Echoes from the Past

Chapter Two: "A Life Turned Upside-Down"

Harry popped the last piece of bread into his mouth and washed it down with some lukewarm tap water before he rushed upstairs.

He'd been lucky when cleaning Dudley's bike as the mud had easily come off, giving him enough time to finish a reasonable amount of his other chores before the Dursleys had returned home. The fact that they'd been a little late had helped too. Uncle Vernon had grumbled about the remaining work but since he had a customer over for dinner, he had quickly left him alone in favour for getting his documents in order. Aunt Petunia had absently given him two pieces of stale bread with some cheese which had accidentally been left out and gone hard as she began pulling the dishes she'd prepared earlier that day out of the fridge.

Harry hurriedly brushed his teeth before his uncle came up to lock him in his room for the night. At least his dinner had been better than Aunt Petunia had intended it to be. While the cheese was hard at the edges, the inside was still good and he had silently enjoyed it, making sure that Dudley didn't notice his pleasure. After quickly washing his face, he left the bathroom just as his uncle got to the top of the stairs.

"Into your room," Vernon roared as he reached out and grabbed his nephew's upper arm, dragging him into his bedroom. "And I don't want to hear a peep out of you this time. If my client so much as suspects that there is someone else in this house, than you won't leave this room or eat for a week! And you'll be able to forget a ride into London to catch your school train!"

"Yes, Sir," Harry replied meekly as he was thrown to the floor.

Inside he was seething, but he knew the other was serious and he didn't want to risk missing the Hogwarts Express a second time. He could just imagine what Snape would have to say about that! Not to mention that he'd simply be causing another inconvenience for Professor Dumbledore and he knew the aged wizard already had more than enough on his plate since Voldemort's return.

Satisfied, Vernon slammed the door shut and Harry could hear the bolt slide into place as it was locked. Waiting until his uncle's footsteps had faded, he got to his feet and scrambled over to the loose floorboard. There he retrieved the letter and climbed onto his bed, making himself comfortable before he carefully began opening the package. First he detached the instruction letter from the envelope and laid it aside, its message still confusing him. Then he turned his attention to the letter itself.

He had only just pried one side loose when something small slid out of the envelope and onto his lap. Picking it up, Harry instantly recognized it as a Gringotts key.

"What?" the young wizard muttered to himself.

Who would be sending his mother a vault key? And more importantly, why? Had his mother had some family who had left her a sum of money? No, that couldn't be it, she had been Muggleborn. A friend then? But why? And why have it sent to Snape otherwise?

Curiosity piqued, Harry placed the key on top of the instruction letter and unsealed the other side of the envelope. Carefully opening it, he found a folded piece of parchment. Picking it up, he checked to make sure that there was nothing else in the package before letting the envelope fall to the floor. Briefly he just looked at the parchment in his hands, apprehension creeping up on him. He suddenly felt like an intruder, like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. This was his mother's mail he was going to read after all. But then, the sender had intended for him to receive it should she be unable to.

With a deep breath, Harry unfolded the letter, realizing that his hands were trembling slightly as he did so. He would have to talk to Professor Dumbledore when school started again and see what he could learn about his mother. That he could get so worked up about a piece of parchment intended for her was ridiculous. Or perhaps he could mail Sirius or Remus, they had known her on a more personal level.

All thoughts abruptly fled from his mind as he finally managed to unfold the letter and caught sight of the first two words written on the page in the same deep purple ink as the instructions:

Dear Harry,

Completely confused, he looked down to the bottom of the lengthy parchment and froze in shock as he read the words that ended the long letter.

Love,
your mother, Lily

"Mom," Harry whispered softly.

What was going on? This letter had been sent to his mother and yet it contained a letter from her for him. Attempting to read it, he found that his hands were shaking too much to do so. His mother had left him a letter! It was the closest he could ever come to communicating with his parents. Sure, he had memories of her, but it was of her death, when she was addressing Voldemort. Here, on this slightly discoloured parchment before him, was her writing. Writing that was meant for him! It was something that had been done with him in mind. Everything else he had of her or his father were things they'd possessed or photos of them. None of it was something which they'd gotten for him. None of it really provided him with a connection to them, not even the photos as he had no memory of the events recorded in them.

The sound of the doorbell rudely startled Harry out of his thoughts. Listening carefully, he could make out the sounds of his uncle opening the door and welcoming his client before introducing him to Petunia and Dudley. As the voices faded, he knew that they'd moved into the sitting room. Steeling himself, he turned his attention back to the letter and began reading it.

Dear Harry,

Before I say anything else, I want to tell you that I love you, I love you with all my heart. If you are reading this letter, then I am dead and most likely have been for some time so I want you to know that you mean everything to me and that the day you were born was one of the happiest days of my life. In fact, the only day that compares to it was my wedding day. So if I've never been able to tell you this in your memory, rest assured of the fact that I loved you with all my heart.

Harry quickly lay the letter aside as tears began to roll down his cheeks, not wanting the drops to fall on the parchment and smudge the ink. Sirius had told him of his parents joy the day of his birth, but to read his mother's admission of it made it so much more real. And it increased the pain of not having really known his parents. Damn Voldemort. Why did he have to kill them? Why couldn't he just have left them alone?

