Second Door to the Right

Chapter Eleven: Acclimation

"Hmm, ninety-two. Not as good as I would have liked, but...I suppose..."

Oh, please, just let me leave, Cho thought. I've seen more of the hospital wing this year than any other and I don't ever want to see it again.

"But I have made progress, haven't I? Can't I leave?" she begged, knowing very well that her pleas would most likely bounce off the stolid nurse. "I eat now, maybe not as much I used to, but you said it was important not to overstuff myself at first, and that's what I've been doing. Gradually, like you said."

"Still, you have a quite a bit to go before you reach your weight before you started dieting."

"But I can't just stay here until I'm 115 pounds," Cho said, placing a gentle but sufficient emphasis on the word here. "You can trust me, I swear. I swear I'll eat if you just let me leave."

"You might relapse into anorexia though. It has happened before, you know."

"Well, it won't happen to me!" Cho said stubbornly, crossing her arms.

"If I do let you go, however," Madame Pomfrey mused, more to herself than anyone (to Cho's frustration), "you will have to be put under careful supervision. Anymore weight loss will lead you right back here, and I'm sure you'd rather spend the rest of your year enjoying yourself."

Cho nearly laughed.

" 'Careful supervision'? What do you think Celeste's going to be doing, huh? Hanging out in the courtyard and smoking crack?"

"No, I'm serious. It's nothing to be joking about, I assure you."

Trying to maintain a solemn and concerned expression, she looked Madame Pomfrey right in eye.

"I'm being serious too. I think I can take care of myself, and if I can't, well, what are friends for?"

* * *

"OW!"

"Shh! Be quiet, Cho!"

"I am quiet!" she hissed, hastily rubbing her stubbed toe. "Dammit, that hurt."

"Your language, dear."

"Shh! Be quiet, remember?"

Creeping down the hall, Cho felt like a stranger. Hogwarts had always been her home, the place dearest to her life, and she never thought what it would be like to felt distanced and alienated from the ancient walls that had forever been her calming residence, a place to turn to for guidance and comfort. And now? The walls shunned her, turning away from her frail form, whispering from behind her, asking, "What is she doing here? Is she supposed to be here?" She could see Rowena Ravenclaw, her heroine, jeering, "And this girl is in my house? An utter disgrace!"

It could have been worse.

And that was exactly why Cho had decided to return back to life at Hogwarts at midnight, when the halls were free of their usual throngs of students pushing to and fro.

When the halls were free of the gossip that was sure to flare up very soon.

Once the school learned that Cho was back.

But as she neared the Ravenclaw Tower, the feeling that she was an outcast to the castle gradually disappeared until only a powerful yearning was left within her, a yearning to be restored to her proper surroundings and to rest finally on her own bed and not a stiff hospital one, to slump in a couch by the fire, to be swept up in Hogwarts life.

"Well, here we are!" Madame Pomfrey said, huffing and looking very relieved her charge had been safely delivered. "You know, I shouldn't have let you do this in the first place. It is against the rules, to be out of bed this late, and I don't know how I let you persuade me to take on this absolutely idiotic plan. I must be losing my touch. No one's going to care if you're back, well, I didn't mean it in that way. Of course, they'll care about you. What I mean was that no one'll notice you. No, not at all! Just keep your head down..."

But Madame Pomfrey hadn't realized Cho had just slipped into the Ravenclaw Tower, entirely deaf to the nurse's complaints.

The blue couches clustered by the remnants of the fire, the high arching ceiling, the gilded window frames, it all washed over Cho in nostalgic waves, cleansing her of the past, the happy memories all coming back...laughing manically with Celeste over Divination homework, sharing the tale of her first kiss with Cedric, talking about Harry...

"Cho?"

Celeste was standing, hair disheveled, at the foot of the staircase leading up to the girls' dormitory.

"Hey. Guess what?" Cho said softly, tears dripping onto the carpet.

"Yeah?"

"I'm home."

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?" Solara yelled as soon as she saw a motionless figure in the bed that had been vacant for the past months.

"Will you shut the hell up?" Celeste retorted as she pulled on her robes. "Cho needs her sleep."

"Oh, so it's Cho," she mimicked, putting cruel emphasis on her roommate's name. "What, has she come back from the mental asylum? I heard she was in St. Mungo's and tried to kill herself - "

"WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP? She doesn't need all of that crap your giving her!"

"She deserves it, anyway, especially acting like an attention-seeking little bitch."

"She was not doing that! You wouldn't understand, even if I told you. Your mind simply can't take anything more than gossip."

Solara's face contorted into something ugly, and it was impossible to say whether she or Celeste displayed more hatred. However, the stalemate did not last for long.

"Hey, Solara," Cho mumbled dazedly into her pillow having just awoken.

"Hi," she replied stiffly, heading out of the dorm. "Hope you had a nice - vacation."

