The Perfect Imperfection

Jealousy doesn't have to be a horrible thing. He makes it that way. He always acts like it's such a horrible thing to be jealous. What's wrong with wanting to keep what belongs to you to yourself? I think...I think he's confused. Yes, of course. He never was very keen, lucky as all, but not keen. I believe he's under the impression I'm keeping constant tabs on him because I'm selfish. Of course, he is right, but that's not the sole reason I do it. I do it because I know...because I know what he does behind my back. Because if I don't watch him like a hawk, I'm bound to lose him. As much as I pretend I don't care...well I don't think I have to say it. It's much too degrading.

I've known for a while, naturally-when did anything ever go on at Hogwarts that I didn't know about? Only now it's time for him to stop. It's maddening that he feels he has to lie to me; it's crazy that he thinks I don't know. And it's insane that it hurts me so much.

* * *

It really was quite the experience to remember. I honestly had no idea how things were going to turn out, I only knew it would be in his best interest to show up. Naturally he came...in more than one way. I had to laugh, I really did. Of course, I managed to stifle it to a light chuckle, but anybody would've laughed. There he was, Harry Potter...The Stupid Boy Who Lived, lying on the grass, stark naked save for the boxers around his ankles. Panting like a dog, with a dazed almost trance-like look on his face. Not so tough. Vampires have garlic, Werewolves have silver, and Harry Potter has oral.

I could've had it all right there. Done it and been over with it...but I couldn't. I honestly, could not bring myself to do it. I swear to you, had it been anybody else I wouldn't have hesitated a moment. Not with him, no. He was worth more than that. Please don't get me wrong, I was going to get mine no matter, I knew it, he knew it, but I just didn't see the reason to make it absolutely horrible for him. There you go, see? He's lucky. Very lucky.

Casually, I nudged him in the side, pushing him onto his stomach. I can't tell you how intoxicating it was to see him like that. Just...laying there, the pale moonlight grazing over ever inch of his flushed skin. And it was all there for me. Me. Mine. Nobody else. Chewing nonchalantly on my bottom lip, I leaned over to glide my hands down his back. He shivered under my touch, just like I knew he would. He was still breathing hard, and those rugged gasps of breath were the only sound between us as I ran dry lips over the smooth skin of his shoulders. I was shocked as he suddenly writhed beneath me, for a split second I thought he was going to get up. However, before I went blind with rage, I realized he was arcing his back to meet with my lips, slowly rolling one shoulder back...and then the other as I lightly licked and nipped his oh so supple skin.

Perfect of course. How could it be anything else? Two people can really be made for one another. Made to fight, to hate, to lust, to love, to fit. And we did. We did it all. It was barely above a whisper, but I heard it. My name. Tumbled softly from between barely parted lips. And not Malfoy, but Draco. Draco...the way he said it, was so erotic, so full of pleasure and bliss, I could've died right there knowing the last thing I heard was him. It pushed me over the edge, and it was then I knew it wasn't a one-time thing. That it couldn't be a one-time thing. I'm not sure how long we were there. When my eyes finally fluttered open, the skies were a bit lighter than they had been and I could hear the faint chirping of birds somewhere in the distance. My arms were around his waist and we were both on our sides, his back to my stomach, with my head buried into the scruff of his neck. He smelled of grass and leather, uniquely Harry. It was incredibly hard to do, but I managed to pry myself away from him and stand up.

"You really should get up."

As I pulled on my second pant leg, I managed to kick him lightly in the small of his back. I picked up a heap of his clothes and threw them over his head, before grabbing my own cloak. He shook his head and raised himself up, leaning against his elbows while looking around. He seemed a bit confused until his eyes wandered over to me. Those emerald orbs lightened a shade and his cheeks flushed rosy pink as he suddenly scrambled to get himself covered up. I rolled my eyes, fumbling with the buttons on my cloak.

"I never thought you'd be one to get embarrassed." Glancing down at him again, I shook my head, causing a few blonde strands to fall down in front of my eyes. "We really need to be going. If they found out we're both missing...God only knows how long it will take them to put two and two together. I really don't need that." He dressed himself in a hurry, as I nervously glanced this way and that, seriously expecting somebody to come running out from behind a bush at any moment.