But Harry knew why. Because they had fought against him. Fought to prevent him from spreading his Darkness over the whole Wizarding and Muggle Worlds. Not for the first time, he wished that his parents hadn't gotten so involved in the war as to draw the Dark Lord's personal attention. Yet he knew that it would have been cowardly for them not to have done so when so much depended on the outcome. Besides, if they hadn't then who knew what may have transpired? They might have lived for a while, but it would have been in a world where the Dark Arts ruled supreme and his mother wouldn't have been safe for long considering that she was Muggleborn.

With his hand, Harry reached up and wiped the tears from his face as he stood up. He quickly got a tissue and blew his nose before setting himself back on the bed and retrieving the letter. Taking a deep breath, he turned his attention back to the writing.

My son, as I have said, if you are reading this then I am dead. If this is so, than there are a few things which you probably don't know that are vitally important. So important in fact, that my simply putting them down on parchment is extremely dangerous. James has repeatedly warned me against doing so, but I must just because I have one of those feelings that it will be needed. In case you're wondering what I'm talking about, it seems that I have a gift for premonitions. There are times that I get this feeling about something for no reason. I simply know and right now it is telling me to write this letter to you. It is an insurance if you will even if it could result in disaster should it fall into the wrong hands and I can only pray that it won't. But if you are reading this then my premonition was correct.

Harry, darling, before I go any further, I must warn you that if both James and I died before your memory, that this letter contains secrets that will change everything as James and I are the only ones who know the full truth and I fear we will take it to our graves. You see, this secret is so great that we couldn't reveal it to anyone. Only one other person knows of the deception, but even he does not about all of it, and I am told that he is dead.

Worried, Harry put the letter down. What secret could be so great that his parents would tell no one else about it? Not even their closest friends or Professor Dumbledore? And why send the letter to Snape if it contained such vital information? It seemed like his mother trusted the Slytherin greatly as she was willing to let him in on such a secret. Strange that she could trust him so when his father absolutely hated him.

On the one hand, Harry really wanted to read on and see what was so important that it required such secrecy, but on the other hand, his mother's warning unnerved him. What did she mean by 'secrets that will change everything'? It was hard to imagine that there could be even more information about his life that he didn't know considering how much he'd already discovered had been hidden from him. And if there was something else, he wasn't so sure that he wanted to learn it. Yes, there were plenty of things about his life that he wished he could change, but he wasn't ready for yet another life altering revelation. He just wanted a normal life, dammit! A life that didn't completely change every so often when people decided to finally enlighten him about some critical aspect of himself.

The anger abruptly left him as Harry remembered his mother's statement of the danger of sending him the letter. She obviously thought it important enough to tell him this truth that it outweighed the dangers it posed. And it was lucky she had thought so seeing how her premonition had been on target. Why hadn't she acted on that impulse in some other way? Had it been impossible to do so or had she acted but that it simply hadn't aided her?

Deciding not to dwell on the past with questions he couldn't get answers to, he looked down at the letter in his lap. Part of him wanted nothing more than to put it aside and never read it again, but he knew he couldn't do that. He briefly considered holding off on reading it, surely a few more days of ignorance wouldn't hurt? But he knew that he didn't have the willpower to do that, especially considering that he was locked in his room with nothing to do. Besides, his mother had wanted him to receive the letter today so time could be critical for all he knew.

Decision made, Harry picked up the parchment once more.

I feel that it is important that I tell you something before I begin my tale. I am writing this letter from our home in Godric's Hollow which we purchased secretly when it was decided that James, you and I needed to go under the Fidelius Charm to hide from Voldemort. Despite the fact that James would be furious with me if he knew what I was writing, I want to state that although we told Albus Dumbledore and Remus Lupin that we would use Sirius Black as our Secret-Keeper in this endeavour, that James and Sirius finally decided to use Peter Pettigrew instead. Their reasons are many but I don't like it in the least. I've never liked Peter very much and I definitely don't trust him with our lives. The two of them also decided to keep the change a secret as it would be safer for us that way. But this means that if anything goes wrong that nobody will know the truth and I fear for Sirius which is why I want it on parchment that it is in fact Peter Pettigrew who is our Secret-Keeper. I know that if things did go wrong that this information will come to light long after the fact, but I think that it's better late than never.

Harry stared at the letter in shock. Here it was, the proof that could clear his godfather's name! He knew that there were spells to verify who had written a particular document and thus they would be sure that this letter was from his mother and that he hadn't betrayed them or was working for Voldemort! Once the Ministry knew that Sirius wasn't his parents' Secret-Keeper, they would have to listen to the rest of his story or at the least use Veritaserum on him and then the full truth would come to light! Wait till he told Sirius! He'd finally be able to walk around as a free man again and he'd be able to take him in so he'd get away from the Dursleys!

And maybe it would make the Ministry think twice about not accepting his account of the Dark Lord's return. After all, part of the reason why Fudge hadn't believed him was because of his previous story of how his godfather wasn't a Death Eater and how he'd been framed. And even if Fudge didn't believe him, others in the Ministry might or at the very least it would give more credit to his and Professor Dumbledore's claims to the public.

