Happy Wizards Retirement Home 2

Ginny Goyle's Special Lemonade

Late One Night

(...ok so it was like 7:30. Big deal)

In the quiet halls of Happy Wizards Retirement Home, three teenagers were wandering around a bit after visiting hours. They were Muggle relatives of one of the patients. The female who walked flanked by two taller boys now spoke up

"Hey! I forgot to show you what I scored yesterday after that drug bust down on the docks. Looks as if the cops missed something in their sweep of the place!" she said in a sing song voice and pulled a tiny vial out of her pocket.

"Dude! Is that what I think it is?" the boy on her left asked in a low, hurried voice and held out his hand. The girl let him hold the miniscule glass vial, no bigger then an influenza cold medicine gel capsule. It had a tiny rubber stopper, keeping the substance inside. Fine white powder that almost appeared to be liquid.

"Yes it is," she said. "So don't you DARE drop it! But there's just one problem, we have no where to hide it. My mom would find it in a heartbeat, this amount could land us in prison for years!" she said quietly as they turned a corner and headed towards the moving staircase that led downstairs.

"We could hide it here," said the other boy. The girl stopped in her tracks and turned around

"Pete, did I just hear you right? Did I actually hear a good idea come from your lips?" she asked. 'Pete' grinned stupidly. The girl looked up and down the hallway and back. She then walked towards one of the patient's doors, a Mrs. Ginny Goyle, and tried the knob. They were in luck. It was open. She pushed the door open slowly and walked into the cramped apartment.

Happy Wizards was both a nursing home and an assisted living home. Mrs. Goyle apparently still had enough sense left to have her own place, and not one of the communal bed lined rooms on the upper level. The girl quickly opened a cabinet and put the tiny vial in.

"Next time we come and visit my great grandmother, we can pay this old woman a little visit too!" the girl snickered. Her companions giggled like retarded apes and left after her.

The Next Morning

If there was one thing Ginny Goyle was famous for, besides being old and senile, it was the sweet lemonade she made fresh everyday for people who visited her. It was a big hit amongst the staff of Happy Wizards.

This morning was no different. At 6:30 she woke up and dressed herself using magic even though she was no longer allowed to use magic because of her mental condition. She had of course forgotten this though.

Ginny made her way into her little kitchenette. She got out her glass pitcher and some lemons from the basket on the counter top. When she went to her cabinet to get the sugar, something tucked in the back glinted in the sunlight that filled the kitchenette at this early time of day. With shaking fingers, she feebly reached back and brought a tiny glass vial out.

"Greggy!" she called out. "Greggy! Get in here and tell me what this is!"

She waited a moment for a response, but got none. He must have still been asleep. She wouldn't trouble him further. She pulled out her wand and stood there for a minute or two trying to remember the identifying charm. When she finally remembered it after about five minutes, she tapped the tiny glass vial and said, "Analizio!"

From the tip of her wand, purple, shimmering smoke lifted and twisted itself into words.

Lysergic Acid Diethylamide

"Hmmm, never heard of that before," she mumbled and then shrugged. She walked over to the counter, opened the tiny vial and emptied the contents into the large glass pitcher. She then made the lemonade as usual. She stirred the yummy mix with a wooden spoon and tasted it.

"Just like Greggy likes it!" she exclaimed with a lovely grin. Just then, a mediwizard came into the apartment.

"Good morning Mrs. Goyle! How are you today?" he asked politely, then frowned. "Mrs. Goyle, did you use magic to dress yourself this morning?"

"No. Greggy helped me get dressed. He's such a sweetheart. Would you like some lemonade dear?" Ginny asked. The wizard sighed deeply. Mr. Gregory Goyle had been dead for nearly 30 years. It was no use telling Mrs. Goyle this though. She always got so distraught when she was told again and again, so he let it go.

"You do remember that you aren't supposed to be using magic don't you Mrs. Goyle? That's what we're here for, we're here to do the magic for you to make your life easier," he said in a delicate manner as Ginny poured a cup of lemonade for him.

"Of course I remember that, deary. Here, have some lemonade," Ginny held the cup of the sinister lemonade out towards the man.