As he picked up his cloak, I turned and walked off, listening to the rustling of grass behind me as he struggled to catch up.

"You've got grass in your hair." I said matter-of-factly before reaching up to pull a few blades out of his tangled strands of hair, which I promptly threw over my shoulder. "You're a bit dirty."

"I could say the same thing about you...only I'm not sure if I'd be referring to cleanliness." He smirked a bit as we rounded a stone corner and came across a giant staircase. "I'll see you later then..." Trailing off, he took a step up onto the stairs.

"Later is a bit obscure, don't you think?" I titled my head to the side, crossing my arms over my chest. "Of course you wouldn't hear a complaint from me if you decided to never talk to me again. Maybe I could get some piece of mind." We both knew he was the quieter of us two, but after seven years of constantly complaining about person-it's pretty hard to put a sudden halt to it. He seemed a bit taken aback and I could tell he was thinking about how to reply.

"Tomorrow...outside the dungeons. After dinner." I knew making a date for the absolute next day made me look desperate, but I knew nothing would ever be the same with anybody else after Harry. Reluctantly, he nodded and then made his way up the stairs. I stood at the bottom, never taking my eyes off him as he walked on up. He really was a sight, dirty and wrinkled robes only added to the usual scruffiness of his hair. I knew I was in a similar state, but at that moment my cares didn't go beyond the person walking up those stairs. "See you tomorrow then...Harry."

Stopping in his tracks, he arced an elegant brow and looked down at me. I couldn't quite read the expression on his face, but I did hear him give a mild laugh with the shake of his head as he walked on, muttering under his breath: "So that's what it takes to get on a first name basis..."

* * *

I can see him glancing at me from across the Great Hall. I wonder if he's aware that I can see him. To everybody else, including Seamus, he appears to be deeply involved in their conversation. But I know better. I know what he's thinking. The look in his eyes is pleading and I almost want to throw my plate across the room just so he'll stop. I shake my head and look away from him, turning to Pansy who's seated on my left. She's jabbering on about the usual stupid crap. For a second, I want to throw my plate at her instead of Harry. She was the only one who had suspicions about Harry and I. I suspect she overheard us outside of the common room at night. I wouldn't put sneaking around, spying on people past her. She didn't get put in Slytherin for nothing.

She stops talking, and it's only then that I am aware that I've begun to stare at Harry again. She bangs her fist on the tabletop and screeches at me about not listening before jumping up and leaving the Hall. Oftentimes I wonder why it takes people so long to realize I'm not listening.

But I believe I've acquired a talent for pretending to listen. It's what I do when Harry mumbles his stupid explanations to me. I'm not stupid by any means. And I'm certainly not gullible. I wonder why the boy even tries. I rest my chin in an upturned palm and look up at the ceiling of the Hall. It's an over-cast day outside and the owls that suddenly pour in through the windows look quite ruffled. Suddenly, I realize a letter has been dropped in front of me, and I jerk up, snapping out of my haze.

Opening the letter, I glance around to be sure nobody else is looking. The handwriting on the letter is small, and scratchy. Instantly I know whom it's from. The boy never did learn how to write. It simply reads:

                    I'm Sorry

Of course he's sorry. Anybody would be. At least he's given up silly excuses. I let out a small sigh and shove the letter back into its envelope. Apologies just aren't good enough anymore. He's apologized over and over again. Honestly, a person can only take so much. We hadn't even been seeing each other for a month when it happened the first time.

* * *

I had just come out of transfiguration and was really in no mood to be trifled with. So of course, that's when it happened. I was making my way down the charms corridor, hauling a large stack of books when I heard it. His laughter. For a fleeting instant it brought a smile to my face, until I realized it was coming from the old Charms classroom. I'm not quite sure how I knew, but after I set down my books and made my way to the door, I knew what I was going to find.