Now, on to the reason why I actually wrote this letter in the first place. What I am about to tell you is a long, complicated and possibly tragic story. As you have probably been told, I was in House Gryffindor when I attended Hogwarts. Seeing how I am Muggleborn, I didn't know anyone when I first arrived at school. On the train, I'd met a boy named Remus Lupin. We'd gotten acquainted with each other because he'd been sitting alone and thus I'd asked to join him. Luckily we ended up in the same house where we quickly met James and Sirius. The three of them hit it off instantly. Remus introduced me and I became very good friends with them, but since I'd already made friends with a group of girls, I split my time between the two groups. Out of the three boys, I became best friends with James. I still don't know why, as all three of them were very nice even though Sirius never seemed to take anything seriously. Anyway, James and I became close and as the years passed many people, both students and faculty alike, thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

This, Harry, is where the truth begins to deviate from what most people believed. You see, neither James nor I saw each other in that way. James was like a brother to me, the sibling I'd never really had as my sister, Petunia, and I had never gotten along, especially after it was discovered that I was a witch. James saw me the same way as he was an only child due to the fact that his mother had died shortly after his birth. We were both amused by everyone else's opinion but we did nothing to discourage it.

"What the hell?" Harry muttered as his brow furrowed in confusion.

He'd often been told that his parents had been together since they were attending Hogwarts and now that didn't seem to be so. At least not in the way he'd been told. And how did they go from being like brother and sister to husband and wife? That was like saying that he and Ginny would end up marrying each other and while he really liked her, the thought of wedding her was completely wrong to him. Or had his parents simply not recognized what they felt for each other? Ron certainly didn't seem to understand that he liked Hermione in that way while everyone else did.

The reasons why we allowed people to think we were involved are the following. For centuries the Potter family and the Farsic family have been bitter enemies. No one remembers how the blood feud started, but the various acts committed in its name have made it impossible for it to just be ignored or forgotten. Over time, various individuals from both families have attempted to end the feud but it has proven impossible. In the end, the feud led to the destruction of the Farsic family and I fear it will result in the end of the Potter line too though no one knows of this.

You see, James' grandfather found an old and very powerful curse that renders the victim completely infertile. Knowing that he was the last of a long and proud heritage, Charles Farsic thought long and hard before taking revenge. He imitated James' grandfather by going back to ancient tomes in search of forgotten curses. There he found one that was perfect for his needs. After checking to make sure that there was no counter-curse and no known cure, he cursed James, who was six at the time, with the Gatyal curse. This spell, which does no physical harm to the victim, assured that should the victim ever marry out of love that the spouse will die a very painful death. Charles knew the morals of the Potter family and thus knew that James wouldn't wed if it wasn't out of love.

James' father and grandfather tried long and hard to find a cure, but were unsuccessful. However, since Charles perished shortly after casting the curse, almost no one outside of the Potter family knows about it. James told me about it after Sirius first teased him about us. I was the only one at school who knew as he didn't want me to fall in love with him as he didn't want to end up in a sticky situation.

At the time, however, I wasn't even interested in guys that way so I told him we could let everyone assume that we were together as that way no one would go for him. He didn't want to do it as it would make guys think that I was unavailable, but I didn't care as I had no interest in having a boyfriend yet. So we allowed the illusion to continue while James and his father searched for a cure.

Harry stared at the parchment in shock. He had never heard of this feud or the curse before. Why hadn't anyone told him? Surely it would have been a big magical accomplishment to have found a cure to such a powerful and ancient curse. So why had it never come up before? Had his father kept it secret like the curse had been covered up? But that didn't make any sense, wouldn't he have wanted any future victims of the curse to know how to overcome it like he had and go on with their lives?

With a sigh, Harry looked at the clock. Seven thirty. He'd been reading for some time now and he only had more questions rather than the answers which he'd expected to find contained within the contents of the letter.

This illusion went on like this until our sixth year. During the summer before that year, I had finally started getting interested in guys and soon thereafter in one guy in particular. I'd caught him glancing at me in the past but had written it off as a hateful look as he was a Slytherin and I was involved in the inter-house feud. But just before Halloween, I began to wonder if it might not be something more because once I started observing him, I found that he seemed to be looking at me as much as possible without being obvious about it.

To this day, I still don't know what possessed me to do what I did next, but when we ended up alone together in an unused part of the castle, I confronted him about his behaviour. He tried to deny it until I told him that I liked him. The expression on his face was priceless, especially considering how in control he normally was. As expected, he asked me about my relationship with James and I told him that things weren't what they seemed. Naturally he wasn't really convinced, he'd always been extremely suspicious and it wasn't until later that I was to find out why. He assumed that Sirius or James had noticed the way he regarded me and decided to play with his feelings. He stormed away from that encounter. But I had what I'd come for, I knew that he really did like me and more than just as a potential friend.

