The Sixteen Year Old Hangover

When people had finished coughing and spluttering they turned curious eyes toward the sickly looking Slytherin sat between the two stocky Gryffindors. If at all possible, the guy was looking even sicker than ever.

Once Snape managed to gain control of his coughing, he straightened up, opened his eyes and glared murderously across the table. Sirius Black, however, seemed completely unaffected by the burning alcohol he had just necked back, and was actually smirking.

Snape's teeth were bared, and his face was beginning to flush an angry brick red. He snatched up a large bowl of Cosmic Cheesy Party Nibbles and brandished it threateningly.

'You cheated Black, I saw you!' he growled.

'Did not!' The smirk grew into a smug grin.

'You smelly twat! I know you put no whiskey in your drink - that's why you didn't cough!' hissed Snape, his eyes glaring madly.

A pair of dark eyebrows rose innocently. 'I did nothing of the sort, you unhinged slimy little bastard!'

'S-Smelly twat!'

'What sort of insult is that to use twice? It's not even witty!' scoffed Black.

The bowl of crisps went flying across the table hitting Black full in the face. Cheesy nibbles scattered everywhere. Black's smirk never wavered as Snape whipped out his wand and pointed it at him. Instead he simply began to pick the crisps calmly off his front, sticking several in his mouth as he did so. Savouring the taste.

'Ah ha - ha - anti hex, Snape,' he warned, waving his finger, in between eating the snacks. 'You can't rely on those filthy little hexes of yours tonight!'

'Then I will just have to use this wand for a different purpose then, won't I?' breathed the Slytherin.

'Don't you get that oily stick near me, I've heard the rumours about where you keep it!'

The black eyes narrowed to mean slits. 'Now, I am really, really, going to kill you!' Snape wasn't used to verbally threatening Sirius Black. Usually there would have been hexes flying by now, and he was rapidly running out of insults.

Black simply laughed at him. 'I understand you perfectly Snivellus. Really, REALLY.'

Snape shrieked, grabbed a handful of the spilt snacks and flung them at Black with all his might. There were lots of little pinging sounds as bits of crisp rained down all over the furniture.

Then a sudden hush.

'You can leave all the killing till after you've finished vacuuming Severus Snape,' said a stern voice.

'Whoopsie dearie,' said Black quietly. 'Did we forget to tell you not to drop crumbs on Lily's dining room carpet, Snape?'

'Tosspots,' Snape hissed, before turning on his heel and stalking from the room. Lily followed haughtily, close on his heels.

Spencer Sharpe scowled morosely, swore, and then poured himself another large shot of Snakebite.

'Severus, what on earth were you playing at in there?' hissed Lily once they were out in the corridor, which was for the moment empty. 'You go missing for years then you reappear and act like some wild party animal!'

'I came to ask you about something,' he growled. 'I had no idea you were going to be doing something - social.'

'Could it possibly be about charms?' she enquired dryly.

Snape grimaced. 'Yes.'

Lily giggled. 'So it looks like the old deal's still active, then.'

'Yes, whatever.' He waved a hand dismissively. 'I'll make you that potion again, if you want. And I'm - ah - sorry about your carpet.'

'So you should be!' she frowned, hands on hips. 'I thought I told you to be careful with that temper of yours. And to let someone like him wind you up.'

'He just Fucking-' Snape blurted before he checked himself. He clenched his teeth before hissing, 'He just...makes...my blood boil, that's all. I can't help it!'

'That's no excuse to throw my party food!' Lily snapped, shaking her head. 'And don't think you can wriggle out of cleaning it up, that carpet's new.'

Snape scowled as Lily thrust the vacuum cleaner at him. 'So this is...a vacuum cleaner, is it? But its a Muggle-'

'Isn't that obvious?' she snapped. 'We don't have house elves to run about after us here, you know! And besides,' she added more gently, 'I think spells shouldn't be used for certain things. It just makes people take their magic for granted.'

'Oh,' said Snape, pursing his lips.

'Right,' she breezed. 'I'll get the boys out of the room, and let you get started.'

'Er...Evans-'

'Call me Lily.'

'Lily.' He flushed. 'Erm...what do I do with it...to...er...to...make it work?'

Lily blinked. Sometimes she couldn't believe these purebloods. Though it was rather amusing to see Severus Snape, (Of all people) looking unsure of himself. 'Honestly?' she rolled her eyes. She pointed at the powerpoints in the wall. 'See those?'

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'I'm not blind.'

Lily ignored this. 'They are plug sockets - live electric.' She unwound the electrical cord. 'And this is the electrical power cord. You put this end in the socket, then press that switch to turn the socket on.'

'Okay...fine. But that won't make the mess disappear.'

'I'm getting to that!' she shot back his sneering remark, her eyes afire.

Snape grinned, 'Temper, temper.'

'Then,' she announced curtly, ignoring the comment, 'you press this button here and pick up this end, which sucks.'

'It sure does,' leered Snape dryly.

'Severus, do you want me to help you?' she snapped impatiently.

Glinting green eyes...

'Snape. SNAPE! Oh for Merlin's - SEVERUS SNAPE!'

Green, green...'Uh - yes?'

Lily stared at him. 'Don't tell me you're drunk already?'

'Oh, no - not at all,' he grinned. Though maybe his head was buzzing slightly from that shot earlier.

Lily peered closely at him before shaking her head. Maybe it was substance abuse instead? Heaven knows, some of that Mundungus's friends often seemed somewhat distant at parties.

But it was pointless checking Snape's eyes. His irises were black, and so it was quite impossible to tell whether the pupils were dilated or not.

But if the lads had managed to smuggle in some stuff, she hoped the Ministry wouldn't hear of it. And Sirius had brought along those, 'special Muggle biscuit' things he was so fond of. And Lily was sure his being partial to them had nothing to do with pink and yellow icing. Maybe Snape had been eating those?

Well, whatever was going on, she would have no part in it.

'Men!' she exclaimed, before disappearing back into the dining room. Snape could hear her giving Black a piece of her mind, and before long she had the human content of he dining room staggering reluctantly through into the kitchen.

Snape couldn't help smirking as Ben Perks and Black emerged supporting a ragged looking Sharpe, minus the Stetson, who had obviously just done several more shots, and was trying to sing.

If that's what it could be called.

'Purple haaazzee...UH! All arooound! Don' know if I'm goin' uuuhup or dhouwn! '

Finally, Wormtail emerged carrying the firewhiskey and looking rather smug. And wearing Sharpe's Stetson.

'Ooh - Actin' funny, and uh, don' know why. 'SCUSE me while I kiss the sky! Yeah - YEAHH YEAH!'

Snape reckoned he got the better deal with the vacuuming.