Fortalius

Chapter 4 - A Bitter Past and a Sweet Debt

Everyone in the room turned to look at Seamus. Harry's face, which was already rather flushed from all the kissing he had in fact been doing, went pale, before turning red again and slowly making its way to matching his scarlet Quidditch robes.

Ron let out a slight chuckle. "You're crazy. That's ridiculous. Harry wasn't kissing anyone. He was at the library. Right Harry?"

"Well... I, uh..."

"Right, Harry?"

"Well... I intended to." He didn't want to hurt Ron's feelings by telling him he'd lied to him earlier. No good would come of that. He could at least let Ron think his intentions had been as he said. "It's just... Well, something else came up."

"Can I guess what that something was?" Said Seamus suggestively.

"Seamus!" Shouted Neville. He'd never been comfortable with crude jokes like that. Oddly, being around Seamus so long never did get him used to it.

"What?" Seamus turned to Harry. "I'm right, aren't I," he said knowingly, "Look! His hair's even more mussed than usual, his face is pink, his mouth is red, his shirt's wrinkled... You've been snogging! Come on! Details! All of them!"

Thankfully Ron saved him from answering that. "Seamus, come off it! Harry," Ron said earnestly, "is it true?"

Harry could only stand there blushing.

"Well... good for you Harry," Ron said. Harry let out the breath he'd unconsciously been holding in. "Only, why didn't you tell me you'd been seeing someone?"

"Well, it was complicated. I mean... we weren't really... seeing each other until just tonight. Now I'm pretty sure we are actually seeing each other, but I really don't want to talk about it, guys.... I mean, its still really complicated and confusing, and we still need to figure some stuff out. We just need some time before we tell anyone, okay?" They began to object, but Harry interrupted them. "Guys, please. I really want to tell you but I just can't yet, okay? I will when we're ready. Really. But... what we have is really... fragile and unsure right now. One little tap and it'll shatter. I really don't want to shatter something this good. Can you guys just be patient with me and accept that we're not ready to go public yet."

There was a grumble of various yeah's and I guess's

"Thanks." Harry smiled at his friends. "Well, good night then." And with that Harry changed quickly into his nightclothes, muttered a cleaning spell for his teeth, and hopped bouncily into bed. He really didn't go to sleep right away, but he lay there dreaming, nonetheless. Dreaming of Draco. His Draco. And as he drifted of to peaceful, quiet slumber, he had a wide grin on his face. Yes, he thought, this was a good night.

--------------------

Every day for the next few weeks, the two boys stole secret glances every chance they got. And every night, they would meet in their secret room.

Sometimes all they could get out before they were overwhelmed by the other's mere presence was: "I missed you" and "I missed you t--- M! ... Mmmm..."

Sometimes passion filled every corner of the room, flowing like electricity, engulfing them in a tidal wave of pure bliss.

And sometimes they would just talk. General. Small talk. Big talk. Their thoughts. Desires. Pasts. Futures. Everything in between.

Some nights they had Quidditch practice before they could meet. In those cases the one who was not practicing would sneak out to the pitch to secretly watch the other, each admiring the other's incredible skills on a broom. Their grace. Their speed. Both wishing they could fly as well as the other boy. Look as good on a broom. Or often wishing they could be that broom at that very moment.

And every night, after their rendezvous, they would return to frustrated, curious roommates who would poke at them incessantly, eager to find out what was going on that their friends refused to fill them in on.

--------------------

"Favorite... colors?"

"Why, green and silver of course. Honestly, Potter..."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Come on Draco. Be serious."

"I am. They're very nice colors. Especially the green. It matches your eyes." Draco smiled at him and Harry got an odd fluttery feeling in his chest and stomach. He blushed and looked down.

"I suppose I quite like silver as well," he said, meeting Draco's shining eyes again.

"Umm, favorite desert?"

"Hmmm..." Harry said, "well, anything involving sugar really. Though, on second thought, I do know one thing sweeter."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"This," Harry said, and he leaned in and pressed his lips to Draco's, lifting his hand to caress Draco's cheek.

"Mmm. You're right. That was good," Draco smiled, "but I think I need one more taste. You know, just to be sure."

