James and Lily: A History

Chapter 9: Remus' Realization

Lily stood in the moving, spiral wooden staircase, amazed by the grandeur and intricacies of Dumbledore's office. It was her first time inside it. Stepping off the staircase, Lily arrived in a circular room filled with pictures of previous headmasters who were whispering amongst themselves. Dumbledore seemed light-hearted; his gold and red bird crooned as the wise wizard stroked its brilliant feathers. Watching Dumbledore's levity with a slightly shocked look, stood dumbly in the middle of the circular room, wondering how to explain everything to Dumbledore.

"Ms. Evans, please sit down," said Dumbledore gently, taking a seat behind his own desk.

"Thank you Professor," said Lily, surprisingly calm, sitting straight-backed with her hands folded primly on in her lap.

Dumbledore surveyed Lily behind his half-moon spectacles for the next few minutes in silence. It made Lily feel like she was being x-rayed for hidden secrets and emotions. She stared casually back and tried not to blink on instinct, feeling that would reveal how nervous she was.

"So Ms. Evans, is there anything you would like to tell me?" asked Dumbledore kindly, leaning back in his chair.

"Uhm... well..." stammered Lily, as Dumbledore continued to smile with his gaze of infinite reassurance. What do I say? Sorry Professor, but I sneaked out one night after my prefect duty. DeGrasse led me into the Forbidden Forest and witnessed a Death Eater cult created by Hogwarts students.

"Professor, you know how some people feel Muggle-borns don't belong in the wizard world?" asked Lily, finding subtle ways to voice her concerns and remain honest with Dumbledore.

"I am aware of that," said Professor Dumbledore, nodding in acknowledgement.

"And with the rise of Lord Vol--Voldemort," said Lily, looking away momentarily. "More people are drawn to him by his power and his beliefs."

Dumbledore nodded in understanding again, allowing Lily to continue.

"Well, how can we show these people their beliefs are wrong? How can we prevent them from being misguided?" inquired Lily, staring at Dumbledore's eyes, hoping for answers.

"If I knew that, perhaps I would know everything, and Voldemort's war wouldn't exist. You know as well as I that muggles also misunderstand each other. Those gifted with magic are no different than those with no magic in their blood, fighting wars to defend their own beliefs. No one quite knows who's actually being misguided. You know and understand these struggles much better than I. Sometimes their conservative values are good. It only becomes a problem when they become violent. Too much change all at once makes us lose sight of who we are," said Dumbledore softly, leaning towards Lily, his blue eyes radiated an unspeakable level of empathy.

"We must simply continue to have an open mind and defend ourselves against those who hurt us and our loved ones. I understand you have already seen much of this," said Dumbledore, smiling shrewdly, as if he knew far more than what Lily was willing to tell. "In time, you will understand everything. Is there anything else, Ms. Evans?"

Surprised by the sudden end to their conversation, Lily replied, "N--No, professor. Thank you." Walking towards the door, Lily couldn't help but scan Dumbledore's office one last time, her eyes playing with the strange, shiny, silver trinkets. The previous headmasters had all started snoozing in their portraits, but Lily swore she saw one of them wink at her during Dumbledore's lecture. A man covered in Slytherin colors rolled his eyes. Well that's not very nice, Lily thought. I thought they were supposed to be here to support Dumbledore.

"Oh, and Ms. Evans," said Dumbledore, causing Lily to turn abruptly around and notice the dancing light illuminating Dumbledore's aging face. "Curiosity is a wonderful thing, but please exercise yours safely next time. I will have a chat with Ms. Black after Professor Icthius is done with her. Good night, Ms. Evans." His blue eyes twinkled behind his half-moon spectacles, and he smiled gently as Lily descended.

"Good night Professor Dumbledore," replied Lily, relieved.

Walking quickly back to the Gryffindor common room, Lily reviewed the day's events as they flashed by in her head like a film on fast forward: Remus is a werewolf--Bellatrix tried to get her revenge, but Potter saved her--she had left Dumebldore's office unpunished. It's been one bloody hell of a night, Lily thought.

Entering the portrait hole and throwing herself onto the nearest couch, Lily realized she didn't need a long, arduous conversation with Dumbeldore to voice all her concerns. Finally pushing herself up from the couch, Lily trudged up to the girls' dormitory and found eight pairs of suspicious, angry eyes staring at her from four different beds. Oh great, Lily thought. I got a lot of explaining to do. If only they knew everything as easily as Professor Dumbledore.

"Lily, I see you've been out getting some as... you look like hell, what happened?" said Alice, her gossipy tone quickly turning grave and concerned.

