Poisoned

Chapter Eleven

Where the students go to Hogsmeade, Luna shows she's wiser than we'd thought and Ginny makes an important decision

When Dumbledore announced that New Year's day would be spent in Hogsmeade, the first thing that crossed Ginny's mind was that it would be perfect to take Neville away from the common room. Since he had been released from the infirmary he hadn't left his dormitory, not even to eat. Hermione broke out in tears every time she saw him, and Harry and Ron didn't know what else to do to try to put his life back to normal. He refused to eat or talk, but he did give in to Ginny when she forced him to have lunch.

So they all agreed the fresh air would do him good, and although it had been a struggle to take him outside the castle, all the work did seem to be paying off. Neville no longer had the blank expression that worried Ginny and Madam Pomfrey so much, but he showed no interest for anything whatsoever.

They had learned that his parents had been kidnapped, along with several healers and many other patients. But they learned it from the Daily Prophet and from Professor Flitwick, to whom Ginny had talked to the previous day. Neville wouldn't say anything about what happened; actually, he wouldn't say anything. The lengthiest answer they had got from him had been "Leave me alone," and they all felt it was a progress from the groaned "Huh" they were getting used to hearing.

They had been to Honeydukes; Ron thought that sticking a blood lollypop in Neville's mouth would produce a response, but it didn't. They had been to The Three Broomsticks, but butterbeer didn't cheer him up. They considered taking him to the Hog's Head, where they were sure they could buy some Firewhisky to try and get him drunk, but Hermione had given them such a murderous glance that Ron and Ginny dropped the idea. Then, when Hermione suggested they could take him shopping, Ron and Harry gave her a murderous glance. "What do you think he is, a girl?"

"Don't be stupid, I'm a girl and I don't enjoy shopping!"

"Yeah, and that's why every time we come to Hogsmeade you have to buy books and quills and ink," Ron said ironically.

"I buy things when I need them!"

"So you need a different thing every time you enter a shop!"

Harry, Neville and Ginny had retreated and stood a few footsteps away from them, exchanging glances and suppressing the laughs that they knew would only make Ron and Hermione angrier.

Then Ginny felt she couldn't leave it alone, and making a large snowball, she threw it at them. Harry and Neville burst in laughter with their surprised and wet faces, and while Hermione screamed in annoyance, "How old are you, five?"; Ron quickly made another snowball and threw at his sister, only to hit Neville, who, after several seconds of consideration, decided to fight back, which encouraged Hermione to do the same.

It was a funny and strange picture, five grown teenagers playing with snowballs practically in the middle of the street. They were having so much fun they didn't even notice they were attracting a lot of attention, especially from a group of Slytherins that stopped to watch.

Ginny fell laughing in the snow after being hit, but soon her laughter died when she saw Goyle, Crabbe and Nott all laughing at something Parkinson was saying, and it was clear the girl was mocking the scene.

But Draco wasn't laughing. Instead, he was staring intensely at Ginny, and it was like time had stopped. She quickly remembered how she had felt that morning in the dungeon's corridor; like the princess of a fairytale staring back at her prince. But this time they weren't in the scene that would decide their fate; they were at the scene where they both realised that no one else in the world could make them happy but each other.

Ginny couldn't bring herself to look away; he was too beautiful standing there, dressed in black among the white snow, his robes carelessly opened and fluttering gently because of the wind. He had his hands in his pocket; his head slightly bent; he looked so gorgeous it hurt to look at him. But what hurt more was his eyes, glowing with hope, more hope than she had ever seen in anyone, though with such pain and misery that it astonished her.

She had seen those same things in his eyes back on that morning, but it seemed to have intensified now. Now he seemed consumed by it, and not fighting those feelings with the coldness he'd always show. She thought she had never seen a sadder person, and never felt so sad herself.