--------------------

Draco and Harry had been discussing their lives in general when they fell upon the subject of their childhoods. Neither had had a happy one, and neither really wanted to discuss it, but they had to. To know each other, and for their own sakes.

"...I lived with them as long as I can remember. I was pretty much their... house elf. Until I was eleven I lived in a bloody cupboard under the stairs. Dudley got everything he could possibly want and more. If I was lucky I got his old crap and rejects. He and his friends used to beat me up all the time. They were each about twice my size. My aunt and uncle... they knew. Didn't care. Probably encouraged it for all I know. He broke my ribs once. But they wouldn't take me to the hospital. Told me to stop whining and make their supper. I managed to get some ace bandages from their cupboard, not that that did much... I was always bruised or cut or... It was a nightmare. Then, when I came here..." Harry was silent for a moment as he pushed what he had just said from his mind to replace it with thoughts of the present. "When I came here, it was... too good to be true. People treated me like a bloody celebrity, though I had no clue what the hell for." He chuckled lightly at that, then sobered again. "I had friends! I'd never had friends before. Suddenly school wasn't a dreaded prison where I'd get math shoved down my throat, then my face shoved in the ground. I got to learn magic. I know it may not seem like that big a deal to you or some of the others that were raised with it, but to me... everything is... new and incredible and... magical. The Dursleys always insisted there was 'no such thing as magic,'" Harry said, imitating Uncle Vernon's stern, infuriating voice. "Even the slightest mention would set Uncle Vernon off, ranting and raving about science and logic." Quite suddenly Harry began laughing. Draco gave him an odd look. "You should have seen their faces when I got the letter. Well they didn't let me read it at first, and the ridiculously persistent owls drove Uncle Vernon to the edge of his sanity. And finally when Hagrid showed up..." Harry took a moment to picture it, still chuckling. "It was brilliant." They shared a laugh at the inevitable reaction of a muggle to Hagrid. It was most definitely quite a sight...

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-- So many secrets I've longed to share!

All I have needed is someone there,

To help me see a world I've never seen before -

A love to open every door,

To set me free, so I can soar! --

Draco was talking very somberly, speaking slowly and quietly. It was clear that what he was saying was all very difficult for him to say. Harry listened quietly, intently.

As Draco spoke, each sentence seemed more difficult to get out than the last, and with each sentence he struggled through, he came increasingly closer to tears, however determined not to let those tears fall.

"I remember, once when I was about seven or eight, I overheard my parents talking. Usually they put a charm around the room so I couldn't hear but they thought I was fast asleep, and the staff knew better than to even think about listening, so he didn't bother. And they were arguing. About me. My father was saying, 'It's time for him to start acting like a man and learn to follow in his father's footsteps. I'll begin training him tomorrow. He must learn early and quickly. He will be a Death Eater and he will be in the Master's inner circle just like I am. That boy will be a great wizard someday. He must learn how to act, how to fight, how to take curses like a man...' A man." Draco's throat tightened and his voice shook. He gave a bitter laugh, smiling darkly. "I was seven bloody years old. My mum, she tried to tell him. Told him I was still just a baby and couldn't start training yet. 'Wait a few more years' she said... Well, that just pissed him off more and he... he put the Cruciatus on her. I-I could hear her screaming. Hell, everyone within a mile radius could hear it. But the servants and the house elves, they knew better than to get in the way when my father was angry. I knew too. Don't know how I knew. Maybe my subconscious remembered him doing something to me, but I don't remember, I just knew. And - and I heard her screaming and I ran back to my room, and I- I hid under the c-covers. Tried to block my ears. But I c-couldn't. I couldn't... ringing..." He gasped. "... in my ears... and..."

Draco bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears in. Somehow, while he was talking, Harry had moved to hold him. He hadn't even noticed until just now. He buried his face in the crook of Harry's neck. Harry said nothing. And that was better than anything he could possibly say. All that Harry was doing was all that Draco needed. All he wanted. Just someone to listen, comfort him. That was all he needed.

-- Sympathy, tenderness,

Warm as the summer,

Offer me their embrace.

Friendliness, gentleness,

Strangers to my life,

They are there in his face. --

Harry held him tighter. He stayed quiet. There was nothing he could say to make Draco feel better. But he could make him feel safe. Warm. Loved...

