The Worm That Turned

Chapter 14 - Severus the Professor

The Shrieking Shack was not the nicest place to hold a rendez-vous. It held particularly bad memories for Severus, as well as a funny smell. The furniture was in such a mess he'd conjured a chair for himself, but was too keyed up to sit on it. Instead he paced, hands tapping meaningless rhythms on his thighs, toes scuffing the inch thick grey dust of the floor.

Finally he heard the sounds of someone approaching. 'I thought you were never coming!' he exclaimed by way of greeting as Dumbledore entered the room.

'Patience, my dear Severus, is a virtue,' said the old man, glancing around. 'I had to be sure I wasn't followed. It wouldn't do for Lord Voldemort to know that we are meeting.'

Severus winced at the sound of the name and glanced around him. 'Don't say it!'

'Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself,' said Dumbledore wisely, waving his wand to conjure a squashy armchair.

Those words reminded Severus of someone else quoting them at him. 'How is Lily? Is Lily safe?' he asked.

'Quite safe, though of course I can't tell you exactly where or how. She's a little frustrated to be shut up and away from the front line, but having a baby is plenty to keep anyone occupied. I gather that little Harry is pulling himself up to standing.'

But Severus hadn't heard anything past the information about Lily. For all he cared, her baby could have sprouted wings. It didn't matter as long as she was safe. Then he remembered why he'd come, and started to pace again. 'Dumbledore, there's been a change of plan. Tomorrow night, they're doing it in Birmingham, not London. When your Order people turn up, all they'll find is A-squad's finest lying in wait.'

Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment. 'Our spy has struck again. And we're no closer to finding out who it is.'

'I've told you who was being targeted and we both know that person is dangerous...'

'Severus, I am well aware of your theory about Sirius Black and I do consider the possibility. But there is no evidence, and for all that he is reckless, I doubt that Sirius is treacherous. He threw away an awful lot when he left his family, and he did that out of conviction. For him to have suddenly turned all that around...'

'We only assume he did it out of conviction. Perhaps it was all a ruse...'

'A ruse that began when he was sorted into Gryffindor at age eleven? No. Had Sirius undergone a sudden conversion at age seventeen or eighteen, then I'd be prepared to consider that possibility. But not as things are. No, there are any number of people that it could be, even though I hate to think it of any of them.' Dumbledore shook his head and began to pace angrily. 'It is becoming near impossible to do anything! The Order is stymied, completely stymied.'

But Severus wasn't interested in the Order's operational difficulties; his concern was for one thing and one thing only. 'Dumbledore, do members of the Order know where Lily is? You must make sure they don't know! We can't afford the spy telling the Dark Lord.'

'They have been in their current location for some time, if the spy was aware he or she would surely have told Voldemort by now. I can move them again, but every time I do so it exposes them to risk. They are safe enough where they are for now.'

'Safe enough? What does that mean? She needs to be entirely safe, Dumbledore, entirely safe!'

'She will never be entirely safe, Severus, thanks to you telling Voldemort that prophecy. We can only do our best, and it is getting increasingly difficult as Voldemort's power and grip on the country increase.'

The two men glowered at each other, then Severus drew his cloak around him and moved for the door. 'I have to go.'

'Very well. But Severus, I need you closer to me. These clandestine meetings are a risk to us both. The new school term starts in six weeks' time. Are you still interested in a teaching job?'

He stopped at the entrance and turned back. 'Yes, of course.'

'Good. In that case I shall write to you officially, and you will come to the school for an interview. Thereafter you can live here, and it will be easier for us to meet.'

'The Dark Lord will expect intelligence on you in return,' Severus warned.

'That can be arranged. Misinformation is a useful weapon in itself.' Dumbledore turned away, and then called him back. 'And Severus? Thank you, for telling me about tomorrow night. You have saved many lives.'

Severus gave a curt nod. 'Just keep Lily safe,' he said in parting, and strode away down the tunnel to the Whomping Willow.

*****

'This is excellent news indeed, Severus! You start in September?' Voldemort didn't smile in the same way a normal person did, but he looked pleased nonetheless.

'Yes, my Lord. September the first.' Severus held Voldemort's gaze calmly with his own.

'But something troubles you, Severus? You are unhappy?' Voldemort's eyes glittered.

