All Mixed Up

Oh God, thought Harry. Why does she always have to be so incredibly annoying?

"Harry! Are you even paying attention to me at all?"

"Uh...yeah...of course." More than you know.

They were sitting in the library studying something in Potions...Harry wasn't quite sure what it was. Partly because he was staring at Hermione and partly because...well...it was Potions.

"Erm...right. So we add the Gillyweed and then we're done?"

"Yep. That's all."

"That's all," replied Harry sarcastically. Hermione missed the sarcasm. "So...um...now what?"

"Now you're done with your homework. Say 'thank you Hermione'."

"Thank you Hermione," he said grudgingly. "So...abruptly changing the subject...we're all going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, right? You and me and Ron?"

"So far as I know. Where is Ron anyway?"

"Something about beating the...something that I probably shouldn't repeat...out of Malfoy."

"Oh no. Not again. What have I told him about killing people?" Harry snorted but said nothing. "Anyway I finished my work too and I've got some free time. Want to go for a walk? I'm sick of studying."

"Sure!" said Harry a bit too quickly. "I...mean...sure Hermione."

"Okaaaaaay," she replied, giving him an odd look. "Maybe Ron's out there. He has been practicing Quidditch quite a lot lately. It's the first thing I've ever seen him do seriously. But between you and me he hasn't a chance of becoming Keeper."

Once their books were put away, they both trekked out side-by-side on the lawn heading towards the Quidditch Pitch.

"So, Miss Expert, who do you think would make a good Keeper?"

"Don't call me that. Maybe Seamus. He's thinking about trying out but I don't know if he has the free time for the job. Dean might, but he wants to be the commentator after Lee Jordan leaves. They were thinking about getting one of the Slytherins to do it but they might be even more biased than Lee."

"What'd you say about us Mudblood?" The two turned and saw Malfoy standing there with his hands on his hips, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle who didn't seem to really being paying attention to the situation at hand. Crabbe was watching a butterfly with immense interest and Goyle was staring off in to space. "I'm pretty sure I heard you say something about Slytherin's that I didn't seem to like all that much. Care to repeat it?"

"Why should I? You already heard it. I'm not wasting my breath on you Malfoy. Come on Harry." She turned and started to walk away but a hand reached out and grabbed her wrist - her slapping wrist.

"But I'm wasting mine on you. I'm not done yet."

Hermione froze, momentarily unsure of what to do. Then, "let go of me Malfoy."

"Don't talk to me that way."

"Then let go. Or else."

"I don't have to do anyth...OOOOWWWW!" Just then Hermione had reached her other hand around and grabbed Malfoy at his wrist holding hers, digging her nails in to a pressure point on his veins. He stumbled back and then advanced again on her, presumably in retaliation. Not giving him a chance, she kneed him...um...where it hurts. Bad. He crumpled immediately, sobbing like a small child. Hermione leaned in close to his ear and whispered something softly, yet audibly with murder.

"Here's a hint: don't ever touch me again, Malfoy. If you ever do, I swear, I might just have to kill you." Then she whirled around and strode off.

Harry stood silently watching the entire ordeal and feeling immense sympathy for Malfoy in spite of his anger. With a last glance at Malfoy lying on the ground and Crabbe and Goyle who were only just starting to realize something happened, Harry spun around and tore after Hermione.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" She looked at Harry through falsely innocent eyes.

"Hermione Granger. You are the last person who should be playing dumb. That...that...Malfoy thing. That was incredibly cool, but do you realize how much that hurts?!" She shrugged.

"I wouldn't know. I get the impression it's sort of like giving birth. Think: straw. Watermelon. Pain like that?"

Harry winced. "Worse. It's like the Cruciatus Curse a million times over."

"Can't say I've ever experienced that."

"Yeah, but...,"

"Hey, guys. Am I interrupting something?" Ron came striding up to them.

"Er...not much. Just the best thing Hermione's ever done for us!"

"Oh. Wait...what? I'm getting the feeling I definitely missed something."

