Slash.....aha!!!!!!

"Goyle, how could you?" said Neville upon seeing Malfoy's large arsed sidekick.

"I could explain," Ron and Goyle said in chorus, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

Neville put his hands on his hips and sobbed, "Goyle, I thought we had something special, I thought - you told me - you told me that you'd love me forever!!! Now I can never trust you again!" He turned and ran out of the house without another word. His grandmother fell over on her back, in a dead faint, looking as if she had just been Petrified.

At that moment, Hermione, Ginny and Draco came back towards the house. Now Draco had a black-eye to match Ginny's.

"Wow! Hermione!" Admired Ron.

Ginny looked as if she had been crying, as did Draco - in fact, Hermione was the only one with any composure.

She banged on the door, "Ron! Let me in! Now! I want you to explain to your sister that I refuse to go out with her and that Neville needs some help - I saw him running out of here crying, and then he happened to accidentally, but brutally, get pushed into the road in front of a lost Semi driver by Malfoy."

Harry threw open the door, tripped over Neville's grandmother and fell into Malfoy again.

"Smooth move, Potter!" trilled Draco.

Harry ran out to find Neville. He didn't mind the fact that Neville was in love with Goyle, but it still wasn't fair that he was lying out in the middle of the road, hurt. Besides, he had always admired Neville's subtle strength of character, and quiet manner. Neville had lost a lot of weight since their first year, and his grandmother had allowed him to take up Quidditch. As Harry pulled Neville off the road, trying not to leave too much of him behind, and unbuttoned his blood-soaked fuscia shirt to tend to some of his wounds, Harry noticed that Quidditch had done wonders for Neville's physique. Once again, Harry felt grateful that Dudley's clothes were six sizes too big for him.

Hermione carefully stepped over Neville's grandmother and walked into the room.

"Alright then," she said. "What is going on? We know that Dobby loves you Ron. Draco thought he had Harry, but in fact it was Goyle masquerading as Harry, who was secretly in love with Draco, but he was going out with Neville at the same time, who feels betrayed despite the fact that he was going out with Ginny at the same time as he was with Goyle, while Ginny, though at first she liked Harry, got over losing him to Cho Chang, went out with Neville, broke up with him and is in love with me. Is that right, Ginny? Is that what this is all about, some sort extension of a sick love triangle? Ginny? Ginny?"

"Oh this is getting to be too much!" yelled Ron. "Time to clean house!" Ron tossed floo powder into the kitchen fire. "Dobby, my sweet?" Dobby's eyes grew wider as if that's possible.

"Yes, Harry's Weezey?" Dobby's large ears folded over his head in a heart shape.

"Where do you live?" asked Ron and threw him in the fire.

"Hogwarts," answered Dobby and the floo took him away.

"One down," Ron announced, walking over to the pile of bodies on the floor. Ron was about to grab hold of Goyle when a scream was heard from upstairs.

"But your letter, you said - " Ginny sobbed.

"That's not my handwriting!" shrieked Hermione.

"Does that mean I don't get to watch?" asked Draco dejectedly.

Harry watched the flash that was Draco running from the house with Hermione close behind, brandishing her wand, and Ginny with a black eye. "Wait Hermione, you know I can make you forget Krum!"

Harry closed the door behind them, "Well that's three more down."

"Yeah. . ." Ron said, "But one is my sister so we'll have to let her back eventually. Ack! Harry watch out!"

Goyle was running at Harry, "Ah, help! Ron, grab his wand-. Eeww, not that one. Hmm, well you did stop him!"

"Guess I shouldn't have grabbed him that hard," Ron said, watching Goyle twitch, purple faced, on the floor.

"I think you could let go of his wand now Ron."

Neville and his grandmother stood at the doorway, "What's going on here?" yelled Neville's grandmother. (God does this woman have a name?!)

At that moment, Seamus and Dean turned up just outside The Burrow. They were both looking at Harry and Neville, deep in a romantic clinch, in the middle of the road. They nudged each other and Seamus turned to Dean, "My god, its like a full on orgy out here. I never thought Harry batted for the other cricket team. I thought he was all up for Cho Chang, you know the Ravenclaw seeker? Mind you, who wouldn't, she is a hot chick!"

"Seamus, sometimes you really hurt me. Don't you understand I love you? It's been murder the past four years, not being able to be your partner, when all I want to do is sweep you off your feet and protect you and love you for the rest of our lives."

"Dean!! I'm shocked. How about this then, I could play for both cricket teams, as long as you don't mind if some hot chick takes my fancy, then we can stay together?"

"I suppose it will have to do. Come here then." Dean grabbed Seamus, and they started a humdinger of a kiss.

Only to be stopped by a shriek. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" yelled the ginger-whinger to Neville and Harry. Dean and Seamus quickly broke apart. "It's positively obscene. Neville, how can you get over me so quickly?"

Neville and Harry broke apart, Neville with a confused look on his face, Dean and Seamus flushing.

"Alright there boys, having a good time are you?" asked Dean.

"I...er.... well, we were," Neville looked at Harry - "Harry, what were you doing?"

"Well, I was sticking my tongue down your throat Neville and I think you liked it and -"

"But, you and Malfoy, you two are meant to be together, he adores you, you want to get into his pants, why me? I never knew that you felt this way about me," Neville grabbed Harry's hand. "How could I ever compete with Malfoy? He's rich, talented, gorgeous, slim, clever," Neville shrugged, "He's everything I'm not."

Harry stared at the adorable, forgetful, round-faced boy. "Neville, I know I've not been much of a friend to you over the past four years but we have three more years to get to know each other more...intimately. As for Malfoy, well, he just turned up at my Aunt's house and declared his love for me. I mean, he's hated me for the past 4 years. I think I'm a challenge to him." Harry closed the gap between him and Neville.

Ginny buggered off back to the Burrow; it was obvious to everyone that she wasn't wanted, in tears shoving past Malfoy on the way in. "Weasle, what's the matter?"

"Malfoy, I wouldn't go out there if I were you, Neville and Harry are getting acquainted, as are Dean and Seamus. It's like a scene from a Roman Orgy"

"Sounds EXACTLY the sort of place that a gorgeous young man like myself should be. I'll just pop out there and give the scene a bit of class. Upper class naturally," trilled Draco excitedly. He belted out of the Burrow, took in the dumbfounded faces of Seamus and Dean and coughed.

"Harry...I"