I then went to James and explained the situation to him. He was horrified that I could possibly have fallen for a Slytherin, much less for the person in question. He tried to get me to change my mind, to make me see what he believed to be reason, but I was adamant. In the time it had taken me to build up the courage that allowed me to finally confront him, I had noticed more and more things about him. I had also come to the realization that I had never really disliked him to begin with. I'd simply allowed James, Remus and especially Sirius' opinion of him to cloud my vision. I'd always taken what they had said about him as fact without bothering to look deeper or to stop and think about how much of what they saw was reality and how much was the Slytherin-Gryffindor feud. It didn't take James long to come to the conclusion that I was serious at which point he dropped the matter as he didn't want to ruin our friendship over the situation when he saw that I really liked 'the slimy Slytherin' as he called him.

In order to help convince the person in question of what I'd said, James and I started to keep more distance between us when around others. Looking back at that time now, I can easily see how everyone thought that we'd had some argument. Sirius and Remus did their best to try to figure out what had occurred and they even forced Peter to talk to me to see if he could succeed where they had failed.

None of this, however, seemed to convince the person of my affection of my sincerity, even when I talked with him. I was really starting to lose hope as I didn't know anything about his personal history, so I didn't understand how he could want me and yet mistrust me so completely. Seeing my dejection, James decided to take the matter into his own hands. He really, really disliked him and saw him as a personal enemy, but he was able to put all that aside in order to help me and for that I am eternally grateful as his sacrifice was to change my life forever.

Harry sat frozen on his bed, too stunned to continue reading. From what the letter was saying, it sounded like his mother had had a serious crush during the time he'd always been told she and his father had been inseparable. Why hadn't he been told of this? Had they all just felt it was unimportant? If so, than why was his mother telling him about it in a letter she said contained major changes? Completely confused and knowing that it was pointless to simply dwell on the subject, he continued reading, hoping to get some answers soon.

With the use of his invisibility cloak, James was quickly able to corner my Slytherin and have a little 'chat' with him as he likes to say. I never learned exactly what transpired during that meeting, but I got the distinct impression from both of them that it wasn't pretty when I questioned them about it afterwards. Whatever happened, James seemed to be able to convince him that we weren't really involved which is quite an accomplishment considering that he didn't reveal the truth about the curse.

Anyway, it was only two days later that I was approached by the guy who had by that time truly captured my fancy. At first things were a little awkward, but we quickly hit it off and became very close. It didn't take long for problems to surface, though. The Slytherin-Gryffindor rivalry was more intense than it had been for centuries due to the rising tensions in the Wizarding World and Voldemort terrorizing everyone in his rapid climb to power. The majority of the Aurors came from Gryffindor while all the suspected Death Eaters were from Slytherin. So our friendship, as it was seen by those few who'd seen us together, was really looked down upon.

It was at this point when James came to the rescue a second time. He said that if he and I began acting as before, that no one would suspect the truth while he'd lend me his cloak to go meet my love. By this time, though, I had learned all about my boyfriend's past and I knew that he'd had a horrible childhood. He came from one of the oldest wizarding families and his father had forced him to live up to his heritage and had never thought twice about using physical punishment in order to enforce his way. He had never been very open about this, but I knew he'd been hit a lot and otherwise abused. The reason why he acted the way he did was the result of both his father's and society's expectations of him. His family wasn't known for being the nicest of people and they were generally seen as cold and cruel. It was this side of him that most people saw and by which they judged him, never bothering to look deeper at the real him underneath the act.

Knowing all of this, of how the people who should have loved and protected him had beaten him instead, I knew that we had to tell him the truth as he still had a hard time trusting anyone due to the way his trust had always been used in the past. James was reluctant because he still didn't trust him, but he finally agreed to do it for me. It took some convincing, but my boyfriend ultimately went along with the plan as he knew he couldn't afford for the other Slytherins to discover the truth lest it get back to his father who was very anti-Muggle and Muggleborns. This arrangement worked very well and for a time everything seemed to be going well. Everyone was convinced that James and I were back together again while those who had seen me and my boyfriend together assumed one of us had been attempting to get something from the other and had failed. Everything was going perfect with the two of us growing ever closer until he dropped a bombshell.

With the advantage of hindsight, I now know how much trust it took in me on his part to do what he did, but I didn't see it that way at the time. I didn't see it and nearly destroyed our relationship and his ability to ever trust again. Although we'd gotten extremely close over the months we'd spent together, I had always known that there was something that he was hiding. I'd never pressed him on the issue as I knew he'd tell me about it sooner or later when he was able to do so. But also because my sixth sense was on alert again. Every time that he would seem preoccupied with something, or that he'd get this pained expression, I just knew that it was bad. I almost didn't want to know what it was, but I had long since decided that I would listen if he wanted me to.

So it was on an evening in mid-April when we were together in the Astronomy Tower that he told me. The moment I'd walked into the room, I'd known that that would be the evening as he was tenser than I'd ever seen him and the entire room was saturated with a feeling of dread. Upon seeing me, he froze, indecision clearly visible on his face. Knowing that he was going to back out of something he'd thought important enough to tell me, I nudged him and he finally told me. Or rather showed me as he simply looked me right in the eye as he pulled up his left sleeve and revealed the Dark Mark etched into the flesh of his forearm. Needlessly to say, I was horrified. That mark represented all that was Evil and Dark. It stood for all the violence, destruction, terror and death that was engulfing the Wizarding World in its clutch. But most importantly to me, it represented the idea that witches and wizards like me and all Muggles were somehow less than those who had a magical heritage. That we were inferior. So I was horrified to see it branded into the skin of the person I loved.

