Common Lunacy (Also Known as Sirius)

Common Lunacy (also known as Sirius)

This was a rather typical Order of the Phoenix meeting. It started off with Dumbledore saying hello, talking about grave matters that they were supposed to care about/do something about, and then on to whatever McGonagall wanted to do next. Of course, it was typical that Remus Lupin paid attention. Usually. Not today though.

"And therefore we must act. Soon. Professor, what is your say?" Dumbledore was saying. Lupin barely paid attention. He was listening of course, but not a lot. He fingered the silky invisibility cloak under his robes and smiled slightly. As McGonagall finished voicing whatever she had to say, Dumbledore began reminding what they'd covered in the meeting. Remus grinned. This was his chance, Dumbledore was alomst done. Winking at Sirius across the room, he slipped on the cloak. No one noticed, he'd situated himself nicely in the darkest corner like always. He stepped invisibily over to just behind Dumbledore, careful not to make a noise, his wig and clothing in place already.

"So now we have come to an end. Meeting adjourned." Dumbledore finished. Sirius leapt up, wearing a ridiculous large Hogwarts uniform and with very short messy hair. He clutched a large plastic wand and a Firebolt. (Most of the supplies for this have been borrowed from Harry. Yes, they asked permission.)

Remus threw off the cloak just as Dumbledore stepped down from the raised platform. The entire Order gasped and Tonks applauded, grinning encouragingly, even though she had no clue what they were doing.

Remus wore a blue and white and red wig, which was just coloured streamers on some cloth bound to his head. He wore a long, very tattered (on purpose) black bedsheet which had been enlarged so it would cover him and drag on the floor, and a ridiculously large black Muggle Hallowe'en witch hat. Tossing the hood over his head so it buried his face in shadow, he walked toward Sirius screaming "OOh...ooooooh...oooo-ooo-ooooh! I am a dementor, here to take your soul! Beware, Harry Potter!" He said in a creepy voice.

Sirius, portraying Harry, screamed in fear. "Mum! Voldie! No! Mum! Don't hurt-" his words were drowned out by another bout of wailing from Dementor Lupin.

"What was it that wonderful lovely Professor Lupin taught me? I forgot! Mum!" Sirius yelled. Then, pointing his plastic wand at Lupin, he shrieked, "I know!EXPECTO PATRONUM!" A huge fake stag shot out of the wand.

This had no effect on Dementor Lupin, as planned. "Ooo-ooo-oooooo-oooh! I'll get you, Potter!"

Sirius screamed again. By now the Order was thoroughly horrified by this bit of lunacy. "EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM! Work, dammit!" He yelled, hitting his wand on Kingsley Shacklebolt's chair. "Oh crap." He briefly said as Lupin came closer, waving his arms like a lunatic on drugs in a world of imagery and oooing. "Fine, Mr. Dementor-thingy, let's fight!"

Lupin stopped short dramatically. Sirius bounded over and whacked him ceremoniusly with the Firebolt several times until he was off guard from wounds and pulled him into a headlock, which made Lupin's hat fall off and his cloak hood slide back. Good thing his wig stayed on. It was to be used. Lupin wailed, screaming 'oooo' and 'Harry Potter, you stupid little bugger!' The Order laughed. At least, some did. Some stared in shock.

"Die dementor, die! You make me hear my mum! You serve Voldie! Do you love serving Voldie?" Sirius yelled, banging his plastic wand on Lupin's head, rather hard and painfully.

"I-" Lupin choked, "LOVE Voldie! Voldie is my-life-and I love him-just so much! He-makes me feel so-loved and so-needed!" He grinned. "You'll never-kill me, Harry Potter, for-Voldie, my love, will-come for-you and make-you pay!" Sirius punctuated this speech by whacking Lupin on the head repeatedly.

"Die! You stupid two faced little bastard, you! I thought you loved ME! Why did you lead me on so?" Sirius burst into tears. "You loved me! We were gonna get ma-aarr-ied!" He continued to whine and be wet.

"I don't love you anymore!" Lupin cried. Sirius aimed a small knife at Lupin (made of cloud, looking very real for effect) and threw it. It pierced Lupin's chest and cloud-blood began pouring out of his wound. He stumbled dramatically and fell.

Sirius screeched in glee. "I KILLED HIM! I KILLED HIM! HE'S DEAD! HE'S ALL NICE AND DEAD AND I KILLED HIM NICE AND PRETTY!" He helped Lupin up and they each placed one hand behind their backs and one hand in front and bowed so low and crazily that their noses nearly touched the floor. Sirius pretended to lick it as a last gesture. Then they stood up to thunderous applause and many yells of "WHOA! THAT WAS GREAT!", "Do something else funny!" and "What the hell was that? I'm appalled!" (from McGonagall of course.)

"Thank you, thank you! We'll sign autographs later! Thank you! Dedicated to James Potter's memory and all those other blokes Dementor-thingy's love has killed!" Sirius bellowed. He and Lupin bowed again and picked up their stuff, to return it to Harry and the twins. The Order members applauded some more and looked for parchment and ink so Sirius and Lupin could sign their stuff.

(A/N: I do believe I'm drunk. Review or I'll feed you to Dementor-thingy and he'll kiss you. And whack you with a Firebolt.)