Crash Into Me

If George finds out, I'm fucked.

The last time I had a crush on anyone, he thought it would be a lark to show up completely starkers to breakfast and sit himself down next to the object of my desire. You know, it's at times like those that I hate the fact that we're identical to the last freckle (well, almost to the last freckle; I do have the better arse, you know). She thought that George was me. To make things worse, Lee kept calling George "Fred" and me "George."

Fuck.

I can't afford to have that happen this time.

Shit, I can't afford to have that happen anytime. Not if I want to get laid in this century. George's white arse is enough to turn anyone off the Weasley twins for the next million years.

Look at what it did to Angelina.

Yeah.

The thing is, I've had a slight crush on this particular girl ever since my fourth year. But then again, so has nearly everyone else in this school. Even Harry.

Especially Harry.

I know, I know.

It's Cho Chang.

Did I ever tell you there's nothing sexier than a girl on a broom? Besides Harry, she's the best damn flier I've ever seen. The way she leans on her Comet Two-Sixty, the way the wind blows through her long dark hair, her look of intense concentration----

Ahem.

Not that her beauty is a distraction on the pitch. Not at all. Never mind the fact that she could easily land the cover of Babes and Broomsticks. Never mind the fact that the Quidditch cords outline her figure just so. Distracting? Of course not.

Merlin, who am I kidding? It's a bloody nightmare out there.

I don't know how Harry keeps his head. He's always been extremely focuses when it came to Quidditch, but bloody hell, if you had even the slightest bit of testosterone, you'd have a raging hard-on within two seconds of seeing her.

The kind that you can't easily pass off as a pencil case or a trick wand.

So, am I nervous about the upcoming match between the Gryffs and the Claws? Nah. I know we have the best damn team here. Harry's a fantastic captain, Alicia, Katie, and Angelina work seamlessly together as our Chasers, Ron's a decent Keeper, and of course, there's George and me, the Human Bludgers.

So the fact that Ravenclaw slaughtered Slytherin last week is of no consequence. Neither is the fact that they flattened Hufflepuff the week before 360 to 10. Nah, I'm not worried at all.

