Amends

Amends

Inside my skin there is this space,

It twists and turns,

It bleeds and aches.

Inside my heart there's an empty room,

It's waiting for lightning,

It's waiting for you.

And I am wanting,

And I am needing you here.

Inside the absence of fear.

~ Absence of Fear by Jewel ~

First love - it was such a simple term, one that was almost looked at with derision when you mentioned it. Combine it with 'young love' and anyone over the age of thirty could barely disguise their laughter - if you were a teenager you couldn't really understand the 'grown up' concept of 'love'. But he had. He did. Love wasn't defined by your age - it didn't matter how you looked, what your personality was, what your families thought or how your friends felt. It was bigger than all of that. It was bigger than everything and it made you feel bigger than anything else.

That's how it had been for Daniel Moon - he could have cared less about what anyone else thought about his relationship with Kirsty Johnson. Their opinions had never really mattered to him - all his parents' talk about how he would meet someone more suitable. All her parents' talk about how she could do better than him. Everyone else's talk about how unlikely they were. He couldn't give a stuff about that. The only thing he had cared about was her opinion - and her opinion was the same as his - that they were meant to be together. He had always known that of course, ever since the second day he had been at Hogwarts and arrived late for Transfiguration along with her - he had just known that some things were destined.

He was destined to be late that day along with her, he was destined to be paired with her in that class. They were destined to be together always.

But always wasn't going to be long enough. He knew that now as he stood looking up at her house. The house they had spent so much time in when her parents weren't at home. The house in which he'd hidden in just about every cupboard and behind every door as she tried to smuggle him in and out of it at night. The house that he was going to take her away from when they finished their seventh year. The house that contained the people who had never liked him and now would never forgive him.

The house he should never have had to go near without her. Why then was he torturing himself like that? He looked up at the rain clouds that were doing their best to provide him with the camouflage to hide his tears - that was a good question. Why? Why was he there? Why wasn't she? Why did she have to study Divination? Why...

Why could you love someone so completely for years and then find that they were no longer there? Why did one remain without the other? Why did he feel like his heart wasn't even beating anymore?

Why her?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She'd watched him out there for an hour - the rain and the biting February wind didn't seem to be any kind of deterrent to him as he stood, looking. He had no cloak and no spell to protect him, yet he continued to stand there. She looked down at her watch - it was after 11pm - the boy should have went back by now yet he continued to stand there, seeming to be oblivious that time was moving on.

If she was honest, the last thing she wanted was to see him - the memories were still too fresh and painful and she was sure it hurt him as well to see them all. They were all hurting and she wasn't sure if any amount of talking between him and her family would ever fix that and, she was ashamed to say, a part of her didn't want his pain to be cured by something as simple as an apology when her pain would last forever. And the fact that Angelina Johnson felt like that scared her more than words would ever express - she had never wanted anyone to hurt in her life. And this was made infinitely worse by the knowledge that he was an innocent victim as well - but, as bad as she felt about it she couldn't help the feelings the sight of the young man elicited in her. Her family had been right when they had said that Kirsty could have done better and she had been wrong to fight in his corner. She'd been wrong and Kirsty had paid for the mistake. Love couldn't conquer all and Angelina should have known that when Kirsty was arguing her case about being in love so passionately. But Angelina had been in love as well and had made the mistake of comparing the situations and the boys - but they were nothing alike and the results now spoke volumes.

"Is he still out there?"

She turned around to see Fred Weasley glance up at her from the sofa where he was reading a large book on floating charms. She nodded her head and he sighed as he stood up. "What's he looking at?"

She shrugged her shoulders as she reached for her cloak while Fred wrapped his arms around her waist. "You want me to go talk to him? You know, maybe I would be able to get through to him? A little 'man to man' chat?"

She shook her head as she turned around. "I should do it. It's probably better if it's one of us and I don't think Mum is up to it and Dad would probably...say something that he maybe can't hear."

"I don't like you getting upset like this, Angelina. It's not really that productive to anyone..." he paused and shuddered. "And now I sound like Percy..."

She couldn't help but smile as she reached up and touched his face. "You do, but it's nice that you noticed it before I had to toss you out for it."

"But then you would have been without my stunning good looks and sparkling conversation for the rest of the night," he said as he gave her a squeeze. "Let me go out with you, this isn't going to be a nice conversation."

Angelina nodded her head as she turned around. "I know that, but I have to do it. Will....will you still be here? When I come back in?"

He looked at her and flashed her his best grin which despite everything brought a smile to her face. "Like I'd go without you? You don't get rid of me that easy - I'll be waiting for you."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angelina walked out the door she was suddenly aware of the biting wind and the driving rain. She clasped her robes closer to her as she walked towards Daniel and inwardly steeled herself.

"Daniel?"

The man, the boy turned around and looked at her - his sandy hair stuck to his head and even in the dark the redness of his eyes was evident as he backed off. "I'm sorry..."

"What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here..."

Daniel nodded his head and took another step back. "I know, I'm...I'm sorry, I just...I just wanted to..."

"If Mum sees you - it's too soon..."

