Careers Advice - Slytherin

Written by magic dictation quill:

S: To continue, this is a dictated record of Mr. Gregory Goyle's careers advice session with myself, Professor Severus Snape. Come in Gregory ...no, Gregory, you've got to push the door ...that's right, push. Now, sit down. I trust you understand why you're here?

G: Um ...uh ...well ...

S: Obviously not. You're here to discuss any ideas you might have ...

G: Books what read themselves.

S: I beg your pardon?

G: Books what read themselves. It's an idea I've having.

S: You mean 'it's an idea I've had'.

G: No, sir. It were my idea.

S: 'It 'was' my idea.

G: You're nicking my idea!

S: No I'm not, Gregory. I'm trying to explain that your grammar is atrocious.

G: What did you say about my grandma?

S: Oh can we please just forget it? What I mean is that we're here to discuss your plans for the future. What do you plan to do after you leave school?

G: That's easy. I'm going to drink a lot of Firewhiskey and stay out all night.

S: Perhaps I should explain a little better. What would you like to do for a -don't touch that bottle ...oh for Merlin's sake! No, just leave it ...I'll clean it up later. No! Don't touch it whatever you do! - What was I talking about? Oh yes, what would you like to do for a living?

G: Draco says I'd like to ...

S: Gregory, have you ever had a thought of your own? Forget what Draco says you'd like to do and tell me what you've been thinking of doing.

G: I'd like to be a Death Eater.

S: Oh for crying out loud. Gregory, we've had this conversation before. You are not to make your loyalty to the Dark Lord known until I say it is all right to do so. Do you understand me?

G: No.

S: At least you're being honest. The thing is, if you go around saying you want to join the Death Eaters you're likely to end up in Azkaban.

G: And that's not good?

S: No, it's not good. Now, to get back to our original point -don't do that, Gregory, it's unhygienic- what was our original point?

G: Books what read themselves.

S: Oh very well then. As awful as it's likely to be, would you care to explain your idea?

G: I was thinking, if I could make a book what reads itself, then I wouldn't have to read it cos it would do it for me.

S: I see. So you can see yourself flourishing in the field of magical invention?

G: Um ...

S: Take your time.

G: Well, Draco says ...

S: Yes, just what does Draco say? Since your own thoughts on a choice of career have been so far disastrous, let us hear what Mr. Malfoy has to say.

G: Well ...Draco thinks I could be a bodyguard ...for Draco, when he becomes a Death Eater.

S: Oh I give up. We've run out of time as it is. Going over your marks wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference, as they are just as dismal as ever. There is, however, something you can take away from this session. It is my solemn promise that if you ever speak of wanting to become a Death Eater while within the walls of this castle, your punishment will be swift and shall involve jinxed Bludgers and your head. Now go and get Draco for me.

G: ...

S: What is it now, Gregory?

G: Can you say that bit about my marks again, sir?

S: Just get out. GET OUT!