Love Potion HP

Chapter Fifteen: Trysts in the Dark

Sirius stood stunned as the door slammed shut in his face. Sudden rage boiled a second time in his chest.

I can't believe he did that. I can't believe-

He felt a hand on his shoulder. A voice spoke firmly, "Go to him."

He turned around. Remus's eyes bore into his with a concentrated stare.

"What?" he requested.

"Go to him," Remus repeated.

"After that display?"

"Sirius, do you love him?" he asked.

"I wish I didn't..." he muttered angrily.

"Do you love him?"

"YES!" Sirius snapped.

"Then go to him!" Remus cried. "The worst way to deal with Severus is to let him brood over his own thoughts."

He protested, "But the way he acted-"

"I really think you drove him to it. From the way you reacted... you knew he was a Death Eater, didn't you?"

Sirius sighed. "Yes," he answered glumly.

"You knew that and you still trusted him enough to sleep with him. Why should this change anything?"

"The way he-"

"Yes, yes!" Remus hastily agreed. "They way he presented it was wrong. But, Sirius, we don't have time to argue- Go after him!"

Sirius gritted his teeth and sighed. "Fine. Fine, I'll do it."

"And don't do it for me," Remus warned.

"He's the most infuriating person I know," Sirius growled as he put on his cloak. "Someone explain to me why I'd still follow him into Hell or even Azkaban."

* * *

Once outside, Sirius changed into a dog and followed Severus by scent. His nose led him not to the castle, but deep into the forest, where he found Severus wandering aimlessly through the thickets and trees. He whimpered slightly. Severus gave a start and turned at the sound. Sirius saw something glimmer on his face. When he had given him enough time to recognize him, he changed back into a man.

Severus tried to sneer, but his lips failed him and curved back into a dull frown. "You followed me. How sweet," he said flatly. His voice cracked slightly.

"Severus," he said sternly. "Listen-"

"No, you listen!" he snapped. "It is so ironic that I should be the one to trust you, and not the other way around!"

Sirius bowed his head. "I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have done that," he said softly.

"Why?" he asked coldly. "You weren't going to tell me anything. You would just let Voldemort get me- and not because you want him to, but because you're a moron!"

Sirius bristled. "You're a fine one to talk. What about you? All the things you blatantly admitted you'll never tell me? You except me to bare my soul to you without the same in return?"

"I gave you something more valuable than my secrets," he spat. "And now I remember why I have never done that before."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Oh, would you stop trying to manipulate-"

"I'm being straight-forward and honest for once!" he shouted. "And it feels so out of character and I hate it! So just go away so I can find who I was again!" He turned away and muttered angrily, "You are so stupid! You have no idea the effect you have on me. I have never felt like this before. I have never wanted to confess everything before and I hate it!"

Sirius's heart quivered at his words. He stepped towards him and embraced him from behind. Severus stiffened.

"Go away," he whispered sullenly.

Sirius raised his hand to stroke his cheek and felt something wet under his eyes.

"You're crying," he said.

"Oh, shut up!" Severus yelled, but there was nothing funny about it this time. He sounded desperate and wounded. He broke from his hold. "Just go away!"

He dashed off into the forest. Sirius hung his head.

"Alright, Severus," he whispered sadly, and turned back towards the cabin.

* * *

Severus trampled through the forest. Thrones snagged his robes and branches buffeted him from all sides, but he did not care. He would rather feel the pain of Cruciatus Curse than the throbbing in his chest.

I knew this would happen. I knew. I knew- and I forgot and I let it. Why can't I just be who I was again? Why can't the world just let me hate everybody in peace?

He stopped to catch his breath. The sound of his inhalations was ragged. He did not know where he was going. Not to the castle, and certainly not to the cabin. Perhaps he would just wander the forest all night.

I'll find some place to bury Padfoot's chew toy and when I come out, I'll be Professor Snape again.

He knelt on the ground as he felt a sob rise from his throat.

What is wrong with me! he thought angrily. He had not cried since he was seven. He balled his hands into fists and dug his nails into his palms. I want to be who I was six months ago! I hate you, Sirius Black! So much deeper than ever before! I hate you for making me into this, this pathetic, weak, little-

"Arrrgh!" he screamed in frustration and slammed his fist into a tree. He realized he had just injured his wand hand. Well, good. Another reason to hate Black. He took a deep breath and stood up, wiping his face with his one good hand. He transferred his wand from his right to left pocket, in case he needed it.