"Well ok, I don't suppose there's any harm in it is there?" He smiled and took the cup. He knew how good Mrs. Goyle's lemonade was. Today's batch of lemonade stood up to the challenge. It was wonderful!

"Well, are you ready for breakfast in the common area? Your brother and your friends are already there and waiting."

"Can we wait for Greggy? He's in the shower. I'm making him a pudding for dinner." Ginny said proudly. The mediwizard sighed as he finished the lemonade. This would require another delicate answer.

"Why don't I take you out and come back for your husband once he's done with his shower," he said. Ginny looked confused.

"Take me out for what?" she asked.

"Breakfast Mrs. Goyle." The wizard sounded a bit impatient, but this tone was lost upon Ginny. She merely grinned. The wizard smiled and got her wheelchair. Ginny was fit enough to totter around her small apartment where there were various places for her to sit down and lean on as she walked by. The common area was sparsely furnished to make room for wheelchairs, and it was safer to have her in a wheelchair when she wasn't in her apartment. He got Ginny situated and wheeled her out of the apartment. Ginny took the pitcher of lemonade with her.

The mediwizard wheeled her down the hall into the common area. He wheeled her up to a table where three other old people were. Harry, with no hair and a lightning bolt scar on his wrinkled, liver spotted forehead was slumped in his wheelchair, fast asleep. Mrs. Goyle's brother Ron, was looking at a lingerie catalog and hooting in his high pitched, old man giggle. Hermione Filch was merely sitting there with a surly look oh her face, wearing her magical hearing aide. (which looked a lot like a wizards hat with a satellite dish perched on the front)

"Look everyone! Mrs. Goyle is here, and she made lemonade for everybody!" the mediwizard said with a cheerful smile. Only Hermione looked up to give Ginny a curt nod. No one seemed to care much about the lemonade. Ginny had been making it for years and they were sick of drinking it. A house elf came by with a large tray of food and set each plate in front of the elderly wizards and witches. The house elf had to stay since Harry wasn't waking up to eat. He had to mash up the food and shove it into Harry's mouth and make him magically swallow it. The house elf seemed to be overjoyed with this task though. Hermione snorted at his joy. Ginny's mediwizard walked off.

Eventually, the medicine cart witch made her usual breakfast rounds. Ginny was in a good mood today, and drank her blood pressure potion without complaint, and gave her a cup of lemonade 'For being such a sweet girl'. The witch smiled and drank it.

"Why thank you Mrs. Goyle! You know how much I love your lemonade!" she said to Ginny and made her way over to Ron. He put down the catalog.

"My! My! You certainly are looking sweet and vivacious today!" he said in a creepy voice as he licked his thumb and smoothed out his bushy white eyebrows. The witch smiled weakly.

"Thank you Mr. Weasley," she said with no conviction whatsoever. She swabbed out his ears and took his pulse. "How is your head today Mr. Weasley, do you think you're going to need an aspirin?" She said, then added, 'Or a neutering' silently to herself with a small smile.

"Oh, I'd be fine if you'd let me take you out on the town one of these days!" he said and tried to squeeze her rump. She shifted out of his way before he could however.

"Mr. Weasley, I think a night on the town would do you in," she said in a less then polite tone. He cackled.

"You'd be surprised at the amount of energy and finesse left in this body! I'm as fit and virile as I was in my thirties! I could satisfy you in-"

"Alright Mr. Weasley, we're done here!" The witch cut him off before he could get into more detail, and moved onto Hermione. She looked delighted.

"Oh, Mrs. Filch! It's good to see you wearing your hearing aide! Aren't you surprised at how easily you can hear me now?" she asked. Hermione gave her a sour look.

"Don't start with me today. I can hear fine without this thing if people would quit mumblin'. It's not my fault that you people can't speak up these days," Hermione snorted and shoved a fork full of eggs into her mouth.

The witch decided not to argue further with the old woman. She'd just get belligerent and take it off, then start howling at everyone to speak up. She changed the subject to Crookshanks, who was still alive and kicking in his mini wheelchair.

"And how is Crookshanks feeling Mrs. Filch?" she asked. Hermione gave the witch a grumpy look.

"Can't you see that I'm eating?" she said. The witch gave up and pushed her cart away. Snape wheeled up in his own gothy wheelchair and gave everyone a peevish look. Hermione returned his look.

