To Fly Alone

Frantically, the wolf tore around the shack searching for human blood. Grabbing the nearest thing it could find, a table, it shook it frantically and smashed it to pieces. Pouncing on top of it, the table fully broke and the wolf threw back its head and gave out one long howl that could be clearly heard throughout the house, though there was no one there to hear.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Why can´t I tell them? James told us what he was hiding and we still like him. Would they still like me? I can´t chance it. This is so much bigger. I just have to learn to live with it. And I have to remember what Dumbledore said. I can´t tell anyone. No matter what.

"Come on, Mr. Lupin," urged Madame Pomfrey, "we have to get there before the moon comes out. Hurry up and don´t dawdle. You have to do this. It´s the only way you can go to Hogwarts and get an education. But you have to learn to also get along with your disability." Remus rolled his eyes. She always called it a `disability´. As if it were something that hindered him all the time. But it didn´t, really. He just lost a little sleep once a month and was deadly tired in the morning. Everything else that happened could be healed the next day after the Moon went down.

He was willing to work everything out as long as it meant he could go to Hogwarts. That was one of his biggest fears when he was younger; that he couldn´t go. But Dumbledore had come through and he had been able to go and he was quite willing to go along with the whole `Shrieking Shack´ plan. As long as he could stay and learn magic.

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

"You missed it," moaned Sirius sadly. "I´ve never seen Snape so scared in my life. He ran like a little girly-girl with his tail between his legs. It was the funniest thing in the world."

"I´ll be there tomorrow," said Remus softly.

"We´ll try to restrain ourselves from pulling pranks when you´re visiting your mum," stated James throwing a look at Sirius. "Won´t we?" Sirius grinned and nodded.

"Thanks."

"But that doesn´t mean we won´t nip down to the kitchens every so often for an after-dinner snack," put in Peter excitedly. The other three rolled their eyes.

"You do that," said Sirius.

All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arrive

Letting out one ferocious howl of frustration after another, the werewolf began to pace back and forth in anguish to get out. It went from one room to another, desperate to do something. As it slid into the living room on sharp claws, it caught sight of a partially whole chair and went after it. Not being able to bear to see anything that was still `alive´, it ravaged the chair with incredible strength, feeding every ounce of hatred it possessed into the destruction of that object. When it was done and the chair was nothing more than a pile of splinters on the floor, it threw back its head and let out one long, last howl that lasted for the last few moments when the Moon disappeared and the Sun began to rise. When he finally fell out of exhaustion, he was no longer a single being full of power and hatred, but a small, scrawny boy in a torn cloak with cuts on his face looking quite vulnerable in the gray light of the early morning that slipped in between the boards over the windows.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

"Where were you yesterday?" asked James nonchalantly. They went through this every month around this time.

"Visiting my mother. She was sick," lied Remus. He had done it so often that he didn´t really have any second thought about lying to his friends. Not about this, at least.

"She´s been sick every month since you started coming to this school," said Sirius.

"Well, she has a terminal disease, I guess," said Remus on edge.

"Maybe," said Sirius thoughtfully.

"I have to go to the library now, to finish that Potions essay," said Remus, excusing himself quite effectively from the conversation. He noticed that Sirius had that glint in his eye. As he climbed out of the Portrait Hole, the three of them said nothing. Finally Sirius spoke up.

"Everyone has a secret and I aim to find out what he´s hiding."

"Maybe not, Sirius," said James warningly. "Mine was one thing, but this could be something best kept under wraps."

"This group has no secrets. Now we only just need to figure out a way to find out what he´s hiding."

"Well, I suppose if you really want to know, you ought to start by looking at the facts. One: Remus is gone every month. Two: He´s gone at equal intervals. Three: These intervals are each a little less than a month between. Now what do we know happens every month?"

"If I knew that, James, I wouldn´t be bothering with your stupid logic."

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

That night was a Wednesday and so they went to the top of the Astronomy Tower at midnight to observe the stars.

"This is one of the most pointless forms of magic besides Divination," whispered Sirius impatiently as he stared up at the stars.

"They´re pretty and all," said James, looking through a telescope, "but how does any of this matter to anyone here? To me, they´re just a bunch of pinpoints that ruin my Wednesday beauty rest."

"You´d be surprised what they can do," said Remus softly. "They affect so much more than you would imagine." James stood up in the darkness of the night.

"Like...what, Remus?"

"Nothing, sorry. I was rambling," he said quickly. James took one last look at his friend, bathed in silver moonlight, before bending back to his own telescope.

"If you say so, Remus." Sirius didn´t say anything.

All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free

"Now I believe you," whispered James, as the Professor rambled on about the brightness of Mars or something like that.

"About Remus, you mean?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah."

"Mr. Black!" yelped Professor Dellan. "Perhaps you can tell me what the brightest object is, currently in the night sky."

"Sirius, I believe," he said, grinning.

"No," said James, his eyes widening slightly. "It´s the Moon. It was full last night." And, though no one could see it, Remus, head turned towards the sky, paled, ever so slightly.

Blackbird fly

"The Moon," whispered James, as the Gryffindors hurried back to their tower.

"What about it?" asked Sirius.

"It was full last night."

"So?"

"So," said James, exasperated, "do you know what happens on the Full Moon?"

"We don´t know if that was even why he was out. Could be pure coincidence."

"We´ll see, Sirius, we´ll see."

Blackbird fly

Getting up, tiredly, the boy made his way to the middle of the living room and hooked his thumbs into two cracks in the dusty boards. Lifting up the hatch, he dropped through it nimbly and landed on the stone stairs below. He began to jog through it as fast as he could after a sleepless night of destruction. After about an hour and a half, he finally felt the passage begin to rise. Reaching out his hand, he pressed the knot next to the hole in the roots and hoisted himself out.