Simply pushing the door open, I stood there in the doorframe, my hands placed securely on either hip. Harry immediately fell silent-nothing new-before quickly running the back of his hand across his lips, as if that could erase the remnants of the other boys' kiss. The other boy, I don't know who he was-but then again I don't think I was thinking straight at the time- he jumped up and ran out of the room, tripping over my books on the way. I smirked as he fell hard on the floor before I turned back to Harry. I had no idea what I was going to do, other than I knew I was going to hurt him. Slamming the door hard behind me, I walked straight toward him, backing him into the wall.

"I didn't know you were so interested in extra curricular activities, Harry." I placed my hands on either side of his head, against the cool stone of the wall before pressing my chest hard against his. He winced and averted his gaze to the ceiling.

"Talk to me! NOW!" Glaring, I pounded my fist against the stone, dangerously close to his head.

"What kind of shit is this, huh? Well? What is it with you? Am I not enough? How many others, Harry? How many?!" My heart was pounding, and I could feel that his was doing the same.

Finally, he drew his eyes toward mine. He wasn't defiant as I had expected, or ready to tell me off. He was...blank. He just gave me a blank stare. Gorgeous green oculars that usually held so much emotion were empty, and I had no idea what to do. I'd never seen him that way before.

"He...he's the only one. I swear to you. I...I didn't even mean to do it. He just sprang it on me. I was surprised and...and I didn't do what I should have," His mouth was dry, and his words were forced and coarse. Paler by the minute, he kept his eyes focused on mine, as if trying to prove to me it wasn't a lie.

"And what should you have done?" I really was dying to know. It was a loaded question. I'm sure he knew. Just to see what he thought of us. Were we nothing but play toys to each other? Admittedly, that was how I had viewed him for a while, but it was a phase if anything. Besides, this was his betrayal, not mine.

"I should've...should've pushed him away. Told him no." He was staring right through me, in a way only Harry could do. I was glad to see a shimmer of fear cross his face, if only for a moment. Pressing myself harder against him, I heard a small crack I could only assume was his spine as he was pressed against the stones of the wall. He winced again as I pushed myself away from him.

"I expect not to see or hear of anything like this again. You really should value what you've got while you've still got it."

The message was cryptic, but not true. I had no intentions of ditching him because of a kiss. I could overlook a simple kiss...just a kiss. Just a kiss, I told myself as I made my way across the room. Turning back around to look at him, I saw him slide down the wall into a sitting position before pulling his knees to his chest.

"Draco...I'm really sorry...really I am." He didn't look at me when he spoke; instead he closed his eyes, and tilted his head back, taking in a deep breath.

"It-it's okay, Harry. I promise."

Immediately I was angry I had stuttered. Showing a soft spot for Harry? He did look pretty pathetic there. And he did seem genuinely sorry at the time...(too bad I didn't know then what I know now) I couldn't look at him again, so I just walked out of the room and gathered my books. It was only when I got to the boys' bathrooms did I realize I had tears in the corner of my eyes.

* * *

Clutching the letter in my fist, I look up to see Harry staring past Seamus at me again. I lift the note to acknowledge I have gotten it. He seems a bit pleased for a second, mistaking my gesture for a sign of forgiveness. However the brief smile that graced his lips fell flat the second I hold the note over the candle that's sitting in front of me. I keep my eyes on him every second as the letter burns. Only when it turns into a pile of ashes do I stand from the table and walk out of the Great Hall.

I haven't made it but ten feet toward the dungeons when I hear the frantic pace of footsteps behind me. I expect Pansy, but instead I turn to find Harry, his face red and his fists clutching at his robes.

"I don't want to hear this right now." I stay firm. No more mistaking these ploys for honest sincerity and real apologies. I shake my head and turn away.

"Why can't you just believe that I'm sorry?! I really am!" Immediately, I turn around and cup my hand over his mouth.

"Keep it down, dammit! You're sorry are you? You really are?" My voice is quiet, but shrill as I mock him. "Well, meet me in our usual spot tonight and we'll see just how sorry you can get." Taking my hand off his mouth, I shove him backwards and again made an effort to walk to my common room. I hear him start to step forward, but I just kept walking.

"Follow me and die." The footsteps stop and I round a corner on my way to the dungeon. I'm not sure exactly what is going to transpire tonight, but I do know that if he's not sorry now, he certainly will be by the time I am done with him.