What J K Rowling Should Have Done to Umbridge

A/N: This is how it really went...

He let out a gasp of pain. The words appeared on the parchment in what appeared to be shining red ink. At the same time, the words had appeared on the back of Harry's right hand, cut into his skin as though traced there by a scalpel-yet even as he stared at the shining cut, the skin healed over again, leaving the place where it had been slightly redder then before but quite smooth.

Harry looked around at Umbridge. She was watching him, her wide, toadlike mouth stretched in a smile.

"Yes?"

"Nothing," said Harry quietly.

A/N: But, if I were the author, this is what would have happened...

Harry looked around at Umbridge. She was watching him, her wide, toadlike mouth stretched in a smile.

"Yes?"

"Woman," Harry started. "You have got to be freakin' crazy if you think I'm going to sit here and slice my hand open over and over again." Harry knew that he was in detention and he had to do what he was told but he didn't care. He wasn't going to put up with this.

"You will do as you're told," Umbridge sneered. "You don't want me to get the minister involved, now do you? Trust me, he won't care what you have to say but I have a lot of influence. All I have to do is hide this quill and say I tried to get you to write lines."

Harry leaned back and put his feet up on her desk knocking over a jar of quills and messing up some piles of neatly stacked parchment.

"Whatever," Harry said. Umbridge looked as though she was about to blow up.

"Get your filthy feet off my desk!" she shrieked.

"No," said Harry simply.

"You cannot do this! I am senior undersec-"

"Oh shut up." Harry yawned. "Look, I'd love to stay and chat, well, actually I wouldn't. And I have a lot of other homework to do so I'll see you later, fatty." As Harry got up to leave, a loud noise smacked him full in the face.

"THAT'S IT, HARRY!" Umbridge exploded. "I AM SUMMONING THE MINISTER!" She marched over to her fireplace and took some gold powder from a frilly little bag hanging next to the fireplace. She threw it into the fireplace, knelt down and put her head in the flames.

"CORNELIUS!" Harry heard her scream. "GET OVER HERE AT ONCE!"

She straightened up and looked at Harry with a mad smile, though still toadlike, on her face. Before Harry could think, Cornelius Fudge came tumbling out of the fireplace.

"You called, Dolores?" Fudge said mildly.

"YES!" Umbridge shrieked again. Apparently, it was hard for her to stop yelling. "HARRY IS INTENTIONALLY DISOBEYING MY COMMANDS!"

"Well, we can't have that," Fudge said, smiling unpleasantly at Harry. He then looked at Umbridge and nodded. She nodded back. Then, both of them, smiling unpleasantly, took out their wands and turned to Harry, advancing on him

Harry chuckled. "Oh please," he said, rolling his eyes. "I survived a killing curse from Voldemort. Do you really think I can't handle this?"

They both ignored him, but continued to advance on him. Harry sighed. As much as he hated the both of them, he really did not want to have to resort to this. He took out his wand, but while he was debating what curse he should use, the door banged open.

It was none other than Dumbledore. One glance at the scene told him everything he needed to know. He pointed his wand at Umbridge and one flash of light later, a toad was perched on the ground croaking madly.

"Umbridge!" Fudge cried. "No! Fix her, Dumbledore, fix her!"

"Fudge," Dumbledore said calmly. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

There was a moment's pause.

"My hat!" Fudge shrieked. "My stupid, green, bowler hat! I need it to fight crime! I must return to my lair!" He ran over to the fireplace but instead of stopping in front of it, like a smart person, he ran head long into it. Next thing Harry knew, Fudge was lying unconscious next to the fireplace.

"Thanks, Dumbledore," Harry said. "Well, I must leave. I have homework to get done."

"Good-bye, Harry," Dumbledore said. "I would leave with you, but I would rather watch Umbridge's attempts to revive Fudge as a toad. Stupid woman."