"I thought you'd all be asleep. I didn't...I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry..."

She looked towards the house where she saw Fred looking out the window at her. "Why did you come here, Daniel? Why aren't you in school?"

"I...couldn't be there. I needed...I needed..." he stopped and began stumbling away quickly as he whispered, "I'm sorry..."

She watched him disappear into the darkness in two minds about chasing after him or not. He had made his own way there after all so he would be able to make his own way back to the school. She began walking back to the house, her conscience weighing her down as she bumped into someone. She looked up to see her redheaded fiancé. "Fred, where are you going?"

"I'm going to get him."

"He'll be fine. He can look after himself," she said as she looked at him. "He certainly knows the spells to attack anyone if they go near him..."

Fred looked almost surprised as she spoke. "He's a kid who's upset."

"He's not a kid. Not anymore..." she whispered, almost bitterly. "He'll be fine."

"Angelina, it's chucking it down out here and he looked upset. I'm going to see if he's all right. He's obviously not right in the head to be here, of all places..."

Angelina looked at Fred and shook her head. "Good."

He looked surprised before shaking his own head and walking past her. "That's not you talking, that's your Dad and while you stand there blaming a kid for not being able to withstand powerful dark magic that wizards double his age can't stand, I'll be off looking for the boy."

Angelina stood and watched Fred disappear down the same path that Daniel had followed and felt herself tear up. Why wasn't Fred on her side? He, of all people, should have known what she was going through - his brother had nearly died after all. He had seen the damage that had been done. He'd seen the damage those 'kids' had done. He'd been there at the funeral - at the memorial service. He knew what it had done to her family. Why didn't he understand?

She knew the answer to the question of course - he did understand. Despite this he still couldn't blame them - and she loved him for that. She wiped her eyes and followed him into the darkness - living in the past wasn't helping anyone and she knew it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He had run as fast as he could to get away from the house, he'd run past the tree that she had insisted on writing their names on. Past the road that he'd taught her how to drive his car on. Past the field where he'd fell off the broom when she'd foolishly thought that she'd be able to teach him how to play Quidditch. He still had the scar of that little escapade...

He'd run until he thought he'd be far enough away; far enough so they wouldn't know he was there. There reliving the memories that no one else had access to. As he stopped he felt his cheeks burn as his rain saturated robes weighed him down. He didn't want to have to go back to the school with the drawn faces and the ghosts, the memories that he didn't have control of. The memories he couldn't think about without feeling like he was going mad. Every room, every corridor, every teacher - all of them caused the pain. Pain he wasn't supposed to feel because it wasn't supposed to be 'real' love. If anyone else told him that they were sorry but that he would stop hurting soon he wasn't sure he could guarantee that he wouldn't kill them. The way he'd killed her.

He reached up and touched the ring that was attached to the chain around his neck - the ring they had spent weeks looking for the right spell to charm it with. A spell that would divide it until they were finished school when they would join it together again. She had one half and he had the other - they were tied together that way. And no one else knew about it. And now, the ring was aimless - it's other half buried in some hole where he couldn't go, the jagged edges of the metal screaming out for the part that would make it whole.

But nothing would make it okay. Not again.

He sat down and sighed - how he wished he could fast forward to the future, to after the pain ended, to after he ended. If he was braver he would have ended it then - but what would that have achieved? Suicides didn't get to the same place that angels got to - and that's what she was, an angel soaring high above his head. Unreachable.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"You know, the fact that you're running off when I'm trying to talk to you isn't very friendly," Daniel said as he ran out the class towards the tall Ravenclaw girl.

"A Slytherin is talking to me about being 'friendly?' I know all about your house -" Kirsty Johnson said with an air of irritability. "My sister filled me in."

He shook his head in disgust. "Your sister the Gryffindor whose house generally think with their fists as opposed to their heads? You're a Ravenclaw - I thought you'd be smart enough to form your own opinions? Evidently not, oh well - what a disappointment your house must be to you if they expect you to think for yourselves."

She stopped and looked at him expectantly. "Okay, what? You want to insult me? Go ahead - if it'll get you off my back then go and knock yourself out."

Daniel stopped and looked at her in confusion - this girl did not understand people at all. "Insult you? Why would I insult you - I was trying to get a time where we could go over the Transfiguration homework together but if you'd rather I hurled insults then I suppose I could do that... Do you often ask people who talk to you if they want to insult you? Because I worry that that would give you low self esteem."

She squinted one brown eye shut as she pursed her lips. "Are you sure you're a Slytherin? You're...well, a bit different from the rest of them. For one thing you don't have the perma-scowel that the others wear so well."

"Of course I'm a Slytherin. Why wouldn't I be?" he asked as he narrowed his eyes and shifted his shoulders back - he was as much a Slytherin as the next person. "We're the best house in the school and you're asking me if I belong there? What, do you suppose I should change who I am because of the house I was sorted into? Become more 'Slytherin' like? Not everything can be sorted into nice little stereotypical boxes, you know."

She shook her head with a sigh. "No, but Slytherins are generally like that before they even come here. All happy about their purity and the like. They generally don't...you know, mingle with the rest of us. You're a bit touchy about the whole thing, aren't you?"

