When the Past Catches Up with You...

When the Past Catches Up with You...

Chapter 2 - Memories

The first rays of sun dyed the hilly landscape with a mystic red-orange gleam.

Draco hadn't got a wink of sleep that night. The images had refused to loosen their hold over him during the night. Memories from his past - a time when he began to understand that his father wasn't always right about all things.

Everything had started to change in the middle of his sixth school year at Hogwarts. He could remember exactly how it began; he'd been standing in front of the mirror in the prefects' bathroom, gazing at his reflection which looked like his father's so much. How much he hated it...

Draco had always savoured these rare moments when he was alone. Only then could he let his facade down and be himself without running the risk of someone reporting to his father. Though he had some "friends" in Slytherin, it didn't necessarily mean that he trusted in them blindly. He knew that his father had his eyes and ears everywhere, even when he was locked away in Azkaban.

Draco smashed his reflection with his bare fist. Thousands of splinters spread over the washing room floor. He wasn't able to stand seeing his father in himself. Too many memories...

He turned on the water tap and held his head under the ice cold water. How much he wished he could just wash everything away.

Draco held himself up on the wash basin and tried to retrieve his inner calmness. All of a sudden he felt a hand on his shoulder - warm and comforting. He turned around and saw into the questioning eyes of Ron Weasley. He had never seen such concern in anyone's eyes for him, like he had at that moment. They held no hatred, only confusion, compassion and ... warmth.

Draco felt trapped, he was so puzzled that he couldn't find some sarcastic comment which he usually kept ready to aim at Ron if their paths ever crossed. He only winced and stared at him with panic in his eyes.

"I... I don't... want..." Ron seemed to be kind of at a loss for words. Suddenly Draco realised that Ron had figured out what had happened here, it was written on his face. Ron turned around, wanting to run away. Draco didn't know why but he held Ron's wrist and used his body to bar him from leaving the bathroom.

"Why?" he asked Ron, as he gazed at him only more afraid and confused.

"Why didn't you just leave me alone?" Draco couldn't completely suppress the anger which was growing in him slowly again.

"I..." Ron appeared to search for the right words but his voice failed him. "I just couldn't." he managed to croak.

For several minutes they remained in silence and only the rush of the water could be heard in the room. Draco just couldn't understand how someone who had hated him profoundly could show him so much without saying one word. Finally he decided to let the matter rest and went towards the exit.

When he passed Ron he heard him speaking with a low voice "When you..."

"I don't think so." Draco answered curtly and walked out of the bathroom, not once looking back at the redhead.

Draco had to smile as he thought back to the situation. Both had been fearful at that time, both timid of divulging too much of themselves to the other.

In those days he was more than confused about the recent events. Therefore he wasn't able to deal with a curious Ronald Weasley in addition. The imprisonment of his father, culminating in the loss of his previous life were enough things to cope with at one time. In a way he was glad of not being exposed directly to his father's fangs any more. But on the other hand he was also worried - he just didn't know how they would cope without father ruling his life and his mother's. All the things they once had, their prestigious place in society, it had all but vanished with father's incarceration. Now, they had the Ministry on their tail.

That wasn't to remain the only encounter between Draco and Ron. Their behaviour towards the other had changed. The biting remarks had still persisted, because somehow they both understood that they couldn't simply let their facade down in public. But the meeting in the prefects' bathroom had shown them that not everything was as it seemed to be.

They ran into the other at the lake one late night. That night they were at last on speaking terms. They hadn't spoken a lot but it was adequate for letting the barrier between them disintegrate a little.

They met more often by and by, falling into conversation. Ron eventually told him, why he hadn't simply snuck out of the prefects' bathroom that day. He always had been compassionate of others and seeing someone in such a state he just couldn't ignore it, he hadn't given a damn that it had been an enemy and not a friend. He had been curious when he had noticed that it was him, he never thought someone like Draco could be so confused and fragile. Draco was normally the one who couldn't be harmed by anything or anyone or at least that was what Ron had thought until this moment. Even after the imprisonment of Draco's father he hadn't acted any different in public then he had before.

Draco eventually told Ron about his childhood, his father's games and his "predefined future". To make him compliant, Lucius had forbidden him any contact to the outside world. The infrequent visits of his "business partners" and their families were unfortunately too rare for Draco to build friendships. Any misconduct by Draco got punished either with curses or imprisonment in the dungeons of Malfoy Manor. Actually once Lucius had made snake-ragout out of his favourite pet, a king cobra, just because he wasn't pleased by seeing Draco paying more attention to this reptile than to his words.