Harry jerked his head towards where Malfoy was still rolling around in pain on the ground. Ron's jaw dropped so low Hermione could have sworn he wouldn't have felt pain if she'd just stuffed a watermelon in his mouth.

"Wha...but...Hermy-own-ninny...," Ron could only stutter.

"I told you not to call me that. Viktor can't help it if he talks with an accent."

"But-but...," He gulped and tried again. "What did you to Malfoy? I've been wanting to do that for five years."

"She kneed him right there, Ron."

Ron winced. "Ooh. Poor guy. But still. Wow." He turned back to his two friends. "Hermione, you're my new hero. Sorry, Harry."

"I don't honestly mind all that much."

"Man. What I wouldn't give just to go over there and give him a few good kicks."

"I think he's been through enough, Ron. Even for him. Besides, what about Crabbe and Goyle?"

"Oh. Yeah. Actually, I was looking for Malfoy myself. He sent me a mocking owl about my family. But you've done a fine job on him, Hermione. So...are we still on for tomorrow? I really want to practice Quidditch, but I think I can take some time out to spend with my two favorite heroes...ER...friends."

"Ha, ha," remarked Harry sarcastically. "I thought Dumbledore was your hero. But we were just talking and so far as I know we are."

"Good. But we can talk more later. Right now I'm starving." And with that he strode off towards the castle, only pausing to point and laugh at Malfoy. Harry and Hermione exchanged a look and went after him.

"I can't believe you still haven't gotten in trouble," said Harry the next day as they strolled casually around Hogsmeade.

"Oh, Malfoy won't tell. I know he won't," said Hermione airily.

"How can you be sure?" asked Ron incredulously.

"Because telling anyone would mean admitting to the fact that he was beaten up by not only a girl, but a Muggle-born, know-it-all, Gryffindor."

"Makes sense," said Harry thoughtfully.

"I always do." Ron snickered at this but made no comment, fearing for his safety. Hermione glared at him and Ron cowered. "I'm surprised I haven't gone after you, Weasley."

"Heh. Well...um...you know. You ought not to. I'm quite happy with my figure now."

"So," said Harry, quickly changing the subject, "what say we head over to Zonko's. I hear Fred and George are supplying them now."

"Sure. All this summer I could hear them downstairs. They have this new product called a Slip-up Drop. If you eat one, you aren't able to pick anything up for an hour or two. They wanted to make it for longer but they tested it out on mom and she dropped her favorite vase so she wouldn't let them. She doesn't want them to do it all but they got 1,000 galleons from somewhere so they can support themselves now."

"That's nice. I'm sorry Ron. I honestly couldn't care less if I tried," said Hermione remorsefully. Ron grumbled for a moment before he noticed that they were at Zonko's and he dashed eagerly inside. "Same old Ron. I don't think he was too wounded by that last comment. D'you?"

"Not in the slightest."

After they left Zonko's they visited the Three Broomsticks, a Quidditch shop, the post office, and several other places before heading to the outskirts of town. A comfortable silence fell around them while they walked. Finally Harry asked quietly, "where do you think Sirius is now?"

"I'm sure he's fine, Harry," Hermione said reassuringly.

"This is about where we used to visit him, isn't it?"

"Yep."

"That's why I was thinking of...what was that?!"

"I didn't hear anything," said Ron coming up to them. He had stopped to look at an odd flower.

"It was like muttering, but nothing I've ever heard. Like the chants that monks do. Listen. There it is again."

"What's a monk?"

"Honestly, Ron," said Hermione reprimanding him. "Muggle Studies 101." Ron was about to retort when Harry interrupted him.

"Hang on, guys. Can we save this...erm...debate for a better time? I'm sort of preoccupied at the moment and I can't separate you once you're both clawing at each others' throats." He started off, every sense on full alert. He got about ten feet away from them, still walking cautiously when he vanished from sight without so much as a word.