"Yeah well, not all of us can trace our blood back to Merlin - you have to stop believing all the myths that Gryffindor spouts about us. We aren't all Death Eater spawn. We don't all study the Dark Arts in our lunch break and we're not all pure bloods. Actually, some of us are actually quite likeable contrary to popular belief. But that's beside the point - time?"

"Time?"

"Kirsty, come on over here - you spend enough time with him in class." Daniel looked over and saw a group of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs standing looking at him.

He gave a small wave as he saw the speaker. "MacMillan, if you took that look of your face we would all be less inclined to take it off it for you but of course, I forgot, you were born looking like a smug, insufferable git. Oh well - never mind, cosmetic magic is coming on all the time - by the time you finish school they may even have found a way to make you look almost normal."

"Moon, it would take more than magic to make you 'normal'" Ernie said in reply causing the others to laugh.

Daniel turned and looked at the Hufflepuff boy and shook his head. "But you see, that's why I'm a Slytherin and you're a Hufflepuff - normal isn't what we strive to be in life. Your house, on the other hand, strives for adequacy which, apparently, you are failing miserably to achieve."

She turned and shushed the crowd before letting a small smile grace her lips. "Okay, I take back what I said - you do have some Slytherin qualities. They may be hidden but they're there," she edged a bit closer to him as she whispered. "He kinda deserved it though..."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, that must be a sign of the famous Ravenclaw intelligence," he said with a wink. "You can spot an idiot a mile away. Anyway - what time?"

She bit her lip as she looked at him. "This may sound like deja-vu but...time?"

He rolled his eyes and looked at her with a smile playing on his lips. "For going over the homework? You know - the reason you're 'degrading' yourself by talking to a Slytherin in a hallway where all your little friends can see and make fun of you?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head before giving a small laugh. "I never said it was degrading - and who cares if they make fun of me? Their loss," she said with a smile. "You've really confused me, you know. You were supposed to be a complete git."

He stifled a laugh. "Oh, my apologies on that - I'll try harder next time."

She grinned. "Well, see that you do - don't ruin anyone else's expectations of what a Slytherin is. I mean, now I see that there's at least one of you that's likeable I may have to consider my opinions on the whole house."

"Oh I wouldn't tarnish us all with the same brush - I'm very much the 'black sheep' of my year, rather unique."

She took a step back and gave him a wide smile. "I don't doubt that. Are you busy after dinner? We could go out into the courtyard and go over it."

"I'll be there," he said as he nodded his head and walked away with a smile. He was good - that girl would be his one day and this was the start of the whole thing and they both knew it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And they had known it, although it started in a rather unconventional manner. For the first few years they had grown to be friends - close friends, but there was always the barrier of house between them. In fourth year he wanted to ask her to the Yule Ball, but before he could she had announced that she was going with someone else - a Hufflepuff of all people. He knew why she'd done it and he went with a Slytherin for the same reasons. They'd both spent the night looking at each other but didn't even speak a word in the hall - that's what they had been reduced to. He didn't tell her at the time but that had hurt, it had hurt that she had chosen to go with someone more acceptable to her house but he had hidden it well. It was only after the events later in the year that things between them had changed. Cedric Diggory's death and the rise of the Dark Lord had meant that both their priorities changed and they realised that they didn't want to waste any more time ignoring things between them. At this time though other events occurred and where it had previously been awkward to be a mixed blood wizard in Slytherin it had become almost unbearable.

He had never wanted to fit in at the expense of his principals but if he had the opportunity at that moment to do anything to make it easier he would have done it. He wasn't a 'Mud-blood' but he may as well have been and everyone knew it. His father had wanted to take him out of the school and send him somewhere else - knowing what would happen to the son of a former Voldemort sympathiser who had done the unthinkable and married a Muggle. He had been given the opportunity, along with the other Slytherins in the same situation to be transferred into other houses and he had been tempted. But pride had stopped him - he was a Slytherin and he would stay in his house. Kirsty hardly spoke to him after that - it had been impossible for her to comprehend that type of attitude.

"You'll be killed! You think that they respect you for staying there? You will be beaten and killed and for what - a House that doesn't give a damn about you!"

"It's my house! I was sorted into it and I deserve to be in it as much as anyone else and I'm not leaving. If I'm to be killed then I'll be killed wearing the robes I belong in, not the robes of the house I've been cowering in!"

He hadn't wanted anyone's sympathy and he didn't get it. Slytherins were bad, Gryffindors were good and you were aligned with one or the other and as long as you had that snake on your chest you were on the wrong side. He had always been on the wrong side. He closed his eyes and looked up at the stars - he was on the wrong side now. Despite it all he still had that snake blazoned across his chest and they all thought the same. Where Longbottom got sympathy he got the malicious looks and the whispers that he had finally shown his true colours. They thought it was impossible that he hadn't known, they thought it impossible that he hadn't meant it. They thought it unlikely that he was innocent. They didn't know him at all, none of them - the only person who knew him was gone and she hadn't even managed to convince her family that he was a good person so what chance did he really have?

"Daniel? Come on, I know you're still here so just come out and save me an hour looking for you."

He looked up and saw Fred looking around a few yards back. He obviously wanted to give him a rollicking for showing up and upsetting the Johnsons. "I'm here."

He gave it a minute and Fred found his way over to him. "What are you doing - don't you know the spell for keeping the rain off?"

"I do, but I didn't want to keep it off."

Fred charmed his own cloak and sat down, letting the rain drop off it. "Fair enough, don't complain to anyone if you keel over because you caught pneumonia."

"I won't," Daniel said quietly as he looked up at the clouds. The two of them sat in silence for a moment before Fred looked at him.

"Um, you want to talk?"

"No."

Fred nodded his head as he drummed his hands on his knees. Daniel couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable the red-haired boy looked. "You can go, you know. I'm about to head back..."

Fred shook his head. "No, I'm fine here. How you getting back?"

"Apparate to Hogsmeade and then walk back. Won't take long."

"Apparate? Really? You're not eighteen yet, are you? It said you were seventeen until March in the Daily Prophet - I was seventeen when I learned to apparate as well but that's not usually the norm."

Daniel nodded his head, trying not to think that everything about him had been plastered in the wizarding rag. 'Daniel Moon, 17, Slytherin, born March 14th, mixed-blood, likes Transfiguration, wants to build houses after school. Is known to engage in a spot of murder when feeling particularly weak of mind.' He rubbed his eyes - he didn't even want to think about what they had written about him so he tried to concentrate on what Fred had said.

"My...dad works in the Apparition department and after, after You Know Who came back he showed me how to do it. He was worried that the other Slytherins might...well, he knew I would be safe at school but he worried that when I went to Hogsmeade or was on the train that I would be a target so he taught me how to get away to someplace safe. He wanted me to change House but I'm a Slytherin - I wasn't hiding, but at least I would be able to run if I had to."

"Did you ever have to?"

"Hasn't everyone had to run from something before? It was just easier for me to get away."

"I suppose. Not something I ever had to deal with though," Fred said with a sigh. "So you've been apparating for three years then? The things we could have got up to if we could've apparated in fifth year..."

He smiled slightly as he looked at Fred. "Kirsty was always yelling at me, because I would apparate all over the place and come back to the school with all this stuff that she had never seen. It got so bad that I got my dad to teach her - then when we went to Hogsmeade we apparated to Diagon Alley and spent the day there. That's where she got the hair treatment that dyed her hair all the colours. Her dad blamed me for that..."

Fred gave him a sad smile. "Well, you were to blame I'm guessing?"

Daniel smiled and nodded his head. "I suppose so - she always said that she was sick of her hair and I loved her black hair but she kept threatening to lighten it completely. So, when we went to Diagon Alley I showed her the treatment and it just streaked it all over the place. She was so chuffed at that - everyone kept asking her where she got her hair done - with the red, silver, gold, purple and blue bits. She even got some of it to sparkle. You should have seen the trouble she got in with the teachers for it though - they thought she'd charmed it so she came up with this extravagant lie about trying to cast a rainbow charm in the rain and somehow inadvertently hitting herself in the head with it. I don't think any of them believed her for a second - I think they knew what had happened," he finished with a smile before turning away. "But I did show her it so I did deserve the blame from her dad...the blame for that and for other things..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The group sat in the library around a large table, no one dared open their mouth apart from the occasional sob. Outside the sound of Dumbledore's voice echoed from the Great Hall as he read out each of the names in turn during the Memorial service.

"Do...do you think they'll let us...let us go in?"

He looked up and saw a Hufflepuff girl speak - he should have known her name but he couldn't place it. He couldn't place much anymore.

"I...I wouldn't think so - some of you, you might get to go in but...I wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral...they don't want to see me," a boy...Peter Sullivan, said quietly. "I won't be allowed in..."

The table descended into silence again as Hermione Granger got up and began walking around. "Why do we all have to be here? We shouldn't be locked up like this - we feel bad enough but we should...we should have the chance to say goodbye to our friends!"

"You can say goodbye to them - you didn't kill anyone. They can't make you stay here." Daniel shook his head and brought his hand to his neck and touched the ring that was hanging there."All of you who got lucky should be with your friends."

"You think we got lucky? Do you know what we did?" Hermione asked as she sat back down.

Daniel nodded his head as he looked at her. "Yes, you did what we all did - the only difference is that we killed, you all didn't. That makes you lucky. I thought you, of all people, Little Miss Know-it-all, would have realised that. It's better to have hurt than to have killed, it's better, luckier to live than it is to die."

She looked like she wanted to argue but thought better of it as she looked at the 'unlucky' ones. She could deny it all she liked but he knew that Hermione Granger had been lucky - she was saved the pain of what he was going through because of luck. Daniel Moon who had believed so much in destiny had been thwarted because Kirsty's final scream had happened seconds after Snape had walked past the door. When she had screamed so had Ron Weasley and Snape, who had been closer to that door, had went in it and saved him from Hermione's actions. Kirsty never had that chance. He had walked right past the door and that was it - in those few steps her fate had been sealed. In those few seconds his life had ended and it had only been a door that had separated them. That was how close they had come of getting through it. Instead, when he had finally come to his senses and went for help, it had been too late. He had ran out and found Snape, Callaghan and Hermione there and they wouldn't help her. They wouldn't wake her up. He'd cried then - immediately after it had happened he'd cried. He'd never thought it would be possible to hurt like he had then. He'd broke his hand to distract from the fact that his heart was in pieces but it didn't help.

"Why...why aren't they waking her up?"

"Because they can't, you killed her."

Hermione had said that to him - she'd tried to take it back later when she knew Ron had been okay but, she couldn't take it back. She couldn't take it back because she knew as well as he did that it was true. He had killed her...

He looked around the table - Seamus Finnigan looking at his bruised hands in disgust, Neville Longbottom looking around but not seeing anything apart from what was replaying in his own head, Lisa Turpin letting her tears fall freely as she held her head in her hands, Stephen Hamilton scratching at his arms as though something was crawling under his skin trying to get out and only stopping when Peter took hold of his hands after he had broke the skin. Sinead McBride drumming her hands against the table top and Morag McDougald - another of the lucky ones just looking around, unsure of what to say. Fifteen people were present in the room - all of them in someway responsible for what had happened.

He was still observing when the door opened causing him to look up. All of the students stood as a group of people walked in and over to each of them. He recognised some of them as parents of some of the students hurt or killed and closed his eyes. He didn't know what he should say to them - sorry just didn't seem enough.

"Neville, Lisa, Peter and Daniel - will you four come with me?" Daniel looked up and saw Dumbledore looking at them in sympathy as he guided them out the room. As they got there he stopped them. "I'm sorry but, under the circumstances...the families don't feel it would be...bearable to see you at the moment. It's very hard for them."

"It's hard for us," Peter whispered as he turned away. "It was my best friend that I killed."

Dumbledore looked at him and took his shoulder. "I know this is unbearable - but they need time. You all should go to your common rooms - I'll send someone for you when it's time for dinner."

Daniel shook his head as the four of the said they weren't hungry and went on their way - there was no point in arguing and no point in talking anymore - the guilty deserved their fate. He had walked slowly down the corridor when he had heard a loud shout.

"Daniel Moon!"

He spun around to see the tall figure of Kirsty's dad run towards him followed by Angelina, his other daughter and her fiancé Fred Weasley. He took a deep breath as he stopped and the man grabbed him by the front of the robes. "Do you know what you've done? I told you, I told you both that something would happen - why didn't you leave her alone like I told you?"

He shook his head as he struggled to find the words.

"Dad, dad leave him alone - it's not his fault!" Angelina said as she tried to loosen her dad's grip. "Please."

"Please? He killed your sister!"

"It wasn't his fault, Mr Johnson - come on, you know that. Let the boy go," Fred said as he stepped in front of Daniel. "Come on, this isn't helping..."

The man let go of his robes and Daniel stood and looked at him as he addressed Fred. "His father, his father was in with Voldemort when he was younger - how do we know..."

"We do, Dad. We know because he wouldn't be hurting like he is now if he was in with Voldemort. He didn't have a chance..."

"Mr...Mr Johnson I swear to you - I swear I didn't mean it. I swear I wouldn't..." Daniel whispered as he almost pleaded, desperate for him to believe him.

The man looked at him and his features softened before he shook his head while his eyes filled with tears. "But you did. You did and now...now she's...she's dea..."

"I never meant to...I love her."

Angelina was trying to wipe her own tears as Fred tried to guide her dad away from Daniel as he began to cry. "You can't 'love' her - you killed her. And now my baby is dead...she's dead and nothing will bring her back, so it doesn't matter that you didn't mean it. It should but it doesn't...does it?"

"No," Daniel whispered as he shook his head and the tears fell from his eyes. "No...it doesn't."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And it didn't. He could say until he was blue in the face how he didn't mean it. How sorry he was but nothing changed the simple fact that she was dead. And a Slytherin had killed her. He turned and looked back at Fred. "I never meant to get her into trouble, you know."

Fred gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't be daft - of course you did. I bet deep down a part of you enjoyed the fact that what you were both doing was so...controversial. I bet you that you two used to sneak about all over the place avoiding being caught and I bet you both loved it. And there's nothing wrong with that - trust me. My brother is in the 'perfect' relationship where everything is fine and organised and he already calls his in-laws 'Mum' and 'Dad' - but guys like us don't get that. Parents like their daughters to be with calm, solid guys and basically you aren't that. I mean - you're a Slytherin, you're Dad is less than popular in either half of the wizarding divide, you're mixed blood, you have their daughter madly in love with you and you have no respect for their rules."

"But I..."

Before he could continue Fred had raised his hand to cut him off and continued. "Relax, I'm on a roll here. You had no respect for their rules because I can guarantee that one of the rules was 'no being alone in the house together' and another was 'do not go in the bedroom'..."

Daniel looked down and gave a small laugh. "They were stupid rules though, so they didn't really count..."