Ron was shocked hearing Draco's stories. He just stared at him, agitated, as if he couldn't quite trust what he was hearing. But then he was seized with the need to show Draco that his loneliness was over with. That there was someone who sympathised with his desire for companionship after being mistreated by his father his whole life. He wanted to be the one who understood him, that Draco could turn to, to comfort and to listen. Acting on this rush of emotion he simply put his arms around Draco one evening as if he wanted to protect him from his memories. At first Draco had flinched, his whole body becoming tense as he was not used to this much closeness. But finally he gave in, finding the comfort of those arms quite welcome. He had the feeling of having found someone for the first time in his life to which he didn't have to justify himself.

Somehow Ron seemed to fill a gap in him from which he hadn't known existed. For the first time since the imprisonment of his father Draco began to live again. In the past it had always been his father who had gotten across to him as to where his priorities had to be.

But Lucius wasn't present anymore to tell him what he had to do or what he could not do. Summer holidays had been hell. His mother had walked about like an empty shell. From her he couldn't expect help. Draco hadn't known what to do or to think. His father had defined how he should act, what he should say, when he went away to Azkaban, Draco's world seemed to fall apart. That was something he couldn't cope with.

With Ron new vistas seemed to open up for Draco. Slowly he began to realise that Lucius wasn't everything. He had to learn to stand on his own two feet. Because of the conversations with Ron he slowly made a start in understanding...

After awhile their little meetings at the lake had become a some what of a ritual. They talked till late into the night about what had happened during the day at Hogwarts, their future, but also about irrelevant things. A strong friendship had transformed out of their enmity of the last few years. Apparently Draco and Ron had found something in the other which had been missing so far in their lives. Draco had someone who listened to him, who spoke to him in return and who wanted to be with him on his own merits and not because of what he pretended to be or should be. Ron felt that Draco regarded and respected him for the same reasons. In Draco's eyes he was someone special and for once Ron didn't stand in someone else's shadow.

One starry night like the previous one, they took a step forward...

"Harry's asking quite a lot of questions recently," Ron said when they met again at their favourite tree by the lake, a weeping willow with two trunks.

"And?"

"He's wondering why we're not insulting each other as fiercely as in the past anymore."

"What have you told him?" At once Draco felt kind of strange. He didn't want this "friendship" with Ron to break up because of someone like Mister-I-Save-the World-Potter. He felt at ease with Ron being near. For any reasons he couldn't explain, he was the only one he could confide in completely.

"I said to him that we have decided to stop this childish behaviour and that we have accepted the option of being civilised to each other after years of petty squabbling. Now, we don't have to jump at one another's throat every time we pass in the halls."

Draco swallowed and looked at Ron.

"You should have seen his face. He stared at me as if Hagrid had just received the authorisation for breeding Blast-Ended Skrewts." Instantly Ron started to laugh. His laughter had always been infectious and therefore Draco couldn't help but laugh with him.

After they had calmed down they sat side by side, leaning against the opposite trunk of their favourite tree. They did not speak a word for a long time after, each in his own thoughts.

"My father has written to me." Draco broke the silence, instantly startling Ron. "Something's going to happen. 'Cause he's writing from Azkaban he can't say anything precisely. But it seems to be important when he's taking the risk of forwarding me a message."

Ron gazed at him, eyes fraught with shock. "What do you think..."

"I have no idea. But I know that I'm not going to like it." Draco averted his gaze, lost in thought as he stared at a few fallen leaves. "I'm afraid." His last words were nothing more than a whisper but Ron must have heard them because Draco suddenly found a hand touching his arm. Draco relaxed a little.

"I can understand your worry - nothing good can come out of this. But I think we can do nothing but wait."

Draco observed that there was also fear in Ron's voice despite those comforting words. He peered at him and said "Strong words for such a fearful Gryffindor like you." He couldn't just deny himself the cynical smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Ron gave a shrug and answered with a smile. "Sometimes I'm getting frightened about myself."

Draco noticed the same warmth in Ron's eyes like he had when they met a few weeks ago in the prefects' bathroom. All of a sudden he was overwhelmed with the feeling of never having been so close to someone - not even his mother. And he knew that theirs was more - more than friendship...

Before Draco could even think about what he was about to do, he reached out for Ron's face with his hand, pulling him closer. Ron's questioning look caught his eye but it was too late now to go back. He couldn't resist this feeling.

When their lips met Ron froze and Draco was stricken with panic. But then Ron relaxed, returning the kiss. The tension that had built since he touched Ron's lips with his finally disappeared and he wanted nothing more than to just feel - no thoughts about his father and a possible future in the Death Eater rows. All what counted in this single moment were Ron and himself...