Please excuse me while I go throw up.

~~~

"Okay, this is what we're up against, team," Harry said. The usual pre-game prep talk. The seven of us were gathered in the lockers as Harry took us through our game.

"The Ravenclaw Chasers are pretty good, but Boot took an injury in the last match, so we have that advantage. Ron, I'd watch out; they favour the Hawkshead formation, and your left side is your weakest. Angelina, Katie, Alicia, their Keeper, Brocklehurst, likes to keep the action centered, so I'd try a Porskoff Ploy. Fred, George, I'm not worried about you two."

Ha. Are you so sure about that, Harry?

"The main thing is to try and score as many goals as possible to give us a leg up," Harry continued. "Cho Chang and I are evenly matched, so in the end it's going to come down between her and me. Fred, I want you to tail me and prevent her from getting the Snitch too quickly. George, you can handle their Chasers."

Sure thing, Harry. Oh no, I don't fancy Cho Chang at all.

"Will do, Captain," George saluted. He grinned.

"No questions then?" Harry asked. "Right. Let's go get 'em."

Out on the pitch, Madam Hooch's whistle went off and we emerged from underground.

I swallowed. Here goes nothing.

"On my whistle," Hooch yelled over the crowd. "Three...two...one..."

"And they off, " Lee's voice came from the stands. "Ackerley of Ravenclaw in possession of the Quaffle, heading toward the Gryffindor goal posts, passes to Boot, who passes it back to---oh! it's intercepted by Katie Bell of Gryffindor, who's tearing up the field towards the Ravenclaw end----nice dodge around that Bludger, Katie---she throws it to Angelina Johnson, who passes it back to----argh, Quaffle intercepted by Roger Davies----"

All right, so I'm supposed to be tailing Harry and marking Cho. I looked around the pitch to see the two of them loping casually around the pitch. Then, as if by some unspoken agreement, they both darted towards each other, and began an incredible flight chase.

A Bludger came hurtling my way and I readied my club and whacked it in Cho's direction, but she saw it coming miles away and easily swerved out of its way.

This was going to be easier said than done, Harry.

"And Alicia Spinnet in posession, back to Katie Bell, to Johnson, back to Bell, and---SHE SCORES! TEN-ZERO TO GRYFFINDOR!"

The girls took a quick victory lap around the pitch amidst the raucous cheers before Madam Hooch blew her whistle.

"They're off again, Johnson of Gryffindor takes the Quaffle----BAM! Excellent Bludger work by George Weasley, Spinnet now in possession----watch out!----"

I swooped in to slam the Bludger away from Alicia at the same moment she rolled over, dropping the Quaffle.

"Where's your head, Fred Weasley?" Lee's voice shouted from the magical megaphone. "What have you been doing? Ogling at Chang again?"

What?

But Lee continued with his commentary and nobody seemed to notice what he had just said.

"Stewart Ackerley of Ravenclaw back in possession, who throws it to Terry Boot---"

Did no one hear what Lee just said? The game played on without any interruption. I shrugged and went on tailing Cho and Harry.

They whooshed past me, marking each other closely, both intent on preventing the other from catching the Snitch first. After some incredible aerial acrobatic display, both pulled back out of the action to search for the Snitch.

Wait, did Cho Chang just wink at me?

A roar from the crowd got my attention.

"And Johnson ducks Brocklehurst to---Yes! She scores! Thirty-ten to Gryffindor!"

Er...when did we score two more goals? Shit, I'd better start paying more attention.

We scored another two goals, while Davies managed to get one past Ron. I joined George in defending the goal posts. Despite our best efforts, the Ravenclaw Chasers managed to break through and score another ten points.

"The score is now fifty-thirty Gryffindor," Lee's voice blared from the stands. "Boot now in possession and----oh my!"

Both Harry and Cho had started a spectacular dive. At the south end of the field, I saw a glimmer of gold: the Snitch. Both Seekers went haring off after it. The Snitch flitted from one side of the pitch to the other, but both Harry and Cho were never far behind. However, soon Harry, on his Firebolt, started pulling ahead of Cho, whose older broom couldn't compare with his.

THWACK!

The sound of a Beater's club hitting a Bludger cracked throughout the stadium. One of the Ravenclaw Beaters had hit one towards Harry, but he urged his broom on faster and cleared it. But the Bludger continued on its path unobstructed towards----

Oh shit.

Cho.

You know, I'm not exatly sure what happened next. You see, I was conked out. It's not as though I fainted, mind you, but George said that the Bludger hit me in the head as I rushed towards Cho.

Lee's commentary was as follows:

"Grant hits a Bludger twoards the Gryffindor Seeker----come on, Harry, faster!----but it looks as though it will miss----Fred, what in tarnation?---Watch out! Merlin, the Bludger has hit Fred Weasley in the head! He crashes into Chang----holy sh---"

Madam Hooch blew the whistle right then. Harry had caught the Snitch and we wont the game, but I was unaware of the fact as I was unconscious on the ground.

"Fantastic, Fred" George congratulated me later in the hospital wing. "Completely daft, you were."

"Piss off," I groaned. I lay back in bed. Madam Pomfrey had bandaged my head, but it still hurt.

"But you were," Lee chimed in. "Fantastic Fred the Flummox. You won us the match you know. You completely took Chang out."

Both started laughing hysterically.

"Boys, both of you, out. Mr. Weasley here has suffered a head injury, and for all we know, he could have sustained some damage to his brain---"

"Oh, but Fred was dropped on his head as a baby, so we knew that already," George said with a wave of his hand. "Maybe this one actually set him right."

Lee snorted and Madam Pomfrey shooed them away. "Out! Out! This boy needs some rest!"

"We're going, we're going," George acquiesed.

Wait," I stopped them. They both turned. "Erm, by the way, you said I took out Cho Chang? What happened to her?"

They exchanged glances.

Shit.

"Well, I can say she's none too happy about what happened," Lee said, his eyes wide. "What were trying to do, save her, Mr. Hero? The Bludger would have missed her anyway. She dodged out of its way right as you crashed into her. You broke her broomstick, though."

"Great way to make an impression, Fred," George added. "You'll be forever branded into her memory as the Flame-Haired-Git-Who-Broke-My-Ruddy-Broom. Congrats, mate. We'll see you tomorrow." The door clicked shut behind them.

Bugger.

~~~

Why didn't anyone tell me that the Infirmary stinks? There's a horrific pong emanating from underneath the bed next to mine. I think it's a gift left behind by some incontinent visitor who stayed here previously. Disgusting.

A flurry of knocks sounded on the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's Georgianna and Lee-Ann from Circe's Call-Girl Service," George said in a ridiculously high falsetto. "We're here to see a Mr. Fred Weasley?" He requested two girls with an assortment of food: Chocolate Frogs, Licorice Whips, Cherry-Suckers---"

I opened the door. Lee and George stood outside the door, each with an armful of contraband goods from Honeydukes.

