Interview With Rubeus Hagrid

Interview With Rubeus Hagrid

INTERVIEWER: Hello Mr. Hagrid. Drusilla Quigley for the National Inquirer.

What can I do ye fer, Miss Quincy?

INTERVIEWER: The name's Quigley. Drusilla Quigley. Anyway, I just wanted to ask you a few questions for my newspaper.

Well, it sure is a pleasure to meet ye, Miss Quigley. I'd be happy t' answer any questions ye might have. C'mon in. No use standin' there in the doorway like that.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you. A certain Professor Snape referred me to you. Said you were a loose-lipped twi... er... a friendly guy, so I thought I'd stop by to see you.

How kind of 'im. So what sort o' things do ye want t' ask me?

INTERVIEWER: Why don't we start with a bit of background about you? Like your childhood?

Aw, Miss Quigley, I tell ye what... I was a cute little baby! For my first birthday, I got the cutest tarantula anybody's ever seen.

INTERVIEWER: A cute... tarantula??

Yes, that it was. I named 'im Fuzzy. But alas, he died. Mum's cat ate him. *sniff* Tragic.

INTERVIEWER: Ever have any other interesting pets?

You betcha. I've had Aragog, an enormous spider; Fluffy, a three-headed dog; Norbert, a Norwegian Ridgeback dragon; a hippogriff named Buckbeak...

INTERVIEWER: No offense, Mr. Hagrid, but those don't seem like very good pets.

Nonsense! The poor beasts was jus' misunderstood!

INTERVIEWER: Any normal pets?

What do ye mean normal?

INTERVIEWER: I was just wondering if you've ever had any cats or dogs or goldfish or something...

I've got a bloodhound. Name's Fang.

INTERVIEWER: Sounds vicious.

No, not hardly. Jumps at his own shadow. A bloody coward, Fang.

INTERVIEWER: Besides interesting pets, tell me a bit more about your childhood. Like school, maybe?

Well, Miss Quigley, it's a big secret. I'm not supposed to tell anyone how I was expelled from Hogwarts.

INTERVIEWER: You were expelled from Hogwarts?

I shouldn't have told you that. I should not have told you that...

INTERVIEWER: Well now that you have... Care to tell me how that happened? I won't tell anyone. It'll just be between you, me, and my newspaper's millions of readers.

Well... if you promise not to tell anyone...

INTERVIEWER: I promise.

All right. I was thirteen years old. The heir of Slytherin opened the Chamber of Secrets and unleashed the horrors within. A girl was killed.

INTERVIEWER: What does this have to do with you?

They thought it was me what opened the Chamber! But it wasn't me! I never done it.

INTERVIEWER: Then who did?

Fellow by the name of Tom Riddle. But most wizards and witches nowadays know him as... V- ... er... You-Know-Who.

INTERVIEWER: I'm afraid I don't.

Lord Voldemort.

INTERVIEWER: Voldemort. Sounds like a window cleaner or something...

Not hardly, Miss Quigley. Voldemort is the most evil, most feared, most ruthless Dark Wizard the world has ever seen. Why do ye think folks is scared to speak his name?

INTERVIEWER: I guess that's a good enough reason. So, what's this guy's motivation? Traumatic childhood? Megalomaniacal aspirations? Jealousy?

He's evil!

INTERVIEWER: I see... So, what do you do around here Mr. Hagrid?

I'm gamekeeper, and I teach Care of Magical Creatures.

INTERVIEWER: How fitting. Do you like kids?

I love kids! I have more friends that are students here than faculty!

INTERVIEWER: Hmmm... Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. Well, that's just about all the questions I have for you. Any closing comments?

I jus' want t' make sure, Miss Quigley... All this is jus' between you an' me, right?

INTERVIEWER: Of course, Mr. Hagrid. No need to worry about that. Now, I'll need you to sign this waiver of privacy...

Oh, I see. So that way we make sure I dun tell anyone all the stuff I told ye, right? I'm good at keepin' secrets.

INTERVIEWER: Er... umm... Exactly! Thank you, Mr. Hagrid. Nice meeting you. (*mutters to herself* What a twit.)

Okay! G'bye now! (*mutters to himself* What a nice lady!)