Slightly Off-Kilter

Saint Mungo's Asylum was boisterous and gave him a headache, but faithfully, every year he made his usual trek inside its walls to see her. He had no idea why, considering half the time she was ungrateful and the other half she spent ranting and railing at him about where "Lord V" was, but he did it anyway. Albus said it was the right thing to do.

Besides, he was still in love with the nutter.

Wouldn't Black get a laugh out of that?

With a growl, Severus Snape walked down the long hall on a now familiar route, half-listening to the screwballs cooing to themselves, their imaginary friends, or at each other. He stopped for a moment at two doors, more for Neville Longbottom's sake than anything else, though the boy would not know it.

He continued on, eventually heading down a quieter corridor (it should be, he paid enough for a quieter corridor) and his ears picked up the sing-song voice of the woman he was here to visit.

"Oh my darlin'
oh my darlin'
oh my darlin' Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
dreadful sorry Clementine!"

The song, belted off key with gusto, filtered to Severus' ears and he grimaced. She never could hold a tune. He stepped to the door and peered into the room, which was actually a cell but he refused to think of his nutcase lost love in a cell. He associated cells with Azkaban and any thought of that place guaranteed to give him nightmares.

"Gayle?" Severus said her name loudly, as to be heard over her singing.

"Excavating for a mine," sang Gayle, regaling four teddy bears of varying jewel tone hues and a large pink stuffed dragon.

"Gayle," repeated Severus a little louder.

"Dwelt a miner, a forty-niner, and his darlin' Clementine," continued Gayle, now gesturing like an operatic diva.

Severus sighed. "GAYLE!"

"I heard you, Severus, I'm not deaf, just crazy," she sing-songed. "You are interrupting the concert." She cleared her throat, frowned at him through the bars and began singing again.

From the beginning.

"Oh my darlin'
oh my darlin'
oh my darlin' Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
dreadful sorry Clementine"

"In a cavern
in a canyon
excavating for a mine
dwelt a miner
a forty-niner
and his darlin' Clementine"

"Oh my -"

"GAYLE! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!"

Gayle tossed her long purple pony tail over her shoulder in a disgruntled fashion, turned to Severus and stuck out her tongue. It took Severus a moment to register that her dark brown hair was now purple.

"What the devil have you done to your hair?" he exclaimed, startled.

Gayle coyly twirled a strand around a finger and fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Like it? I did it myself," she cooed.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead. Digging in his robe pocket, he pulled out the key to her cell and wondered not for the first time if this was such a brilliant idea after all. He stepped into the cell, carefully closing and locking the door behind him. He waited expectantly for a flurry of female affection and lovey-doveyness to descend upon him but nothing happened.

He looked at her.

She was frowning at him, peering at his empty hands.

"What?" he asked in perplexity.

"My bear," she informed him haughtily. "Where is it?"

"What bear?" he asked in confusion.

"My green bear with the silver bow, where is it?" she demanded with a purple arched brow.

Severus was confused. "What green bear with the silver bow?"

"The one you promised me!" Gayle cried stomping her foot in irritation. Her eyes flashed, literally, and Severus took a wary step back.

"Uh-" he stammered, having no recollection of such a promise, if he had indeed made one, and at a loss on how to not get fried on the spot because she was angry. "It's at the castle. Waiting for you."

She sniffed. "Like I'm leaving this loony barn, Seviepoo." Severus winced.

"Don't call me that," he pleaded.

She looked at him slyly. "Okay, Seviekins."

He sighed in exasperation. 'Why did I think I was going to get a decent conversation is beyond me,' he thought to himself. "Now, Gayle, I have something important..to..tell...what are you doing?" he finished in alarm as he watched the strip show before his eyes.

"It's bath time," she informed him simply. "It's not like you haven't seen me naked before." She nudged him with an elbow as she wandered shirtless to a small sink. She turned on the hot water, shoved a washcloth under the running water, and quickly wiped her chest, arms and shoulders down. "Will you get my back?"

It was so sweetly requested Severus couldn't think of a reason not to. He took the cloth and quickly rubbed her back down and then tossed the cloth back into the sink. He grabbed her shirt, took a whiff of it, and held it out away from him. "How long have you been wearing this?" he asked in disgust.

"A couple of days," she giggled. Severus sighed, stalked to the small wardrobe built into the wall and pulled out a clean shirt, a nice skirt, a pair of stockings, and with a bit of a blush, a change of underwear....skimpy underwear, no less.

"Here, full change, take a bath, wash your hair, I'll explain while you do so." Gayle brightened and grabbed the clothes, the wet cloth and a towel. Severus turned his back while she washed, humming until he told her to be quiet and listen to him.

"Now then Gayle, I have permission to take you from St. Mungo's -" he began but was interrupted by her shout of joy and "Yahoo!" He cleared his throat. "Wash. Be silent while doing so."

"Slave driver," she muttered at his back. He sighed again, wondering if he'd ever had control of this visit from the get go.

"I have permission to take you from St. Mungo's -"

"I could hear that phrase forever and never tire of it," she sighed wistfully. "Say it again," she begged him.

He frowned at her over his shoulder, ignoring her nudity, and she frowned back. "You will be under my and Albus Dumbledore's supervision." He ignored her snort of derision. "For the summer, you will stay with me and Albus at Hogwarts. We fear for your safety here."

Severus listened for response but there was no sound from behind him, not even a splash of water or rustle of clothing. He turned quickly to find her half-dressed and staring wide-eyed at him. "Why am I not safe here?" she asked in serious puzzlement.

"We fear someone may try to kill you," he informed her imperiously.

She tilted her head to one side, the wet purple hair sliding down her shoulder, leaving a wet trail on the blouse. He noted she hadn't dried her hair with the towel. With yet another sigh of exasperation, he jerked the towel from the floor where she'd dropped it and began toweling her hair from soaking wet to slightly damp.

"Why would someone want to kack a nutter like me?" she asked him in amazement.

Severus chewed on the inside of his mouth a moment, trying to decide whether or not he should tell her. He gave in, knowing she'd probably pester him the whole trip to Hogwarts, if she remembered the issue past the next five minutes. "Lord Voldemort has returned and will no doubt be seeking those who betrayed him. You and I are at the top of the list."

Gayle blinked at him once, then twice and then grinned. She squealed with delight and threw her arms around his neck, shoving her damp hair right into his face. He reared back in surprise and tripped on the towel he'd dropped. They both landed in a heap on the floor.

"You're happy that Lord Voldemort has returned?" Severus demanded, slightly panicky. Was she more off her rocker than previously thought?

She shook her head. He breathed easily again before a feeling of dread permeated him yet again.

"You're pleased that you're leaving St. Mungo's?" he guessed a bit more calmly.

She shrugged, looking forlornly at her stuffed animal friends. Her round face brightened again and she began to bounce on top of Severus in childish excitement.

"You're...ommph, pleased to be ... ugh...going to Hogwa...stop that!...Hogwarts?"

Gayle nodded so hard it looked like her head would fall off her neck.

Severus was perplexed, utterly and totally. She'd hated her school years, why would she -? "Why?"

"Now I'm going to get my green bear with the silver bow!" she crowed jubilantly.

Severus sighed.

He was going to have to send an owl to Albus. A green bear with a silver bow had better be waiting or there was going to silver lightening bolts to dodge.