My initial reaction was to pull back as everything Sirius had said about him being a Death Eater came flooding back to me. I think he tried to talk to me then, but I didn't hear any of it. My whole mind was focused on the mark that symbolized servitude to Voldemort and support of his ideals and methods. I remember looking up and asking him point blank if he was a Death Eater and he said he was.

I panicked.

I rushed to the door only to find it locked. At this I drew my wand and trained it on him, surprised to not only not find his wand in his hand, but that it was laying on the floor before him, just out of his reach. He begged me to listen to what he had to say before I did anything. At my hesitation he told me that he would never hurt me because he loved me and that I was the reason why he wanted out of Voldemort's circle.

Unable to believe that my love would use me, I relented and allowed him to tell me his story. What he told me horrified me even more. It seemed that his father had been attending Hogwarts at the same time as the Dark Lord and had been one of his original and most loyal followers. He had also pledged his children to him. Because of this and his exceptional talent in potions and the Dark Arts, which his father had taught him, Voldemort demanded that he join his ranks on his fourteenth birthday. With his father being a Death Eater and having no one whom he trusted to turn to, he did the only thing he could and pledged himself to the Dark Wizard.

He admitted to me that at first he enjoyed himself as he had access to all the information and knowledge that the Ministry forbid. He learned the Dark Arts rapidly and for the first time in his life he had some real power. Instead of constantly having to cower before his father, he was the one making others shake with fear. His skills didn't go unnoticed for long, however, and he quickly gained Voldemort's personal attention and was sent on missions. It was here that he started to doubt what he was doing as he saw what was being done to innocents. That combined with his growing interest and then relationship with me made him wonder and question what he was doing.

He told me that the longer he was with me the more he began to despise and hate what he was participating in before he finally concluded that he wanted out. Only he didn't know what to do as he couldn't just stop attending the meetings as he'd surely be killed when he returned home for the summer.

Upon hearing all of this, I was no longer as horrified or angry as I had been, but I didn't know what to do or say so I simply asked him to unlock the door and left. He later told me that he was sure that I was leaving him forever and that he seriously contemplated jumping from the tower before deciding that it was the cowards way out. It still hurts me to think that he ever considered the idea at all. It took me a few days to digest what I'd learned but after that I realized how big a decision it was for him to betray his family. For that was ultimately what he was doing. No matter how they'd treated him, they were still his blood and he was turning his back on them and risking his very life for what he now believed to be right. Once I'd come to this conclusion, I sought him out and told him that I still loved him for finding the courage to do what he was.

After several more meetings and a lot of discussion, I'd managed to convince him to go see Dumbledore as I knew he was leading an organization that fought Voldemort but did so on its own without the Ministry's interference. He was hesitant but finally agreed that the Headmaster was his only option. He went to see him on a Wednesday evening and seemed to simply vanish. When he didn't appear for classes the next day and I didn't see him around, I freaked. James, observant as ever, noticed both his absence and my behaviour and confronted me on it.

I was so worried that I told him everything. As it had with me, the information shocked him but since he wasn't emotionally attached to my Slytherin, he managed to work his way through it much faster than I had done and he said that Dumbledore would probably have used Veritaserum on him to be sure that he wasn't a spy, in which case he probably wouldn't be able to attend classes. As usual, James turned out to be right and I saw my love the next day. I was only just able to contain myself until we were alone before barraging him with questions.

It turned out that the truth serum had been used and that the Headmaster had offered him two options. He could contact the Ministry and get him a reduced punishment for willingly surrendering and sharing his knowledge or he could continue attending meetings and then report back to him. Knowing that the information he could provide would be invaluable as he was often with the Dark Lord's inner circle, he took the latter option. I was terrified for him when I heard this as I was sure that he'd be found out and killed. But he told me that he had to do it to make up for all he'd done during his time on the Dark Side.

Harry gaped at the letter as the meaning of what he was reading sunk in. Snape! His mother was talking about Snape! His mother had dated and *loved* his greasy and mean-spirited Potions Master!

No, it couldn't be. It was impossible. It just ... *couldn't* be true! It had to be a mistake. Perhaps there was another Slytherin who had been brilliant at potions, who was a spy for Dumbledore and whom his father and Sirius had hated with a passion. Even as the thought crossed his mind, he knew it couldn't be true, there were simply too many similarities for it to be possible. So why hadn't he heard of this before? It explained a lot, though. Their relationship had probably ended badly and that would only add to the hate Snape would have felt for James Potter's son.

When I told him that I'd revealed the truth to James, he got really worried as he was afraid that he'd talk but I assured him he wouldn't. The next time we met, I brought James along just so that he too could tell him that he'd keep the secret just as he had kept James'. At this point my love informed us that he hadn't brought up our relationship so the Headmaster was as much in the dark as ever on the matter. The two of us continued meeting like before and James would occasionally join us. Over time the two of them were able to put their differences aside and even become friends. It became a game for them to see who could yell and insult each other the best when others were present and then be friends when alone.