"What are you doing here?" she asked bitterly. He forced his face into a beaten old smile, much less effective then the venomous smile he'd been so capable of 70 years before.

"I was merely wondering if Miss Weasley here wanted to share some of her lemonade with me," he said. Ginny looked thunderstruck.

"But I'm married! I'm making Greggy pasta for dinner!" she howled. Snape snickered.

"Oh, did you forget your husband is dead again?" he wheezed.

"GREGGY IS DEAD?" Ginny wailed. Ron snickered at his lingerie catalog. He was on the page full of crotchless panties. He was disappointed that they weren't being modeled though. Ginny's wailing finally woke Harry up.

"Snape, what do you want?" he wheezed and fought to keep his eyes open. Snape banged his fragile fist on the arm rest of his wheelchair

"I want some lemonade!" he demanded. Hermione snorted again and threw down her knife and fork. She poured Snape some lemonade and pushed him away from the table after setting the pitcher on the floor. He frowned as he rolled backwards, eventually coming to stop on a house elf's foot. Ginny's pathetic wailing over her husband's sudden and untimely demise was raising the hairs on the back of Hermione's neck. A mediwitch came over and wheeled Ginny away. Harry fell back asleep.

"Dagnabbit! Can't get a moment of peace!" she squawked and turned to Crookshanks. He was feebly lapping up the lemonade. Hermione cackled.

"Awww clever Crookshanks, are you enjoying the lemonade?" Hermione cooed. The cat looked up at her and coughed up a canary feather. Hermione looked over at the canary cage by the window and saw that the mini mini canary wheelchair was empty. She cackled again,

"Good job Crookshanks. You know how much I hated that dang bird!"

The morning went on as usual in the home. Eventually Ginny had again forgotten that her husband was dead and calmed down enough to come back to the common area. The staff came by one by one to get a quick sip of Ginny's lemonade.

The mediwizard who'd wheeled Ginny into the common area was the first to notice something strange. He was changing the bed sheets in a patient's room and thinking about how dirty the room was. The dust bunnies under the bed were getting to be rather large, but the man who slept here wouldn't let anyone clean them up. The mediwizard stole a quick look under the bed and was shocked at what he saw.

The little balls of dust were all huddled in a large pile. He wondered for a split second if someone had swept them into the pile, when it moved. He blinked and stared at the pile. Quite suddenly a large face popped onto the giant dust bunny and grinned at him. He screamed and fell backwards.

"Hello there young man, fancy a picnic in the park?" the dust bunny asked.

Meanwhile, all over the home, people were experiencing strange things as well. Snape was sitting at the front of a crowd of old folks who'd been playing bingo, reading out of a book that wasn't there about shrinking solutions. He looked up at an old woman, who was staring at him, just waiting for him to call B 35.

" MR LONGBOTTOM! YOU ADDED THE PORCUPINE QUILLS BEFORE TAKING THE SOLUTION OFF THE FIRE! 20 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

This actually wasn't much out of the ordinary. Snape did this about once or twice a week. What WAS out of the ordinary, was that the witch who was supposed to be watching over the bingo room was huddled into a corner sobbing about the hands that were coming out of the walls trying to grab her. Typically, she'd stop Snape before his delusion got out of hand and he began yelling at the other residents.

Crookshanks wheeled himself into the bingo hall to watch Snape, and saw something that made his blood boil. The old woman with the stuffed toy dog was there. He hated that little stuffed dog, a French poodle wearing a beret. He remembered when she'd gotten it from one of her younger relatives. She liked it so much that she carted it everywhere with her. Ever since, It was Crookshanks dearest ambition to claw out the toy's eyes.

Today the poodle looked different though. It was sitting on the floor next to the woman's wheelchair. Crookshanks took a closer look at the toy dog. He almost shot to the ceiling when the dog looked up at him.

"Monsieur Crookshanks! Oh ho ho," it said and pulled out a cigarette from the old woman's handbag. He lit it with the tip of his paw and took a deep drag before blowing the smoke out. "Are you here to scowl at moi?"

Crookshanks looked as though someone had hit him over the head with a baseball bat, not that he knew what a baseball bat was mind you. The poodle coughed once and took out an accordion.