'I am most happy, my Lord, to be able to serve you in this way,' said Severus, allowing the clouds of the lie to appear within his brain.

Voldemort laughed. 'Do not lie to me Severus. The Dark Lord knows - he always knows! What is it that troubles you?'

'It is nothing, my Lord. A mere trifle of no relevance to our noble cause.' He paused, and when Voldemort did not speak, he went on. 'I had rather hoped to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. But as I say, it makes no difference to my usefulness to you as a spy.'

'Do not worry, young Severus.' Voldemort reached out with long, thin fingers and curled them under Severus' chin, causing nervous impulses of revulsion to shoot along his spine. 'Dumbledore's days are numbered. If you serve me well, when I have finally got rid of him, you shall teach whatever you wish to teach. I will even make you Headmaster, if that is what you desire.'

A rush of excitement at the thought of such a prestigious appointment raced through Severus. 'My Lord, such an honour is beyond my wildest dreams.'

'Start dreaming more wildly then, my young friend. With Lord Voldemort, anything is possible. Those who please me will be rewarded, and those who displease me punished, in ways they could not have conceived. You have done well, very well. Now, our contact should be limited. I will cease summoning you to meetings of the inner circle, but you should stay in regular contact with Lucius.'

'Yes, my Lord.' Severus bowed his head to the table, and the meeting moved on to other matters.

Lucius was not as unequivocally pleased as Voldemort. 'This still seems like a damned big risk,' he said later that evening back at Malfoy Manor, staring musingly into the fire.

'I've met with Dumbledore several times now and he's seen nothing. The scrutiny is unlikely to ever be more intense than during those first meetings. He believes I wish to leave the Death Eaters, and that I will do so when I start at the school in September. Being at Hogwarts will help keep me safe from reprisals.'

'Do not fall into a false sense of security, Severus. Dumbledore is unlikely to stop watching you, even if he has so far been convinced enough to give you a job. He is manipulative and clever, remember that. I believe he watches everyone, far more closely than they realise. There is a reason that he is the main sticking point in the Dark Lord's plans. A man who is a worthy opponent of the Dark Lord is a dangerous man indeed. Don't be fooled by his kindly old Headmaster act.'

As always when faced with one of Lucius' lectures, Severus had to suppress an itch of irritation. 'I know, Lucius, I don't underestimate Dumbledore. But so far, I have succeeded in convincing him. That has to be something.'

'Once you're there, at Hogwarts, no one will be able to come to your aid. You know that, don't you? You will be right inside the enemy's camp, and if it goes wrong...' Lucius did not finish the sentence.

'I know the risks, Lew. But if I succeed, the rewards will be massive. We gain power all the time, it will not be long before even Dumbledore falls. I only have to keep it up until then. And then we will be rewarded.'

But Lucius still looked troubled as he rose to refill their glasses. He rested a heavy hand on Severus' shoulder for a minute. 'Just be careful, old bean,' he said quietly. 'I'd hate for anything to happen to you.'

*****

'These will be your rooms; as you can see, they're more than adequately spacious.' Minerva McGonagall indicated a door leading off the bedsitting room. 'En suite facilities are through there. There is a hidden doorway to your office that opens here.' She showed him a bookshelf, which swung aside at a touch from her wand to show the office that Severus had always known as Slughorn's.

'It all seems very... comfortable,' he said, never much of a one for small talk.

'Of course, you can add... personal touches, as you wish,' said McGonagall, with an expression that suggested she was unlikely to approve of any personal touches Severus might add.

'Yes,' he responded, still looking around the room and trying to get used to the fact that this was to be his home.

'If we go through to your office, I will take you through the administrative paperwork. Class lists, registers, curricula. Then there is a staff meeting at half past two. Of course, you will be familiar with many of the teachers from your own time here, but there have been some new additions. And then I will take you through the security protocols. I hardly need to tell you the dangers of the current climate.'

Severus trailed after McGonagall, trying to summon up some enthusiasm for his new life as Potions master and Head of Slytherin. So far it was all rules and regulations, rotas and timetables and boring procedures that he had to remember to follow. He'd had no idea that being a teacher was such hard work. It had never looked it when he'd been a student. No wonder Slughorn had decided to retire, although he had a feeling that had more to do with the increasing number of ex-Slug Clubbers who'd been confirmed as Death Eaters than the workload.

