Slightly Off-Kilter

Albus Dumbledore looked up as his office door opened. His face crinkled into a smile at the two figures that stepped through, but the smile faltered when he noticed one of them had purple hair. He quickly regained his equilibrium.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, Gayle!" he said cheerfully, holding a hand out to her.

"Bear," she informed him. "Where is it, or the Potions Master gets it!" She pointed her right index finger at Severus and sneered at the headmaster.

Albus blinked stupidly for a moment. "It's in Severus' room waiting for you," he informed her calmly.

Gayle nodded disbelievingly. "Uh-huh. Get the bear and no one gets hurt."

Severus rolled his eyes, grabbed the finger (and the hand attached to it) and pulled her to a chair. "Sit down and pretend you're sane," he snapped at her.

She immediately burst into tears.

Severus growled something better left unreported.

Albus chuckled. "I promise you that a large green bear with a silver ribbon in a pretty bow around its neck is in Severus' quarters, impatiently waiting for you, Gayle," he told her warmly and Gayle's heartwrenching sobs dried up as quickly as they began.

Severus sighed for the umpteenth time. "Next time I'm just Apparating her and me," he groused. "She was a nightmare on the train, wandering around, informing everyone I was an escapee from St. Mungo's and she needed help detaining me."

Gayle grinned at them saucily. Albus chuckled again. "Variety is the spice of life, Severus," he informed the potion master.

Severus gave him a withering look.

"What's this about Lord V breaking outta death and rejoining the living?" whined Gayle. "Can't anyone just die anymore? Must they resurrect themselves through wonky spells better suited for fairy tales than real life? Have they no respect for Death anymore? He works hard, he should get to keep his bodies! I mean, really, if I were Death I'd sue! No! Really! I would!" she told them when they both looked at her in shock. "Even Death has rights, right? I mean, come on, I'm absolutely off my freaking conk and I have rights! Why doesn't Death? He works hard, pulls his mmph gug, murmph ppppgh..."

Severus had slapped a hand over her mouth and arched an eyebrow at Albus. "Are you sure this is a brilliant idea?"

"I never said it was brilliant, Severus, merely a wise course of action."

"All he has to do is listen to her for five minutes and know she's a fruitcake!" exploded Severus, throwing his hands in the air. "Another hour alone with her and I'll be sharing her cell!"

A small voice from Gayle's direction caused Severus' heart to plummet. "You don't love me anymore? Not even enough to share my cell with me?"

Both men turned to find Gayle staring at Severus with a heartbroken expression. She promptly burst into tears and stomped to a chair next to the headmaster's desk. She flopped into it and sobbed her heart out.

Albus looked at a very uncomfortable Severus and motioned his head to the door, mouthing silently, "I'll leave you two alone."

'That's just what I need, more time alone with her,' Severus groused to himself, but he refrained from saying it outloud. Nodding to Albus and holding up five fingers to indicate five minutes, Severus waited until the headmaster shut the door softly behind him.

"Gayle," he began.

"You don't love me anymore!" wailed Gayle dramatically.

"Don't over dramatize," snapped Severus peevishly. "You are not a child, just insane."

Gayle sniffed at him and wailed into a fresh burst of crying. "You..promised...me...forever!"

He couldn't argue with that, because he did. He growled. "Gayle, please stop that noise and listen to me."

She gasped. "You don't love me!" She pointed an accusing finger. "You were using me!" He glowered at her. "You... you... despicable cad!"

"Despicable cad?" he inquired. "Surely you can find something worse than that to call me," he said drily. She frowned at him between her sniffling. "Now listen to me, my little St. Mungo's inmate, yes, I still love you, who knows why, maybe I'm a bit nutters myself." 'A bit?' he thought but he continued on. "The old order is getting together again and we have to stop Lord Voldemort this time for good. I don't mean to be gruff with you. I'm just worried about our safety is all."

"You never write me," she sniffled pathetically.

"I never know what to say," he told her in a panicked voice as she crawled into his embrace and hugged him tight.

"You never visit except once a year and you never, ever," she pinched his rear, "bring me a green bear with a silver ribbon bow." He fought the urge to sigh and lost.

"I shall bring you one every visit."

"More than once a year and not looking like you are going to a funeral?" she asked hopefully.

Severus looked into her chocolate brown eyes and lost the war with dignity. "I promise," he whispered, as a fledgling thought took root in his mind. He leaned down to kiss her soft lips, wondering if they tasted of sweet cream the way they used to. The romantic moment was broken by a peal of laughter and he jerked his head up in surprise. "What?"

"Have a flower?" she asked him impishly, handing him his own wand with a begonia poking out its end.

Grumbling he took from her, got rid of the flower and shoved his wand back into his pocket. "ALBUS!" he bellowed. "LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH!"

There were still a few more days of the school year left before the students were shuffled off for the summer. Severus spent his time divided between meetings with Albus, grading tests and holding what few classes were left, and keeping Gayle out of trouble. The students and grading tests was less of a problem than Gayle, who insisted on touring the castle as if she were a tourist, snapping photos and tormenting Peeves.

The faculty, well aware of Severus' guest, agreed that her taking on and defeating Peeves was worth any other trouble she caused. Severus was only amazed that the students were totally unaware of her existance within the castle walls but then most of them were in shock from the death of Cedric Diggory and the revelation that their Dark Arts professor had not been the real "Mad Eye" Moody.