Taking a deep breath, Lily described every single detail of the Death Eater Brigade and Bellatrix's daring attempt to threaten Lily to keep her mouth shut. Alice, Kristen, Vivian, and Roxy were a very good audience, gasping in all the right places and staying silent during the most suspenseful parts.

"Lily! For a person so brilliant in Charms, you are a seriously thick-headed person. You let DeGrasse lead you into the Forbidden Forest blindfolded and silenced?" criticized Roxy, her head buried in her hands. "What in Merlin's beard were you thinking?"

For the first time, Lily wasn't quite sure. What was she thinking? Truly, her curiosity would not be so blind as to lead her defenseless into the path of a determined racist. "I... really don't know," she managed to reply. "Logan was just telling me how Hogwarts isn't safe anymore; Dumbledore has weaknesses. He was shattering everything I believed in."

"I think you're not telling us everything Lily," said Alice with raised eyebrows and crossed arms across her chest.

"No! But I wanted to know the truth. What if Hogwarts is dangerous? Aren't we all in danger? I had to know. It didn't help at all that Logan kept taunting me for a week," replied Lily earnestly and panting slightly. She stood in the middle of the room surrounded by her friends, feeling like she was on the verge of being convicted guilty for a heinous crime.

An awkward silence hung heavily in the air as all four girls absorbed what Lily said--'Aren't we all in danger?' Lily did have a point. If Hogwarts was no longer safe, they were all in danger. She was simply looking out for the friends she loved, trying to prevent them from getting hurt. She would resort to any means to protect them, even if it meant trusting a Slytherin. Sighing heavily, it was Vivian who spoke first, "You always had an annoying, strong sense of curiosity, Lily."

"Yeah," said Kristen giggling, who was the first to laugh in hours. "In Charms class first year, when Flitwick zoomed Pettigrew's book bag across the room, you were so eager to find out how to make objects fly that you spent a week's worth of lunch periods looking it up."

"Hey!" Lily smiled, falling onto her bed to lay on her back and gaze at the strip of moonlight on her ceiling, immensely glad the tension had broken. "At least, I don't use my curiosity like Petunia and waste it on celebrity magazines and eavesdropping on our next door neighbors."

"Well," responded Roxy smiling. "I don't know. I think I prefer that over walking into my own grave."

"Yeah, but now--we know what's coming," said Alice seriously.

Crawling under her bedcovers, Lily immediately fell into a wonderful sleep. She felt such an indescribable, warm feeling of relief that she no longer hid anything from her friends. She would never lie to them again, because they didn't deserve to be treated so cruelly. They loved and cared for her as much as she loved and cared for them. Sinking deeper into her pillows, she felt she owed James Potter an explanation, but not until she found out why he had waited. But, that didn't matter. He had good intentions and that was enough for Lily. After all, she hadn't been completely honest with him for the past few weeks, either.

November came and went. Despite the festive atmosphere of Hogwarts decked in brilliant colors of red, green, gold, and silver, the sixth years were swamped with work in all their classes. It had been almost three weeks since James saved Lily from Bellatrix's Cruciatus Curse, and she seemed to act warmer towards him because of it. Instead of pushing him away, Lily sometimes said a simple and patient, 'No,' and every once in awhile she actually stopped to acknowledge his comments.

Helping Peter prepare for his big Transfiguration test, James elbowed Sirius to turn around, as Regulus Black was standing patiently behind them. Many Gryffindors sent nasty looks to the Slytherin as they walked pass him to the entrance hall. Because James didn't want to sit next to a mute and deaf Sirius through breakfast, James leaned in and whispered to him, "Just talk to him, Padfoot. Just get it over with."

"Yes?" said Sirius, without turning around to acknowledge his brother's existence. He raised his glass of pumpkin juice and took a long sip.

"Mum wants us home for Christmas," replied Regulus obsequiously. "She wants to make sure you're coming home also."

"Fine. Any other news?" replied Sirius indifferently, returning to his bacon and eggs.

"And also..." said Regulus, continuing on mechanically. "Bellatrix said it's your job to keep Gryffindors out of the Slytherin house's affairs."

"As if I do otherwise? After all, she is my beloved cousin," said Sirius innocently, turning around to smile at his little brother.

"She means it. She said she'd kill you," answered Regulus defiantly, without moving. His brown eyes reflected no flicker of fear or concern toward his brother. They were simply lifeless.

