An American Movie Volume One: Learning How to Smile by Everclear
Songs From An American Movie Volume Two: Good Time For A Bad Attitude by Everclear
Collective Soul by Collective Soul
...And out come the Wolves by Rancid

And the like. After Steve had paid for everything (which totaled up to just about 25,000 Galleons), Steve put a shrinking charm on all the objects and put them into a single bag.

"Ready to go home?" he asked Harry.

"Ok," Harry responded.

They both walked back through the Leaky Cauldron, to the parking meter where Steve had parked his car, and started to go back home.

"Just wanted to say I had a great day with you Harry," Steve said on the way back.

"So did I," replied Harry as he looked through the CD case Steve kept in the car and finally decided on a New Found Glory CD.

* * * * *

A couple hours later, Steve pulled his Z3 Roadster into the driveway and helped Harry out of the car because he was about to throw up. After he did over the bushes next to the door, Steve banished his car to the garage and he and Harry walked through the door. When they did, however, they heard Owen arguing with someone.

"You think you can just come waltzing back here now do you?" Steve and Harry heard Owen-normally a calmed tempered person-scream. Immediately Steve went running into the room where Owen was, which was the kitchen. Harry tailed right behind him. When he reached the kitchen he was very shocked to see whom Owen was arguing with.

Sirius Black.