Severus had found the meeting between Moody and Gayle interesting. When he'd told her to be careful around Moody due to recent events, all Gayle seemed to have heard was the name. She went screaming joyfully down the hall to Moody's private chambers and then did an about face when she met up with Moody, screaming in terror all the way back to Severus' chamber. Severus had to admit he understood that reaction. Moody had changed drastically from the last time she'd seen him. From then on she cowered whenever she heard Moody's claw foot go clunk-clunk down the hall.

The only peace Severus got since dragging the frustrating female from her cell in St. Mungo's was when she was asleep. Asleep she was beautiful (even with purple hair), her features soft and feminine, making him goose pimple when he looked at her. He even forgot to be irritated when he looked at her as she slept, but as soon as her eyes opened, the slightly wild look to them reminded him that she was now insane and he remembered that he was irritated with her again.

The students finally were shoved into the train and silence descended upon the castle. Normally this was Severus' favorite time of the year, but currently he had other things to occupy his mind. Minerva McGonagall, deputy headmistress and Transfiguration professor, gave Severus a two hour break a day by inviting Gayle on walks outside in the sunshine, under the impression it would do the woman some good. Whether it did or not, Severus didn't know, but it did him wonders. He spent that time in the library, going through book after book of potion recipes.

Dumbledore one late June afternoon found Severus muttering at a particularly musty potions journal in the Restricted Section of the school's library. He'd intended to invite Severus and Gayle to dinner privately in his office and had discovered Minerva and Gayle skipping rocks by the lake in childish fashion. Gayle had hugged him for a full five minutes for the invitation before Albus could extricate himself.

"Severus?" called Dumbledore. "Whatever are you doing?"

"Having a harebrained scheme, Albus. I want to prove to myself that I'm as nutters as Gayle and move on with my life."

Albus blinked once and then smiled to himself. He had forgotten how silly Severus' mind became when in Gayle's vicinity, even before the woman had been tortured to the brink of insanity. Like the Longbottoms, Gayle had been caught and tortured by DeathEaters looking for their lost lord. Having been exposed before Severus as a double-agent, Gayle's treatment had been more of a mental torture than a physical one. When the Aurors found her, she was like a broken toy, repeating the same thing repeatedly. "I didn't do it and you can't prove it."

"I came to invite you and Gayle to dinner in my office, Severus. A change of scenery and I want to try and talk to Gayle in a serious surrounding, see if she responds better that way."

"Good luck," muttered Severus drily.

"Yes, I quite agree, but I must try. Oh and we will have company tomorrow morning. Snuffles has gotten the Order together and they will be converging upon us at that time. I have privately informed our trustworthy staff of Snuffles' identity and I expect you to be on good behavior when he is around." Albus gave his potions master a stern look, which was returned with a pained grimace.

"If you insist and only if he does," grumbled Severus, shoving his long crooked nose back into the old journal.

"I mean it, Severus," warned Dumbledore. He paused for a moment. "Is there anyway we can rid Gayle of her purple hair? Not that it isn't attractive but I think she would make a better blonde myself."

Severus looked up long enough to give him a withering look. "You try. I gave up a week ago."

"Ah." Albus nodded sagely. "I shall make my attempt this evening then. A little decorum might help to add some credibility to anything Gayle contributes." Albus pointedly ignored Severus' snort of disbelief. "How are the two of you getting on? She's not giving you too many fits, is she?"

"Is there anyway to make her sleep all the time and wake her only when we need her?"

"Well, I suppose we could try but would that help?" Albus sounded amused.

"Yes. I could then think without feeling like a candidate for St. Mungo's myself."

"I see," Albus said around the twitching of his beard and mustache. "Quite a handful?"

"Potter, Weasley, Granger, Longbottom and the Weasley twins combined are a 'handful', Albus," said Severus in exasperation. "I am currently residing with a bona fide resident of St. Mungo's and she shows it every ten minutes or so...or less."

Albus could only broaden his grin in response. "Glad I could amuse you, Albus," snapped Snape, closing the journal with a banging sound that made Madam Pince peek disapprovingly at him from her desk some distance a way. "Sod off," he snarled in her direction and she sniffed at him in disdain.

"Now, Severus, it can't be that bad," soothed Albus.

"She wants to paint my fingernails blue," growled Severus, "and dye my hair to match because it will make me seem more approachable." He looked heavenward as if asking for divine help. "What the devil?"

Albus shrugged. "As both you and she mention quite frequently and not so delicately, she is nutters, what did you expect?"

As if he'd been waiting for such an opening, Severus triumphantly reopened the journal and shoved it at Dumbledore. "Ha!"

Albus raised an snowy white eyebrow and peered down at the book shoved under his bulbous nose. "Sanity Restorative?" he asked in mild rebuke.

"I've already made her drink this concoction," Severus said excitedly. "Other than giving her the hiccups and me a four hour rendition of some Muggle opera off-key and full gusto, it did nothing. BUT! If I work with the ingredients and maybe add some new ones, I might come up with something that can at least keep her train of thought focused on one thing at a time."

Albus refrained from comment. "Carry on, then, Severus, and dinner will be promptly served at 6:30." Severus grunted in reply.