Watching him make his way back to the Slytherin table and take a seat next to Severus, Sirius said to James laughing, "Ah that's good one. She puts a whole new meaning to 'blood is thicker than water.'"

After waking up early to finish their Transfiguration homework in the icy courtyard, Lily, Alice, and Roxy walked back to the Great Hall, eager for a warm breakfast and some hot chocolate. Unfortunately Logan, who had been hiding behind a stone, used the Summoning charm to steal Lily's transfiguration book. Hopefully she'll come back for this, Logan thought.

"I swear I put my book back in here," muttered Lily at the Gryffindor table, digging through her book bag. "I have to go and check. I'll be right back."

Returning to the courtyard, Lily found nothing on the bench they had been sitting on. Weird, thought Lily. I could have sworn we sat there...

"Looking for this?" asked a familiar deep and confident drawl.

Turning around, Lily found herself inches away from Logan's face. His dark, grey eyes glittered in mischief. "You really shouldn't be doodling in your books, Lily. You're a prefect after all--tut, tut, tut. But if you want this back--you're going to have to listen to me."

"Or..." said Lily, reaching out unexpectedly to grab her book, "You could just give that to me and walk away free of squid tentacles."

"Okay fine," spat Logan impatiently, shoving her book back into her hand. "But I need you to listen to me anyway--now, before you protest and walk away, just listen."

"No Logan. I thought we were friends, but I guess not," snapped Lily, turning away and walking quickly back to the Great Hall. She couldn't believe Logan could look at her after knowing Bellatrix had revenge on her mind and didn't bother to warn her in any way. After all, he dragged me into this mess in the first place.

"Lily! No Lily--please wait!" cried Logan, running after her and grabbing her by the arm to forcefully turn her around. "Look, I'm sorry Lily. I'm really, really sorry," said Logan, his face pleading for forgiveness.

"Too late for that," said Lily, wrenching her arm from Logan's grasp. "Go figure--Slytherins always save their own skins before others."

"That's not true," stated Logan.

"Well..." said Lily. "Tell me Logan, how did you think about anyone else by sitting back and letting your friend get tortured by a Nazi?"

"Evans, you are so naïve," replied Logan, rolling his eyes. "If I warned you, Bellatrix would have known. By not warning you, you would still suffer of course, but there's not much Bellatrix can do under Dumbledore's nose anyway. I knew you would live through the night, and I would not be suspected of helping you. Therefore, I am still able to help you today, and I'm going to help you right now."

"On?" said Lily, growing more curious by the minute.

"Three things. Number one. After Dumbledore talked with Bellatrix, he gave her a warning. She's on probation at Hogwarts. Dumbledore didn't find out about the Cruciatus Curse. Because of that, Bellatrix returned to the Slytherin common room in a rage and said she's going to become a Death Eater--that means have the Dark Mark burned on her skin as a sign of eternal servitude."

"How soon?" asked Lily, her eyes widening in fear.

"Very soon," answered Logan firmly, staring unblinkingly at Lily. "So, you and your friends need to tread carefully around Bellatrix."

"Well what about--"

"Second thing," continued Logan, ignoring Lily. "The Death Eater Brigade has been abolished. It is no longer an option whether a Slytherin wants to support the Dark Lord. It is mandatory. Bellatrix wants to make Slytherin the house for the Dark Lord's supporters. If a Slytherin doesn't join, he's alienated by everyone in his own house."

"But McGonagall said--"

"Third thing," said Logan loudly to interrupt Lily. "Snape is obsessed with where your friend Lupin goes every month. I have no interest, but Snape doesn't believe Lupin goes to see his sick mother. Snape is going to find out, Lily. When he wants to know something, he will resort to anything to know... So, beautiful weather," ended Logan, taking a deep breath and scanning the surrounding mountains covered in thick, grey fog. "Have a nice day Lily, and keep your head down--for your own safety."

Logan strutted away vainly and left Lily rooted to the spot--Bellatrix was going to become Death Eater.

Remus left the boys' dormitory early and told the Marauders there would be no midnight ventures that night. Sirius and James protested vehemently and questioned Remus, wondering if Snape had spiked his pumpkin juice during dinnertime, but Remus said he needed their undivided attention after his patrol.

Arriving at the Charms corridor a half hour early, Remus searched for Lily but found her nowhere. Unexpectedly, he felt a tug at his arm and found himself dragged into an empty classroom in the Charms corridor.

"Lily!" said Remus, massaging his arm. "You scared me."

"Sorry," answered Lily, taking a seat in one of the empty chairs.