" 'Vacation'? What is she talking about?" Cho asked, feeling like she had somehow appeared in the wrong place, but a quick survey of the place proved she was in the girls' dormitory.

The bitterness on Celeste's face changed for a moment, and she wondered why her friend's face reflected - sympathy? Why sympathy of all things?

"Look, there's something I know I should've told you," Celeste began, slowly sitting down on her bed, "but I didn't want to bother you when you already had so many troubles. See, the news that you - er - collapsed during the Easter Ball spread really quickly. I mean, you know what Hogwarts is like when it comes to gossip."

"I know that was going to happen. People talk, don't they?" Cho interrupted angrily.

"Just...don't cut me off, okay? Can I finish? So, anyway, you've heard some really crazy stuff around here, I know that. That's exactly what happened with you. People started believing you died or something."

"But I didn't."

"How would they know? I never told them anything you said to me during our little therapy sessions. I never told anyone anything. See, wouldn't you find it odd, that if this really beautiful and popular and athletic girl just fainted and wasn't seen again for months? That's what happened with you! And, of course, you being Harry's girlfriend, one myth became more well-known than any of the others..."

"So now..." Cho pondered, knowing what Celeste was bound to say next.

"Yeah, so now people consider you just like most people think of Harry. They think you're vying for attention as well."

So this is what Harry feels like everyday, Cho thought.

"But - you know I didn't do it for attention. If I had the choice, it wouldn't have happened at all..."

"Cho, of course I believe you. I'm Celeste, remember? I'm not some mental psychopath that wants to spread nasty rumors about you."

But she heard none of this. All her work, her uphill struggle to escape the blanket that had smothered her since her childhood, was it all going to just end up being laughed at by the entire school? Of course, she knew she would be a popular subject of conversation of days, maybe weeks, to come after her return, but some part of her had hoped that maybe she would be praised for her industry. But no, she would probably spend the rest of her days at Hogwarts being teased, thanks to those uncontrollable rumors. True, there would always be Harry, Ron, and Celeste to support her, but what chance did four people have against hundreds, most who wouldn't believe the truth even if she told it to them?

"Oh, it's all hopeless!" she moaned, throwing herself back onto her bed, sobbing hoarsely.

"Hey, Cho, don't make such a big deal about it. Who gives a damn about what other people think?"

"I hate them all, I hate them! Why couldn't I just have stayed in the hospital wing, away from it all? I mean, I don't care what they say, but when you know you've done something right and people still ridicule you for it - well, what do you do then, huh?" Glaring at Celeste, Cho was shocked that her friend was smiling lightly. Well, she always had that annoying habit of smiling in the face of something like this, she thought. "What's there to smile at?"

"Do you know what inductive reasoning is, Cho?" she said, sounding slightly comical.

"No, and I don't care what it is - "

"Ah, but you will. Madame Pomfrey told me to watch over you, and I'm not going to let you beat yourself up again. Anyway, inductive reasoning is a Muggle principle used in what they call science. Science is sort of like our Potions class. Inductive reasoning is where you take a specific case or example and use it to prove general principles."

"Dictionary, please."

"See, when you were in the hospital, you were fighting against something: anorexia. It was hard, right? And there were times you knew you just couldn't make it, but you made it anyway."

"Yeah? What does that have to do with what I'm facing now?"

"Everything. Now, you're fighting against something again, but it's not within yourself. It's an exterior force: the rest of the school. I know it's going to be hard, and right now, I'm pretty sure you'd rather hide the dormitory than walk into the Great Hall. But, Cho, do you realize how successful you are?"

"Yeah, I've been successful in exposing myself as the new laughingstock of the school."

"Quit the sarcasm, will you? It's ruining my shining moment. You beat something inside you that nearly killed you, and if you hadn't gotten any help, it probably would have killed you after all. Compared to that, how hard is taking on people who know shit about what happened to you?"

Cho rolled her eyes. Celeste was always dragging in these sort of metaphorical things. Dreading the time she would have leave the sheltered dormitory, she looked up at the clock. Not much time left for breakfast. She wouldn't be able to keep herself locked up here forever.

As much as she denied this new example of her friend's never-ending optimism, a tiny spark of hope flared up in her. Cho, never having felt such a sensation inside of her, didn't know what to call it. Little by little, she realized that Celeste had been correct, like she always was. She had handled than probably the entire school combined - excluding Harry, of course. Who else had to deal with oppressive parents and lack of self-esteem? Who else had to deal with a life-threatening disease and the possibility of dying due to foolish actions? Who else had nearly lost all friends?

The spark didn't burn out. Her thoughts kindled it and it burst into flame. It didn't scorch her but provided an uplifting feeling, warming her and her world.

Suddenly, she knew what she was experiencing.

Self-confidence.