"HARRY," screamed Ron and Hermione simultaneously. Ron dashed forward but Hermione grabbed his robes to hold him back. Unfortunately, the added pull on his robes cause Ron to trip and fall forward, pulling Hermione down with him. They both sprawled forward, and then they too vanished.

When both were able to blink the stars out of their eyes, they looked up, only to find an extremely angry Harry glaring down at them. "What are you two doing?" he hissed.

"Y-you vanished and then Ron here being the fool that he is...," Hermione started.

"Do you know where we are? We're at the same place I came after the third task. And I'm betting that Voldemort is here too. So I tried to creep cautiously because I couldn't go back, thinking that at least my friends would be coming with help soon. And then in the midst of it being quiet, my two foolish friends come sprawling out from behind me making more noise than a herd of elephants." He paused for breath and Hermione jumped at the chance.

"Harry, we're sorry. Don't be mad. At least we're here to help you this time. And we won't get ourselves killed. I promise. Though, right now you look like you might kill us anyway." With that, she took his offered hand, pulled herself up, and grabbed him in a giant hug. Harry stood motionless before softly hugging her back.

"I guess I shouldn't be so mad but this time I am so not taking the blame."

"We've never blamed you before," said Ron getting up.

"What a sentimental moment," drawled a voice behind then.

"Malfoy?" growled Ron at the hidden voice.

"That's not Malfoy, Ron. That's Voldemort." He spun around and, sure enough, a tall, lanky figure dressed in robes of the same green as Harry's eyes was striding over to them through the gravestones. Harry shivered, though not from the cold, and his scar began to pound.

"So you've brought extras again. We can dispose of them quite easily." He raised his hand with a long thin wand in it that Harry could not distinguish from his own and muttered, "Avada Kedavra."

"NOOO," screamed Harry and without thinking jumped in front of the other two. There was a blinding flash of green light and Harry felt something hit his chest with the force of a train, sending him flying backwards. His head cracked against a gravestone and, for a moment, he wasn't sure where he was. His vision cleared just in time for him to see the green flash bolt back and hit Voldemort squarely in the chest. An earsplitting scream rocked the surrounding area and then a silent explosion that Harry could feel in every bone of his body.

When the shaking ended, Hermione and Ron who had both fallen from the shaking made their way to Harry on unsteady legs.

"Are you both all right?" he asked softly as his head cleared. They both nodded silently.

Then Hermione who couldn't hold it in any longer burst out, "Harry! What were you thinking? You almost died but I think you killed him. And you saved us. Oh, thank you. Remember how you told us your mom saved you because of love? I think that's what you just did. Except that was so much better." She crumpled on to her knees and hugged him hard. He was starting to really like these hugs from her. Ron just stood there grinning.

"That was really cool, Harry. I can't believe you just killed You-Know-Who. That's amazing. I'll bet you get another famous Witches' and Wizards' card. You do have one now. Did I ever tell you that? It's really cool and...."

"Ron. Shut-up." Harry slowly climbed to his feet with the help of Hermione.

"All right but you have to admit that was pretty...."

"Bloody hell, Ron. Whatever the hell is keeping me from having my fist meet your face right this second, you better hope to God it holds because I have one hell of a punch." Ron grinned. Harry didn't return it.

"But still...."

"Ron. I'm warning you."

"I wonder if kneeing him where it hurts would've helped." The last thing Ron saw before he blacked out was Harry's fist flying at his face.

"It snapped," he muttered. Hermione suppressed a giggle and kneeled next to Ron whose nose was bleeding steadily.

"Look what you did, Harry. Now we have to carry him home."

"Speaking of which. How are we getting home?"

"I'm not sure. We can't go back the way we came."

"I hope the Death Eaters aren't on their way. I am really not in the mood to deal with any of them." Just when he said that, there were faint *popping* noises and about twenty-five black-robed, hooded figures appeared once again in the midst of the gravestones. "Erm...Hermione?"

"Harry? Uh...save me."

"Oh, thanks."

"No problem."