She dropped her eyes to the floor and took a deep breath before looking up at Remus. "I know I overreacted when I found out that you're a werewolf. I was just scared, Remus. You're such a wonderful person... and I realized you're not a werewolf. You're Remus, and I am here for you."

"You came up with all of that on your own?" Remus laughed nervously. "Really, the facade isn't working. I'd prefer if you just minded your own business. I can deal with everything on my own."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lily responded, frustrated. "Here I am trying to be a friend and you tell me to mind my own business? No you shut up. You obviously can't deal with it on your own."

"You're probably right. I'm sorry. I'm not used to other people knowing, except James, Sirius, Peter, and Frank. I really am grateful that you're here. It's just that, it becomes so hard to trust anyone, especially given the prejudice. Sorry if I doubted you, I hope you'll understand."

"No, I probably won't ever understand, having not actually experienced your ordeal. But I am always here for you. You have to understand that not everyone holds those prejudices." Lily's frustration was still clear, but she had relaxed some.

"I appreciate it, I really do Lily," replied Remus.

"It is here," said Lily, sitting back down in her seat and placing her hand on Remus' chest lightly. "It is in your heart where you truly lie. Remus, you are one of the most open-hearted and considerate people I know. Of course, I still don't know why you hang out with Potter and Black, but I guess I'm willing to live with that," smiled Lily, her almond-green eyes twinkling as thunder started crashing outside in the storm.

"You're willing to live with that?" laughed Remus, feeling more relaxed with Lily now. "Wow, I'm glad I have your approval."

"Actually Remus... there is also a more imminent reason I wanted to meet you here today," said Lily, giving Remus a very grave look.

"Well, I do transform in a wee--"

"Snape is on your case, and he won't stop until he finds out the truth about you," interrupted Lily, explaining what Logan revealed to her in the courtyard.

"Whoa, bad joke, bad timing," said Remus, slightly shocked by Lily's abrupt change of subject. Nonetheless, he still tried to look calm.

"I mean it. Logan warned me."

Sighing, Remus replied, "I don't know how he could find out anything. I'm taken to the Whomping Willow each month, where there's a secret passageway that leads to the Shrieking Shack. It was built thereꍔ for me.ꍔ

"So all those rumors about it being haunted?!" gasped Lily, taking her hand off Remus' arm. "They were made up so people wouldn't come near you?!"

It seemed to take almost every bit of energy in him to nod and look down at the floor again. Suddenly, Lily engulfed Remus in a warm, tight hug. There's no cure, Lily thought. He has to shoulder this pain all his life. It was an awkward moment for Remus, who had never been hugged by a girl before. He lightly patted her head, and said, "It's okay, Lily. As long as I have friends like you and James, Sirius, and Peter, I'm living a happy life."

Allowing Lily to release him and come to her senses, Remus realized that Lily was a true friend, and would not tell anyone his secret. Despite the fact that he transformed into a bloody monster every month, Lily still saw the beauty in Remus.

"Thanks for warning me Lily," replied Remus gratefully. "Pro--I mean, James and Sirius will take care of him," said Remus. "Trust me Lily, they'd never abandon me."

Lily rolled her eyes, refusing to believe that Potter and Black could be so serious about anything. Then again, they had kept Remus' secret safe, so maybe she was wrong again.

"So did you have to cover Logan's face with tentacles before forcing him to spit that out? I noticed you two get along quite nicely. You even call him by his first name."

"Well... we do spend a lot of time adding up... Oh, alright!" said Lily, leaning back and feeling irritated at being caught-off-guard to talk about Logan and Bellatrix. She droned on monotonously about the Death Eater Brigade on Halloween night, Bellatrix's revenge, and Dumbledore's words of wisdom. Lily felt like she repeated the story for the millionth time.

"... then I returned to my dormitory at around one in the morning, and found all Alice, Kristen, Vivian, and Roxy all looking at me, angry and worried."

"Wow," replied Remus in astonishment. If Prong's father knew, he would march into Hogwarts and demand Dumbledore expel Bellatrix immediately. Imagine, a Death Eater student at Hogwarts.

"Yeah, and the Death Eater Brigade is abolished," said Lily indifferently, playing with a lock of her red hair.

"Well that's good, I can't imagine--"

"No, it's not actually," interrupted Lily. "Logan told me there's no Death Eater Brigade because they've made Slytherin the Death Eater Brigade house. It's no longer an option supporting Lord Voldemort. You have to, or you're treated like scum."

"Thank God we're not in Slytherin. That's insane," replied Remus with relief, gazing outside the windows at the heavy snow outside. The sky was pitch black and not a single cloud could be seen.