"Come on, Celeste," Cho said, jumping out of bed and grabbing her robe (having been magically adjusted to fit her expanding figure). "I'm hungry."

* * *

Harry had been thinking of Cho, more than usual, since admitting his true feelings to her a couple weeks ago. He had visited, or tried to visit, her only since then, and Madame Pomfrey hadn't allowed him to enter. "She's busy," she had said in her brusque way before shooing him back up the stairs. He wasn't too rattled; the nurse had a tendency of brushing visitors away, but prolonged silence on behalf of Cho's part startled him, and he was beginning to wonder if she'd ever get better.

Ron, too, had been particularly moody. He seemed to be caught between holding a grudge against Hermione and forgiving her. Hermione, on the other hand, seemed perfectly normal again, occasionally mumbling about Paravati and her status as prefect, and often shot pitying looks in Ron's direction.

This morning, they were back on the subject of Hermione again.

"Why don't you just accept her apology?" Harry asked, reaching for the marmalade.

"Because she was being a bitch," Ron snarled, accidentally spilling his porridge on Neville, who was sitting next to him.

"She was being one...but not anymore!"

"Better check if Celeste's still alive. You seem to be channeling her spirit."

"If you don't ever forgive her, you'll probably never talk to her again. And you know, she could find another boyfriend...I'm not sure if she'd wait forever for you to come to your senses."

"Why do you care about my love life, eh?"

"'Cause I'm sick of you and Hermione hating each other. You know you want her, and you know she wants you." Ron scowled, but Harry was sure that, for an instant, his grimace twitched into something resembling a smile. "Did you know there's one last Hogsmeade trip coming up at the end of May? You could take Hermione."

His face immediately brightened at the prospect.

"You think? Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, I wouldn't go out with her if you gave me a thousand Galleons," he said sourly, turning gloomy again.

"Ah, you can't escape from the love," Harry said in a wise voice.

"And what about you and Cho?"

Harry's spirits fell. Every conversation always led back to Cho.

"Well, um, you know..." He could never quite figure out what to say. "She...if she ever leaves the hospital, I guess I will."

"Mate, you're in luck!"

"Huh?"

"Don't look at me!" Ron exclaimed excitedly. "Look over there," he insisted, pointing a finger in the direction of the Great Hall's entrance.

Harry saw there were other people staring where he was, but he cared little.

She was back.

His dear Cho had, against all opposition, swam past the current and was there, in from of him, walking to the Ravenclaw table with an air of cautiousness. She looked better and healthier than he remembered, her face alight with a pale glow that had been amiss for months, her cheekbones not nearly as prominent, softening her features, and her eyes had even gained back some of the depth that had entranced him when he was in his third year.

Harry couldn't stand sitting any longer. He dashed out of his seat and welcomed Cho with a hug that left even him faint. Her body felt fuller, pulsing with new life.

"Hey, darling," she muttered softly, kissing his cheek.

"How are you doing?" he asked, refusing to let go of Cho regardless of the gaping faces surrounding him.

"Much better, now that I've seen you."

"And are you going to eat now?" he teased, ignoring her reddening face.

"If you let go of me, yes."

Releasing her at last, Cho flashed one last smile at Harry as he stumbled back to his seat, looking very pleased.

"You look like you'd be happy if we had Double Potions," Ron muttered.

* * *

Hogwarts seemed more inviting than ever before as Cho and Celeste walked to their classes. Her teachers all looked relieved to see her back, even the usually impassive Snape, but perhaps that was a figment of her imagination. Cho, however, couldn't look at Professor McGonagall, knowing that if only she had taken her advice...she could have kept all of that from happening...

The endless studying during her hospitalization had paid off. She wasn't behind in any of her classes, and after her homework assignments were accounted for, her grade would be right where she wanted it to be. Of course, Cho would like it if it was just a little bit higher...

She smiled at herself. I'm always going to be a perfectionist, she thought. But I'll never let it get out of control again.

"You wanna go the library during break again to study for those damn finals?" Celeste asked after lunch.

"No, I think I'll just stay outside. It's really nice out today. The sun and all..."

"You're acting weird."

"Well, people often act weird after a life-changing event, don't they?"

"Yeah, um, why not?" Celeste giggled. Her giddy demeanor, however, suddenly changed into a sullen and annoyed expression. "Oh, damn. Look who it is? It's the emperor and his followers, coming to pay you a visit, Cho."

"Othello, what the hell are you doing here?" Cho snapped, knowing she was conversing with the one person that could make her day worse.

"Why, to pay my respects," he said in that oily tone that had always vexed Cho.

"Then get the hell out of my way," she snarled.

"Whoa, temper, my dear! Unless you want to go back to the hospital for anger management."

"Ugh, you're impossible!" she yelled, running away from the hooting crowd. As soon as she had put at least a floor between herself and Othello, she leaned against the wall, panting and absolutely drained of her energy. "I thought," she managed to say, "that after eating something I'd finally be able to at least run without having to hyperventilate."