The high pitched scream of a falcon swooping in circles high above him startled Draco from his memories. In the meantime the sun stood completely over the horizon - a new day in his search for a clue to the black diamond whereabouts had begun.

Draco sighed. 'What would have become of us, if not...'

He shook his head and tried to extinguish such thoughts. He had to keep a level head.

Draco went to the lake and splashed ice-cold water on his face. Now he could concentrate on his plan again. He remembered a village not far away from the lake and decided in favour of marching in that direction. With a flick of his wand he packed his belongings and set off.

^~~^~~^~

Ron entered the little unimpressive cafe in Diagon Alley. Ginny had suggested it as their meeting point when he asked her if they could meet and talk last night. He didn't need to give her a long explanation; Ginny had noted immediately that there was something amiss in his voice. Because of her concern she agreed immediately to meet him as soon as possible.

The cafe was in one of the back alleys, it couldn't be seen from the street directly. Ron asked himself how a shop like this could survive at all. The interior was quite gloomy, but wood panelling and plenty of niches gave it a cosy atmosphere on the whole. Candles stood everywhere on the tables 'cause there wasn't much light coming through the small windows, even on a sunny day like today.

Ron breathed deeply. Somehow he was afraid of this conversation and what may come out of it.

'Damn... I don't even know what this mix-up means at all. How am I supposed to talk about it?'

Retreating was out of the question by now. He had brooded the whole night, trying to give his thoughts some kind of order. Even one of his beloved bubble baths with orange-flavoured bubbles hadn't helped him to get away from it all and to simply relax. Again and again he had asked himself the same questions...

'When had it actually started to go wrong? Should this really be everything? Am I the only one noticing the changes? What does it all mean?'

And then there was yet another thought which he pushed back to his subconscious mind most of the time. But recently those memories came to the surface even more often then they ever had, confusing him only more than he already was at the moment. In spite of everything he tried to concentrate only on one problem for the time being.

Ron searched the room for Ginny finding her in one of the rear corners. She beckoned to him. The table she had chosen was more in the dark than the others and secretly he was glad about her choice of their meeting place. He didn't want to have the whole world knowing about his problems.

Ron took a seat next to Ginny at her table and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Hi, Gin. Thanks for finding some time for me."

"Ron, you are my brother! I have always time for you." She gave him one of her sunniest smiles. But before she could say something more one of the waiters came to their table.

"Is there something I can bring you?" asked the wizard who seemed no older than twenty.

"Two cappuccinos, please" Ginny answered even before Ron could get out one syllable. He stared at her a bit puzzled.

Ginny only laughed. "They're serving Muggle-drinks here, too. Hermione had shown me this drink once. It tastes really good - just try it."

They didn't have to wait long when their drinks were brought to them. Ron looked at the cup, an expression of doubt on his face before he raised the cup to his lips. After all, one taste couldn't hurt... could it? "It's ok" he answered when he saw Ginny's questioning look. "But I rather prefer a mug of hot chocolate." She shrugged, 'Typical male!'.

"So, what is it you wanted to discuss with me so urgently?" Ron nearly spat the cappuccino he was drinking over the entire table. 'She was always the outspoken one.'

"What?" Ginny asked when she saw his reaction. "You haven't begged me to meet you here only to chat about Merlin-knows-what." She gave him one of her piercing looks. "Out with it, what's bothering you?"

"I don't know exactly where to begin..." Ron felt quite uncomfortable with this conversation, even though he knew that he had been the one to initiate it.

"Just tell me Ron, spill. The longer you leave this, the more it will drag you down." Ginny laid one of her hands on his arm and looked at him with a gentle but pleading expression.

"Hermione..." He wasn't sure how to begin. He was oblivious to his own feelings. "I don't know if our relationship is still what it once was."

"Ron, a relationship is always changing. That's normal."

"That's true, of course - but somehow it seems everything these days is going wrong."

"How? In what way do you mean?"

"We hardly see each other. And when we're together we're almost always arguing." Ron breathed deeply. "I don't even know if I still love her anymore."

Ginny gazed at him with huge eyes. "You aren't serious, are you?"

"Gin, would I be so mixed up and frustrated if I were kidding? I don't know where this whole relationship is leading."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

Suddenly Ron found it quite essential to drop his gaze to the floor. "No" he answered in a small voice. Ginny heard him just the same.

"You have to, Ron; after all she's a part of this relationship. Perhaps she feels the same and doesn't know herself what to do about this."