Perhaps if he'd been appointed to the DADA post he would have felt more excited about the prospect. Whilst he was very well qualified to teach Potions, it did not hold the same fascination and allure as the Dark Arts did. He actually felt quite inspired about the thought of creating lessons on how to understand the Dark Arts. Whereas Potions simply involved telling students to make a particular concoction, and supervising whilst they did so.

One thing he'd noticed very soon after arriving at Hogwarts was that his Dark Mark wasn't functioning as effectively as it usually did. There was static across it that prevented him from speaking with his fellow Death Eaters. It would be the magical defences in place around Hogwarts, he was sure. It emphasised the sense of vulnerability and isolation. Lucius was right. No one would come to his aid here.

He tried to pay attention whilst McGonagall went on about the proper process to follow in the event of a student injuring themselves. But all the time in the back of his mind the same worry nagged at him. Where was Lily? Was she safe? He could never rid himself entirely of the thought that any given moment might be the one Voldemort discovered her whereabouts and finished her off. All he could do was play his miserable part in the spying charade and hope it was enough to keep Lily safe.

*****

'... so moronic, Lucius, you wouldn't believe it! If one more snivelling little whelp spills newt parts over me, I swear I'll hex them into next week. Except of course you're not allowed to do that. Oh no. The miserable cretins can practically decimate the entire room and the most you can do is give them detention. Detention!' Severus sniffed dramatically. 'If they'd only let us hand out proper punishments maybe then we'd see some discipline.'

Lucius seemed vaguely amused by Severus' tirade. 'Glad to hear you're enjoying your new job,' he said with a smirk, then became serious. 'But what of Dumbledore? Do you think he suspects?'

'I doubt it; I've hardly seen him to speak to. McGonagall is a bit sniffy, but that's to be expected, she's a member of the Foolish after all.'

'Hmmm...' Lucius frowned deeply. 'About that... I have an idea that might help your credibility amongst the staff. I think we should arrange for you to be attacked.'

'Attacked?' Severus looked at him in alarm.

'Yes. Couple of stalwarts in full regalia, grab you in Hogsmeade or London or somewhere, fake a bit of a fight, you get away with a couple of minor injuries. It might help sway those who doubt the veracity of your conversion.'

Severus could see all sorts of potential flaws in that plan. 'I'm not sure - what if they get carried away?'

'We'll use people we can rely on, don't worry. Besides, you're a formidable dueller.' Seeing the look of continued scepticism on Severus' face he sighed. 'Listen, I'll tell you what. I'll put a couple of nobodies under Imperius and control them myself. Would that help?'

'Yes,' he agreed dubiously. 'I suppose so. If it's what He wants.' A thought struck him. 'We're supposed to be going to the Three Broomsticks for a drink on Friday night. It's Flitwick's birthday. Perhaps you could have them attack me there. That would give plenty of witnesses. It wouldn't matter if they got caught, if you're going to use Imperius.'

'Excellent, that's agreed then. Now, what about Dumbledore? What information have you managed to gather?' Lucius leant forwards eagerly, a quill and parchment appearing in his hand by magic.

'He usually sleeps in the castle - at least, he's almost always there at breakfast. He often misses lunches and dinnertimes, though there is no particular pattern. Neither he nor McGonagall are there on Wednesday nights, which points to the Order having meetings then. He has visitors, I've made a list of those I know of.' He handed over a piece of parchment covered in his crabbed handwriting. 'He uses the portraits in his office to gain intelligence from around the country - the past headteachers. When you think it through, they provide quite a network.'

Lucius looked alarmed. 'Indeed. A clever way of keeping informed. It would explain a couple of things we've wondered about. I'll have to take more care at the Ministry, and make sure Rookwood is aware. How does Dumbledore seem, in himself? His morale, his health?'

'Health wise he seems the same as always. As for morale... it is hard to tell. He is always very calm, he never overtly shows signs of being afraid or hopeless. Many of the staff are anxious, of course, but no more so than anyone is these days. There are far fewer students than there were in our day, perhaps only forty or fifty per year group. I suppose it's where so many have fled the country or been killed. If anything...' he stopped.

'What?' asked Lucius impatiently. 'If anything, what?'