"It'll take a while for your body to get used to it," Celeste said, having caught up.

"Oh, I knew something like this was going to happen," she accused her friend, the self-confidence she had this morning all but extinguished. "I knew it. I should've just cut class or something!"

"I know, Cho, so don't start acting up again. Just ignore them, okay?"

"But - but I can't," she said, starting to cry again. "It's so hard, harder than it looks...they just don't get it..."

They don't understand that anorexia is no laughing matter, that it can do more harm than nearly any inventible curse. They don't understand that I've got feelings as well, that I'm ashamed of what happened.

"I know they don't get it. They don't get anything, do they? Just think to yourself whenever a bunch of weird looks come your way: Oh, look, here's another bunch of those idiots, wallowing in their ignorance. That works for me, anyway."

"It might work for you, but it doesn't for me. I'm not like that. I just can't pretend like it's not affecting me in any way. What am I supposed to do then?"

"What do you think?"

Cho had hoped it wouldn't have to come to this.

"I - I'll have to tell them, won't I?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how you're going to tell the whole school."

"Maybe I don't," Cho surmised, sitting down and stopping the flow of tears. "I think that, well, this might not work, but..."

"Oh, tell me!"

"Othello's really popular, and he knows a lot of people and he's always traveling around with his little group. If I tell him, there's bound to be a lot of people around...then they'll tell their friends...d'you get what I mean?"

"You're going to take advantage of the fact that word at Hogwarts spreads faster than if a Firebolt carried it?"

"Exactly!"

"Brilliant...just one thing."

"What's that?"

"I've never seen you wanting to talk to Othello before. This is scaring me."

"Oh, shut up!" Cho said, bubbling over with laughter.

She got her chance much earlier than she had expected. By dinner, she was ravenously hungry and exhausted after putting up with a day of hearing gossip all over the place. Consuming her food at a pace that even alarmed Celeste ("I swear, you're going to throw it all up tonight!"), it was no wonder she attracted so many stares. Including one that she needed, the one that would help her out of her dilemma.

"Making up for all the food you missed out on?" Othello asked, strolling lazily over to Cho and grabbing a roll from her plate.

"Yes, now give it back," she said coolly, waiting for the most opportune moment.

"What?" He held up the roll. "This? I thought you might want some help eating all of this. It's quite an amount, even for someone who hasn't properly eaten all year."

"Month, Othello. Not the entire year."

"Don't bother me with such things. So, tell me, what have you been doing all year? First forsaking dear Cedric, then snogging with Harry, putting on quite a show at the ball...what else have I missed out on?"

It was just too good to pass up. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Celeste nodding ever so slightly.

"What else have you missed out on?" Cho yelled, standing up and stamping her foot. "More than your little mind can ever understand! You want to know where I really was during the time after the ball? Yeah, don't even try to deny it! You know you're just dying to ask me. I was sick, okay? I spent most of my days lying on the hospital bed. If I wasn't doing schoolwork, I was staring at the ceiling, wondering if I'd ever pull through. I even considered killing myself. Better end the pain and live through it, right?"

The silence she coming from Othello gave her enough strength to continue. "But I didn't. I didn't just jump out the window, even though I had plenty of chances. After all, the hospital has got a lot of them. And you know what I was ill with? I had - maybe even still have, it might come back later - anorexia, this disease that just completely flips your life upside down. I don't have to go into the details, just know it completely messes up any common sense you have. Some people don't have much of it, anyway."

From behind her, she could hear Celeste trying to stifle a laugh. Cho was determined to finish. "It takes more willpower to overcome anorexia than to even put up with the likes of you. I've handled more than you ever will, so I suggest that from this point forward, you keep your big mouth shut because you know nothing, absolutely nothing.

"You haven't got an ounce of knowledge, and worse still, respect. You can't get it through your head that I actually exist and that I can be hurt by what people say. And if I ever hear you say anymore nasty things about me or to one of your little friends, anymore completely fabricated tales about my going crazy in St. Mungo's, I swear you will get what you deserve."

Cho was entirely aware of the fact every head in the Great Hall - including those of the teachers - were fixed in her direction, her livid face staring down Othello's pale and meek complexion. A sudden feeling of recklessness was kicking inside of her. She could feel her head spinning a bit. Let them talk, she thought. That's the best I can give them: the truth. I can say no more than that.

I hope everyone in this school knows now. I hope they stop making up false crap about people and about me, but even more, I hope they're all warned. I hope they all know what anorexia can do to you, and if they don't? If they don't heed my advice?

Hell, I gave them the opportunity.

It's not my fault if they don't listen.

"Now, Othello," she said quietly after the usual babble had refilled the Great Hall, though much more subdued than normal, "can I have my roll back?"