VoldeFest!

3. A Word from Our Sponsors

The regal music blared once again, this time accompanied by an impressive aerial view of the castle.

"Welcome back to day two of American MuggleVision's coverage of the twenty-fifth annual VoldeFest! Brought to you by Some Enchanted Awnings--'weather from above or strangers across a crowded room, we've got you covered,' and Sprout's Happy Charmed Banana Farm--'the fruit of heroes.' I'm Jim Brawny, and I'm here with Summer Legsaplenty. It was an exciting first day, eh, Summer?"

"That's right, Jim. As expected, Arthur Weasley sailed through the first round of the Magically Enhanced Muggle Contraption competition. The Animagus Show competition has reported no controversies, but one contestant in the feline category did have an embarrassing incident involving a hairball."

"Oh no. Bet that was messy."

"That's right, Jim. Later in our Potter-Spotting segment, Ava Lane will share some of the thousands of reported spottings. It seems Potter really gets around, and may have been in as many as four places at once several times yesterday. Now that's a powerful wizard!"

"The Magic Carpet race is this afternoon," Jim said. "And later we'll take a look at the many children's activities, such as the Squid Rodeo and the Guess That Potion taste test, designed by the Hogwarts Potion Master himself, Severus Snape."

"That's right, Jim. But right now, we're going to get an exciting tour inside the Hogwarts castle with Trip Argyle. Trip?"

"Thanks, Summer," Trip said into a camera. "I'm here inside the hallowed halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not sure which hallowed hall this is, though, because two of the staircases took us for quite a ride. So we're just going to wander this hall for a while and see what's here. Oh, wait, here comes someone. Let's see if they can help us find our way."

Fred and George Weasley approached. George carried a small tin.

"Excuse me. I'm Trip Argyle. American MuggleVision. We're taking our viewers on a tour of the castle, and we've managed to get ourselves lost. I'm wondering..."

"American MuggleVision, you say?" George asked.

"That's right. I..."

"Nice to meet you, Trip! I'm Fred Weasley, and this is my brother, George."

"We're the proprietors of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," George said.

Fred smiled into the camera. "That's Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. We take both owl and mail orders."

Trip tried to cut in. "Yes, and welcome to the show. We..."

George opened the tin. "Here, Trip, try a brownie. Fresh from the ovens of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

Fred nodded. "We take both owl and mail orders."

Trip reached for a brownie. "I think I will. Thank you." He took a bite and looked into the camera. "Mmmm! Another tasty festival treat. These taste just like my waah waaaaah..." Trip grabbed his throat.

George patted his shoulder. "No worries, mate. Nothing's wrong."

"Waaaaaah waaah, waaah waaah," Trip tried to say.

"Brilliant, Trip!" Fred clapped his hands. "You're the first to try our new Charlie Brownies. If you're a kid, you keep speaking normally."

George finished. "But adults will start talking like, well, you."

"Muggle cartoons are a great source of ideas for our products." George looked directly into the camera. "That's Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

"We take both owl and mail orders."

"Don't worry, Trip," George said. "This is just a test batch. It'll wear off in another thirty seconds or so."

"We must get back to our booth. Nice talking to you."

"Waah! Waaah waaah waaah!"

But the twins were gone.

Trip pointed frantically at someone or something off camera. "Waah waah! Waaah waah those damned...ahem. Oh. Well." He straightened his orange AMV blazer and smoothed his hair. "Let's, uh, see what...ah, here comes someone else. Now he definitely looks like a man who can point us in the right direction."

Lucius Malfoy thundered his way down the hall, his white-blond hair furiously flapping behind him.

"Excuse me, sir," Trip said, flashing a grin worthy of Gilderoy Lockhart. "I'm Trip Argyle, American MuggleVision. What's your name, sir, and how are you enjoying the festival?"

Startled, Malfoy stopped in his tracks and stared at the camera. His face morphed into a scowl. "Muggle vision?"

"Your name, sir?"

"Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy." He stared the reporter down until the grin faltered.

"Malfoy...Malfoy! Why you were a Death Eater, right?"

"I was no such thing. Those are old rumors. Horrible, misleading accusations. Lies. Falsehoods. Unfortunate misunderstandings. Malicious attempts to taint my impeccable reputation. Nothing more."

But Trip smelled a scoop. "In fact, you were the top dog Death Eater, weren't you? I'm sure everyone back in the States would love to hear what you have to say. So tell us, Mr. Malfoy, you knew the Self-Styled Dark Lord personally. Do you think he will finally get a much needed first win in his column this year?"

Everything about Malfoy turned icy cold. "Listen carefully, Muggle. I am not now, nor have I ever been a Death Eater. Get that through your feeble little Muggle head, Mr..."

"Argyle."

"Yes. Mr. Argyle." Malfoy continued, looking Trip up and down with his glacial glare, "You tell your that they are most welcome to . I have ways to and intestines hard pressed to find your so painful, your ancestors and your little dog, too fava beans last brain cell. And if you ever again contaminate my personal space with your I will not hesitate to curtailing any hope of procreation whatsoever. Good day, Mr. Argyle." Malfoy stormed away.

Trip blanched and gulped. "Well," he rasped. "That was...informative. Er, back...back to you, Jim."

Outside, Jim and Summer sat drained of all color. Jim was the first to come back to his senses.

"Oh. Hey, uh, thank goodness for five-second delays, eh, Summer?"

Summer didn't budge and yelped with Jim poked her arm.

"That's...that's right, Jim. We'll be right back. After...after these...messages."