"That wasn't what I meant." But he was cut off as the Death Eaters approached.

"Potter," hissed one.

"You haven't...," snapped another.

"Uh...oops?" said Harry weakly. "As they say, 'my bad'."

"This isn't exactly the time, Harry."

"I just defeated VOLDEMORT for crying out loud. I deserve something. I'm going to be as obstinate and obnoxious as I want to."

"We're gonna die."

"Some help you are."

"You're not much help yourself."

"If you didn't notice, there are more important matters at hand at the moment."

"You should talk, Harry. You're the one who said, and I quote, 'I'm going to be as obstinate and obnoxious as I want to.'"

"Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"Run."

"Gotcha." They both took off just as a storm of brightly colored hexes flew at them. Harry pulled Hermione to the side as she was narrowly missed by a Stupefying Curse.

"I've got something to tell you Hermione," he said between heavy panting.

"Oh my God. Harry James Potter. You are not going to confess your life to me. And you are not going to do that cliché thing where you confess your long concealed love that you've had for me ever since the moment we met. What about Cho?"

"She's a...," he started.

"That was a rumor, Harry. A rumor. D'you hear me? AAAAHHHH," she screamed as another curse whizzed by. Harry, who was a step ahead of her and holding her hand, pulling her along, turned back to retort and ran head-on in to a very happy sight.

Standing in front of him was Dumbledore who had a look of confusion that quickly changed to the face of an enraged wizard that Harry had only seen once before; when Dumbledore had come storming in the room after the third task. He raised his wand and roared, "EXPELLIARMUS," and about a dozen wands soared across the grass towards him. He did it again and another dozen flew towards him. Then, touching his wand to the ground, he muttered, "Contraptus," and a giant, gold colored bubble stretched away and over the grass, completely engulfing the Death Eaters. Then he looked down at Harry with eyebrows raised.

"Care to explain, Mr. Potter?"

"ER...not really." Hermione nudged him hard in the side. "I-I mean...of course Professor." Harry, who had been staring down at his shoes looked up. "How did you know we were here?"

"That magical explosion could be felt four hundred miles away, at Hogwarts. I believe Professor Snape is storming around, looking for you, now that every single one of his Potions exploded. Most magical spells have been rocked. Our castle became visible for a few moments. It was quite easy to follow the damage." With a sudden series of *pops* about four hundred wizards came in to the clearing. One of the most welcome was a hooded figure who came over and gave Harry a fatherly pat on the back. Harry looked up (but only slightly) in to the face of his grinning godfather.

"Knew it was probably your fault," he whispered with a smile. "Send me an owl. I can't hang around. You know." He jerked his head at the wizards who were milling around, unsure of what to do and Disapparated.

"So, Harry," started Dumbledore. "What happened?"

"II'm not really sure. Voldemort's over there. Ron's knocked out too," he replied to the knowing gazes that most of the younger males were giving him. He was still holding Hermione's hand and he didn't want anyone to think they had eloped by themselves. "There was an explosion and green light and my head doesn't feel so good." And he dropped like a rock.

When Ron woke up the first thing he heard were soft voices talking softly nearby.

"I think you were a bit too enthusiastic." Ron recognized Hermione's voice.

"He was being a jerk. And I was not in the best of spirits. I did warn him."

"You told him to pray to God you didn't knock him flat."

"I'm an atheist."

"Harry."

Ron sat up quickly and then fell back quickly again as his head struck a metal bar above his head. "Bloody hell. Holy...," and he launched in to a string of swears that made even Harry, who was notorious for his vocabulary, jealous.

Harry and Hermione came over to where Ron was lying in his hospital bed, rubbing his head.

"We didn't tell anyone how you fell in the line of battle," said Harry. "They saw Voldemort lying there and, consequently, there's about a dozen girls outside all vying for your attention and giggling. They want your autograph, Ron." Harry grinned. Both Hermione and Ron looked at him with small smiles on their faces and odd looks in their eyes. Harry stopped grinning. "What's with you two? Stop staring at me."