Then he broke the moment, turning to Parkinson who called him. He said something, and they all laughed, turned and walked away. Ginny watched him leave in his elegant way, but when he turned his head - not completely, just enough to see her -, she realised she had no escape. Life would never be simple again, and she would not want it to be.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Draco felt glad for Pansy interrupting his thoughts. Looking at Ginny, so beautiful lying in the snow, her red hair like fire in such a cold landscape, her brown eyes bright and sad, he felt like he had never experienced so much pain.

He avoided looking anyone in their eyes, afraid they could see how he was feeling. But he doubted that they would know how to read his emotions; he doubted they could recognise the feeling of hurting so much that hope was the only thing left to succumb to.

So he succumbed to it, and hoped that Ginny would understand him and accept that there was not much for him to offer, but he was willing to try anything to see her laughing like that more often, with sparkling eyes and feeling nothing but happiness.

However, Draco was still a Slytherin and that feeling wasn't completely selfless. It wasn't about making her happy only because he wanted to see her that way; but also because he was sure that it was the only way for him to be happy. And when he turned his head a little, it wasn't to see if she was still looking to him, although he hoped she was; instead he was trying to save that memory of her lying in the snow, looking at him with a feeling that he wished was love.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Ginny realised she wasn't needed among Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville anymore, since Neville looked much more enthusiastic after their battle in the snow and decided to occupy her time somewhere else, but sitting with Luna at the Three Broomsticks wasn't exactly fun. Although it was better than shopping with the other girls - she had tried that earlier but got quickly bored with all the talk.

She wanted some peace to think about what she was feeling, but at the same time she didn't want to be alone to think about those feelings. So she struggled with herself while sitting there in front of the blond girl who seemed to have her head on another planet when she said, "They didn't call the Muggle-borns back, what a pity. Colin would have loved these holidays."

"I think Dumbledore didn't want to panic the Muggles," Ginny commented, her head also somewhere else.

"No, he didn't." Luna agreed, airily, but Ginny was not paying attention. There was no point in pretending they were having a real conversation there; they were just keeping each other company. Or so Ginny thought, until Luna said, now looking interested, although somewhat amused, "You don't seem at ease since Christmas."

"Well, I was terrified with the attack," she lied, but Luna didn't believe her.

"No, your anxiety is not for fear. Something happened."

"The attack happened," Ginny insisted.

"Something else." Luna wasn't giving up her point. "You were so happy when we said goodbye before the holidays, and now you seem so unhappy. The attack made you angry, but something else made you sad."

Ginny didn't know what to say, so just smiled weakly. "What could it have been?"

"I think it's who. And I think it's Malfoy."

Ginny looked around her, trying to check no one had heard what her friend had said. Luna didn't need a more obvious declaration of how right she was after looking at Ginny's shocked expression. When Ginny looked back at Luna, the girl was looking airily again, but now she seemed somewhat amused. "How do you-"

"You've never cared so much for what is said about him before this year, just like you did when you liked Ronald's friend. Except then you were aware of everything, and had special eyes and ears to everything about Harry. Now you are always lost in thoughts, like you are trying not to look and not to listen, but you can't help it. So I figured it was the same thing but not the same person."

"It's not the same thing." Ginny shook her head, amazed by her friend's perception.

"It never is, is it?"

That wasn't really a question, and Luna had said it so surely Ginny didn't know what else to say. Even though she had wanted to keep it secret, she felt relieved and happy that there was someone she could talk about what troubled her so much. "I never told anyone. I thought no one would notice."

"No one did."

"You did."

"Just because it was obvious." Luna shrugged, but after Ginny's alarmed face, she continued, "I caught one of the looks exchanged between you two, but I don't think anyone else did. You hid it well. Better than Malfoy."

Ginny looked puzzled, so Luna continued, "The way he searches for you in the corridors, or in the Great Hall during meals. He keeps looking around, but when he sees you, he turns his head and stops the search." She seemed more dreamy than usual. "It's cute. And the way you try to avoid him, like if you saw him, you wouldn't have the strength to look away. It's cute, too."

After smiling for a long time, Ginny came back to her senses and begged, "Luna, please, no one else can know about it. Especially Ron, Harry and Hermione."

