Blood of Mud, Wing of Bat

Chapter 18: Interview with the Explatteree

Motts: Hello, and welcome to Wizard Radio's Friday Late Morning Chat. I'm your host, Monty Motts. Today our guests are Daily Prophet reporter Rita Skeeter and retired Auror Nixon Johnson. May I call you Nix?

Johnson: Sure, Monty.

Motts: We're very excited to have you both here today.

Johnson: It's a pleasure to be here.

Skeeter: Yes, it is.

Motts: Now Rita, you're working on an in-depth article about Auror Rudeo Nesbitt, aren't you?

Skeeter: Yes, I am, and my interview with Nix Johnson here is part of my research for that.

Motts: And you've agreed to do that interview here on the show - I think that's wonderful. A lot of our listeners are very interested in Auroring and what goes on in an Auror's real work as opposed to action-adventure novels.

Skeeter: It's an interesting subject, Monty. And I think Rudeo Nesbitt is a particularly interesting Auror to focus on because he does resemble the heroes of those novels.

Motts: Really!

Skeeter: Yes, and he takes on some of the wizarding world's most dangerous real-life villains.

Motts: You mean like You-Know-Who?

Johnson: Actually, although He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is given credit for a lot of trouble caused in the last couple of decades, since his eighth defeat by Harry Potter he's relied upon his followers to do his dirty work for him. So it's those who we are constantly up against."

Skeeter: People like Draco Malfoy.

Johnson: Exactly.

Motts: Why don't you go ahead and do the interview? I'll watch, and maybe interject a question or two of my own, if that's all right?

Skeeter: All right.

Johnson: Sure, let's do it.

[a shuffling of papers and squeaking of chairs]

Skeeter: First of all, how do you feel about Rudeo Nesbitt? Would you consider him a friend?

Johnson: Oh, yes. I have nothing but respect for Rudy and am honored to be his friend.

Skeeter: You were his partner for how long?

Johnson: Twelve years, I think. Just about.

Skeeter: That must be a record. Doesn't Nesbitt have a reputation for being hard to work with?

Johnson: He has that reputation, but I think it's undeserved.

Skeeter: Why do you think he's been through so many partners since you?

Johnson: Young Aurors these days are too soft. They have too much sympathy for the other side, and they flinch at seeing justice done. They complain about his behavior on the job, and either ask for a transfer or Rudy asks for someone else.

Skeeter: So you'd say Nesbitt is not too soft on the opposition?

Johnson: Rudy is a good, tough, Auror. He never forgets what he's up against. They're not people, they're Death Eaters.

Skeeter: Ooh. What a fabulous quote. [sound of scratching quill]

Johnson: Feel free to use it, Rita.

Skeeter: So you don't feel that Death Eaters are people?

Johnson: They give up their humanity when they become cult worshipers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and start killing and torturing innocent Muggles with their own hands. They're worse than inhuman - what kind of animal slaughters its own kind? They're monsters is what they are.

Skeeter: I see. But some purebloods would argue that Muggles aren't their own kind. Aren't any witch or wizard's kind.

Johnson: Well, they aren't, but they're still people. Murder of the innocent is always wrong.

Skeeter: Nesbitt's famous, but you were a household name yourself for a while after you threw yourself in front of a curse to save Nesbitt's life.

Johnson: Well that's what it said in the news at the time, though that's not exactly how it happened.

Skeeter: Now, that whole incident - and the nature of the injuries which forced you retire - was supposed to be classified, is that right?

Johnson: Yes.

Skeeter: But you've decided to break the silence and tell the story now. Why is that?

Johnson: All of these Death Eaters have normal lives that they hide behind. I think part of the reason why so few of them are caught and convicted is because nobody wants to believe that their friend or neighbor or that famous wizard they read about in the newspaper is actually a murdering, cult-worshiping felon. Until someone is actually convicted, the list of what they're suspected of is kept from public view, even if the list is quite extensive. In some of these cases, these criminals have been getting away with hideous crimes for years and years, simply because the Ministry is terrified of falsely accusing someone who isn't actually guilty and ending up with another Sirius Black scandal.

Skeeter: Is it actually possible some of these accused Death Eaters are innocent?

Johnson: Maybe for some of the more obscure ones. Not the big names.

Skeeter: Like Draco Malfoy.

Johnson: Yes. And the true story of what happened to me is perfect evidence of why Draco Malfoy should not be walking free. I feel perfectly comfortable in talking about it because I was there, I saw it with my own eyes and I was the one he did it to. There's no chance of falsely accusing anyone.

Skeeter: But it is supposed to be classified.

Johnson: Yes.

Skeeter: So you'll be specifically going against your Auror's oath by revealing the details to the public now.

Johnson: Yes.

Skeeter: Aren't you afraid of possible repercussions, from either Malfoy or your former employers?