'If anything, the percentage of mudbloods has gone up since the war, rather than down. Those students who have died or escaped are those of wizard heritage. The mudbloods, not knowing the dangers, still come.'

His friend's face contorted, but he recovered himself quickly. Severus could almost see the curtains close across Lucius' mind as he refused to let himself face the truth. 'That is regrettable, but temporary. When we have won, we will eliminate the mudbloods, and then there will be plenty of time to rebuild the country with fine wizards, those who are fit to bear the name.'

Severus rose to leave. Now was not the time for a philosophical discussion about whether they had chosen the right path or not. 'I daren't stay too late. I wouldn't want to arouse suspicion.'

Lucius showed him to the fireplace, handed him the bag of floo powder. Just as Severus was about to throw a handful of the dust and follow it into the flames, Lucius spoke again. 'Remember what I said. Don't get complacent. Watch your back.'

*****

Severus entered the office and walked across to the chair which Dumbledore pushed back with a flick of his wand. He settled himself, wincing slightly. 'Bearing up, are you?' asked Dumbledore, nodding towards Severus' left arm which was heavily bandaged in a sling across his chest.

'It's fine. A day or two more and it should be completely healed.'

'That was an impressive piece of theatre you and your friends put on. I am almost sorry I did not get to witness it myself. Your colleagues were most taken in by it.' Dumbledore spoke lightly but his face was hard as stone.

'The Dark Lord fears that you will see through my 'story'. He thought it might aid your credulity if I were to suffer a little at the hands of the Death Eaters. I did not expect him to be quite so... convincing.' He winced slightly and made a mental note to shove Lucius hard when he next saw him. That curse had seriously hurt.

'And endangering the lives of your colleagues? Was that all part of the plan?'

'No.' He scowled at Dumbledore. 'What's the problem? She wasn't hurt, was she? I jumped in front of her. And before you ask, no it wasn't choreographed. That's probably why it was so convincing. He knows me too well...'

'You have a surprising tendency for heroics, that is true. But in future I expect you tell me everything, Severus. If Lord Voldemort has any more stunts planned then I do not want to find out about them in retrospect from an over-excited and blood-splattered Filius Flitwick.'

'It was my blood,' pointed out Severus sullenly.

'And those two luckless young men whom my staff are so proud to have overcome, who are now languishing in Azkaban? What of them? Are they even Death Eaters?' Dumbledore's eyes bored into his, but Severus knew he would see no more than Severus chose to show.

'I don't know.' He gave a shrug. 'Does it matter?'

'To them and their families it matters greatly, I would imagine. Whether or not they were ever Death Eaters, they have been imprisoned for a crime that they almost certainly committed only under the influence of the Imperius curse.'

'Well? If you're so convinced of their innocence, why don't you get them out of Azkaban?' snapped Severus. He was sick of Dumbledore's holier than thou attitude.

Dumbledore's hand came down on the desk with surprising force, causing all the candles in the room to stream black for a second. For a moment, he looked as frightening as Voldemort ever had. 'Do not forget who is in the debt of whom here, Severus,' he said, in a voice that resonated unnaturally. 'We had a deal that I would keep Lily Potter safe, in return for your absolute loyalty. Give me one reason to think you are not acting in the interests of my cause, and I will have to rethink my strategy around the prophesised boys.'

Shaken, although trying very hard not to show it, Severus managed to lift his chin defiantly and maintain eye contact. Dumbledore continued, 'There are several options I could explore, for the greater good of course. I could, for example, eliminate the parents and take the boy for my own, teach him all I know and raise him to fulfil his destiny. Or I could simply let Voldemort find them, and see what transpires. I could do both even - there are two boys who fit the criteria after all.'

'You wouldn't,' whispered Severus, his voice unsteady.

'Try me,' answered Dumbledore. 'You cannot take that risk, and you know it.'

He broke first. 'All right! Everything, from now on.'

Dumbledore leaned back and smiled, suddenly all twinkly again. 'Excellent. Now, how are finding your teaching duties?'

*****

It was Halloween. The Great Hall was filled with floating pumpkins, live bats flitting between them. Students were already making their way down to the feast, chattering excitably. Severus and Dumbledore, however, were upstairs in the latter's study. Severus paced the floor, driven into constant motion by his anxiety. Dumbledore remained seated at his desk, quite calm.