Finally Draco began to feel strong enough to continue. He shifted so he was leaning against Harry, his back on Harry's stomach. Harry stroked his hair as he spoke. "The next day he began training me. Taught me hexes, curses, spells, potions. After a while, he made me watch when he was assigned to torture or kill someone. He taught me to be ice. Numb. Never show emotion. Never give in to emotion. Cold as ice... Eventually he somehow managed to... brainwash me or something and all that became second nature. Normal. I was turning into mini Lucius. He was so proud. I was so proud." A shudder ran through Draco at this thought. "He took me to the meetings too." Draco was silent for a moment. "Then, one day, summer after fourth year, he was ordered to... to murder his... his best friend. Voldemort thought he was feeding information to the other side. My dad knew it wasn't true, but orders are orders." Draco gave a very dark, almost cynical laugh. "That's when I realized how wrong it all was. I finally snapped out of... whatever it was that kept me from rebelling before that. I saw that he could do that to his best friend, and I just thought, 'if that were me, and if that were Cr--' I don't even want to think about it. I mean, how could anyone, even someone that evil... Anyways, I started to change my mind about... well, all of it. I started making up excuses to avoid meetings and all that... Talked to Dumbledore. Then, when the war started, I knew I had to tell Lucius. I wrote him a letter. I knew it would be stupid to tell him face to face. He reacted about the way I expected. Threats, curses... He vowed that if we met during the war he would kill me just as soon as he would Dumbledore, or... or... y-you." Draco had to pause again to collect himself and Harry hugged him tighter.

"By the end, he was in Azkaban, and... the rest is history."

They were silent for a long time.

--------------------

"Favorite flavor of butterbeer?"

"Raspberry."

"Pouf."

"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry laughed. "That's the pot calling the cauldron black. How 'bout you?"

"Mm... vanilla."

"Alright. Favorite... movie?"

"Favorite what?"

"Oh, uhh, never mind... um, favorite magical creature?"

"Unicorn. They're so graceful and elegant... beautiful..."

Harry couldn't help watching Draco admiringly, wondering at the beautiful earnestness in his face.

"You're beautiful. I love you."

And with that, Harry pulled Draco into a long, wonderful kiss, claiming Draco's mouth with his own, running his hands all over Draco, through his hair, down his back, everywhere.

Harry slid his tongue into Draco's mouth, tracing small circles around Draco's tongue, tickling the roof of Draco's mouth, tracing his tongue along the inside of Draco's lips, and circling Draco's tongue again. Draco responded by sucking gently, then slightly more vigorously, on Harry's tongue. Harry gasped, then let out a low moan of appreciation. Draco smiled around Harry's mouth. He loved that he could do that to Harry. And that Harry could do that to him.

Draco kissed him feverishly, passionately. Although Draco didn't return Harry's words - couldn't - he could show him. And Harry knew it was true. Felt it. Draco's kiss held all the caring, all the passion... all the love in the world. And Harry felt it.

--------------------

"Watch it, Malfoy," spat the tall red head walking alongside Harry.

Malfoy had just, quite on purpose, bumped into Harry, lightly brushing Harry's hand as he passed. Draco kept walking slowly, and Harry looked back and let his eyes follow the beautiful blonde for a bit, a grin breaking out on his face just watching Draco walk. Draco gave Harry a coy, playful, very sexy smirk/glare over his shoulder, before Ron stole his attention with his rather loud (rather rude, Draco thought) remark.

Malfoy abruptly stopped walking and turned to face Ron. "Watch what, Weasley?"

"You just bumped Harry, obviously on purpose. Are you trying to start something?"

"No, actually, I'm not. Ever heard of an accident? Honestly, Weasley, you can be really dense sometimes. No, scratch that, all of the time." Out of the corner of his eye he caught a very stern, very angry, betrayed look in Harry's eyes. Draco really wanted to continue to throw insults at that annoying git but he knew better. He turned defiantly on his heal and began to walk away.

"You think you're just too good for everyone don't you?"

"Ron, please. Come on. Just leave it," interjected Harry, but Ron ignored him.