"Oh...uh," Hermione stammered.

"ER...nothing," said Ron, flushing a deep red that matched his hair.

"Well, all right. I guess. Oh right. I forgot to tell you. We got four hundred points for Gryffindor for defeating Voldemort. We would have gotten more but Dumbledore figured, at this point, we didn't need it. Oh, and Ron. Guess who's your bedmate?"

"I dunno. Tell me who." You? Harry pulled back the curtains of the bed next to Ron's to reveal a blond face staring at them, scowling.

"He still seems to be in a bit of pain, courtesy of Hermione here." She flushed. "But you don't mind, do you Ron? I'm sure you'll both have tons to talk about." He took Hermione's hand and led her out of the wing with a wicked look on his face. As they left, insults could already be heard going back and forth.

Harry, at least, had the decency to wait until he was well out of hearing range to burst out in to laughter. A group of passing girls stared at him before breaking out in fits of giggles and making their way to the hospital wing. Harry looked up at Hermione who was leaning against the wall clutching her stomach with laughter.

"The look on his face...," she gasped. She looked up and met his eyes and grinned. "Come on. If we hurry, we can still make the last few minutes of lunch." They raced off, skidding in to the almost-empty Great Hall. The little talk that there was stopped entirely and the entire Hall burst out in applause.

"ER...yeah," said Harry. He grabbed a sandwich and headed out the door with Hermione on his tail. They strolled down to the Quidditch field where Harry took out a Quaffle and began tossing it in the air. Then they made their way to the lake, Harry still playing with the Quaffle. "You should try Quidditch, Hermione. It's really fun." She scoffed.

"That's your job, Harry. I just get the amazing grades and know everything." He smiled at her and she grinned back.

"Um...Hermione. Back when the Death Eaters were chasing us. I really meant it."

"You never said it."

"Oh. Well then." And he leaned forward and kissed her. At first Hermione wasn't sure what to do. Oh my God, she thought. Viktor! She pushed Harry back and slapped him across the face, though not as hard as she could. Did I just do that? Oh God, Hermione. Who are you kidding? He is incredibly hot. And you've loved him too long. Screw Viktor. She grabbed the front of Harry's robes who was, at the moment, staring down at the ground, and kissed him hard on the lips. At first he seemed surprised, though he leaned in to it after he realized what was happening. Neither of them knew how long they were standing there before they broke off. For a moment they didn't say anything, having nothing to talk about that could possibly be more important. Then they heard a voice off to their right, coming from near the castle.

"Did I just see that? Potter and a Mudblood? Wait till the rest of the school hears about this!"

"Who's that old man?" questioned Harry. A figure with a cane could be seen making its way over to them, though because the Sun was in the same direction, neither could tell who it was. As it came closer, however, Harry could make out a very unwelcome blond head. It spoke again.

"This will be such fun! Blackmail is my middle name."

"I thought it was 'smelly git,'" said Harry with contempt.

"Funny, Potter," replied Malfoy, limping over to them.

"Sure, Malfoy. Blackmail us. We'll "accidentally" let it slip that you were beaten by a girl. And a Gryffindor, nonetheless," said Hermione.

"You wouldn't," he spluttered.

"I would. Catch the ball," said Hermione with an evil grin on her face. Taking the Quaffle from Harry, she tossed it lightly at Malfoy. "Seems you'll be needing a new one." Then she grabbed Harry's hand and ran off with him around to the other side of the lake, giggling all the way.