"I thought so too, but I got caught and Mrs Johnson called my mother and both me and Angelina got 'the Talk' from two overanxious witches sitting on the couch in there. That was an experience and a half..."

Daniel looked at him. "You know they're Pure Bloods? Part of their problem with me was because I wasn't - did you know that? They thought that it would cause problems for Kirsty later in life if she was with someone who was a little less than 'perfect'. I always thought they were hypocrites - they judge my family, look down at my family and they have the same prejudices my father used to have."

"Hey," Fred began with a severe look, "they're a good family who have nothing but good in them."

"Nothing but good for the right people," Daniel said bitterly before shaking his head. "We wouldn't have had the problems with them if I had been in any other house. They would have liked me if I had been a stupid Gryffindor. They conveniently forget that the sun doesn't automatically shine out of all Gryffindors' arses."

"See, this is why Slytherins don't get along with anyone - you all think that you're above everyone else."

Daniel turned and shook his head. "Your house booed me when I was sorted - I had just stepped into Hogwarts and didn't know a lot about the whole thing and I got called into Slytherin and I remember walking back to my table with your voices and jeers echoing in my head and knowing that I belonged to a superior house and that I would never apologise for it. And I won't. I worked hard to fit in and I never picked on anyone weaker than me to make me feel strong. So yes, I may be a Slytherin but I was never dictated on how to act because of the colours I wore and I will not be talked down to by anyone because of it. Not because my parents aren't quite right, not because I'm not quite right," he felt his breath catch in his throat as he continued, not even fully aware of why he was so angry. "Not because my girlfriend could do better, not because I should have been meaner, or smarter or better! I will not be talked down to by anyone!"

"No one said she could do better," a voice said from behind them. "Not anyone who knew you anyway. All we had to do is look at her and we could see how good you were for her."

Daniel looked around and saw Angelina standing there. Fred immediately got up and walked over to her as Daniel closed his eyes. He didn't need this.

"You're right though, if you had been in any other house no one would have cared that you two were together. That was wrong, but not wholly bizarre. You got to admit, it's a strange situation."

Daniel shook his head. "Slytherins have dated Ravenclaws before - we're not that incestuous that we need to 'keep it in the family.'"

She nodded her head. "Why'd you come here, Daniel?"

He stood up and closed his eyes. "I...I..."

He stammered as he tried to find the words that would explain the need to be away from the school. The desire to be close to where they had shared their happiest moments. The hope that somehow he would hear or see something that would make it better.

"My parents don't want to see you. No good will come of you being here, Daniel. You're hurting yourself, you're hurting us - just go back to school."

He nodded his head morosely before lowering his gaze. "I don't mean to hurt you all. I just...I...wanted to say...I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Angelina rubbed her forehead as she took a deep breath. Daniel had the distinct impression that she was trying to remain composed as she searched for the right words to say. He pushed his shoulders back and took a deep breath as he met their gaze. "What do you want me to say to you, Daniel? I know that you didn't mean to hurt Kirsty. I know that you would have rather died yourself before you would ever knowingly hurt her. I know that you are hurting and are desperately looking for something to make it all better. I don't blame you for what happened - no one does. But I can't tell you what you want to hear. I can't tell you that it's okay, I can't tell you that it doesn't make a difference that you're a Slytherin and I can't tell you that we forgive you. I wish more than anything that I could, you have no idea how much I wish I could say that to you, but I can't. I'm sorry but whatever you are looking for, you won't find it here."

Part of him wanted to cry - to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness but he couldn't. Every other fibre demanded that he stood tall no matter how weak his legs felt. He felt hollow inside as he took a step back and nodded his head and forced a smile on his face. "Of course I wouldn't. A Slytherin would never find forgiveness in a house of Gryffindors - I understand that. I can't ask for anything from you but," he clenched his fists tightly in an effort to keep himself composed. "But...please tell me where she's buried. Please. Please let me say goodbye..."

Angelina looked at him and he saw that tears were streaming down her face as she shook her head. "I can't - I promised I wouldn't. I wish I could but..."

"But you can't. Of course you can't. Why should I be allowed that when I robbed you of the chance. Of course," he whispered as he turned away. "Of course."

"Daniel..." Fred began from somewhere behind him as he walked away. "Wait."

"I have to get back. It's late, I have to get back. I'm sorry...I'm sorry for disturbing your evening. I won't bother you again."

He walked off, keeping his head high as the tears seeped down either side of his face. His only thoughts were of keeping one foot walking in front of the other to get him away.

"Daniel!"

The voice called from behind him and he ignored it as she shouted again. "This will help you as well. It will help you move on. Go, be with your friends - don't try and do it on your own."

He turned around and shook his head as he gave a low laugh. "You still don't get it, do you? I am on my own - what have I got? I don't have groups of people watching over me with the false tears and sympathy. I don't have Dumbledore taking me to his office for chats to see how I'm coping. I don't have roommates who are considerate enough to not gleefully express how happy they are that Voldemort is back! I can't go home to my family because my family is hiding from Death Eaters. You think you have it tough but I lost everything and there's no one else left because all my friends are scared of what I might do. So I will do it on my own because it's the only way I can do it. I don't want your sympathy. I don't want your pity," he said bitterly, failing miserably to disguise his emotions. "I just wanted to apologise. And I've done it. I can't do anything else so don't pretend that you give a damn about how I'm feeling."