Our seventh year passed like this with no one ever suspecting the truth. Remus and Sirius were aware of James' and my comings and goings but they assumed that we simply slipped away to have some privacy. The truth in this particular case was so far from what everyone expected that even if any of them had stopped to think about all that they knew that they would never have realized what was actually going on.

It was shortly after our graduation that my boyfriend proposed to me. He told me that we could have a secret marriage with James as our witness if I agreed because, due to his spy work, our relationship still had to remain a secret lest Voldemort learned of his involvement with a Muggleborn. He was so nervous when he asked. I didn't even hesitate and we were married two months later as there were hardly any preparations to be made seeing as we couldn't invite anyone. Due to the need for absolute secrecy, the two of us wore our rings around our necks with the strongest invisibility charms placed upon them so that there was no chance of anyone accidentally seeing them.

At this, Harry dropped the letter in shock. *Married*?! His mother and Snape had actually been wed? He flopped backwards onto his bed, dazed. Although there was no name attached to his mother's first love, he knew it had to be none other than his potions professor. And yet he just couldn't picture him as being anything other than cruel and nasty. Sure, he knew Snape was acting out the part expected of him by the remaining Death Eaters and now the resurrected Dark Lord, but he still couldn't imagine him being kind or gentle.

Or in love.

He knew that any kind behaviour on his part towards him, the Boy-Who-Lived, would be reported by Draco to Lucius, yet this didn't help him see Snape differently. Either he was a brilliant actor or something had happened between when his mother knew him and now that had completely changed him. Rolling over, Harry reached down and picked up the parchment.

By this point, the war had seriously escalated and my husband was called away more and more while I commenced to take an active role in fighting Voldemort even though he wanted me to not get involved so as not to draw attention to myself. But I couldn't just stand by and do nothing, especially when Dumbledore approached me to join his order. When the two of us did manage to get some time alone together, we discussed the future and what we would do once the Dark Lord was vanquished. It was never a matter of 'if,' but of 'when.' He wanted to settle down someplace quiet where he could work on his potions and we could have a family. Both of us wanted a child, but neither of us wanted to bring one into a world filled with pain, hate and suffering.

We took all the precautions necessary and that was why I was stunned when I discovered, several months later, that I was pregnant. I wasn't sure at first but I had my suspicions so I went to a Muggle doctor who wouldn't be able to tell anyone anything if my suspicions were correct. They were, I was two weeks along. I was simultaneously overjoyed and horrified. I was ecstatic that I was having a child, but terrified of what would happen if anyone found out. I knew from what my husband had told me, that Voldemort demanded that all the children of Death Eaters become his servants as well and I didn't want him learning of my child's existence.

Upon returning home, I didn't know what to do. On the one hand I really wanted to tell my love as I knew he'd be thrilled at the prospect of being a father, but on the other hand I knew that he would worry excessively about the child's future and safety. Not wanting to add to his already great burden, I decided to hold off on telling him until after he returned from his next mission as it involved a massive show down and I didn't want him distracted.

It was to be my fatal mistake.

You see, the battle was every bit as great of a clash as Dumbledore had expected it to be and more. An entire wizarding community was reduced to rubble, its inhabitants were for the most part slaughtered as they were caught in the crossfire between Aurors and Death Eaters. But worst of all for me was the fact that my husband never returned. I waited anxiously for days afterwards, wondering what had happened to him and if he was presently with the Dark Lord who often kept his followers with him for a few days after a major offensive, or if he was wounded and in some hospital somewhere, unable to contact me for fear of blowing our secret. It wasn't until James showed up on my doorstep with the news that several Aurors had seen him laying dead amongst the wreckage before the entire place had gone up in flames that I even let the possibility that he might never be coming back to me enter my consciousness.

At first I refused to believe it but when I heard Alaster Moody talk about having seen the body himself, I fell into despair. My husband was dead and I'd never told him about his child, that he'd be a father. Not knowing what to do, I did as I had so often in my life, I went to James for help. He was shocked and horrified but quickly came up with a plan. Since no one knew of my marriage, my pregnancy would raise unanswerable questions and if Voldemort heard that I was carrying the child of one of his Death Eaters, he'd come to claim the child. So James concluded that the only option available was for us to get married and for him to lay claim my child until such time when it became safe for the truth to be unveiled at which point we could get divorced. Knowing that there was no alternative, I agreed.

"No!" Harry breathed out in a stunned whisper.

It couldn't be. This could not be leading to what he thought it was! He was not the child in question, he was NOT Snape's son! Besides, it couldn't be Snape after all; he wasn't dead.

But neither did it make sense for him to be the son of someone other than James Potter as that was whom he resembled. Everyone who'd known him had remarked on the startling similarities between the two of them! So what had transpired then? He was sure he'd had no sibling, even half ones as Sirius had gone on at great length in one of his letters about how proud his parents were when he was born and how they'd acted as typical parents who'd just had their first born, double checking everything and following the books to the letter. Besides, there simply wasn't enough time between his parent's graduation and his birth for there to have been another child.

So this meant he HAD to be the son of his mother's first husband. Of this Death Eater-turned-spy. Harry shook his head in denial at this revelation. Things just didn't add up! And how could his mother and James have managed to fool everyone into thinking that they were together all along? How could they deceive even their closest friends like Sirius and Remus? Could it really be that they had bought the act because they had wanted it to be true? That they had wanted them to be the 'golden couple' as he'd heard them referred to?