"They wouldn't like it," Luna stated, and Ginny agreed. "Malfoy was very bad before this year."

"He tried to be, but always failed." Ginny laughed with the thought, but Luna was still serious.

"Trying to be is bad enough."

"Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing?" Ginny asked, pleading for an understanding answer.

"How should I know?" Luna shrugged again. "Perhaps you're feeling this way because you are running away from the situation."

"I'm running away?" Ginny exclaimed, revolted.

"Well, you are here with me, aren't you?" Luna said so matter-of-factly that if it wasn't for her vague look she would remind Ginny of Hermione. "The last time I saw, Malfoy was going back to the castle."

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

The night was falling quickly, and Ginny wanted to find Draco before dinner. She didn't know what she would say, but Luna's words had given her hope - and destroyed her faint promise of keeping away from him. There was no point to that; she would be only running away, like Luna pointed out. And although Slytherins do run away if that's what it has to be done to keep them safe, Gryffindors don't, no matter how much they'd like to.

Except Ginny wouldn't like to, and she was panting when she reached the astronomy tower, having looked everywhere in the castle, apart from his common room. Since she had no idea how she would enter the Slytherin common room to talk to him, she let out a grasp of relief when she saw his silver hair shinning against the dark sky.

"Where is the laughing crowd?" Ginny asked while approaching him, still trying to catch her breath. That was not exactly how she wanted to start the conversation, but she couldn't think of anything else to say. And if she ran to him and threw herself into his arms begging him not to leave her, he would probably think it overly dramatic and dismiss her. So while looking for a more rational approach, she used an offensive one.

Which was not good. But he didn't seem to mind and just turned to her, surprised, though soon recovered and shook his head faintly. "Nah, the landscape is too beautiful to be watched with them."

She smiled, relieved he didn't bother to feel insulted. "I've always thought Hogwarts is more beautiful at nightfall."

"Right," he agreed, feeling somewhat relieved that she was talking to him with a smile on her face. But feeling puzzled by her behaviour, he had to ask, "I thought you didn't want to look at my face ever again."

"It was my Weasley temper speaking. When I'm angry I say things you should had learned to disregard by now."

"I've never seen you so angry. I thought you were going to keep the promise."

"I was! I had every intention of keeping it."

"So... what are you doing here?" Draco seemed lost.

"Do you want me to leave?" She motioned to go, but he held her arm gently.

"No!" he exclaimed, getting closer to her, and she saw his pleading eyes. "Please, stay."

Neither of them seemed to know what to do so they just stood there, looking at each other and breathing heavily. Draco didn't let go of her arm, nor did she try to get away from his grip. She felt glad only to be there. She loved those moments where Draco allowed himself to look human and not like an ice-cold mask of indifference.

Draco moved first towards her, his head getting closer, his eyes fixed on her lips. She also moved towards him, but when they were almost touching, she flinched. She didn't know if she was ready; she was so frightened of what a kiss could do. Their relationship was so complicated, and yet she had put so much of herself to it without even noticing - what could happen if they compromised with each other?

That's what the kiss meant to her, a compromise of admitting their feelings and dealing with them, rather than running away from them just because they were afraid. But how would it be compromising all her dreams about her life? They had never included Draco, and now she couldn't imagine dreaming about anything else.

So she was afraid, of course, but he was afraid too. Just that in that exact moment, what scared him was the possibility of her refusing him.

"It won't hurt, you know?" he whispered and just looked at her, waiting for some kind of answer. None came, but when her eyes shone with tears that she tried to restrain, he realised she was waiting for him to make a move and wouldn't back away again, so he covered her lips with his.

The kiss started gently, but soon became hungry, almost desperate. She held him, trying to keep her balance, and he held her back, never breaking the kiss.

But Ginny couldn't help but feel that Draco was wrong. It did hurt; she felt a sting in her chest that stole her breath and hurt so much she couldn't help but hope that someday it wouldn't. Because now they had started, she could swear nothing would bring them to stop.