"Yeah... so I'm without secrets now. Is there anything else you would like to tell me Remus?" asked Lily, crossing her legs and looking curiously at him.

Smiling shrewdly, Remus answered, "Yes, but those are not mine to tell," thinking of the Marauder's map and Animagi transformations. "You asked me in Transfiguration why James waited before saving you, and I didn't answer you then. The truth is Lily, James didn't wait. He didn't follow you, but he knew you were in trouble and saved you nonetheless."

"Wow... well its good that for once--Potter did the right thing," answered Lily nodding and smiling slightly.

Realizing they were neglecting their patrol duties, Remus and Lily got up in silence and walked out of the classroom, relieved that neither of them had secrets to hide.

James was having an unusually hard time walking back to the Gryffindor common room with Kristen. It was probably because they were drenched in freezing snow, along with carrying their broomsticks and spare clothing. Every step they took left behind an extra slop of slush. About to walk up the staircase from the entrance hallway, James saw from the corner of his eye a dirty-blond haired Slytherin swaggering his way towards a staircase leading towards the dungeons.

"Hey Kristen, wait for me up in the Gyrffindor common room alright? I have to take care of something real quick," said James breathlessly, wanting to catch DeGrasse before he walked downstairs.

"Okay, give me your broom them. At least I can take that off your shoulders," replied Kristen, taking James' dripping wet broom and sneezing at the same time.

"Thanks," said James gratefully, sprinting back towards the middle of the entrance hall and catching up with Logan right before he stepped down the first stair. "DeGrasse! Hey, DeGrasse!"

"....Yes Potter?" said Logan, gazing smugly at James.

"Stay away from Evans," stated James through gritted teeth. Fuming with anger at being looked down upon by a slimy git, warmth started to spread throughout his body as he gripped his wand in his pocket.

"You know, I wonder how Kristen is feeling about this. Does she still know you are still hooked on Evans? Sirius is doing a poor job tutoring you on girls, Potter. Then again, I don't know why you're getting advice on relationships from someone who can't even get along with his own family," responded DeGrasse, laughing at his own slandering joke.

"At least Sirius does what's right. You're just a puppet controlled by your father," spat James furiously, his teeth clenching at Logan. How dare he insult Sirius, James thought. He pulled out his wand, prepared to hex Logan with a good hurling curse.

"Potter! DeGrasse? Is there a problem?" asked McGonagall, walking briskly over to them both. "Potter, please go up to the Gryffindor common room and change. You're dripping mud, and you're going to get sick."

Turning abruptly, James stomped away, cursing and imagining he was crushing Logan's head every step of the way up to Gryffindor Tower.

Muttering the password impatiently to the Fat Lady, James stepped into the Gryffindor common room and looked around for Kristen's wet, curly blonde head, but found she wasn't there. Instead, he found Lily Evans, sitting comfortably in a chair beside the fire, reading. He stared at her momentarily, admiring the way she itched her nose in frustration as she turned the pages, and how the firelight danced off her beautiful, red hair.

"Potter!" said Lily, reaching under the chair and pulling out James' broomstick. "Kristen is feeling feverish, so she asked me to give you your broomstick."

"Uh--thanks," said James, blushing bright red as he took the broomstick from Lily with trembling hands.

"Oh, and Potter..." said Lily before pausing. "I know Remus is a werewolf."

"What?!" exclaimed James, dropping his broomstick onto the floor. "How did you find out?" said James, his hazel eyes narrowing warily at Lily.

"I found out when I was tutoring Kyle's sister on the phases of the moon," answered Lily breathlessly. James' suspicious glare was disturbing, as the warm, common room suddenly turned quite uncomfortable. For once in his lifetime, he's actually quite serious.

"You--you missed the little meeting Remus and I had with Sirius and Peter. They all know now. I thought I'd catch you up because, I--I also wanted to thank you for saving me from Bellatrix that night," said Lily, looking down at her feet and picking up James' broomstick to busy herself.

Lily's thanking me, thought James. Maybe there's some hope after all...

"BUT--"started Lily, shoving James' broomstick across his chest with both hands as a smile crawled across his face. "Don't get any ideas. I'm just thanking you. Go to sleep."

James continued to stand in the middle of the common room with his mouth wide open, dripping in rain and muck and holding down the broomstick shoved on his chest with one hand. He continued to say nothing as Lily walked up to the girls' dormitory and slammed the door behind her.

Amazing, James thought again, grinning like a maniac. There's hope after all.

Ch. 9: