The Attack of the Brat Pack!

Draco Malfoy glanced around the classroom, a look of utter disgust on his pale face, his cold blue eyes glaring at everything in his sight. All around him were pictures and drawings of Muggles. In front of him at the front of the room stood Arthur Weasley, his eyes sparkling, pointing at a diagram on the blackboard of what looked like some very badly drawn Muggle children. I could draw better than that with my eyes closed thought Draco, continuing his glare to his classmates. Getting forced to do Muggle Studies by Dumbledore because "every wizard needs to spend at least one year learning about the lives of Muggles," was bad enough. Having Arthur Weasley, 'that Muggle-loving fool' as his father often called him, as his teacher was worse still. But to add the maximum insult to injury it seemed to Draco, was the fact that he had to attend this class with not only the 5^th years from his own house, but also the Hair Scare Bunch, or as most people knew them, the other 5^th year Gryffindors.

First there was Potter, whose black hair was always sticking up in every direction possible. It reminded Draco of a rollercoaster, with strange dips and large tufts all over the place. Then there was Weasley with his red (Draco hated the colour red. It reminded him of Gryffindor) hair that, apart from looking tacky, also seemed to have a life of its own (although Draco had to admit it wasn't as bad as Potter's.) Mudblood Granger was the worst of the lot, with thick, bushy brown hair that had only looked half-normal once last year at the Yule Ball. She clearly knew what hair gel was, so why didn't she use it more often? Then there were the Tweenie Twosome, also known as Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. Draco thought Lavender and Parvati both looked about eight with their haircuts. Parvati almost always wore her black hair in two plaits except for special occasions such as the Yule Ball and Lavender had a short blonde (Draco gave her plus points for that. He liked blonde) bob style. What was with that? His father had longer hair than that. HE had longer hair than that! During these stupid Muggle Studies lessons, Arthur Weasley had made them watch a "film" of some stupid story called "Madeline" where the main character had hair very like Lavender's. In fact, Draco had had great fun using a simple switching spell to make Lavender's face appear over Madeline's on the film. Draco remembered fondly how much he had laughed, then remembered not so fondly how Lavender had slapped him round the face, bringing a horrible red tinge to his pale cheeks. He had looked stupid all day. Draco stopped thinking about the Gryffindor girls and moved back to the boys.

Seamus Finnegan, well, his sandy coloured side-burns looked stupid. Draco always thought boys should have long hair that was well-gelled back. None of the Gryffindor boys seemed to have taken this idea into account. Neville's dull brown mop was not unlike Harry's in that it stuck up all over the place, and Dean Thomas' short black hair made him look a twat in Draco's opinion. All in all, the Hair Scare Bunch.

Draco was just about to move on to the terrible fashion sense of the Gryffindors (beginning with Parvati's gold bracelets, of course) when a few words by Arthur Weasley broke into his thoughts.

"Partners I will decide, and you will be taking care of this child for two weeks. Now..."

"What?!" yelled Draco. The whole class turned around. Hermione tutted, clearly annoyed about Draco's complete lack of attention for the last half hour. Well she can sod off thought Draco. Lavender and Parvati were giggling, sounding, Draco thought, like manic gerbils.

"As I was saying," continued Arthur Weasley, throwing Draco a fixed smile that Draco did not return, "as part of your Muggle Studies project you will be put into partners and given a small Muggle child to look after for two weeks."

"Can't we choose the partners?" asked Ron, giving his father a pleading look.

"No, Ron. Now, I've split you all up so that all, apart from one pair, is Gryffindor-Slytherin."

"WHAT?!" chorused the class in utter disbelief and horror.

"Here's the list," Mr Weasley continued, ignoring the muttered cursing and dirty looks being thrown in his direction by all the students from both houses. "It's a chance for you all to build inter-house relationships! Now firstly, Lavender?" Lavender looked up at him nervously. "You will be with Blaise." Both Lavender and Parvati went into fits of giggles. Draco glared at Blaise. Blaise Zambini was well-known for being the most handsome boy in Slytherin 5^th year. His dark brown hair combined with his large, black puppy-dog eyes had made many girls in the past swoon, including Lavender and Parvati. Mr Weasley cleared his throat and attempted to continue, but was interrupted by Draco.

"Please Professor," he sneered, his voice full of sarcasm, "most of the staff call us by our surnames, not our first names."

"Yes, but I want this class to have a pleasant family atmosphere," said Mr Weasley brightly, beaming round at his glowering students (apart of course, for Lavender and Parvati, who were still giggling too hard to glower at anyone.) Draco let out a derisive snort, which Arthur ignored.

"Now then," he continued, "the next partners are... Neville?" Neville looked fearfully up at Arthur. "Ah yes, there you are, Neville you'll be with Draco." Neville went white as a ghost and started mumbling incoherently. This however, was nothing compared to Draco's reaction, who swore so badly that even Arthur could not ignore it. "Draco, please do not use language like that in the classroom," he said, trying not to meet Draco's eye.

"I'm not working with Longbottom," said Draco flatly. "He's absolutely useless and shouldn't even be at this school. He's too thick..."

"That's enough Draco!" said Arthur sharply. Ron turned around and hit Draco with his wand, turning Draco's long greased blonde locks into a spiky purple Mohican. Bellowing with rage, Draco immediately retaliated by turning Ron's robes luminous pink.

"That will do, THAT WILL DO!" shouted Arthur Weasley. "Ron, Draco, stop this at once!" He pulled the two boys apart, who had both now discarded their wands and were simultaneously attempting to slam the other into the blackboard. "Ten points from Gryffindor for fighting in the classroom. Ten points from Slytherin for fighting in the classroom! And," he added, as Draco opened his mouth in protest, "if I hear any more complaints, it will be trebled. Now, will the pair of you please return to your seats!" Both boys picked up their wands, muttered a counter-curse and Draco's blonde hair and Ron's black robes reappeared.

"Moving on," said Arthur, pulling out his list for a third time, "Hermione?" Hermione beamed up at him. "You will be with Pansy." Hermione's smile vanished as she turned to face Pansy Parkinson, a small Slytherin girl with a face like a pug that was screwed up in a look of total loathing.

"Do I have to work with HER?" Pansy whined.

"Yes you do Pansy," Arthur replied wearily, feeling as though he had fought several battles. Who would have thought teaching a group of teenagers would be so difficult?!

"Dean will be working with Vincent," Mr Weasley continued, averting his eyes from Dean's horrified gaze. "Harry, you will be with Seamus, Parvati with Gregory and Ron, you will be with Millicent." Millicent Bullstrode, a very large Slytherin girl who both Harry and Ron had, on more than one occasion, likened to a troll turned to give Ron a nasty glare. "And before any of you start complaining," Arthur said in a raised voice to block out his son's angry shouts, "these are your partners and you will be sticking with them. Absolutely none of you are changing unless you can give me an excellent reason, in which case," he added as the bell rang, "you can tell me now." The entire class filed out of the Muggle Studies classroom, all in complete silence. As the Gryffindors headed up one flight of stairs towards their common room and the Slytherins headed down another flight towards the dungeons an angry outburst broke out from almost all of the 5^th year Gryffindor and Slytherin students. The only ones not complaining were Lavender, Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle and of course Harry and Seamus, who although not best friends, still preferred to work together than with any of the Slytherins.

"I cannot BELIEVE Dad's put me with that troll!" Ron spat, furiously pounding his way up the stairs three at a time. "He KNOWS I can't stand that...that..."

"Girl?" suggested Hermione.

"That's no girl," growled Ron. "Girls aren't nearly six feet tall and don't look like their faces have been run over by a steam roller!"

"At least you're not with Pansy," snapped back Hermione. "That girl's infamous for spending gossip around the school and generally being a stuck-up little..." Hermione trailed off, clearly not wanting to swear in the corridors in case one of the staff heard.

"Let me guess Hermione, it rhymes with ditch?" said Harry, grinning.

"Well it's all right for you!" said Hermione, instantly bristling. "You're with Seamus, aren't you? There'll be no problems there." Behind them Dean and Parvati were having a similar conversation. They had been going out for several months and were very close.

"Working with Crabbe for two weeks!" groaned Dean. "It's a nightmare; I know I'll end up doing all the work!"

"Goyle's just like a clone of Crabbe," added Parvati, her dark eyes flashing with anger. "Both of them have the personality of a rock. You're so lucky Lavender," she added wistfully. "Blaise is definitely something."

"Hey!" said Dean. Parvati giggled.

"I'm sorry Dean. Of course he's NOTHING compared to you."

"I'm very upset," said Dean in a hurt voice, although his face showed he clearly wasn't. "For that Parvati, you'll have to give me a big kiss as soon as we get to the common room." He winked at her.

"Fair enough," Parvati smiled at him and turned back to Lavender. "Anyway Lavender, I reckon you should ask him out." Lavender, although she had been dating Seamus, had broken up with him several weeks ago and was now single.

"I'll just have to see how our project goes," said Lavender casually, although her eyes were sparkling. Neville was walking behind them all, looking as though he was about to be sick. His complexion had gone a nasty shade of green and words seemed to have failed him.

As the eight Gryffindors all entered their common room, the Slytherins were heading down the final staircase leading to the dungeons. Pansy was whining at top volume. Most people complained or argued when they were annoyed. Pansy however, would talk in a high-pitched sulky tone, making her sound about six.

"It's not FAIR Draco," she said, her voice echoing off the stone walls. "WHY do I have to work with GRANGER? She's such a little swot and spends all day sucking up to that Harry Potter..."

"Count yourself lucky," said Draco in an irritated tone. He always liked being the chief complainer, and didn't like it when others had that attention. "At least you'll barely have to do any work. I don't think Longbottom even knows which way to hold a quill." Pansy laughed, a high-pitched shrill giggle that went right through Draco's head, making him more annoyed still. Crabbe and Goyle wandered along aimlessly behind them. Neither of them ever said very much to anyone, preferring, as Crabbe once said during a rare moment of speech, "it's better to not say anything and just be thought stupid, than to actually open your mouth and prove you are." Blaise was wandering along in a daydream, his large brown eyes gazing dreamily into the distance (causing several Hufflepuff 3^rd year girls on their way back to their common room after a Potions lesson to all start giggling madly.) He had been dying to talk to Lavender ever since he had heard that she had dumped Seamus, (thanks to people like Pansy, the Hogwarts gossip grapevine was always in action) and now here was a perfect chance.