He wandered through the woods, trying to nurse his anger and ignore his sorrow, yet somehow only succeeding in doing the reverse. Wolves howled at to the moon and the sound of night encroached on his solitude, but he did not fear them. He knew how to handle anything in the forests of Hogwarts.

As Severus passed by a shadowed glade, he heard a voice speaking in hushed tones, "...a petty crime, but he will pay for that and others I assure you. Were you able to obtain the ingredients?"

"No, Father," answered another, familiar voice.

Severus almost gasped as he recognized the sound. Draco Malfoy! He crouched down and peered through the bushes into the glade. In the gloom, he could just make out the form of Lucius Malfoy and his son.

I will have him expelled for this, Severus thought with determination, after I capture his father for Azkaban!

Lucius seemed slightly displeased. "You know we must have them before April."

"I will try," said Draco earnestly. "But it's more difficult now. I don't know if I can do it without being caught. And the plan doesn't seem to be working."

"I know," he answered. "Our Lord is disturbed by this. He will try the device again and if it fails... by May, it will be destroyed. That will kill them both."

Severus had heard enough. He carefully aimed his wand and whispered, "Morsmordi!"

Lucius's right hand immediately flew to his left arm. He rolled up his sleeve. "A summons?" he mused aloud. "No, this doesn't feel like-"

"You can forget your plot, Lucius Malfoy," Severus boldly announced with a cold sneer, stepping into the grove with his wand before him.

The moonlight played off Lucius's face, pale and pointed like his son's, giving an eerie sheen to his thick, light blond hair as his mouth began to curl into a snarl of rage. The guttural sound never came; he quickly calmed and composed himself. "Well, well, Severus Snape. The man of the hour."

Severus was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't know?"

Severus glared as Lucius laughed.

"I'm not here to play games, Malfoy," he warned. "You will come with me-"

"Or what?" he demanded.

Severus decided that now was not the time to exchange quips or mess around with penny-ante curses. He raised his wand. "Imper-"

"Quietus!" Lucius cast and Severus' voice left him in a gasp.

Severus's mind raced rapidly to find the counter-spell, and found it useless. He could not speak. He steeled himself to lunge at Lucius, but before he could move, Lucius summoned thick cords which wound about his body, binding him. He gave him a sinister smirk and tapped his wand against Severus's chin, gloating.

"Not very impressive, Severus," he remarked. "You've lost your touch." He turned to his son. "Draco, take out your wand."

Draco obeyed and instinctively aimed it at Severus.

"How would you like to really gain the Dark Lord's favor?"

"I would like that very much, Father," he said, never taking his eyes off his professor.

"Then you can dispose of this traitor for him," said Lucius, placing his hand on his son's shoulder. "I'm going to teach you a little spell. It's called 'Avada Kedavra'."

A maliciously mirthful smile spread over Draco's face. Severus closed his eyes. He wanted an image of his own devising, not that twisted grin, a cruel parody of his childhood, to be the last thing he saw.

A savage roar tore through the night. Severus's eyes sprung open. A black dog of incredible size had barreled into Draco and was now tearing at Lucius. Severus tried to speak, but his voice came out only as a squeak. In a flash, the dog became a man. Sirius punched Lucius in the mouth with a sickening crunch. He then pointed his wand at Severus.

"Relashio! Sonorus!" he shouted.

The cords around Severus disintegrated. He snatched his wand from the dirt, just as Sirius changed again into a dog. Padfoot opened his mouth wide and prepared to close his jaws around Lucius's throat.

"Father!" Draco shouted and committed one of the few valiant acts of his life. He threw himself at Sirius.

The boy and the dog tussled in the grass. Sirius scratched violently at his face and arms and inevitably emerged the victor, pinning Draco to the ground with sheer weight. Lucius began to rise, but Severus cast at him, "Stupefy!"

Severus jumped over a prone and dazzled Lucius to join Sirius. From the feral look in Sirius's eye, he wondered if whom he was gazing upon was truly an Animagus or beast. He raised his paw, nails ready to slash across the boy's throat.