"I requested two pretty girls, not you two trolls," I said, grinning. "Ah, thanks."

"No problem, mate," Lee said. I popped a few Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans into my mouth. "Figured you couldn't survive on hospital food. Ate some and was sick for a week."

"So where's the entertainment?" I asked, still chewing. "I put out a call to Circe's for a reason."

"Eh, sorry. We were fresh out young, pretty Asians who can work amazing things with faulty broomsticks, like yours," George said, waggling his crimson eyebrows suggestively.

I choked.

George gave a large whack on the back.

"S'alright, Fred. I know all about your sordid fantasies concerning one Ravenclaw Seeker. No need to cry about it."

"No," I coughed, eyes watering. "Jalapeno," I said, pointing to my mouth.

"Oh Fred," Lee said breathily, fluttering his eyeslashes outrageously, "I can't thank you enough for rescuing me from that awful, scary Bludger."

George roared with laughter.

"Is there any way I can make it up to you? Like a kiss, perhaps?" Lee closed his eyes and pursed his lips.

"Get your ugly mug out of my face," I said, shoving him away. George was doubled over with mirth.

"Right," George chortled. "We should go back, Lee. Sweet dreams, Fred."

"Sod off."

Here," Lee said, tossing me a magazine. Babes and Broomsticks. "Thought you'd might enjoy a little light beside reading. Cheers." He winked and left with George.

I thumbed through the magazine. It was last month's issue, with Enorma Svbresky on the centerfold. But when I got to the featured pages, I stopped short.

Those little bastards.

They had charmed the pages so that Cho's face winked at me atop of Enoma's body.

I felt my ears turn red.

There was another knock on the door.

"I said, 'Bugger off.'"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I come at a bad time?"

I looked up.

"Cho!"

I quickly stashed the magazine on the bedside table and hoped that my ears wouldn't give me away.

"If I did, then I'll go---"

"Oh no-no-no-no, I'm fine. Uh...please come on in."

She smiled and walked in. She had a bouquet of flowers in her hand, which she set on the bedside table, right next to the, oh shit----

"Babes and Broomsticks," she said, picking up the offending magazine. She lifted a delicately arched eyebrow in amusement. "I saw this one. Last month's issue, with Enorma Svbresky. She's all right, but I always thought Clio Toris had better breasts." She flipped through the pages.

Whoa, down boy. Blood rapidly leaving brain and heading southwards.

She was coming across Enorma's pages when I panicked and quickly snatched it back from her. "Er, right. Now I know what to get you for your birthday." I flashed her my most winning smile, cursing my Weasley complexion.

She laughed softly.

"Er, sit down," I said, inclining my head to indicate the chair next to the bed. Oh, ow, definitely not a good idea.

She pulled up the chair.

"Actually, I came to thank you for what you did out there on the pitch today."

"What, you didn't come to discuss the art of pornography with me?"

Damn.

She laughed again. Merlin, that's a gorgeous sound.

"No, sorry. I came to discuss a slightly more mundane topic with you. Namely, Quidditch fouls."

"Listen, I'm so sorry about what happened today, especially about your broom. I feel such an arse----"

"No, it's all right, Fred. It's the thought that counts. You tried to save me from the Bludger, and that means a lot to me. Your brother George told me that you'd appreciate a visit from me to thank you, so here I am."

She smiled sweetly.

Whoa, stomach seems to have disappeared.

"Wow, um. thanks, er, Cho."

"Sure. I hope you feel better soon. I should probably get going now----"

"Hang on," I interrupted, grabbing her hand. She glanced at it before I let go and blushed furiously.

Damn my stupid parents for cursing me with their genes.

"I want to make up for the loss of your broom," I said. "I'll buy you a new one."

"That's not necessary," she said. She grinned. "A lifetime subscription to Quidditch in the Buff will suffice."

"I'm serious. I want to buy you a new broom."

Did I just say "serious?" Was Fred Weasley ever serious? Did I even know how to be?

It caught her attention. Her face softened.

"If that's what you'd like, Fred," she said. "We'll meet at the front entrance on the next Hogsmeade trip and go take a look at Quality Quidditch Supplies."

Was this a date? Did Cho Chang just ask me out on a date?

She gave me one last smile and turned to leave.

"Oh, and by the way," she said on her way out, "my breasts are nowhere near as large as Enorma Svbresky's. You might tell that to your brother and your friend Lee Jordan."

And with that, she was gone.

I am so in love with this girl already.

A word of warning, it's really long. It was eleven pages handwritten.