Needing confirmation, Harry returned his attention to the letter.

As you have no doubt figured out by now, Harry, that child is you. For your protection, James claimed you as his own and gave you his name, but your original birth certificate bears your father's name. If things have gone badly as I fear they may, then I know that this must come as a complete shock to you as you have probably been raised to believe that James is your biological father. I want you to know that while he isn't, James loves you dearly and would do anything for you. He always tells me that you're like a nephew to him and that he hopes that you will be able to honour your father one day by redeeming his name, memory and sacrifices.

If you have been raised as a Potter, then I know this may seem strange, but James never intended for you to bear his name any longer than necessary. This has absolutely nothing to do with him not wanting for you to have it, but he felt it only right that you have your father's name. It seems that your father had asked him to look after me should anything happen to him and James extended that to you as well. The two of them became very close and I often thought of your father being the serious friend James needed while Sirius allowed him to be more of a kid. To James you are what remains of him and he doesn't want to take that away as he feels it would be a betrayal of his friendship with your father.

Now, if you have been raised as a Potter, I know all of what I've said will probably come as a complete shock to you and I can only imagine what it must be like to learn that the man you've been told is your father really isn't. As for your name, while it was my intention to alter it as soon as it was safe to do so, I know that if you've grown up with the name Potter that you may not wish to change it now and I can completely understand that. Just know that if you do wish to claim your birth name, that you shouldn't hesitate on account of James. He wouldn't want you to not do so because of him.

I'm sure you're probably really anxious to know who exactly your father was. The reason I've avoided mentioning his name so far is because of his death. Despite the fact that I've heard first hand accounts from people who saw his body and the fact that its been well over a year and a half since his disappearance, there is still some part of me that won't believe that he's dead. Part of it is probably because I never saw his body which is supposed to have been destroyed by the fire. Whatever it is, I still hope that he may be alive out there somewhere, unable to return home for some unknown reason. I know this sounds insane but I can't ignore my feelings on this issue no matter how hard I try.

If I happen to be correct, then there is a chance that you either know or have heard of your father in which case it is vital that you remember that he has no knowledge of you! I made the fatal mistake of waiting too long to tell him, so if he somehow managed to survive and happened to return after my and James' deaths, then he will probably think that I left him for James and that you are the product of that union. This may seem really strange to you, that he would believe that, but you must take into account your father's past. Every time he trusted someone before, he was betrayed. I was the first person who hadn't done so with James soon earning his trust too, but it wouldn't be inconceivable for him to think we betrayed him. Especially with the evidence he would have to support those conclusions. James and I were legally married, we moved in together and you were born a full month late, something which is almost unheard of. So it would be logical for him to simply count back nine months and believe you were conceived after he left on his mission.

It pains me tremendously to think of what he'd go through if these are indeed the conclusions he came to. It tears me apart to think that I could cause him such pain but there is nothing I can do. I'd send him a separate letter, but if he is indeed dead then it would end up being sent to Snape Manor and I can't risk his mother learning the truth of your heritage for fear that she might take that knowledge to Voldemort. For you see, your grandfather perished at the same battle that supposedly has claimed your father's life. And your grandmother is also a supporter of the Dark Lord.

Pretending for a moment that my greatest fears do indeed come to pass, then your father would probably dislike or even hate you as he'd view you as the child he had always wanted but never had. And you'd be the proof that I cheated on him or quickly moved on to another before he was even cold in his grave. So you *must* disregard anything he may have said or done to you if you do know him and have been in contact with him for if it was anything less than friendly that is probably why. Harry, son, I beg of you to give him a chance if this is so. Please do it for me if for nothing else. Deliver him of all the pain he must be feeling and tell him the truth if he is alive.

It is entirely plausible, though, that he is actually dead, in which case you will need to go speak with Albus Dumbledore, if he is still alive, to get more information on him as he got to know your father quite well during the years they worked together. He won't know anything about our marriage, but he will be able to talk to you about him. From what I have told you here in this now extremely long letter, you know that he was once a Death Eater, but I hope you don't judge him by that as his heart was never really into it no matter what he believed. Yes, he used it as a way to gain power for a while but had the courage and goodness to turn his back on Voldemort and risk his life to provide the Light with priceless information which has saved countless lives. Your father was a good man even if he could hold grudges longer than anyone else I know with the exception of Sirius.

Without further ado, I give you the name of your father:

Severus Snape.

Harry stared at the name, so elegantly written in deep purple ink, unable to do anything else. Just as he'd originally thought, the man his mother had fallen in love with and married was none other than the Potions Master who strove to get him expelled from Hogwarts. For several endless minutes that was all his overloaded mind could deal with. But after that it was as if a floodgate had been opened and thoughts came rushing in.

First and foremost, he couldn't help but wonder how the man had survived the battle if he'd been seen dead. Considering that he knew him to be very much alive, the Aurors had obviously been mistaken. But why had he been gone for so long? Why hadn't he returned? Since he clearly hadn't returned by the time his mother had written the letter, it must have been something very time consuming. He'd have to ask him about it, or better yet he could see if Sirius or Remus knew anything on the subject.

