VoldeFest!

4. A Knut for Your Thoughts

The night before this year's greatest battle of all time, the grounds and castle halls saw no relief from the bustle of the festival. It was a reasonably warm, breezy night, perfect for celebrating, overeating, and engaging in creative mischief. No one had any intentions of leaving.

In the Music Pavilion, the Weird Sisters, now replaced by younger musicians just as weird, had finished their set. A new group, Avada Banana, was about to debut their new song, "The Fruit of All Evil." The crowd grew larger and louder in anticipation.

Safely tucked away in heavily warded rooms, Harry and Glinda held a small party for their friends. With their children still outside causing Merlin only knew how much mayhem, it was a comfortably relaxed affair. Glinda sipped a banana daiquiri, innocently ignoring the dark look her husband threw her way, and chatted with Hermione and Ginny. Ron, Harry, Tonks, and Bill debated the latest Quidditch statistics over butterbeers. Minerva McGonagall's and Molly Weasley's eyes glazed over as Arthur explained in great detail how his enchanted Muggle contraption was sure to win first prize in the morning.

Neville, Luna, Dean, Charlie, and Seamus all laughed about Neville's sudden appointment to Herbology Professor six years ago after the overwhelming success of Professor Sprout's banana farm lured her away. And Remus Lupin, properly dosed with Firewhiskey, stood by a newly conjured, old fashioned record player and gently swayed to the soothing tune of "Blue Moon."

With a knock and an uttered password, Albus Dumbledore swept into the room. At least everyone was pretty sure it was him. His head may have been a giant banana, but the long, white beard and twinkle in his yellow-lidded eyes gave him away. He spread his arms wide and bobbed his oblong head. "Welcome to Hogwarts!"

The laughter in the room could have drowned out the band outside. Harry, however, had dropped his head into his hands. "I. Hate. Bananas." Glinda, who had moved over to him, patted his back.

With a pop, Dumbledore's head reverted to its normal appearance. "That was refreshing! Ah, Harry, my boy. How are you?"

Harry peeked from between his fingers. When he saw that the headmaster had returned to normal, he dropped his hands. "Fine, Albus. I see you've been enjoying yourself."

"Indeed. I just came from the Weasley's booth. Obviously, I suppose. The adults are having quite a time fussing at their children after eating those Charlie Brownies."

Molly reached over and pulled off the Sprout's Happy Charmed Banana Farm label that remained on the headmaster's forehead. Embarrassed, she tried to apologize on behalf of her wayward sons.

"Nonsense, Molly. It's all in good fun. Would you believe I almost got Severus to eat a piece of taffy? Now wouldn't that be a sight?" The twinkle was almost blinding.

Ron's face twisted. "A banana with greasy black hair and a nasty attitude? No, I don't think so." He shuddered. "No. Just no."

Glinda snorted.

"Oh, sorry Glinda," Ron said with a smirk. "So very, very sorry to insult your Head of House."

"You know it's nothing to me, Ron," Glinda said. "The great bat."

Molly sighed with disapproval. "Turning his back on his former star Potions student for marrying a Gryffindor."

"Not just any Gryffindor," Glinda said.

Glinda, Ginny, and Hermione said together, "The Gryffindor!"

Glinda scowled. "The great bat."

"Hmm, lose a potion master mentor, gain a loving husband," Hermione said. "I think you got the better end of the deal."

Remus sloshed his way over to Hermione, managing to bump into only one person. "That's right, Hormone."

Hermione snickered. Harry choked on his butterbeer. Everyone else made every effort to reign in their laughter, except Ron.

Remus frowned and looked more closely at her face. "Harmony. Hermione. Yes. Hermione." He turned to the others and raised his drink. "To Glinda. Loving potion master and talented wife, er..."

Harry gently took Remus by the arm. "Remus, perhaps you should sit down," he said, with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Nonsense!" He looked Harry in the eye. "I'm so proud of you, Harry."

"I know, Remus."

He grabbed Harry's shoulder and shook it. "So very proud. Your parents would be so proud. Sirius would be so proud..."

"I know."

With Arthur's help, Harry maneuvered Remus to the sofa.

"Godric Gryffindor would be so proud. Merlin himself would be so proud..."

With a pat on the back, Harry left Remus to recite his list to Arthur and returned to Glinda.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

"Just a Snape story." Glinda rolled her eyes.

"Hm. Lucky me."

"And everyone's started guessing where Emily will be sorted. With one in Gryffindor and one in Ravenclaw already, most say Slytherin for her. The great bat would just love that."

Harry's grin was cut short when Remus, who had escaped from Arthur, bumped into him. Seamus, not quite as far gone as Remus, joined him.

"I'll put a Galleon on Gryffindor," Seamus said.

Remus shook his head. "I see your Galleon and raise you a Sickle for Slytherin."

"Remus! I'm shocked!" Seamus said.

"Think about it, Seamus. Two Gryffindors? No balance there. Now I have a theory..."

And he flew into a long-winded explanation of the merits of opening a new house for the offspring of increasingly frequent Gryffindor-Slytherin pairings. He and Seamus tested "Gryffinslyth," "Slythindor," and a few other unacceptable house names. They finally settled on "Glytherin," with a bottle of soap (or "thoap," because Seamus insisted on a matching lisp) as a mascot. This, of course, sent the two into uncontrollable hysterics, which threw them both off balance and landed them in a heap on the floor.

"All right, now," Glinda said.

To the amusement of everyone else, a dazed Remus and Seamus now found themselves staring down the business end of her wand.

"Up, up, both of you. Right now. Over to the sofa. We're going to sober you up."

"Oi! I feel just fine," Seamus tried to protest. But Glinda's frown and her hand on her hip deterred him from commenting further, except for a feeble, "Yes, ma'am."

Under Glinda's threatening eye, both eventually managed to stand and teeter over to the sofa.

Glinda marched from the room in search of a sobering potion muttering something about "betting on my children" and "I'll not have it!" Ron nudged Harry, who grinned and nodded in return.

As the evening wore on, former classmates and Order members drifted in and out enjoying the reunion. And newly-sober Seamus and Remus seemed to be back in their right minds, though Remus was a bit embarrassed.

"So, Harry," Seamus said as he flopped an arm around Harry's shoulder. "What kind of horrible, unthinkable death do you have planned for the self-styled pain in everyone's bum?"

Harry smiled and stared at his friend. "You know better than that, Seamus."

"Why don't you set him on fire this year? Give the flames some nice color. Like purple. That'd be lovely."

Harry just raised an eyebrow.

"No, no, no," Ginny said. "It has to be some kind of hex he invented."

"I say it's a potion this time," Neville added. "Something horrid. Snape-like."

"He should kick old Self-Styled right into next year," Remus said. "Save the poor bastard the trouble of coming up with yet another body. Merlin knows he needs all the help he can get. Harry, just hex him right into next year's battle and be done with it."

This suggestion drew the biggest laugh.

Remus held up his glass, which Glinda made sure was filled with pumpkin juice. "To Harry. The ultimate Marauder who gets to pull the ultimate prank every year."

Everyone raised their drinks and cheered.

"I'm with Remus," Bill said. "Nothing like a little time travel to make things interesting.

Charlie shook his head. "Oh, I don't know. All he has to do is throw a bunch of bananas...ooof!" He rubbed his ribs where Ron had just landed an elbow. "Sorry."

Arthur stood. "Sounds like we have a favorite. All in favor of Remus's suggestion, raise your drinks."

Everyone did just that.

"There you have it, Harry," Hermione said. "Our wish for tomorrow's show."

"I'll keep that in mind," Harry said with a smile. But his plan was already in place.