"Well let me be the one to inform you; you're not! You're just a stuck up, spoiled, arrogant little prat, just like you've always been." Now Harry turned to glare at his friend. How could Ron be so ignorant!

Draco stopped dead in his tracks. He so wanted to turn around and pummel the crap out of that Weasel. No. Can't. Be strong. Harry...

Draco took a moment to compose himself, and put on a mask of indifference, and turned around slowly, letting his eyes rest on Harry for a moment to gather the strength of will it would take not to tackle Weasley. He was quite uplifted by the sight of Harry glaring at Ron.

"Say what you must, Weasley," he said. "As much as this fact may surprise you, I honestly couldn't care less what you think of me. I know the truth, as do those I care for," At this he let his eyes drift to his lover for the smallest moment, just enough for Harry to notice, before looking squarely back at Ron and continuing. "And to tell you the truth Weasley, it just makes you look silly."

Ron just gave a short, unamused laugh/snort thing, not quite sure of what to say next. "It makes me look silly?" He repeated, emphasizing the "L." "You sound like a bloody pouf."

Draco smirked. "How perceptive you are Weasley. Maybe not as dense as I thought." And with that, he strode off, leaving behind a completely thrown off and thoroughly confused Ron, along with a very puzzled Hermione, who looked as though she was trying to solve 482 x 376 in her head, and an incredibly amused Harry.

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"Ron, I know Dr- er, Malfoy pisses you off, but you've got to be the bigger man. You can't let him get to you."

"Harry, how can you say that?! You of all people should know what a bloody git he is. He's been as awful to you as he has to me. I don't care that he ditched the Death Eaters and joined the good guys. He's still an arrogant little son-of-a-bitch and deserves to be treated like one. Plus, he's gotten you all those detentions and - "

"Ron, I know he's been awful to us in the past, but, haven't you noticed that he hasn't been that bad for the last, what, 2 years!?"

"What are you talking about? He makes fun of us constantly. He -"

"Ron, think about it. How long has it been since he insulted your family's social or financial status, or called Hermione a mudblood? Sure he insults us, but lately he's much less... spiteful. Like he's just doing enough to keep up his image, and no more than that. He's changed, Ron. Whether you're willing to admit it or not, he has. Now, I'm not siding with him over you or anything like that. You know you're my best friend, and so is Hermione. But -"

"Harry, Why are you standing up for him."

"I'm not! But, look, if you can convince me I'm wrong about everything I just said..."

"Actually, now that I think about it, Harry is right," said Hermione. "He has been a lot less...cruel lately. Maybe he has changed. But Harry that doesn't change anything he's done in the past. I mean he's still - "

"I know, I know. And I'm not saying we should be best friends with him. I'm just saying, maybe we could... you know, let bygones be bygones and have some peace in our last year of school."

"I guess it would be nice to not have any problems this year. But Harry, that git gets on my every nerve! If he starts something, I'm not gonna just let him..."

"I know, Ron, I know. But can we at least agree that it won't be us starting any problems or picking any fights."

"I guess."

"Harry," said Hermione, smiling at him, "I'm really proud of you for being able to forgive and forget like that. It's very noble. That boy's been really awful to you. I'm impressed. You're really a much bigger person than I am."

Harry blushed with modesty. If she only knew his true motivations. "No, I -"

"Really. You are."

"Herm," Ron interrupted, "must you really get all mushy and sentimental like this? You know I love you but it's really quite nauseating."

"Oh, Ron. Honestly!"

"What?!"

Harry laughed and continued walking to class, letting them fall behind a bit to settle their discussion. They were really quite amusing sometimes.

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"Sorry about Ron earlier. I know it must have been pretty hard for you to be the bigger man. Thank you. Really."

"You're welcome. And you're right; it was hard. So that means you owe me big." Draco was smirking and Harry could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Oh really."

"Yes. After all, I am the bigger man. That took a lot of willpower."

Harry sighed with over-exasperation. "Alright. How much is it gonna cost me."

"Hmmm... lets say, about four hickeys and one article of clothing."

"Hm... I s'pose I can afford it. Quite a price though. Do socks count?"

"No."

"You drive a hard bargain."

"Pay up."

"If you insist." And with that Harry proceeded to pay his debt...

