Baby Names for Dummies

Baby Names For Dummies

"Honey, I'm home!"

Lily and James looked up from the dining room table as someone bellowed, the front door slammed and they distinctively heard a clatter of keys hit the hallway cabinet.

"Padfoot," James muttered matter-of-factly, knowing instinctively that it could only be his best friend that would shout out such an obscure statement.

"Ahh," someone sighed loudly as they walked into the living room.

"Hi, Sirius," Lily said, without looking up from the parchment of which she was reading.

James frowned slightly, deeply immersed in a Muggle book of some description.

"When will you learn to knock, Padfoot?" he asked distractedly.

"When you learn to lock your door."

"I guessed that," James said, keeping his eyes on the book.

"It's this woman's fault, anyway," Sirius explained as he leant in to kiss Lily's cheek, and then bent lower to kiss her protruding belly.

"Ha!" Lily scoffed, grinning. "My fault? Why's that?"

"You introduced me to that silly Muggle saying, so now I feel the need to yell it out every time I come here."

"Did I now?"

"Oh yes, it's very retro."

"Aha. I don't understand why you just don't apparate, Sirius."

"Because, dear lady, I wouldn't be able to drive Priscilla, would I?"

"Oh yes, Priscilla. How could anyone ever forget about Priscilla?"

"She's a ruddy brilliant bike, Lil."

"Mmm, pity about the name," Lily mumbled, leaning over James to read something from his book.

"All right. What are you two up to? Normally you're absorbed in my every word, me being the spectacular entertainer that I am. But alas, you both seem far too immersed in this!" Sirius whipped the book away from James and Lily and held it up to read, gaining their full attention.

"Baby Names for Dummies?"

"Yeah...well, we're going through them," began James a little sheepishly.

"And not agreeing," added Lily.

"Does...does this mean you finally know whether my godchild's a girl or a boy?!" asked Sirius excitedly.

"Well...no, but we thought we better cover all our bases," Lily said.

"Don't know why," James mumbled, folding his arms. "It's going to be a girl, Lil."

"James, I'm telling you right now. It will be a boy."

"You know," piped up Sirius. "You could just -"

"No, Sirius," they replied in unison.

"What? I hadn't even said anything!"

Both James and Lily looked at him in a dubious manner.

"Well...Why is 'Sirius III' out the window anyway?"

"It was never even inside, Padfoot. It's so far out the window that -"

"Okay okay, I get the message. So what is a possibility then?"

"Well," Lily began, clearing her throat and shuffling her papers. "I have a few."

"A novel," James muttered to Sirius.

"It is not, James! I've just written out all the pros and cons for each name as well."

James and Sirius shared a look.

"Example?" Queried Sirius not at all too sure whether he should be asking. It was far too early for a headache.

"Okay, well," Lily rifled through he papers. "Here, take Jack for example. Nice, sturdy name. Classic. Simple, yet elegant. Rhymes with tack, pack, shack, crack, mack -"

"Oh dear God."

"It's a good way to analyse, Sirius!"

"It's a good way to torture, too."

Lily scowled at him as James snickered.

"Oh all right. What else have you got?"

"Well...William, Marcus, Tobias, Charlie -"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" James held up his hand, staring at Lily. "They're all boy names, Lil! I thought we agreed to mix?"

"Yes. We did," she said, studying him carefully and smirking. "But read out yours. I know they're all girl names."

"No they're not."

"Yeah?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and knowing all too well he was lying.

"Er...yes," James said defiantly, knowing all too well she was on to him.

Their silent challenge was broken when Sirius peered over Lily's shoulder and gasped.

"Lily Potter! How could you?!"

She frowned, slightly confused. "How could I what?"

"Albus!" Sirius shrieked, snatching up her piece of paper and shaking it madly at James. "She has Albus on here, Prongs!"

Lily folded her arms. "I think it's a very honourable name."

"We are not naming our child Albus, Lily," scoffed James.

"Why not?"

He gaped at her, not quite believing her madness. "Do you know how much he'd get teased? At Hogwarts? The Slytherins, Lily, c'mon!"

"Lily, I'm sorry. You're great and everything, but if you name my godchild Albus I will have to kill you," Sirius paused thoughtfully. "And then mock the kid for the rest of his natural born life."

"Fine," Lily gritted her teeth, crossing it the name out with her quill. "We won't name it Albus."

"Thank Merlin," James said, let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh don't sound so relieved."

"So, what have you got Prongs?"

"Er, just...one name."

Lily looked at him skeptically. "Really?"

"Yep."

"And?"

"...And what?"

"What is it, you prat?"

"Oh...er, Harriet."

"Harriet?"

"Yeah..."

"Hmm. Harriet...Harriette...Do you know, I like it."

James beamed. "See! It's going to be a girl! The fates are working against you, love."

"James, it's going to be a boy!"