'Seconds! Seconds, Dumbledore! Another five and the Dark Lord would have had them! I can't believe you didn't tell me...'

'The deal is that you tell me everything. It does not work in both directions.' Dumbledore seemed to soften a little at the sight of Severus. 'And besides, what good would telling you have done? You are close enough to a nervous breakdown as it is, Severus, without knowing that. The important thing is that they survived.'

'For how long!? Until the next time he tracks her down...'

'I don't think that is likely. This time I have used a completely different method to hide them. An obscure and complex charm that will not yield its secrets so easily. The Fidelius Charm.'

Severus stopped pacing and stared at Dumbledore. 'Fidelius? The one with a secret keeper?'

Dumbledore beamed as though at a particularly bright and promising student. 'Ah, Severus, I forget how phenomenally well-read you are, especially for one so young. Indeed, the one with the secret keeper. So no matter how many people know the location of the Potters, unless the secret keeper themselves gives the location to Voldemort, they cannot be harmed.'

'Who is this secret keeper?' demanded Severus, paling as his thoughts caught up. 'Oh no! Please, Dumbledore tell me it isn't Black! Tell me it isn't him!'

'Very well, it isn't him,' said Dumbledore, with an added twinkle.

Pacing again, Severus snapped, 'You're just saying that! You're saying it because I asked you to say it, not because it is true!'

'The conversation is at an end, Severus. We have a feast to get to.' Dumbledore rose to his feet, but Severus paid no heed, sliding down against the wall and coming to a stop on the floor with his head in his hands.

'This is killing me,' he whispered. 'Every day, every minute, wondering! Not knowing. I can't bear it.'

'Well, bear it you must, Severus. I know it is hard for you, but you should remember of whose making this situation is. Lily herself isn't having the easiest time in the world, and she is entirely innocent of blame. Yet I never hear her complaining.' He stood looking down at the younger man for a minute more. 'Take your time to pull yourself together, and then come down to the feast. I expect to see you there, Severus.' He turned and walked out.

For minutes more Severus remained motionless. Tears soaked through the sleeves of his robes. After a while, Dumbledore's phoenix fluttered from its perch and landed next to the curled up figure. It nudged up to him, resting its big scarlet head against his arm. After a moment, Severus reached out and put his arms around it. He felt a little odd to be hugging a bird, but something about its solid, warm body was comforting.

'I know she wouldn't complain,' he told the bird. 'She never would, that's just like Lily. I don't need Dumbledore to tell me I'm not as good as she is. I know I'm nothing, nothing compared to her! Remembering what I've done to her only makes me feel worse! I wish I could make things all right. I'd do anything, anything! If only I could just die and make it better that way. But me dying won't help, so I must go on in this... this awful limbo, and all the time never knowing if even that will be enough.'

The phoenix gave a low call, as though it was agreeing with him. It continued to make throbbing, musical sounds in its throat. A strange sensation spread through Severus, a warmth that he usually experienced only when he was with Lily. The parts of him that had felt empty and hopeless seemed filled with light, and suddenly he found he had the courage to go on after all. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and petted the bird's neck. 'Thank you, Fawkes.' He got to his feet. 'I should go to the feast. Dumbledore is expecting me.'

*****

After the phoenix's song, Severus felt a greater peace within him than he had for many weeks. He ate more than usual at the feast, and even managed to laugh at some of the banter around the staff table. When he went to bed he lay awake for less time than usual, and he used the time to fill his head with all his happiest memories of Lily. She seemed clearer in his mind than she had for a long time, and once again he entertained his favourite hopes of reconciliation. There was time. There was still a chance for them.

The pain in his Mark jerked him awake at some point in the night. It was intense, terrible, and he clasped at his forearm with his other hand as tightly as he could. He heard himself screaming. Then, awful as it had been, just as suddenly it was gone. He slumped onto his bed, semi-conscious, and it was some time before he felt well enough to move again.

When he did, he rolled up the flannel sleeve of his nightshirt, and examined the pale skin of his forearm in the candlelight. His heart seemed to skip a beat. The flesh of his arm was pale and smooth, with just the faintest suggestion of scarring above the wrist.

The skull and snake motif that had been burned there for the last three years was no longer visible. His Dark Mark had gone.