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Harry and Draco sat together on the sofa panting, after a very heated snogging session. Draco's neck was sporting several purple spots, his debt repaid, and he had a very contented grin on his face. Harry had pulled his shirt back on but hadn't bothered trying to re-button it. Draco had done things to him that had left him trembling, his fine motor skills temporarily out of order. The incredible feeling of Draco's silky tongue on his skin was enough to send him over the edge, and would remain in his mind, and his imagination, for a very long time.

-- Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight.

I need help believing you're with me tonight

My wildest dreaming could not foresee

Lying beside you with you wanting me

Lyrics from "Wicked" by Stephen Schwartz --

They sat for several moments in contented silence. Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze for a while. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. How true it is. They sat reading the other's thoughts... emotions.

-- And just for this moment, As long as you're mine,

I wake up my body, and make up for lost time.

And if it turns out its over to fast,

I'll make every last moment last,

As long as you're mine.

Lyrics from "Wicked" by Stephen Schwartz --

Slowly, Harry's hand wandered over to Draco, trailing a light caress from his knee to his shoulder then into his silky hair. He pulled the very willing head toward his into a soft, sensual kiss. They slowly shifted so they were lying down, never breaking the kiss. Harry caressed Draco's tongue and lips with his own, nibbling lightly on his lower lip. He was doubly rewarded with the beautiful, adorable sound this drew from Draco, making Harry grin against his mouth and make a similar sound a few moments later when Draco kissed him harder.

Suddenly Harry rolled, flipping them both over and onto the carpet below, so that he landed hard on his back and Draco landed on top of him. The impact broke the kiss, and knocked quite a bit of air from Harry's lungs. Draco stared at Harry, a bit shocked. Then they both began laughing uncontrollably until they were limp and exhausted.

"Are you, hahahaha... are you... ok?" Draco managed to get out.

"Yeah. Hahahaha. I, hehehe... I'm fine. The carpet broke my fall. Hahaha..."

They eventually got their giggles under control and lay there a while, breathing, stray giggles escaping every so often.

When they finally recovered, Harry flipped them over again, so he was now on top of Draco. "See? The carpet's soft, isn't it."

"Yes. But I know something softer. And it's so much more fun to kiss too." He pulled Harry's mouth down to his and kissed him deeply, making Harry surrender completely. Suddenly he flipped Harry back over so he was once again on top. After several more moments of passionate kissing, that left them both lightheaded and very happy, Draco sat up, so that he was straddling Harry, and looked down at the gorgeous, thoroughly snogged, panting boy beneath him, his hands resting on Harry's strong chest. Harry's arms flopped up by his head as he looked up as the beautiful beaming face of the blonde above him. Their eyes studied each other's faces, mentally tracing and memorizing every curve, dip, and smooth surface. Could this really be happening? Was it possible, both still couldn't believe they'd been so lucky as to win the heart of the boy of their dreams.

-- Once upon a dream

You were heaven sent to me --

But here they were, on the floor of what had become their room, gazing into the others face. Eyes. Beautiful, bright, shimmering eyes that seemed to peer into the other's very soul, discovering the deepest darkest secrets, and yet somehow, not caring, making those secrets seem not so dark, but just one of the many things that made the other boy love him.

-- In his eyes I can see

Where my heart longs to be... --

Suddenly Draco got a rather devilish grin on his face, and before Harry could realize what Draco was doing, his hands slid from Harry's chest, up and along his arms to his wrists.

Harry was officially pinned.

"Draco, just what do you think you're doing?"

"I quite like this position, you know. I feel so... powerful."

"Oh do you?"

"Yes. I could do anything I want to you right now and you couldn't do a thing about it."

"And who says I want to do anything about it?"

"Well, that'll make it much easier for me to do naughty, naughty things to you than, won't it."

"Mmm. I suppose so."

Draco was just about to lean in for a kiss, still holding down Harry's not-so-struggling arms, when he heard a sort of rumbling sound behind him, like a large stone being moved. Harry heard it too, and tried to peer around Draco, who was still sitting on top of him.

Both froze in horror and confusion, they simultaneously realized what that sound was. Oh SHIT!!!!

"...Here we are Herm. A secret room all to our se - what the BLOODY HELL?!"