Harry Potter and the Rocky Horror Picture Show

This bit of (hopefully) enjoyable craziness is still under construction... in other words; it’s not finished. I’m doing my best, but unfortunately we all have other things that take up our time (like life in general) so if you find yourself at the point where you’d like to kill me because I’m making you wait for the next chapter... well... that just means you actually like it and I’m doing a good job! So good for me! Woo-hoo!

If you’ve never seen the RHPS, I think it goes without saying that you won’t understand quite a bit of what will happen in this fic. If you’ve never read the HP books... uh... what are you doing here? In any event, enjoy! :)

 

~Prologue~

An Outlandish Opening and Dissembling Distractions

 

 

It was shortly after school began that year that a small but intriguing notice was posted in each of the school’s Common Rooms.

Theater Club

Actors and stagehands needed

to embark on a strange

and exciting journey

into the realm of players.

The first ten people to sign up

are guaranteed parts,

regardless of skill.

All volunteers shall be welcome.

Be prepared to take part

in a most unconventional convention.

Syvia Avarian: Director

Actors:Stage hands:

“Well, this is an intriguing start for a fan-fic,” Hermione murmured. The fifteen-year-old cocked her head slightly to one side, then reached out and touched the bit of parchment. The elegant black letters turned to rainbow colors when her finger brushed the ink. Her eyebrows raised and she took out her wand. Hermione tapped the paper and it shone with a soft white radiance before once again becoming a normal piece of parchment. “There’s some sort of mild concealment charm on this...” she whispered to herself.

“What’s going on, Hermie?” a voice inquired softly from behind her. The girl gasped in surprise and turned. Ron smiled down at her. She elbowed him in the gut, frowning.

“Don’t scare me like that,” Hermione admonished, frowning in mock-seriousness.

“Sorry, Hermie.”

“And don’t call me that!”

“Call you what, Hermie-own?” he teased. The brown-haired girl mimed a punch at her boyfriend’s shoulder and he dodged, smiling.

She rolled her eyes with a groan and pointed at the paper. “Never mind. Tell me, what do you suppose this is?” Hermione asked, looking over her shoulder. Ron stepped up beside her, still smiling, and looked at the board. He read over it swiftly and one flame-colored eyebrow rose slightly.

“Huh... frankly I’d rather have another go at a dueling club....”

Hermione opened her mouth to reply when another person appeared on her other side. She smiled a greeting at the new arrival, which Ginny returned in kind.

“Hey, a theater club!” the younger girl cried enthusiastically. “Anybody got a quill handy?” she asked over her shoulder.

“You’re signing up just like that?” Hermione asked, surprised.

“Gin’s mad for anything to do with acting,” Ron said calmly. “You should hear her sing.” The end of an eagle-feather tapped Ginny lightly on the shoulder.

“Going to be an actress then?” Harry asked her as she took the quill.

“We’ll find out, won’t we?” Ginny assumed a solemn expression and signed her name under the ‘actors’ column with a flourish. The red ink shimmered wetly for a moment before the parchment glowed and a golden number one appeared beside her signature.

“I wonder who thought of this... and why?” Hermione murmured, tapping her index finger against her bottom lip.

“Extracurricular activities,” Harry responded knowingly, taking back his quill and signing his own name under Ginny’s. “I overheard some of the teachers talking about it the second day back. They’re trying to keep our minds off the war.”

Ron’s eyes widened in remembrance. “D’you mean the time we heard McGonagall telling Flitwick ‘the more outlandish the distraction, the better’?”

Harry grinned. “So we know it’s going to be strange, very strange.”

“This is Hogwarts, Harry...” Hermione smiled, taking the quill from him. “What could be strange enough to top what we’ve already been through?” She signed her name, then offered the quill to Ron with a smile. He looked down at it, then at her dubiously.

“I dunno...”

“Well...” a soft voice said from behind him, “I’m all for a bit of distraction.” They turned in surprise to see a blushing Neville, who took the offered quill and signed the parchment.

“Cheers, Neville,” Ginny said, smiling kindly at him. Hermione took the quill back from him and held it out to Ron once again. The others smiled at him mischievously.

He looked at them for a moment, biting his lip; then, with a long-suffering sigh he took the quill and signed his name in looping, untidy letters.

Hermione gave him a peck on the cheek as he gave Harry back his quill. “Don’t look so worried. This’ll be fun, I’m sure of it!”

“Yeah, yeah. How strange can it be?” he sighed.

In the Slytherin Common Room, a silver-haired young man noticed the parchment and the five names that had appeared on it. Draco signed his name with a smirk. None of the six volunteers yet knew just how outlandish this distraction would be.