Without Warning

CHAPTER NINETEEN: Broken Ties

Lily stood stunned, gaping at her tear-stained friend.

"She's...what?" Lily blinked slowly then reopened her eyes. Maybe it had all just been a bad hallucination. She was just hallucinating. Indigo hadn't really just said that. She couldn't have.

Indigo's bottom lip trembled and she whispered for a second time, almost inaudibly.

"She's dead."

"But I...I told her...she sent me an owl - and I owled her, and...and..."

Lily decided it was probably best not to talk. Instead, she sat down slowly, feeling behind her for the seat of a chair. She realised that, even though she was shocked and scared about what she had been told, she was not crying. She couldn't cry. It seemed too surreal. She was surely about to wake up in a moment and chuckle to herself about her over-active imagination.

And if she didn't, she was going to slap herself. Really hard.

Indigo sat down next to her and scrutinised her, watching seemingly emotionless expressions cross over her face.

"Are you okay, Lil?" she asked, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Lily jumped slightly at this gesture, as if she had just been roused from a deep dream. How was she supposed to answer that question? Yeah, I'm great; wanna go grab a butter beer? Or perhaps, yeah I'm just dandy, let's go on a shopping spree! But something completely different escaped her mouth. Something that wasn't filled with scorn or contempt.

"I uhhm...yeah," she shrugged in an apathetic fashion. "Oh god, how's Phoebe?"

Indigo sighed. "I haven't seen her. I guess she's probably with her parents."

"Oh yeah. Of course."

"Are you sure you're okay, Lils? It's just that I hardly ever cry and look at me go. I should be sponsoring Niagara Falls or something..." Indigo trailed off as she tried her luck at a joke which ended in a frown.

Lily mentally shook herself and smiled tightly. "I'm fine. It's just...well, I mean we've all been talking about how the world is in an uproar and all haven't we? But it's just so much more real - or actually, unreal - when it happens to you, isn't it?"

"Yeah..."

"How erm," Lily cleared her throat. "How did she - it happen?"

"Nobody is really too sure, at the moment. Death Eaters are suspected. I wouldn't be surprised. The Parkers were definitely a well-known pure-blooded family..."

Lily nodded in agreement. She felt a slight pang in her chest as she came to the realisation that she knew many well-known pure-blooded families - including Indigo's - and wondered what she'd do if anything ever happened to her best friend.

They sat there for a moment, allowing the bewildered silence to wash over them.

"Did you pass?" Lily asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Did you pass - Apparition?"

"Oh, I haven't sat it yet. The first group are still in there," replied Indigo, desperately clinging to the continuation of their small-talk. "In fact, they're due out right about -"

"Whoo!" Four boys whooped gleefully as they pushed open a heavy oak door and stumbled out, drunk on adrenalin and excitement due to their newly administered independence.

"-now," Lily unenthusiastically finished Indigo's sentence for her.

These four boys were the last four boys in the world that Lily would have hoped to have come across right now. She didn't want to see them. She didn't want to hear them. She didn't want to find any traces of their dungbomb-infested activities anywhere in her presence.

For the four boys that were now dancing across the hall were none other than...

"The Marauders!" James sang. "Have conquered again!"

"We are challenged by no other!" Sirius finished.

Lily frowned stubbornly and tried to ignore their immature little victory dance by turning slightly in her seat to face the opposite direction.

Of course, she realised in an instant that resistance was futile.

"Well well! If it isn't our favourite Gryffindor girls!" Sirius crowed as he strolled up happily to Lily and Indigo.

"Hello, boys," Indigo answered reservedly on their behalf.

"Oh, what's this I am hearing?" Sirius cocked his ear to the side. "In a bit of a moody today, are we McKinnon?"

"No, I -"

"Well no time for excuses! You can't afford to be in a moody today - not Apparition Day!"

James, who had been loitering behind his guffawing friend for a moment or so, approached the foreground.

"Hey Evans, how's things?"

Lily ignored him. She continued to stare the other way, refusing to acknowledge his existence.

"Oi Evans, you're not in a bit of a moody too, are you? That would be a little rudey! Heh heh ... Wow Prongs, looks like the girls are giving us a bit of the silent treatment today, eh?" Sirius piped up again in a way only Sirius could pipe up in.

It was due to Sirius' ignorant piping up that roused something inside of Lily. A pent up type of fury which all of a sudden snapped, and she found herself turning to face him and James.

"No Black. Actually, I was sitting here wondering what the hell I'm going to do now that I'll never see Grace Parker again."

Indigo whimpered slightly.

James frowned.

Remus's eyes widened.

Peter picked at a piece of lint.

And Sirius carried on as Sirius tended to do in these situations, in a fashion that Sirius only seemed to be able to. In a fashion of complete and utter oblivion. "What? Ha ha, splinch herself did she? I always knew she was a bit of a ditz, but even so -"

"She's fucking dead, Sirius. Dead. So take your fucking bird-brain somewhere else, will you?" Lily realised she was standing. And panting. And finally after all this time, finally at last, on the verge of tears. Hysteria, even. She had to get out of this situation as fast as possible. So she did the only thing she could think of doing.

She ran.

***

Lily jumped and gasped slightly as she heard a light knock come from the door. She watched as the door handle turned and the door creaked open a fraction. Quickly, she rearranged herself. The last thing she needed was someone to see her cry. After all, she had to be strong. She had to be able to offer support to those that were experiencing the worst grief of their lives.

As she watched the figure behind the door slide through and close it again gently, he eyes both widened and narrowed in one foul swoop as she realised who was standing before her. She quickly double checked her hair was hanging in front of her face; shielding her emotions and quickly turned to look away.