"I don't know. Every time we talk to each other she's on edge. I can never do anything to please her. I think it would be better for us if we went our separate ways."

"Ron," Ginny gasped. "You know that I'm always on your side, whatever happens. But please, try to talk to her about this before ending it."

They were interrupted before Ron could reply to her. None other than one of the twins sat down at their table all of a sudden.

"Hey you two, what are you doing in here?"

"George!" Ron was startled at the abrupt entrance of one of his older brothers.

Ginny seemed lost for words as well, but she tried to cover up her surprise. "Aren't we allowed to just hook up for a chat?" She gave George one of her sharp looks. "Besides, I could ask you the same."

George held up his hands in surrender, he hadn't meant to sound like he was jumping down there throats. "Never mind! I just thought it rather uncommon for you two to show up at a place like this. I had expected something brighter. As far as I'm concerned, I come here all the time for lunch. They make bloody good baguettes." He waved Ron's questioning look aside with a flick of his hand. "'Cause Fred and I have a lot to do at the moment, I decided to get us a few snacks."

Ginny was about to reply when Ron interrupted her. "It's all right, Gin. The heck with it! Perhaps he has some good advice for me?"

"What's this all about?" George peered quite puzzled from Ron to Ginny and back again.

"Ron is having problems with Hermione." Ginny answered.

"GIN!" Ron shouted much louder than he meant to. Ron looked around the cafe but none of the other customers seemed to be interested in the three siblings. He turned towards his sister again. "May I tell him myself, please?"

"Okay, okay, I just wanted to be helpful." Sulking she crossed her arms over her chest and held her tongue.

Ron recounted everything to his brother that he had also told Ginny. George kept silent until Ron had finished talking. He gave Ron an inquiring look.

"Is there someone else?"

"WHAT!" Ron and Ginny spoke at the same time, staring at George in shock.

"You spoke as if there was someone else. Otherwise, why would you talk of ending your relationship, if you haven't as yet talked to Hermione about your problems?" George replied. He sounded as if Ron's entire conversation had not surprised him at all.

Ron lowered his gaze to his hands which had been playing with the candle the whole time.

"Ron?" Ginny moved a bit nearer to her brother. "Is George right?"

"Not completely..." Ron didn't dare look even one of his siblings in the eye.

"But...?" George broached the subject again with a dubious smirk.

"Aww well, there was someone - long before Hermione. But somehow I managed to screw the whole thing up." Ron sighed. "It doesn't make any difference now. That's not the point." He didn't feel like touching on this subject. He didn't even want to admit to it to himself that he was reminiscing about this relationship often of late. He didn't need a nosey brother poking into his past.

"It has never been a real relationship between myself and Hermione since we got together. Maybe it was for Hermione, one time, but for me it was a farce to cover up the fear of being alone." Ron slowly looked up, only to be confronted by two confused siblings. "There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be with Hermione - but that need ended long ago. All I desire now is a little bit of freedom and the chance to be by myself."

Ron paused for a moment but there was no response from either George or Ginny.

After a little while Ginny seemed to recover her power of speech. "But Ron, I thought..."

"Yeah, probably everyone thought we would be the perfect couple. However, perhaps it's just that what's bothering me. To have everybody think that we were meant to be together and no one question our differences. Why does everybody want to rule my life? Since I can think, people have always come to me with their problems, nobody ever really cared that I might also have questions about my own life. I'm tired of always being on guard, of being concerned about what other people might think of me."

Ron was silent for a moment before he added "I think it's simply the right time for me to stand on my own feet - to live my own life without having to be considerate of others."

"Ron," George was the one who spoke first. All this time he had been sitting there quietly, listening to the things his little brother had to say. Presumably he was the only one who had enough distance to comprehend the whole story. He had sufficient faith in Ron in knowing what he needed to do and he wanted to let him know that. "Regardless of what you do, you will make the right decision for you. In the end we still will be your siblings, we don't judge you." He smiled at his brother and Ron understood. "Do what you regard as right. It's your life."

"Thank you, George." Ron got up from his seat. "Gin?" He looked at his sister hoping she would say something, but she only nodded.

"Thanks, you two. Probably I just needed someone to speak to openly about it. Now I know what I have to do." He gave Ginny a goodbye kiss on her cheek and George a brotherly pat on the shoulder before he left the cafe.

"I think, he has finally stepped out of his own shadow." George's words were not really directed at anyone in particular but Ginny glanced at him, nodding her head in agreement.

"I think you're right. I only hope he doesn't jump into anything."

...If they only knew...