The Perfect Imperfection

I won't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. No, it's better if I just keep walking and never look back. But then that's it. It's over for good, and then what? Then...nothing. There can never be another one like him. Nobody even close. I don't have to try and find them to know they don't exist. But what other choice is there? To stay with him? Me, Draco Malfoy, stay and put up with all of stupid Harry Potter's games? Never. I am in control of my emotions, not him...really. Better to get out of it now than to let the truth slip out.

What would he say? What would anybody say if they knew? If they knew the way I felt. If they knew that every time I hit him, my heart stopped beating. If they knew that every time his cheeks were red from the slap of my hand, I wanted to kiss him until it felt better. If they knew I feel like crying every time he sheds even a single tear? What would they say if they knew I only did it so I wouldn't lose him? That I only hurt him...because he hurts me.

There must be some kind of a genetic defect. There's no a way a Malfoy should ever feel this way about a Potter. Then again I think, maybe Harry is the exception. After all, he's always an exception, isn't he? Thank Heavens for that, I'd sure hate to see him have to work for something in life. Say like, trying to work to preserve our relationship.

As I walk along the deserted corridors of the school, I'm honestly not quite sure where I'm headed. Away. Away from him. I shove my hands into the pockets of my cloak, and let out a sigh as I shiver. I guess I've never realized how cold it is by the dungeons. Or maybe it's not cold; maybe I'm just empty inside. Because I just walked away from the most important thing in my life. I guess I shouldn't kick myself about it too much; I did leave before I let myself get carried away. But I wonder if he noticed...my frozen fingertips brush lightly against the tear streaks that now stain my cheeks.

Before long, I find myself out by the lake. Let them catch me, let them give me detention. I don't have anything better to do with my time, anyway. Taking in a deep breath, I lean against a large tree and close my eyes, tilting my head back. I can feel the dew from the grass seaping in through my sneakers, but I don't care. The chill in the air is biting, and I'm loosing feeling in my fingertips. I let myself slide slowly down the tree trunk, before pulling my knees to my chest as I sit in the wet grass. Perching my chin up on top of my knees, I stare out over the lake. It's only then that I notice where I am. Back where it all began. The only time things were how they should've been. I held him that night, and things were right. They were perfect.

What happened to that perfection we had? What happened to the affection and adoration I felt that morning when I found him in my arms?

Who knew what that night would start? I bet if either of us had the faintest clue, we wouldn't have bothered. I wonder what his intentions were when he started fucking up. I'm sure he thought he was so slick, keeping it hidden from me. But after that first slip up, I became like a hawk. Swooping in on him randomly just to make sure he was alone...not necessarily alone, just not "with" anybody. It wasn't until it was a weekly occurrence that something had to be done. I became so fed up, and he became scared. Going out of his way to hide everything, to pretend everything was fine. I wasn't ready to leave him, no, not really. It wasn't until I found out that he...had actually given himself to somebody else. The straw that broke the Hippogriff's back. That couldn't be made up for. He couldn't just strut over and let me have him in a sorrowful-yet useful-attempt to win my forgiveness. I'm a Malfoy. Malfoys don't take other people's leftovers.

* * *

Pansy was smirking as she sauntered up beside me, outside of the dungeons. I had been leaning against the wall outside of Professor Snape's room for quite some time, waiting for him. He was late, but punctuality was never really his thing, so the thought that something might've been going on...well, it never really crossed my mind.

"You're waiting for him, aren't you?" She was pulling the scarf off from around her neck as she leaned against the wall beside me, still grinning from ear to ear. I arced a brow and turned to look at her, absentmindedly brushing some hair away from my eyes. She wasn't looking at me. Instead her pitch-black eyes were set fixatedly on the wall across the hallway.

"Why does it matter to you? Don't you have other people to be annoying right now?" Drawing a hand slowly to her chest, she feigned astonishment as she turned to look at me.

"Me? Annoy anybody? Never! Besides...I only came here to share with you some rather interesting information." She ran her tongue across her lips as she finished her sentence, as if whatever was so important was just lingering there, waiting to come out.

"Out with it then, Pansy! He'll be here any minute, damn it." I pushed myself away from the wall so I could stand in front of her. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stood there as she took her sweet time, glancing first at the ceiling, then at the floor, and then to either side of us. She leaned in closer, her voice just above a whisper.