Johnson: I haven't been able to walk in ten years, I can't trust myself to operate a wand safely, and I'm in constant pain. What can they do to me that's worse than that?

Skeeter: Ah yes, I see your point. Let's talk about what happened, then. The curse you were hit with - what was it?

Johnson: Among themselves the Aurors call it the Explatteratus. That's not the actual words to the curse, mind you.

Skeeter: So that's more a code name for it?

Johnson: Yes.

Skeeter: I understand you were the first person ever to have this so-called Explatterate Curse cast on you?

Johnson: Yes I was, Rita, as far as we know.

Skeeter: No details were released to the media. It only said you were nearly killed by a previously unheard of curse. What actually happened?

Johnson: [pauses, as if remembering] We had surprised the suspect and managed to disarm him. Well, we thought we'd disarmed him as we'd managed to get his wand.

Skeeter: This is Draco Malfoy we're talking about.

Johnson: Yes. Rudy had gone to search him, he'd ordered him to put his hands on the wall and was coming up behind him. And then suddenly Malfoy had another wand in his hand - he'd been carrying a second one - and....

Skeeter: Yes???

Johnson: I can't tell you the actual words of the curse.

Skeeter: I understand.

Johnson: I had been covering Rudy's back and I saw what was about to happen a split second before he did. I jumped forward and managed to push Rudy out of the path of the curse but I couldn't get out of the way fast enough myself. I wasn't really trying to take the hit for him, you know, I simply wasn't fast enough and it caught me.

Skeeter: Tell us what it was like.

Johnson: It causes the victim to explode. Very messily.

Skeeter: Oh, how awful!

Motts: Hmm. Yes.

Johnson: Yes, I was blown completely to pieces and they even found some of the pieces in pieces. I don't remember anything between the curse initially striking me and waking up at St. Mungo's many weeks later.

Skeeter: I wish you people listening in the audience could see this. He's lying on a levitating cushion and there are scars all over his face and arms and legs... you can see where the parts had to be put back together.

Motts: Tremendous bravery and determination to recover from such a grievous injury. A lesser wizard certainly couldn't have made it this far.

Skeeter: I agree.

Johnson: Thank you, both. But I consider myself very lucky. We think it was Malfoy's first time ever actually casting that curse. The victims found since then have been more or less vaporized.

Skeeter: [Obviously both taken-aback and titillated] Really!

Johnson: It's a devastating curse, and it's even worse for those who see it happen than for the victim who is dead nearly instantly. Fortunately it's only very rarely used.

Skeeter: It's rarely used? Why? It sounds so powerful.

Johnson: First of all, not that many of the Death Eaters seem to have mastered the curse. We only know of it being cast by four others besides Malfoy and that was a long time ago. He's the only one who still seems to use it occasionally, and that only when a particularly grisly message needs to be sent to someone. Often someone within their own camp."

Skeeter: You mean other Death Eaters?

Johnson: Traitors, and the like. Or their relatives, if the traitors themselves are too valuable to destroy.

Skeeter: Oh, I see.

Johnson: As I say, it's used to make a point. It makes quite an impression on the witnesses, but it's too wasteful of a spell to use for regular combat. It tires the caster out so badly they can't always get to safety after doing it. Avada Kedavra is a lot more efficient.

Skeeter: Efficient! It just gives me the shivers when you say it that way!

Johnson: That's how they think, Rita. They're cold-blooded murderers.

Skeeter: Tell me about Draco Malfoy.

Johnson: He's one slippery little fellow, and he's You-Know-Who's number one man. They don't get much more dangerous than Draco Malfoy.

Skeeter: Draco Malfoy, dangerous? Really? Aside from that one Explatterate that got you, I mean?

Johnson: I think there's a tendency for the public to underestimate him because his father was so much larger a figure.

Skeeter: And the Aurors?

Johnson: Oh, we take him -- they take him very seriously.

Skeeter: Why is that?

Johnson: If you could see the list of crimes he's been tied to, you wouldn't have to ask.

Skeeter: But that's classified, of course.

Johnson: Yes. [a pause] What is that thing?

Skeeter: What is what? Oh this? It's my Prolific PrattlePen.

Johnson: Is it writing down what I'm saying?

Skeeter: Not exactly, it tends to embellish a bit just to make things more exciting. It's like the old Quick-Quotes-Quills but faster and more colorful.

Johnson: Let me see - Oh, my god! You're not going to print this are you?

Skeeter: [sounds of a scuffle and papers falling to the floor] Never mind that... oof! Argh! Let go! Let's just continue the interview!

Motts: Sounds like it's time for a break. How about a word from our sponsors, Hagrid's Unique Pet Emporium? We'll be back afterward to hear more about the life and times of Rudeo Nesbitt from the point of view of retired Auror Nixon Johnson.