Insert Witty Title Here

Chapitre 3

The Great and Sober Formerly-Evil Lord Voldemort popped into the room with a bang. He turned his head to the balding man sitting in a squishy armchair, the type that you always see shrinks sitting in on TV. Not that Voldemort would know that.

The man was around fifty with gaudy green glasses that Voldy found strangely mesmerizing. "Good day, Mr. ...hmm, let's see...ah yes, my three o'clock appointment. 'Voldemort, The Lord.' If you would take a seat, we can get started with your first session of therapy."

"Therapy? Arabella told me this would be a bingo club! Sh-she lied to me!"

"And how does that make you feel?"

"C-confused," Voldy said, his eyes overfilling with tears, "Oh, angsty me!"

"Mmm."

"But I suppose," he sobbed once, then dried his eyes, "Arabella must have decided that this would be for my benefit. S-so if my Arabelly thinks I should do it, then I will go through with this...therapy." Voldemort gave the psychiatrist, who's name was Mr. Bingo, a watery smile, expecting praise for his brilliant decision.

"Mmm."

"Why do you say the same things over and over again?"

"How does that make you feel?"

"Like bloody rippin' my brain out!"

"Mmm."

"Argh!!!"

This conversation rambled on for a few minutes until finally Mr. Bingo stood up and said, "I think you are very nearly a lost cause. However, I am going to take you to Room 101 where you shall defeat the beast I am sure still lurks inside you. When you have completed that session, then you shall be cured."

"All right, let's go!" Volders exclaimed, and shot his fist into the air.

Mr. Bingo led our favorite Dark Lord down a white hallway to a room with a faded 101 scratched into it. A hyperventilating woman walked out when Mr. Bingo knocked on the door. Voldemort's palms got sweaty with anticipation.

They entered room. Voldemort glanced around the strange room. He was a little confused about the various items. Arabella had told him a little about "Computers" already, so that explained the cream colored deformed box that was glowing out one end. But what was in that strange bowl on the pedestal? Voldy examined the water inside with his angsty-face on.

He slowly and cautiously made his way over to the strange octagonal table in the corner of the room. The objects that felled the second bowl were covered in shadow. Just a step closer should solve--

"MARSHMALLOWS!!!"

"Yes, yes, Mr. Voldemort," said Mr. Bingo. Voldemort jumped. "And how do they make you feel?"

"Mmmfrshm burmimshhmm!"

"Ah yes...Well, what we shall do is take the marshmallows...well, the marshmallows you've left anyway, and dip them into the water. Then you stick them on your face like this." Mr. Bingo stuck a wet marshmallow onto his own nose. Voldemort giggled.

After Voldemort was covered in a gooey marshmallow mess, Mr. Bingo had him sit down at the computer.

"Mr. Voldemort. Are you prepared?" Mr. Bingo asked in a low, husky voice.

"Uh-huh," Volderkins breathed.

"Then I will now introduce you to the world of fanfiction."

Voldemort's jaw dropped. "What's fanfiction?"

"Fanfiction is fiction written by people who enjoy a film, novel, television show or other media work, using the characters and situations developed in it and developing new plots in which to use these characters. Characters and props from more than one media work may also be incorporated into a single fanfiction (known as crossovers)."

"So basically, it's a bunch of crazy obsessive worshippers of a random "film, novel, television show or other media work", ripping off the author's work?"
"BLASPHEMY! It is the FINEST art form of our age!"

"Your mom is the finest art form of our age."

"I choose to ignore that statement and leap into my explanation of what you shall be doing. You shall go onto the website Fanficland.gov and click on the "Books" category. Explore the website. Learn as much as you can. I will be back in 24 hours."

"One DAY?" Voldy gasped in disbelief.

"I know! It's, like, hardly any time at all!" Then Mr. Bingo left the room.

Voldemort looked unhappily at the glowy screen. There was a huge list of various titles. From classics, to fantasy, to romance...it went on and on. One name caught his eye. "Harry Potter?" He clicked on it. A new screen popped up on it. "Harry Potter and the Attack of the Mary Sues" "The Vampire and Hermione" "When Everything's Made to be Broken" All sorts of titles.

Voldemort studied one called "When He Comes" by Jewelwhisperer. "'Ever wonder why Draco Malfoy "puts up" with Pansy Parkinson?'" Voldemort read, "Why, yes, I have. She's not that pretty, and she's rather flat in the chest. That shady Draco's daddy character's son has always intrigued me. I think I shall read this."

It was only one chapter, much to Voldemort's disappointment. He wiped away a tear when he finished reading it. "That was BEAUTIFUL!" He cried to the glowy box. And thus our Dark Lord was sucked in.

*24 hours later*

Voldemort shot to his feet when he heard a sudden knock on the door. "C-come in." His voice cracked from lack of sleep and hours of laughter, tears, and horrified screams.

Mr. Bingo entered the room. "Hello, The Lord."

"OMG! I have been through so much! I discovered that my favorite ship is SSHG, although HGLV is a close second. I prefer Romance/Humor to pure Romance, although straight up Humor is great after a good cry over a particularly well-done Angst."

"Well, I see you've been cured."

"Yes, yes I have. I must get back to my dearest immediately. Then, we shall make plans to see Harry Potter and his crew to apologize. I can't wait any longer."

TO BE CONTINUED (Hopefully sooner than last time. Sorry!)