Harry's True Love

"Ron?" said Hermione enquiringly.

"Yes, Hermione?" replied Ron disinterestedly.

"Have you noticed anything strange about Harry recently?"

"Well, I did notice that he'd managed to misplace his buttocks again. Probably another accident in Charms."

"I said Harry, not Neville," corrected Hermione.

"Oh."

"It's just that he went up to the dormitory without so much as a word to us. He barely even muttered goodnight. He's been doing it for quite a few nights now. I think something's really troubling him."

"Probably upset about Snape making him cry in Potions class yesterday."

"Ron, we're not talking about Neville. Put that comic down and listen." Knowing that he wouldn't get any peace until he complied, Ron proceeded to put down his comic, discreetly hidden Play Wizard Swimsuit issue and all.

"OK, so what do you think it is that's bothering him?"

"I'm not sure. He's been very secretive lately. I think he's still struggling with Sirius' death. He could be up there intentionally harming himself for all we know. Let's go talk to him."

"But ..." Before Ron could finish protesting; Hermione grabbed hold of his arm and dragged him up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. When they were out of earshot, Parvati jerked her head in the direction of the stairs and stated tartly to Lavender,

"The girl's insatiable."

~|~

In the darkness of the boy's dormitory, a mysterious figure emerged from the shadows. When Harry realised that he had arrived, he rushed from the edge of his bed and embraced him lovingly.

"I was wondering if you'd come tonight," he said in between frenzied, trouser tingling kisses.

"I should warn you," said the other gravely, "Ron and Hermione are going to walk in on us tonight."

"How are they going to take it?"

"Ron is going to be too shocked to do much. It's Hermione that's going to go berserk."

"Oh well, let's make sure they walk in on something worth walking in on," whispered Harry suggestively. Within seconds Harry's shirt was off and hanging from the top of Seamus' bedpost. Within a few more seconds he had been forced down onto his own bed. His trousers soon joined his shirt. Things were just about to get so exciting and erotic that it would have shocked the most hardened censor when the dormitory door creaked open.

"Harry?" said Hermione tentatively as she entered the darkened room with Ron closely and inescapably in tow.

"Is this really as far as we're going to get?" whispered Harry to the figure of manliness perched over him.

"Afraid so." With a flick of Hermione's wand, the dormitory lights came on. It took everyone's eyes time to adjust to the sudden light.

"Harry? We thought you might want to talk ...Harry!" In her shock, Hermione dropped her wand. Ron's jaw dropped so low that he could have been mistaken for Goyle. Their surprise was not unmerited, for lying on the bed in his underpants was Harry and sitting on top of him, in a similar state of undress, was Harry. That is to say another Harry. As in there was more than one Harry Potter, and one of them was crouched over the other about to ...well, you get the idea.

"Harry, care to explain what you're doing sitting on top of yourself?" asked Hermione with an obvious degree of forced calm.

"Before you came in? Getting increasingly horny," said the lower Harry.

"Hermione, I can explain ..." the upper Harry started.

"I'm not talking to you," snapped Hermione. "I'm talking to Harry."

"I am Harry."

"I mean I'm talking to the real Harry!" she retorted.

"Hang on a second, how do you know which one of us is the real Harry?" asked Harry.

"Good point. For all you know we both could be the real Harry," said the other Harry.

"Or neither of us could be the real Harry," added the first Harry. Hermione made several attempts at snapping back at them, but she was, for the first time in her life, genuinely flummoxed and dumbstruck. It was not a feeling she enjoyed. She was so shocked and flabbergasted that she had to sit down. Ron was still standing in the doorway doing his guppy fish impression.

"Look, it's perfectly simple, Hermione," said Harry as he climbed off of himself to sit on the side of the bed. "Whenever I have an hour to spare in the evening, I come up to the dormitory were I usually find myself just arriving from the future. We have our fun for an hour and then I use the Time-Turner to go back where we ...sort of, swap places ...if you know what I mean." It took a few seconds for this to really sink in.

"Wait a minute, did you say a Time-Turner? Where did you get a Time-Turner? They were all destroyed!"

"Well, not all of them," said the other Harry as he shifted across the bed to run his hand down the small of his back and into his underwear. "When the case was smashed one rolled over to my feet. It seemed in good condition so I pocketed it." The other Harry leaned closer to whisper into his ear.

"This is where Hermione gets really upset. Ron won't say anything for a while yet."

"YOU DID WHAT?" screamed Hermione. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU COULD GET INTO FOR THIS? DID YOU EVEN STOP TO CONSIDER HOW DANGEROUS MESSING WITH A TIME-TURNER IS?" Both Harrys put on solemn looks in facing this barrage, though they were both having trouble hiding how pleasing it felt to have one's hand inside one's own pants. After a few more minutes of her tirade, finally Hermione cooled down. "Why would you even want to ...sleep with yourself anyway?" The two Harrys looked at themselves.

"Do you mind if I field this one?"

"No, you go right ahead."

"Well to put it bluntly, Hermione, he's such a damn good shag that I wouldn't want anyone else." He turned to look at the other Harry, who was so touched (or rather won over) by his sentiment that a passionate snog ensued.

"Oh Merlin," muttered Hermione. "I've heard of being in love with yourself but this is just ridiculous." She quickly noticed that the passionate snog was now turning into a passionate something else. "OK! That's enough of that!" Before Harry reluctantly broke away from himself, the other (as in the one from the future) whispered in his ear.

"Ron's about to say something at last. It's going to be a cracker." Ron had indeed finally lifted himself from his stupor and had figured out a response to the bizarre and warping situation unfolding before him.

"So ...does this mean you're gay?" The eyebrows of the present Harry hit his fringe.

"Hmm, let's think about it. I'm sitting on my bed in my underpants with my counterpart from the future, who happens to be, very much like myself, a boy. Yes, Ron, it's pretty fair to say that I'm gay." The future Harry laughed boisterously.

"I was right," he said. "It's still funny even when I've heard it before." Ron seemed to be taking everything in surprisingly well. Hermione, on the other hand, was still morally, personally and generally outraged.

"Harry! You're being irresponsible! If the Ministry finds out you have a stolen Time-Turner they'll probably put you in Azkaban! Have you considered that?"

"Of course I have," said Harry placidly, looking at his watch and realising the time. "Could you pass me my trousers please, Hermione?"

"Of course," replied Hermione absent-mindedly. "I know you're going through a lot right now but that doesn't mean ...get them yourself!" she snapped indignantly when she suddenly realised what she was doing.

"Fine," sighed Harry as he crossed the room and retrieved his clothes from the top of Seamus' bed. While he dressed, he only half listened to Hermione's reasons for returning the Time-Turner.

"I'm just saying, it can't be healthy, what you're doing ...can it?" This bit Harry did hear. Stiffening up a little, he crossed back over to his bed and placed his hand on his still bare shoulder.

"I'll have you know, Hermione, my ...that is our sex life is very healthy." Both Harrys lit up with perfectly symmetrical pride. Ron was now a little afraid. "Now, if you'll excuse me," said the fully clothed Harry as he took his Time-Turner out of his jean pocket, put the chain around his neck and turned it once.

"No you are not excused! We need to talk about this! HARRY!" hollered Hermione.

~|~

Harry stood in the shadows of the dormitory, eyeing the figure sitting expectantly on the bed, who suddenly noticed Harry's presence. He jumped up from the bed and embraced him.

""I was wondering if you'd come tonight."

"I should warn you, Ron and Hermione are going to walk in on us tonight."