"Look James," she sniffed quietly. "This isn't the right time to be confronting me about...about...anything. About the ball, about apparition, about anything okay?" She hastily swiped at her tear-stained cheeks with her sleeve and tried to look staunch.

He watched her closely, edging slowly into the room. "I wouldn't dream of chatting about trivial things such as those in a time like this," he responded quietly.

"Well," she sniffed again. "Well good." She looked down at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. Her breaths were coming in short sharp gasps as she continued to hide behind her curtain of limp, red hair.

He gingerly sat down next to her, and she could feel his eyes burning into her very being. She tried to ignore his presence altogether.

"Lily, I just wanted to make sure that you're o-"

"Fine. I'm fine," she interjected as she continued to stare at a knot of wood in one of the floor planks.

"Because if you did need anyone to talk to, I -"

"Honestly, James. You'd be the last person I'd want to discuss my problems with."

She didn't really mean it. She was just trying to hurt him. Like she was hurting. So he could feel what she was feeling too.

"Okay," he sighed in agreement. "I'll leave you to it then."

As he got to his feet, she replied with a dull "yeah," and continued in her refusal to look anywhere near him.

As he walked slowly back towards the door, she lifted her gaze high enough to see his black shiny shoes shuffling away from her. As her eyes started welling up with a fresh batch of tears, she looked further up to see his messy black head of hair facing the door, not seeing the pain on her face. She let a louder than expected anxious sigh escape from her quivery lips.

He turned his head to see her looking directly at him.

Her cheeks were puffy and tear-stained; her nose was red and spluttery. But it was her eyes. They showed such pain and sadness. He physically felt himself disintegrate slightly at those eyes. At their grief. He felt her pain a million times over through those eyes.

He shut the door again, and advanced quickly back to where she was huddled in a ball; knees pulled firmly into her chest. She tried to look back at the floor to compose herself, to restrain her sobs.

But in one motion, he hesitantly reached out and placed a light yet comforting arm around her. She fell into it instantaneously and within seconds her head was resting on his shoulder, heaving with the weight of the news of Grace's death. He tried to soothe her with calming words and reassurances whilst softly stroking her head.

"Shh, it's okay," he whispered.

"No it's not," was her muffled response in-between a sob. "It's started properly now."

"What has?" he asked.

"The war," Sob. "The fear," Sniff. "Voldemort," Whimper. "Everything!"

He pulled her back gently and looked straight into her bright green eyes.

"Lily," he began. "You can't think like that now, okay? Don't think about that."

"I can't help it! How can I not?" she squeaked. "I can't help but think that ... that despite the fact she was a pureblood and was murdered anyway then what fate is in store for my other friends...my family...my parents...me." She bit down on her lip hard in an effort to restrain the tsunami that was trying to escape from her tear ducts.

"Hey," James said gently, noting the tears. "It's okay, just cry it out until it's all gone and then we can talk. Okay?"

His free hand found hers and held it tightly. He softly stroked her hand's luminous skin as she rested her head on his shoulder. As her sobs became less and far between and her breathing more even, James spoke again. He'd been thinking of what he could possibly say to make her feel even a little bit better. He knew what he wanted to say to her, but knew it wasn't entirely appropriate. However, he hadn't managed to come up with any better alternatives...

"Erm. Just so you know," he began in a whisper, as he was unsure if she was dozing. "You'll always be able to count on me, Lily. For support, I mean. No matter what, okay. And I, erm ... I'm never going to let anything happen to you."

She abruptly jerked her head up and met his eyes.

"Don't feel obliged to say crap like that to me, James. I'm grateful and all, but I'm grieving. I'll be able to work through this."

He smiled slightly. "I know. And I know. But it still doesn't change. If you need me, I'll always be here. Crap aside."

She did something she hadn't done all day. She smiled. James noticed her eyes sparkled. Perhaps because they were so water-logged, but still.

"Also, I was going to give you this today. It was actually meant for the night of the ball. But...well, I got cut a little short on time that night. Then, this morning, I guess I was thinking of it as a means to win you back. But now, with our new 'crap aside' policy, I just want you to have it as a symbol of our friendship." He reached into his pocket and felt the familiar velvety material of a box. He fingered it tenderly as he passed it over to her and watched her expression intently.

She frowned slightly as she accepted the black box and apprehension quickly made an appearance before she looked back at him. He smiled innocently and nodded for her to open it. Gingerly, she lifted the lid to find a beautiful silver bracelet. She picked it up carefully, and read the inscription on the inside.

Dear Lily, Love James 1977

"James, it's...thank you. You shouldn't have, but I'm grateful you did. Thank you."

She had started to think that the whole nightmare that had been the Celebratory Ball may have been an accident after all. In any case, why would James have bought her such a beautiful bracelet if he'd been planning to dungbomb her all along?

"I'm glad you like it," he smiled and did something he wasn't expecting himself to do. It just came so naturally to him. He leant in to her and hooked a stray strand of her auburn hair back behind her ear.

As he did this, she reach out and grasped his hand in her own. He returned his gaze from their now clutching hands to her still sparkly eyes. Oh how he adored those eyes. She edged in a little closer to him and a smile slowly quirked on her lips. He could count every freckle on her face, every tear drop on her eye lashes...

Salty.

Definitely salty.

But calmer, and far less rushed than the one in the common room. Still every bit as passionate, just slower. And with less...rage. Her fingers had once again reached for the flicks of hair at the nape of his neck. He had wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her in tightly towards him. They halted for a moment as she smiled mid-kiss, which in turn set him off grinning broadly as well. She stroked the length of his long nose with her own ski-jump one and slowly opened her eyes. He was already watching her. She kissed him again, taking the lead this time.

Safety.

That's what she felt around him. She felt safe and comforted. Finally, she allowed herself to believe his words; to trust what he had told her.

And she felt safe with him.