When Ron finally felt good enough to leave the hospital wing, it was night. He made his way to the empty common room, having already been fed in the hospital wing. He sat in front of the fire waiting for his friends on the giant squishy armchairs. Within a few minutes he could hear laughing and excited chatter outside the portrait hole. A group of giggling third years came through first. When they saw Ron, they started giggling even harder and sat down at one of the tables in the opposite corner. After them came a steady stream of people from all different years. Lastly came the two people he had been waiting for most. They were taking their time, talking softly, but when they saw Ron, both their faces lit up and they came over to him. First they filled him in on everything he had missed while in the hospital wing, Hermione including all his homework with it, even though he had only been out for a day. He sighed resignedly. With Hermione, there was no way to get around doing his schoolwork. Both, though, conveniently forgot to tell him about how they were currently dating. Then Hermione steered the conversation back to schoolwork. Ron, who was never a fan of the schoolwork part of school, suggested that they instead go for a walk. The other two readily agreed and Harry dashed up the stairs for his invisibility cloak. When the common room had again emptied, the Dream Team slipped out through the portrait and out the front door. Once outside in the dark, they threw the cloak off of them to let the cool breeze whip around them. Hermione took off running in to the night while Ron and Harry talked quietly.

"She's really getting...erm...hot isn't she?" asked Harry.

"I guess so," replied Ron. There was no way of getting around it. He looked over at Harry and the way the moonlight glinted off of his skin and his glasses, making him seem not from this world. "Um...Harry?" he started, tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I don't really know how to put this so I'm just going to tell you. I'm gay."

"I know."

"What?!"

"You're not exactly smooth, Ron. The Yule Ball? The way you never talk about girls the way the rest of us? You're one of those people whose faces is like a giant neon sign that says 'pay a quarter and read my mind.'"

"Oh. Heh heh. And you don't mind?"

"Not really."

"Well, there's more. I know you two are going out. You have one of those knee-on faces too." Harry didn't bother to correct him. "The thing is...that...um...well, I'minlovewithyou."

"WHAT?!"

"And I've been wanting to do this for a while." With that, he leaned over and kissed Harry on the lips.

When Ron next awoke, he was in the hospital wing and the first of the Sun's rays were just starting to shine in through the window. He felt his nose. It seemed to be fine now, though he had a rather large bruise around his stomach area. He started to sit up, but his memory warned him and he slid up in his bead before sitting up. Once again, the curtains were drawn, though there were no voices outside it this time. He got up and slowly (due to the pain in his midsection) began to dress himself. When he was done, he made his way down to the Great Hall. It was early yet, so there were very few students. The only two people at the Gryffindor table were Harry and Hermione who always got up early. They seemed to be mock-arguing about him. They both had their backs to him, as they were sitting side-by-side and he was able to get relatively close without them hearing him.

"You need a new hobby."

"Besides knocking Ron flat?"

"You have been getting a bit more vicious lately, Harry."

"I think you're a bad influence on me, Hermione."

"Maybe." She giggled evilly.

"You're a witch, you know that?"

"Yep. With all my heart. And, unlike you, I don't take offense to that." She giggled again, then stopped. "Oh my God, Harry. I just giggled! I think I'm turning in to a valley girl."

"An evil valley girl."

"You're not helping."

"It was your idea." Ron saw Harry lean in towards her and, not wanting to see his two best friends kissing, hurriedly pushed himself forward with a great deal of unnecessary noise. To his relief, they both turned and their faces broke into wide smiles.

"Ron," cried Hermione. "Harry wasn't sure if he was supposed to tell me what happened...."

"He didn't tell you?" Ron said with obvious relief.

"...And he decided that we shouldn't start our relationship on lies and told me everything. I don't hate you, but you have to admit, you did sort of deserve that."

"I'll admit to nothing."

"Whatever. Come have some breakfast. Dumbledore's just sent word that Voldemort is quite gone, even if he's not dead. We all made the front page of the Daily Prophet. But Harry and I haven't told anyone except Sirius and Dumbledore what really happened so there's a lot of stuff in there about nothing. I expect Rita Skeeter just about went mad writing today's gossip column." And so the three sat down to breakfast before going off to classes and everyone lived happily ever after. Harry and Hermione got married and Ron gave them Hard-Shell Chocolate for a wedding present. And nobody got the joke except for Harry and Ron who woke up in the hospital the next day with a black eye and a broken nose.

Or...you know...maybe not.