"SIRIUS!" Severus screamed. "DON'T!"

The dog jumped off Draco, simultaneously morphing into a man. He raised his wand- "Mobilicorpus!"- and Draco hovered in midair, paralyzed by both spell and terror, with blood running down his pallid cheeks.

"Why shouldn't I kill the boy?" Sirius asked dangerously.

"Because he is a boy," Severus said. "He doesn't know what he's doing."

"He'll grow up to be a Death Eater like his father. Killing him is a mercy- he'll go to the beyond with his soul still clear."

"Sirius," he whispered, "I used to be that boy."

"I will never be you!" Draco suddenly spat. "I'm no traitor!"

Severus slapped him across the face. "You are nothing if not a fool! Do you have any idea what Voldemort's reign over the wizarding world would mean? No! All you know is your father's own power-hungry delusions of grandeur! HOLD YOUR TONGUE!"

Draco simply started at him. Suddenly his eyes darted to a point behind them.

"Turn around," Lucius commanded. "Slowly."

Severus and Sirius glanced at each other, but obeyed. Lucius stood with a wand in each hand, his in the right pointed at Severus, and his son's in the left aimed at Sirius. He was grinning despite that his mouth was full of his own blood and his once-perfect white teeth were now stained and crooked from Sirius's fist.

"Whoever moves first," Lucius warned, "I'll kill the other."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "What exactly do you want?"

Lucius smiled cruelly, his lips red as if painted. "Exactly this, because this is exactly what Voldemort wants. He'll be so pleased-"

"Expelliarmus! Expelliarmus!"

The two wands flew from Lucius's hands. He turned around- and had only three seconds to scream.

Remus Lupin held Draco and Lucius Malfoy's wands between his hands- and snapped them both in two.

"My wand!" Lucius cried in outrage. "MY WAND!"

Lupin threw the four pieces at him. "Take the boy and get out," he calmly ordered. His eyes seemed to glow.

Lucius hesitated.

"Do you know who I am?" Lupin asked. He pointed to the moon nearing full. "Or what I am?"

Lucius shivered in spite of himself. As he bent to pick up the shards of wand, Sirius released Draco. Lucius approached and took his son's hand.

"I'm afraid your time at Hogwarts is over," he said. "But I think now we have the resources to teach you better at home."

As they walked together, steadily away from school grounds, Severus called out, "I would not come back here again if I were you, Lucius!"

Lucius turned. "There will be another for you," he warned ominously. Then they disappeared from view.

Severus felt so emotionally exhausted that he wanted to faint. He took one step and nearly toppled, but Sirius caught him in his arms and held him in a furious embrace.

"I'll never let them hurt you," he whispered fervently. "Never, never-"

Severus suddenly felt very stupid because he started to cry again.

"Forgive me, Severus," Sirius was trembling. "I almost lost you. I'll never, never doubt you. Never. I'll never let them hurt you-"

"Don't," Severus croaked. "Don't promise anything-"

"But I do."

Severus protested, "There's more than one person you love!"

Sirius kissed him gently.

"Sirius," he whispered, "I know how their minds work. They'll try to put you in a position where you have to choose and if they do... choose Harry. You better choose Harry or I'll kill you."

Sirius just held him tighter. "That won't happen. I'll protect you both."

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled.

"We should get back to the cabin," Lupin urged.

Sirius half-carried Severus home. Lupin walked before them. He was somewhat agitated and Severus realized he had not yet drunk his potion. Back at the cabin, Sirius gently laid Severus on the sofa, while Lupin went into the kitchen.

Sirius tenderly stroked his face. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he said over and over.

Severus sniffled. "Damn it, why can't I stop crying?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"I know," he said.

"I love you. I love you."

Severus opened his mouth- but no words came. It was those three syllables that Sirius had just uttered which terrified him the most.

"I've never said it," he realized suddenly. "I've never said that to you. What you just said to me."

"I know," Sirius said. He looked away but could not hide the hurt. "Why?"

"I was afraid."

"Are you still?"

Severus paused. He still felt a pain in his chest, but it was different this time. It was an ache he did not want to go away.

Why should I be so afraid? I have all but spoken it. I've already given myself to him.

"I love you, Sirius."