He watched as Angelina walked slowly towards him and sighed. "I do give a damn. Do you know how many nights I listened to her talk about you, about what you were both doing or what you had done for her? I must have listened to more tales about you than any other subject. She loved you and you made her happy - of course I care about how you feel."

He shook his head as he raised his hands and gave a sarcastic clap. "You are such a humanitarian. Well done! I'm so touched that you can lower yourself to care how I feel. Well, that's good enough for me - go back to the house and feel better about yourself now. You appeased the criminal, half-breeded Slytherin so you've definitely done enough to give yourself a pat on the back. Go on! Get in!"

He stood and glared at them - his heart pounding hard in his chest. It felt like it was going to explode but he didn't care anymore. He didn't care about anything anymore.

"Daniel - this has nothing to do with what house you're in, or what your parents are."

"Liar," he spat. "If I had been a Gryffindor you would have all accepted that I was no more guilty than anyone else who had done it. All I wanted was a chance to apologise to your family and say goodbye to Kirsty. I'm not asking for anything from you that is unreasonable! I'm not asking for a photo or anything belonging to her. I'm not asking for your family to give me anything because I know I don't deserve it but I think you are being vindictive and hateful." He wiped his eyes furiously and shook his head as he took a step back, trying to keep his voice level. "Kirsty was nothing like any of you - she would never, ever do what you are all doing now," he whispered. "You claim you knew that I made her happy and that she loved me and even that...even THAT isn't enough! I did a terrible, terrible thing and I know you all hate me and I deserve that. But, you..." he took a deep breath and put a hand on his chest as he tried to compose himself. "You cannot possibly hate me more than I hate myself and you can't punish me more than I punish myself. But you want to try and punish me more, and that's fine. You want me to hurt more than I am? Congratulations - you've done it. But don't ever, ever claim that you care how I feel or that your hands are tied. I know what it's like to do something you have no control over and this isn't it. This is spite from you and your family. This is your last chance to stick the boot in, just like you all did every single day we were together. And you can dress it up in whatever fancy phrases you want to - it doesn't change what it is. Just...go back to your life and leave me alone."

With that he turned away and began walking away, not listening or caring about what was being said behind him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angelina closed her eyes as the figure disappeared from view. She rubbed her head and turned to look at Fred. "What have I done? I didn't mean to hurt him more it's just...if I tell him and he goes and my parents are there they will kill him. I don't know what to do."

Fred reached over and took her hand and sighed as he pulled her close and kissed her hair. "Can I ask you a question? If Hermione had killed Ron - what would you expect my family to do with her?"

She closed her eyes and listened to the steady beat of his heart as she thought. "You know what I would have said. I would have said you knew Hermione and although she did a terrible thing it wasn't her fault."

Fred nodded as he pulled away from her and looked at her. He reached up and stroked the side of her face. "What's the difference? Kirsty was friends with Daniel longer than Ron was friends with Hermione, they dated for longer - surely, surely that makes it the same?"

Angelina felt her eyes fill with tears as she vainly tried to stop them falling. "It should be the same, but it's not. It's not and I know that's wrong but..."

"Is it because he's mixed blood?"

"What?" Angelina's eyes opened up in shock. "Of course not! What do you take me for?"

Fred shook his head. "That's what he thinks! He said your family didn't like him because of that."

Angelina opened her mouth to respond but found that she couldn't defend that. She couldn't even fabricate a believable lie to cover that fact up. The fact that her parents didn't like the fact that he was neither pure Muggle or wizard. "I...I didn't even think about what his parents were or weren't, and that's the truth." She brought a hand up to cover her mouth as she pulled away from him. "I didn't care, I don't care but I can't say that my mum and dad didn't care. It wasn't because he wasn't a wizard, it was because he wasn't a Muggle either and that he wouldn't be welcomed by any side if the war started. God...and he knew they thought like that?" She brought her hands up to her head and let out a frustrated scream. "I told them so many times not to judge him on that but...but...they couldn't help it. They just looked back on what happened to people before when they were involved with mixed-bloods. They're not bad people - they were just scared for Kirsty."

Fred nodded his head as he looked at her. He gave her a reassuring smile as he ran a hand through his hair. "I think Daniel was scared for her as well - but I think he would have done anything for her. I think he would have died protecting her and I think he would have done it with a smile on his face if he thought she would have been safe."

Angelina nodded her head. She knew that was true. "I know that. He loved her..."

Fred walked over to her and took her hand. "I know what it's like to love someone the way that he loved your sister. I would do the same for you in a second. You love me, right?"

She looked at him and nodded her head. "You know I do."

He grinned. "I do - I mean what's not to love, right?"

She laughed in spite of herself as he continued and brought his other hand to the side of her face. "What I mean is - if anything was to happen to me, you would want to be able to say goodbye wouldn't you?"

She nodded her head as he leaned in closer and leant his forehead against hers. "You know I would," she whispered.

