Rating:
PG
House:
Astronomy Tower
Ships:
Hermione Granger/Remus Lupin
Characters:
Hermione Granger Remus Lupin Sirius Black
Genres:
Romance Angst
Era:
Harry and Classmates Post-Hogwarts
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 04/01/2005
Updated: 04/01/2005
Words: 2,037
Chapters: 1
Hits: 746

Twilight

TattooedSiren

Story Summary:
Four years after the death of Sirius, Hermione and Remus share conversation and hot chocolate.

Posted:
04/01/2005
Hits:
746
Author's Note:
This fic was inspired by the song 'Twilight' and there is also a line or two in this fic that comes from 'What Now' - but this is not a songfic.


Twilight

~

I didn't know that I could be so blind to all that is so real

But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed

~

Hermione held out a steaming mug.

"Thankyou," Remus said, taking the mug from her.

"You're welcome," she replied as she sat down beside him on the steps of the back porch.

Remus slowly sipped the drink. "Mmm ... hot chocolate."

Hermione smiled at him. "It helps. It really helps."

He chuckled softly. "Do I say that a lot?"

"I may have heard you say it once or twice."

Remus and Hermione silently sipped their hot drinks. The sun had just set and the stars in the sky were beginning to light up. It was calm and serene - not a sound could be heard for miles.

Remus drained his mug and placed it on the step below him. He stretched his legs, crossing them at the ankle on the bottom stair. Concentrating on his hands, which were twisting in his lap, he softly asked, "Do you know what today is?"

Hermione, who had been gazing at the stars above them, quickly turned her attention to him. "Of course I do," she replied gently.

Remus sighed. "I can't believe it's been four years."

Hermione put her half full mug on the decking, giving her full attention to the man sitting beside her.

"Sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday, while other times ... it's like it happened in another life. Does that make any sense?"

Hermione nodded. "Time is a funny thing. In the grand scheme of things, four years is not very long at all. But if you sit still, and let each moment pass, four years is an eternity."

Remus turned to Hermione. She was looking at him intently, her body angled slightly in his direction. He realised that she was truly listening to him, understanding him. The last person who understood him was -

"How is Harry doing?" he asked, not wanting his mind to continue down that path.

Hermione shrugged. "Okay, I guess. This time of year is always hard for him."

Remus nodded in understanding and the pair lapsed into a brief silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Remus took a better look at Hermione's backyard. He admired the trees that lined her property; the fairy lights in them made them look all the more magical. He noticed the tree in the middle of the yard had a swing hanging from one of the branches. For some reason, it brought a smile to his face.

"I had a dream the other night, about the night we first met him," Hermione confessed.

Remus turned to her in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah. We were all in the Shack and the truth comes out, how it wasn't him who betrayed Harry's parents. Pettigrew is transformed out of his rat form and we..."

"Yes?" Remus prompted. "Go on."

"We catch Pettigrew. Take him to the Castle. Sirius was freed," she spoke in a small voice.

Hermione stopped talking and Remus thought that was all she was going to share. She was staring straight ahead, clearly deep in thought and memory. When she spoke again, it was in a sad whisper.

"The looks on their faces ... Sirius and Harry, I mean ... I don't think I've ever seen Harry that happy in my waking life and I know I never saw Sirius that happy... When I woke up, all I wanted was to crawl up into a ball and cry."

"Did you?" he asked, knowing if it was him who had that dream, he most definitely would have cried upon waking.

Hermione suddenly became very interested in a ball of fluff on the sleeve of her jumper. She didn't answer.

"Would you like another drink?" Hermione asked some time later.

"Sure," he replied, handing her his mug.

Hermione disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with more hot chocolate for both of them. Remus took the proffered mug, smiling in thanks.

"Thankyou for dinner, Hermione."

"You're very welcome."

"Maybe I should return the favour and cook dinner for you one night."

"You can cook?"

"Of course I can cook," Remus replied with mock-offence. Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, okay," he amended, "I can't cook a lot. But the few dishes I can do, I do very well."

"So is this an official invitation?" Hermione asked with a smile.

Returning her smile, he replied, "Yes, it's an official invitation."

"Well, in that case I would love to."

As Remus and Hermione sat, mugs of hot chocolate in their hands, they fell into a comfortable silence. Having known each other for seven years, they didn't feel the need to make useless small talk just to fill the void. In fact, they often spent hours together in a companionable silence as they each sat reading a book in the library of Grimmauld Place.

Although Remus was staring straight ahead, focusing on the shadows he and Hermione were casting onto the grass, he could sense Hermione staring at him. He didn't need to turn to her to confirm she was looking intently at him. He could just feel it.

Remus debated whether he should ask what she was thinking or if he should simply wait for her to volunteer her thoughts, which he had no doubt she would, in time. He put the mug down beside him, with every intention of asking if anything was wrong when he turned back around. But she got in first.

"Remus."

"Yes, Hermione?"

"You know you have to let it go, don't you? Say goodbye..." she said gently.

Remus's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? Say goodbye to what?"