"Mr. Lupin, it´s about time you came through. We were starting to get worried about you," said Madame Pomfrey. In one hand she had his wand and in the other, a warm cloak to protect against the cool of early morning.

"It was not a good night," he said groggily.

"The Full Moon never is," she said lightly. "Not for you, anyway."

"But it´s over now."

"Yes, it is. Just look at the bright side of things. You´ve got a whole month until you have to live through it again."

"For the rest of my life."

Into the light of the dark black night

"Remie...it´s time you got up," said Sirius as he plopped down on the end of Remus´s bed.

"It´s almost noon," said Peter.

"Only Peter sleeps that long," agreed James.

"Come on, Remus," urged Sirius. "It´s morning! There are pranks to be pulled! People to laugh at! Hours to waste and detentions to get!"

"Five more minutes," mumbled Remus, turning over.

"You said that ten minutes ago," whined Peter.

"If you don´t get up now, we can always put these flobberworms that we saving for Snape into your bed," said Sirius in a singsong voice. Remus sat up immediately.

"Alright, alright, I´m up!"

Blackbird fly

"Come on, Remus! We´ve already pulled three pranks this morning! And you missed them!" exclaimed Sirius.

"The only thing we can do is to make them up to you by pulling three more this afternoon," said James lazily.

"We´ve already come up with two more," squealed Peter excitedly. "But we thought we´d let you come up with the last one."

"I´m just so glad you´re all such great friends that you´d think of me," said Remus sarcastically.

"No problem," replied Sirius perkily.

"We would do anything for you, old buddy," grinned James cheerily.

"One must wonder if that´s a good thing," muttered Remus.

Blackbird fly

"It was a Full Moon again last night," said James to Sirius as they tore down the hallway. "And Remus was gone again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I told you."

"You know what that means? We have to confront him. We can´t just make assumptions."

"Sirius! You do that all the time! Why can´t we just assume now? And don´t give me that lame joke."

"We can´t assume because Remus is our friend. We wouldn´t want to make a mistake that could cost us our friendship."

"Nothing could cost us our friendship. Nothing."

Into the light of the dark black night

One last howl, before it turned. That was all it wanted. Just one last howl. But not in time. Collapsing on the ground, it became human once more and the night was over.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

"One more Moon gone," croaked Remus dryly. "One more Moon down and many more to survive. If I can," he muttered, slipping down to the underground passageway.

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

"We need to talk to you." Three pairs of arms pulled Remus to the side the moment he stepped through the Portrait Hole that night.

"Oh, hello guys. What´s all this about?"

"A Full Moon," said James. "Last night was another Full Moon. Did you think we were dumb, Remus? Sick every month? We know the truth. You´re a werewolf, Remus, aren´t you?" Remus suddenly felt his stomach turn queasy and his face pale. He nodded, slowly. A werewolf.

All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arrive

"You´re a werewolf," said Sirius slowly. "A werewolf." Remus looked down at his toes, not daring to look any of them in the eyes. He knew that one day they would have to find out, just not when, and just not what they would do about it.

"Why didn´t you tell us?" asked James softly.

"I was afraid that - that you would be afraid of me," replied Remus.

"Because you´re a werewolf," said Sirius again. He seemed to be having trouble accepting it.

"You didn´t tell us," squealed Peter. "All this time you never told us. That´s where you really went every month."

"I can´t believe you didn´t tell us," said James. "I thought keeping my secret was hard. I don´t see how you were able to keep it from us that long."

You were only waiting for this moment to arrive

"Did you not trust us?" asked Sirius. "Although, I suppose that I would probably keep it to myself, too. Well then, I guess there´s nothing else to do but wait for you to come back. You know there´s nothing better after a long night than a mug of hot chocolate and some cookies with your friends." Remus looked up for the first time that night. Huh? Did he mean - ?

"That´s right," said James. "We´ll wait up for you. But go on already."

"We wouldn´t want you turning into a werewolf on us right here in the Common Room," put in Peter.

"The Fat Lady would go into conniptions," laughed Sirius.

"Can you imagine the look on Snape´s face if he found a werewolf prowling around the school?" joked James.

"I don´t know...though I suppose it would be pretty funny," agreed Remus. "Um...listen you guys. This really means a lot to me, that you don´t care. It`s been killing me to have to hide this from you. I´ve never had such great friends before that you wouldn´t mind about this. And you won´t tell anyone, right?" They all shook their heads vehemently. "I was just so afraid that you guys would hate me for what I am...." He trailed off uncertainly.

"Hate you for something you can´t control?" asked Sirius kindly.

"Now why would we do that?" questioned James curiously. "How heartless do you think we are?" Remus bit his lip so that they wouldn´t see it shaking, but he couldn´t do anything about his eyes that were filling up.

"Aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww, is Remie going soft on us?" teased Sirius.

"Not the big, bad wolf?" gasped Peter in mock horror. Remus shook his head.

"No! It´s just...allergies. Well, I´d best be off now. Can´t keep Madam Pomfrey waiting. That would be worse than being a werewolf." They all laughed at the thought as Remus crawled out of the Portrait Hole and to his monthly world of confusion and angst.

You were only waiting for this moment to arrive

True to their word, there were four mugs of hot chocolate and a sizable stack of chocolate chip cookies in the dormitory when Remus made his tired way up to the top of the tower. And, best of all, there were three of the best friends you could have, waiting next to it all. After that, he knew it would be okay, as long as they were together with each other to lean on. They would never pull each other down. And he knew he could lean on the three of them for support for anything.

And he flew.