"He's not coming." It was blunt, and not nearly as dramatic as I had anticipated. Especially since I was sure the stupid girl had no idea what she was talking about. But I was wrong, as she wasn't entirely done delivering the message. "Well, he is coming, only not here, and...not with you."

It didn't take more than a second for me to get what she was saying. That must've had the effect she was looking for, because as soon as I took a stunned step back, she burst into a fit of wild giggles. To say I was mad would be the understatement of the year. I was furious. I put both of my hands on either of her shoulders and gave her a light shake, looking directly into her eyes.

"You're sure? You're absolutely positive? Don't fuck with me, Pansy." I was speaking in a hurried tone, anxious to find somebody to help me, let out my anger per say.

She stopped laughing only long enough to nod, as she stared straight back at me. She mouthed the word "positive" before stifling another laugh. I almost wondered how she ended up become more insensitive than me, but I didn't have the time to worry about things like that. She wriggled her shoulders and pushed me away, before moving away to walk down the hall.

"I told you, Draco! I told you that you couldn't trust the little git!" As her scarf dragged on the stone floor behind her, she went to round the corner.

"Where, Pansy?! Where is he?!" Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yelled at her from the opposite end of the corridor. She turned around to look at me, her smirk still obviously tugging relentlessly at the corner of her lips. I could tell she was trying to hide it, albeit not every well.

"Oh, they're in the Gryffindor tower! I only managed to realize who was groping whom before they went behind the picture of that really ugly lady!" She gave a shrug, and another muffled snicker before she walked out of my sight. Out of my sight, but not out of my range of hearing, and I can assure you she had a good laugh for another few minutes.

I wasn't sure exactly what to do next. I just knew this time, if this were true, nothing could make up for it. No apology, no amount of tears, no act of "forgive-me" sex was going to fix it.

I held somewhere in the back of my head that Pansy was wrong, that she was lying. That, regardless of his past history of being a fuck, that he really didn't betray me completely. I kept telling myself this over and over again as I made my way toward Gryffindor tower, stopping outside one of the tapestries that lined the walls.

Seamus, an Irish Gryffindor boy I recognized came down the hall a few minutes later, gazing at me quite quizzically as he walked by. I imagine he was wondering what it was I thought I was doing lurking around so close to his common room, but he didn't dare ask. Smart move. Harry was a few moments later. Cursing under his breath as he came hurtling down the hall, throwing his robes on in the process. He was in such a rush, he went right past me without even noticing.

"Late?" I didn't bother to look at him. Instead, I stared intently at a picture of five young girls who were laughing and dancing in the portrait across from me. I heard him stumble and stop running, before dashing back over toward me, only stopping when he was right in front of me, blocking my view of the picture. He swallowed hard, from nerves or from running, I wasn't sure which.

"Draco...I...damn it, I'm really sorry." He was panting, still straightening his robes as he looked up at me. Those stupid green eyes bearing right into me. My arms remained crossed across my chest, and I stayed silent. Pushing myself away from the wall, I straightened up, managing to actually look down on him.

He glanced around nervously and I noticed the marks on the pale flesh of his neck. Marks that didn't come from me...

"What the fuck are you playing at, Harry?"

I was glaring at him, daring him to lie to me. Daring him to make me believe it.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He wasn't nearly as convincing an actor as I'm sure he had hoped. Finally, something he couldn't do naturally. His eyes found their way back to me, and I could see he was blushing, blushing and trembling. I turned on my heal and walked off toward the empty Arithmetic classroom. Naturally, he followed me, shutting the door behind him as he came in.

"I know what you were doing." I sat myself on a desk, letting my legs sway back and forth slowly over the edge of the wooden desktop. "It doesn't take a genius to figure it out." I spoke quietly and slowly, trying not to let my anger show.

"Then you know that I wasn't doing anything for you to get angry about! You...you know that Seamus and I were just studying. And nothing else! Nothing else! And you can't possibly prove that we were! We were just helping each other with homework and things. Can't I even have friends who help me with homework?"

He was tugging at the buttons of his cloak, occasionally glancing up at me, trying to read my expression. Then, his face suddenly fell blank and he turned a deep crimson before falling backwards into a chair. I think we both realized at the same time that he had brought up Seamus before I had even brought him into the equation. He lowered his head and mumbled to himself.

