Five Days

Chapter Four

Day Five - the now or never

To tell you the truth, the previous day had been so perfect I was seriously considering the never.

I had a lot to lose if I told him. He trusted me now. He was talking to me. We had actually spent an entire afternoon talking - and although I had blabbered sometimes, he didn't seem to mind.

But, of course, you can count on Ron to destroy the great moments.

Almost as if I had made an agreement with him - 'you tell if I give up' - he told Harry in exactly the same moment I decided to give up.

I was walking down the stairs when I heard Ron's voice in the empty common room, "Do you think it's wise to spend so much time with Ginny?"

"What do you mean?" Harry's voice seemed truly puzzled.

"Harry, isn't it obvious? My sister has had a crush on you since she laid her eyes on you for the first time," Ron continued and I felt like murdering him. "If you go on like this, she'll probably get hopes and... You don't like her, do you?"

Why did Ron's voice have to sound so disgusted in that last sentence? I watched in panic all those minutes that Harry stayed silent, and I couldn't see his face for his back was to me, but I could see Ron's face and he was holding his breath just like I was, waiting for the answer.

"Not like that, no." Harry finally answered, shattering my heart into pieces I thought I would never be able to mend again.

The tears came to my eyes before I could pray for them not to come, and I didn't even know what else was said, until I felt their eyes on me.

I looked at them reluctantly, shaking my head in a casual 'no,' as if to say it didn't matter, but my face was wet with tears that wouldn't stop coming, so they knew it did matter; it mattered more than they thought it did.

So I slowly turned my back at them, ignoring the faint "Ginny, I'm sorry" from Ron, and climbed back up the stairs, to the one place I'd feel safe in at that moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stayed there the entire morning, but by lunchtime I heard the door open slowly and didn't even bother to look.

It seemed the perfect arrangement until I felt someone sitting on my bed and I heard Hermione's voice: "Ron told me what happened."

The tears all came back again and I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"He shouldn't have done that, and he is terribly sorry now."

"It doesn't matter," I said, trying to dry my face with my hands, determined not to let Hermione explain anything. "I had established a deadline. Today was the fifth day." It seemed important for me to let her know. "I should have been ready."

"No one's ever ready for this," Hermione said, and could she please sound a little less wise right now?

I didn't know if I wanted to be understood. She would pity me if she understood.

And I had enough pity for myself right now.

"He was just the first boy you had a crush on," she continued, as if to comfort me. "Others will come."

"Don't say that." I shook my head, for I didn't want to listen anymore.

"But it's true," she said, brushing away my tears with gentle hands.

"It's not, not right now," I said, feeling every piece of my heart skipping a beat just as much as it hurt. "I feel like I could never..."

"It's normal."

I looked her in the eye, tired of her trying to comfort me that way. "What would you feel if Ron had turned you down? Would you smile and think, 'Alright, it didn't work, so let's move on'?" I saw in her face she was thinking about it. "Would you?"

She looked at my hands, for I was squeezing hers gently but repeatedly.

"He was everything for so long, Hermione, I just... Don't tell me it was a crush," I sighed, "because in the past days, he became even more. He was... He was all I wanted. And now it's gone." Then the realization struck me. "I have nothing to lose now."

By having nothing to lose, I had everything to gain.

I looked at Hermione, who seemed to understand perfectly what I meant.

"He's in his room right now." She sighed. "Just give me five minutes to take Ron out of there."