"To yesterday. To Sirius. To Harry's parents. To the past," she replied, her voice twinged with sadness.

"What are you talking about?"

Hermione sighed. She discarded her mug and turned to face Remus, crossing her legs under her. She pulled on the sleeves of her jumper so that her hands disappeared into the sleeves; a gesture Remus had seen her do on occasions when she was nervous.

"I can't imagine what your life must be like. Being bitten at such a young age. Losing everyone you love in one foul swoop, when you were...what, around my age? Being given your best friend back after twelve years, only to have him taken away again a few years later... But Sirius would want you to be happy, Remus. You need to let go of the illusion you live your life under."

Remus stared at Hermione. He didn't know where this was coming from and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know where it was going. Hearing her list all the horrible incidents in his life, the sensitive topics he never liked to discuss, he felt a familiar anxiety settle over him. But this was Hermione - she wouldn't be talking like this unless she was serious, unless she had a point.

"What illusion?" he asked in a hoarse voice, unsure if he really wanted to hear her answer, so he focused on his hands which were again twisting nervously in his lap.

"You live you life under the belief that you don't deserve love. That your past and your werewolf status means that you can never have a normal, happy life. But I am here to tell you that of all people, you, Remus Lupin, deserve love and joy and normalcy. You deserve to be loved," Hermione slipped her hand into Remus's before whispering, "and you are."

Remus looked at their hands, the way her small, soft hand fit into his larger, rougher one. His heartbeat immediately quickened. As he slowly lifted his eyes from their hands to Hermione's face, he had to refrain from gasping.

Looking at her face, her honest, beautiful face, he knew that she was right. He had been holding onto the past too tightly, clinging to it, in fact. And he didn't even know why - it wasn't like the past was a particularly happy place.

But as he looked into Hermione's eyes, the ... illusion, as she called it, faded. It was as though he was seeing everything in a new light. Seeing Hermione for the first time. She was biting her lower lip, clearly nervous under Remus's piercing gaze. But she didn't look away.

Remus hung his head as the truth hit him. He had been clinging to the past, to things that weren't even real. And the whole time, the most real, honest, true thing in his life had been right in front of him the entire time.

"Remus?" Hermione said tentatively. She couldn't tell if he was sad, angry, confused or hurt. She hadn't intended to say everything she said, to reveal so much. But she didn't regret it either. He deserved to know the truth, even is he wanted nothing to do with it.

Remus shifted his body so he was facing Hermione, all the while keeping hold of her hand. He lifted his head slightly and leaned across, pressing his forehead against hers. "I don't know what to say," he whispered.

Hermione closed her eyes at his words. "You don't have to say anything," she replied. In fact, if he was going to reject her, she didn't want to hear the words.

She was so certain that he was going to deny her, so positive that any minute now he would pull back from her and mutter an excuse about needing to leave before running out the door, that it came as a great surprise when she felt him brush his lips against her own in a sweet kiss. Just one.

Remus pulled back slightly and Hermione opened her cloudy eyes to see him gazing at her. He released her hand and gently caressed her cheek. She tried to smile, but feeling his fingertips on her cheek and being under his scrutinizing stare meant she had little capacity to do anything. So she gazed into his unflinching grey eyes, which, for the first time since they met, weren't filled with sorrow but with light. Hermione almost stopped breathing at this change.

Remus's deeply buried and long forgotten feelings were quickly simmering to the surface. A few years previous, when he realised his feelings towards Hermione had grown beyond friendship, he did the only thing he could. He buried them, deep within, knowing he could never be so lucky as to have her return his feelings. And now, having her sit beside him and declare her love for him, he felt those old feelings rushing back. It was almost too much to bear.

He leaned forward and kissed her again. It was gentle and slow, each of them taking their time. After a few tentative kisses, things between them began to heat up. A new passion bubbled between them as they opened their mouths to each other and began exploring. Hermione automatically reached out, resting her hands on his legs while Remus's hand went from her cheek to her bushy hair and back again.

Remus made a small noise of protest when Hermione broke away. He dropped his hand from her cheek as they both took a moment to get their breath back. Looking into Remus's smoky eyes, Hermione knew that no matter what, tomorrow would mean a new world for the both of them.

Remus sighed. "Who ever dreams of ordinary?" he asked as he lightly ran his fingertips over the top of Hermione's hand.

She reached up and brushed his fringe out of his eyes before tracing his cheek softly. "Someone who's extraordinary," she replied earnestly, her eyes sparkling brightly.

Remus looked into Hermione's eyes, almost scaring her with his desperation. "Maybe I'm no fairytale, Hermione. Not everyone gets a happily ever after."

Hermione smiled softly at him. "Some people do, Remus," she replied before leaning across and kissing him tenderly.

Hermione stood, silently offering her hand to Remus. He accepted it and stood up. They looked at each other for a moment before Hermione, still grasping his hand, led Remus inside the house.

Their untouched mugs of hot chocolate remained outside under the twinkling night sky.


Author notes: Please, please, please review and let me know what you think – good or bad.
I’m a review junkie - please don’t leave me hanging too long for my next fix. :o)