Meanwhile Arthur Weasley was sitting in Dumbledore's office, beaming as Dumbledore read the list of Muggle children that Arthur had selected for his "project." Dumbledore was concentrating on keeping a straight face as he read the list.

"Arthur, where are you getting these children from?" he asked, suddenly worrying about the newspaper headlines if seven Muggle children went missing and did not reappear for a fortnight.

"I have a number of Muggle friends," said Arthur brightly, "who have small children. I've asked them if I can take their children on a fortnight's holiday camping trip in the Lake District. Many of them said no, saying something about my sanity," Arthur looked slightly puzzled here and Dumbledore fought a desperate urge not to laugh, saying,

"Really? I wonder why they would have said that?"

"I honestly don't know," said Arthur, shrugging and beaming at Dumbledore, "but after a lot of persuading and a strange but delicious Muggle drink called 'Alcohol,' seven parents finally let me. Severus Snape has very kindly spent an evening with these children to find out their characteristics."

Dumbledore re-read the list, trying desperately hard not to laugh. He remembered the enormous argument he had had with Professor Snape that night about checking these children.

CHILDREN SELECTED FOR 5^TH YEAR GRYFFINDOR AND SLYTHERIN MUGGLE STUDIES COURSE

Parents Notes on Zara:

Seven year old Zara is an absolute treasure. She has brown hair, green eyes and a very inquisitive nature.

Severus Snape's Notes on Zara:

Zara has one classic fault. She NEVER shuts up. I looked after these brats for 3 hours, and not ONCE did she stop talking for more than 4 seconds! I pity whichever poor sod has to put up with her for a fortnight.

Parents Notes on Jimbo:

Jimbo is a darling. He is rather boisterous, but has a heart made of gold! He is six years old and has light blonde hair and brown eyes.

Severus Snape's Notes on Jimbo:

I have never seen a more annoying, hyperactive child in my entire life. At one stage he started climbing the curtains! My nerves are still shattered after having to look after him for 3 hours.

Parents Notes on Benedict:

Benedict can get upset quite easily, but when he's happy he's an angel child! He is five years old, has curly blonde hair and blue eyes.

Severus Snape's Notes on Benedict: If you're planning to look after this one, bring a year's supply of tissues. He cries at EVERYTHING! He was bawling all evening and wouldn't stop no matter what.

Parents Notes on Louisa-May: Louisa-May is adorable. She is seven years old, had chestnut curls and brown eyes, and loves to sing and dance.

Severus Snape's Notes on Louisa-May: This girl is the most precocious little pre-madonna that walks the Earth. She is constantly dancing around the room, singing (completely out of tune I might add) all the songs she knows which are all from Muggle musicals. If I EVER have to hear "Tomorrow" sung like that again I will be forced to kill someone!

Parents Notes on Romin: Romin has a vivid imagination and is a happy, cheerful little child. She is five years old, has black hair and dark brown eyes.

Severus Snape's Notes on Romin: This child needs to be locked up in a psychiatric ward. She only has three friends, a tooth fairy named Bobina, (nicknamed Bob) a purple dragon named Fredrika (nicknamed Fred) and a green elephant named Arnold, all of which are, according to her, totally visible. She's a complete headcase.

Parents Notes on Danny: Danny is a very sweet child with a wonderful imagination. He is five years old, has brown hair and blue eyes.

Severus Snape's Notes on Danny: Another total lunatic. This one owns a truly disgusting teddy bear with half its stuffing falling out and missing one eye, which this deluded kid talks to and calls "Mr Zubbiwubbi Bear." Do St Mungo's take Muggle children in exceptional circumstances?

Parents Notes on Declan: Declan is a sweet six year old, and is a slightly fussy eater. He has large hazel eyes and red hair.

Severus Snape's Notes on Declan: You can't miss this kid. His hair is even brighter than the Weasley clan's. He ought to be used as a flashlight. Also, this child eats virtually NOTHING. The only food he will touch are Wham bars, some Muggle candy chew bar that contain absolutely no nutritional value at all. I'm amazed he hasn't wasted away into dust, although I must say I think it would be better for the world if he did.

Overall opinion from Severus Snape: My God, the 5^th years are in for hell!

Dumbledore rolled up the parchment.

"Well that all seems to be in order," he said, smiling at Arthur and handing him back the list. "You may bring the Muggle children in next Monday, when they will meet with their wizarding foster parents." As Arthur left his office, Dumbledore sat back in his chair and scratched his phoenix's back affectionately.

"Fawkes," he murmured, "we're in for an interesting and hilarious fortnight."

Well there's the end of Chapter 1! Coming up in Chapter 2: The students get the kids! Who will crack first? Will the Gryffindors and Slytherins ever learn to work together? How will the teachers react to having their classes joined by seven small Muggle children? And will Lavender and Blaise get together? All revealed in chapters to come!