"I would like to sing to you and make friends! Ze world! She is no good without friends, oui?" He was about to sing when the old woman picked up the poodle and wheeled out of the bingo hall. The poodle called back to Crookshanks.

"La vieille femme! She takes me away! We shall meet again!" he called. Crookshanks wheeled out of the bingo hall as quickly as possible and went to look for Hermione. She would protect him. She HAD to protect him from the poodle. He wheeled past Ginny, who was still sitting at the breakfast table talking to herself.

"There you are Greggy," she said when she saw her husband sit down. Her faded brown eyes misted over at the dimwitted expression on his face. He looked up at her blankly, with his mouth slightly agape.

"What's for dinner?" he asked. Ginny sighed happily.

"Beef stew," she said and began fiddling with her napkin. She poured herself a second glass of lemonade. She offered some to Greg, but he declined.

"But Greggy, you love my lemonade!"

"I love dinner," he said and fell forward smacking his forehead on the table. Ginny sighed again.

"Greggy dear, you're forgetting to hold your head up again," she said automatically. Greg lifted his head.

"Oh yeah," he said. "Thanks Lucinda."

"Ginny," she corrected and took another sip of lemonade.

"Lila," he said stupidly as he began to turn blue

"Close enough dear. You're forgetting to breathe again," she sighed happily and opened up a magazine. Greg sucked in a lung full of air and sighed.

Meanwhile, the medicine cart witch was not a happy camper. All of her potion vials and pills had grown legs and were throwing a party. She'd accidentally knocked over one of the pill bottles and all the pills had started giggling and knocking over other pill bottles. Now she had to chase them around and fight them back into their proper bottles. It was tricky work though, because they all had venomous fangs and were very bite happy. She figured out how to get them though. She'd looped a piece of her long blonde hair into a lasso and was trying to catch each pill with the lasso. They all made rude sounds and gestures at her when she missed. It was hard enough with out the potion vials trying to kick her.

"Why hello there," a deep, male voice said from behind her. She turned around and almost fainted. A gorgeous man with dark, slick hair and deep blue eyes was sitting on the other end of the room, grinning cheekily at her. His shirt was half buttoned exposing his manly chest.

"Why don't you come over here and sit next to papa," he said and winked. She stood up and squealed like a school girl at a concert and rushed over to him.

"Oh Raoul!" she squeaked happily.

"That's not my name, but it's close enough," he said. She'd have to ask him later why he had bushy white eyebrows. She fell into his large, strong arms.

"Kiss me darling," she breathed heavily. Raoul obeyed, and smothered her with hot kisses. It took all her willpower to pull away.

"Oh, I shouldn't be behaving this way in the common area, especially while I'm on duty," she said and smoothed out her dress. Raoul sneaked his hand through her hair and tickled the back of her neck. The witch melted into his arms.

"Then we shall go somewhere private! I shall take you in my arms and have you tonight, I shall have you multiple times...and a Pizza. I want a pizza too. We shall make love and eat pizza together!"

"OH RAOUL!" The witch squealed and threw herself on him. At this, he wisked her away on a silver cloud to a private place, where they made blissful love...and ate pizza.

12 Hours Later.

All was calm as dinner time rolled around at Happy Wizards Retirement Home. The staff were all a bit disoriented, and felt as if they were coming out of a haze. The mediwizard who'd helped Ginny that morning found himself madly zapping dust bunnies with his wand down in the basement. He remembered that it was important that he zap all the dust balls, but he couldn't remember why it'd been such an urgent task. He shrugged an continued his work, the basement needed a good cleaning anyway.

Meanwhile, the medicine cart witch stirred. She was exhausted, but felt intensely satisfied. And then she remembered her dear, sweet Raoul. Her tall, handsome lover she'd eaten pizza with. She could feel him snuggled up close to her back, and judging by the hard lump pressing against her hip, he was ready for another round. She sighed dreamily and opened her eyes. She was in bed in one of the resident apartments.

"Oh dear, we're lucky we weren't caught darling," she said. A familiar cackle sounded in her ear. She froze. She knew that cackle. But...

She slowly turned.

And screamed.

"I told you I could still get frisky!" Ron cackled, pulling a cheap, black toupee off of his head.

The End

(Thank god)