Careers Advice - Slytherin

Written by magic dictation quill:

S: This is a dictated record of the fifth year's career advice with myself, Professor Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin house. The time is 10 o' clock, my first session will be with Mr. Vincent Crabbe ...at least it will be once he arrives. Ah Vincent, come in. Take a seat. Yes, now sit down on the seat. Now, do you know why you're here?

C: I didn't do nothing.

S: No, Vincent. You are not in trouble. You're here to discuss any plans you have for the future, if you have any at all. Look at me, no, look at me, Vincent. So, what would you like to do once you leave Hogwarts?

C: I was thinking ...

S: Careful.

C: I was thinking of being a security troll trainer.

S: That is indeed a thought. However, after looking over the notes your teachers have sent me, my initial advice would be not to go into training security trolls, but rather training as a security troll. I'm afraid that your marks have been less than impressive.

C: Im...?

S: Impressive. It means good.

C: So my marks are good?

S: No, Vincent, I'm saying your marks are bad.

C: But you just said ...

S: I know what I just said, but do try to listen to what I'm saying now.

C: What are you saying now?

S: I'm saying your marks are not good.

C: Oh.

S: I have here a note from Professor Flitwick. He says that while your test scores have been low you have been making some progress. You've recently started holding the correct end of your wand, which is a great deal of help. He also reports that you've stopped putting your wand up your nose. I told you we'd get there eventually, now didn't I?

C: Uh-huh.

S: Now, Professor Sprout has sent me a note saying that you've gotten better at recognising which plants are not for chewing. However, she says that you don't pay enough attention in her lessons. Can I assume -stop that, Vincent -can I assume that a career involving Herbology would not interest you?

C: Um ...

S: It is not a trick question.

C: What's not?

S: Would you be interested in a career involving Herbology?

C: No ...but that's just a guess.

S: Very well. Professor Umbridge says that you have been doing very well in her lessons. I wouldn't get too excited by that though, it is simply her bias against Mr. Potter and his friends and in no way reflects your 'talent'.

C: Huh?

S: Nothing. Forget I said anything.

C: What?

S: Exactly. The point is, in Professor Umbridge's lessons and in mine, you seem to be doing fine. I believe you've managed to cut your number of potion spillages down to two a week, is that right?

C: My bottom still hurts from the last one.

S: That's perfectly normal. I have recently noticed your talent on the Quidditch pitch. You and Gregory Goyle are certainly a force to be reckoned with. Have you considered being a professional Beater?

C: Yes. It involves my two favourite things.

S: See? That word calendar really does make a difference. Just what are your two favourite things?

C: Hitting things and big balls!

S: Right ...I'm going to give you this leaflet concerning the Quidditch League. Have Draco read it to you. Quite frankly I can't be bothered to go over it now. Now if you'd like to return to your lesson ...your returning to class is not optional, Vincent.

C: Opt ...

S: Just go. Please, just go. Honestly. I don't know why I bother.