"I see then. Doing homework. Is that what you call it now? Well then, next time you want help with your homework, don't ask me!" I jumped off my desk, knocking it over in the process. Stomping over to him, I banged my palm hard on top of the desk next to him, trying to get him to look up at me. His eyes stayed fixated on the floor, and I could see that for once, they were void of tears. Pity for him that only made me even more irate.

"You don't honestly expect me to believe that do you?" I stared at him, absolutely stunned. Stunned, and insulted I might add. To think I'd believe such a cock-and-bull story was absurd to say the absolute least.

"...It's the truth. It's the God honest truth. Why would I lie to you?" His lips were dry and his eyes never left the floor. Good. I certainly didn't want to look at them.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me? You're the one with all the secrets, all the answers!" My palm slapped against the desk again.

He stayed silent, his glasses sliding slowly down the bridge of his nose.

"That's what I thought. I knew you were a whore, Harry. I just had no idea you were the whore of Hogwarts." It took every ounce of strength I had not to slap him across his face. He would've liked it too much.

"Draco...Draco I reall-"

"Save it, Potter. Save it for somebody who cares. Because right now, that person isn't me."

* * *

I'm shivering uncontrollably as I walk back to the school. My fists are clenched tight in my pockets and I continue to think back to that night. I want to blame it all on him, to say that one night ruined everything. But in truth...things were unraveling before then. We both knew. It was only a matter of time. I guess I just didn't expect that time to come so soon.

I'm skipping breakfast today. Not only am I not hungry, I really have no desire to face him right now. He should be thankful for that, at least. I suppose if given the chance, things could take a nasty turn for the worse. I could've made him really feel it last night, but instead I freaked out, and now here I am. Actually hiding from the stupid prat. No, not hiding from...just avoiding. For my sake.

What I really need right now is a good drink. To get my mind off of him, off of us. I decide to wait outside the Great Hall for a drinking partner to emerge. As I linger outside the big oak doors, the anger starts to well again. I chew ferociously on my bottom lip as I think about him.

On the other side of those doors, probably thrilled to death I didn't slaughter him right there last night. And here I am, in an intense perpetual cycle of viciousness. I want to hurt him in any way, to make him sorry for hurting me. And yet, sometimes I wonder which is worse; the way I feel when he hurts me, or the way I feel after I've hurt him. One comes with the other, I imagine.

I'm the victim, not him. Not him, but me. It's about me. And I have to make him see...see and understand how it is. He may not love me or care in the same way, but I know he does in fact care about what I do. Everything I do affects him, so he has to care, even if he doesn't want to. He thinks I'll always be here, always be around to fuck with. But he's wrong. Very wrong. And he's about to find out.

The second those great wooden doors open, I'm on the alert. Keeping an eye out not only for stupid Potter, but for another, also. I find them both at the same time. I would laugh out loud at my luck, only I'm almost sure that if I were to open my mouth I'd break down right there.

He sees me and freezes in his tracks, craning his neck to get a look at me through the bustling mass of students. I walk straight toward him, stone-faced, and I'm sure he thinks I'm coming for him.

Right when I'm nearly to him, I make a dart to the right and reach out to grab Pansy by the arm, pulling her toward me. Before Harry, or she has a second to comprehend it, my lips are on hers.

My hands grip her shoulders, keeping her in front of me, not that I would've needed to use force. I can tell already she's really lapping this up. It's no secret what a floozy she is. In an instant, her arms are around my neck, pulling me closer as her lips part ever so slightly. I can hear the gasps and giggles around us, but it doesn't matter. I'm not interested in what they think.

I don't know how long we've been standing here like this, but already I'm anxious again, and I pull back, looking down at her confused face with a light smile. I tear my gaze from hers, and let my hands fall from her shoulders as I turn my head to look at him, easily spotted in the now thinned out crowed. He's staring at me, his mouth hanging open, his books at his feet. Emerald orbs are wide with shock, and his brow is furrowed as he stammers. Moving away from Pansy, I walk over toward him and pick up his books, shoving them into his chest. He manages to look away from me as he scrambles to hold onto his Herbology text.

"So, how does it feel?" I hiss and take a step back from him.

I'm not sure exactly what feels worse at the moment, the hard slap of Pansy's hand smacking me across the face, or the twinge of guilt I feel as I spot a single tear sliding down his cheek.