The next thought to force its way to the forefront of his mind was the fact that he wasn't an orphan. His father was alive! The thought was swiftly followed by memories of just who his father was and what he had done and said in the past. How could the bitter and bitingly sarcastic man be the same person whom his mother described? How could someone so frozen have loved so much? Could it really be due to the reasons his mother had offered? Attempting to imagine how he'd feel if he'd disappeared for some reason only to return to not only find his wife remarried but to have another man's child, he cringed. The thought hurt like hell and yet he didn't even know what it felt like to love someone so much that you'd do anything for them. If that was really what Snape had gone through, then he could begin to understand why he wouldn't want to get close to anyone again. But to get so cold? That didn't really make any sense to him but he figured it could be due to his upbringing.

Harry blinked as he suddenly realized that he was justifying Snape's behaviour. Why was he doing that? Was it because he was unable to believe that his mother could have loved someone like the man Snape was now? Or was it just that he couldn't bear to be related to someone so cold that he had to have been a better person once?

His father.

The proof was before him and he somehow knew it to be true, after all it did explain a lot about his potions professor's behaviour and other things, like why the Sorting Hat had wanted to place him in Slytherin, yet he couldn't accept it at the same time. It was as if his brain had divided into many little subunits each of which believed something else.

If all of what his mother had said was true, then Snape really couldn't be all that bad and was simply taking his Death Eater charade to a higher level and was using it as an excuse to get revenge on him for the betrayal he believed his wife and friend had committed. It couldn't be easy for him to see him everyday for the better part of a year and to be constantly reminded of Lily which he knew must be the case as he'd often been told that he possessed his mother's eyes. And on top of that, everybody talked about her and James as if they were destined to be together and had been together ever since their school days. It had to have a terrible effect on him, it must feel like the love he'd had was nothing important as no one even knew about it. As if it was simply insignificant.

Harry couldn't help but see the man who had sired him in a different light than he had before. Sure, ever since he'd learned that he had risked his life to spy on Voldemort for years, he'd come to respect him. Especially after he'd seen him agreeing to go do it again when he could just have remained within the safety of Hogwart's barriers. But he had never understood him, never grasped why he acted so mean even when they were alone. He'd been hurt and badly so and his mere presence was like salt in that wound.

So he could at least partially understand Snape's behaviour... but his father?! That he still couldn't quite grasp. It was just too unreal. And that his mother clearly wanted him to alter his name to Snape was just too much. He'd always wanted for his parents to be alive and now that he actually had one of them, he didn't know what to do or how he felt about it. Snape wasn't the type of person he'd imagined his father to be, even if he had been different before. Did that part of him still exist at all or had it been crushed by years of pain? Even if he had changed as a result of what had occurred, had he ever been as his mother described or was it her biased opinion of him? He'd been told that someone in love couldn't see the faults of the one they cherished. But James had become good friends with him and had done so despite there being a lot of bad blood between them so there had to have been something there.

With a sigh of frustration, Harry turned his attention back to the letter even as he wondered once more how he could possible look so much like James if he was Snape's son.

Due to the secrecy of our relationship, Severus and I couldn't collect too many mementoes, but we did get some, mostly photos. Since Severus' mother and father resided with him at the Manor, he couldn't take but a few of them home with him. I kept them hidden in my house and moved everything to Gringotts vault number 968 just before the Fidelius Charm was cast. I have enclosed the key in the envelope so that you can go look at them when you want to. You will find items from before the marriage, ones from during it and ones from after your birth.

Harry only just managed to contain his cry of joy as he read this. His mother had left him a collection of her things! As well as the means by which he could view just how Snape had been then as the photos would give him a glimpse of how he'd been at the time.

And finally to another critical matter. You've no doubt been told that you resemble James, this is the result of a series of charms and a potion that James and I cast upon you. Even before your birth we were aware of the fact that it might be necessary to disguise you in order to make the deception work. We researched appearance altering charms but none of them seemed good enough. The ones that changed your appearance enough didn't last for very long and those that lasted long could only be used for minor things. The only charm we found that did work could easily be undone and we didn't want to take that risk. It was only after months of fruitless labour that I stumbled across a combination of two charms and a potion that seemed to fit the bill. It alters one's appearance greatly and if the hair of someone else was added to the potion than the illusion would resemble that person.

This disguise will last for fifteen years and then it will begin to crumble. It will happen slowly, but about six months after your fifteenth birthday, your real appearance will have returned and there is no way to recreate the illusion. I hope that this isn't too great of a horror to you as you were so cute before we had to disguise you and I have no doubt that you will grow into a handsome young man.

Harry groaned as he read this. He didn't even know what he thought about his father and now he learned that he would end up looking like him whether things worked out or not! What if Snape didn't want him? Then what? The thought pained him more than he cared to think about. He had longed far too long for a parent to be able to take rejection from him even if they'd never liked each other to begin with.

A glance down revealed that there were just a few more lines to the letter.

Harry, honey, please get to know your father if he is still alive as it will do both of you a lot of good. And give him the other letter contained in the envelope which you may read should you wish.

Love,
your mother, Lily