"How do you think it would feel if someone said you couldn't, and worse, they knew where I was buried and wouldn't tell you? People need to be able to grieve, Angelina. They need to be able to say goodbye and anything they never got the chance to say before. You rob them of that, no matter who they are, and you ruin them. They get haunted and are never the same - look at what happened to Harry. He never got to say goodbye to Sirius and now he's just...he's just there in a lot of ways. He's not the guy we knew in school. Forget about your parents, forget about Daniel, forget about me - if you were in his position, would you need to say goodbye?"

She felt tears stream down her face as she nodded again. "Yes..."

He kissed her forehead before pulling back slightly and tilting her chin up. "There's your answer then. Tell him. You're better than the pettiness that's going on and even if he is a Slytherin, he's a Slytherin who loved your sister and that, in the end, should be all that matters."

She smiled through her tears and sniffed. "I don't know if I like you being this smart...it's off putting. You're supposed to be the rash twin - this informed stuff is supposed to come from one of your brothers."

He bowed and gave her a wink. "I'm trying to become a new man..."

She reached over for his hand and pulled him close before closing her eyes and kissing him. She immersed herself in his proximity as she grabbed a handful of his cloak. As she pulled away from him reluctantly, she touched his lips with her fingertips. "I like the old man - you don't need to change. I don't like you talking about dying, Fred Weasley. If you ever die on me I will be mad as hell and you don't want to see that."

He kissed her fingertips before wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her close as he began guiding her towards the house. "I don't know about that - you're always so hot when you're mad as hell. That's why I fell in love with you - your foul temper. Listen, there's no easy answers to this but I trust you to do the right thing."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't going to watch a good kid torture himself forever. You're too good for that."

"Am I?" she whispered. "I hope so."

She let herself be guided back away from the woods, her mind resolved to what she would do when she got there. It was time to move on - it was time for them all to move on and there was only one way that could happen and it had to start with the boy who had just walked away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Daniel sat at the table along with the rest of his classmates and stared at the empty plate in front of him, the events of the previous night replaying in his head. He had managed to get back to the school without anyone noticing, although he was sure Dumbledore was looking at him rather funnily. No doubt the Johnsons had taken it upon themselves to inform the headmaster regarding his appearance, somehow making him out as some sociopath gloating over the misery he had caused. Not that he cared...he was beyond that. He was beyond caring what they thought.

"Daniel, are you planning on eating at all or are you just going to sit there and starve yourself?" He looked up and saw Millicent Bullstrode peering at him from across the table. "There are quicker ways to kill yourself after all."

"I'm not hungry."

She shrugged her shoulders as Blaise Zabini, who was also sitting opposite Daniel joined in. "You haven't been hungry in weeks - no wonder you're so bloody miserable. If nothing else if you ate a little more you would be at least a more energetic, healthier misery guts."

"And you wouldn't be showing the weakness the other lot are showing," Millicent said with a throw of the head in the direction of the other tables as owls began dropping the mail across the tables. "You have to keep up appearances - you're just giving them ammunition when you are acting like this. They aren't going to make it easier on you just because they think your suffering. Their limited intelligence doesn't work like that."

"Should you, of all people, be talking about limited intelligence, Millicent?" Daniel asked her in the hope she would change the subject.

"Oh now you finally start showing some attitude, what's the matter? Get out the wrong side of the bed?"

"He never went to bed - he seems to think sleep deprivation and starvation is the best way to handle the whole thing," Blaise said as he prodded his breakfast with a fork. "I think someone has upset the house-elves again. I swear if Granger doesn't leave them alone I'm going to lock her in Snape's dungeon until Easter."

"Zabini - I think house-elves are the last thing on Granger's mind at the moment," Daniel said.

"Perhaps - yet you don't see the Gryffindors letting her starve herself, do you? You don't hear them making little comments behind her back or whispering as she walks past like they do with you. Six of them got hit by the attack and the whole school is walking on eggshells. We lost a house mate and you've been ruined even more than you were before and we're expected to go back to business as usual? I don't think so."

Daniel nodded his head as he looked across at Millicent and Blaise as an owl dropped a letter in his lap and flew on. He didn't look at his delivery as he thought about what his house mates had said. He supposed they had a point if he looked at it from their perspective. "I'm not doing it for them."

"But they'll make it about them. Listen, it's not fair but you have a duty here. You have a duty to your house to deal with this - we can't let them win. They've made this us against them - and we need to win."

"It's 'we' now? Since when?" Daniel asked with a shake of the head. "Whatever, if it makes you all happy," he grabbed a slice of toast and his letter and slid his chair out and began walking away. "Wouldn't want to show weakness after all."

As he disappeared from the Great Hall he threw the slice of toast down and walked out towards the courtyard. It was amazing how quiet the school was at that time in the morning when everyone was sat in the Great Hall. He had spent a lot of time out at this time in the morning and he'd become accustomed to the eerie silence around the place. He walked over to the bench he always sat at and looked down at the letter. He had expected it to be from his dad telling him he could go home if he wanted but it wasn't. He bit his lip as he broke the seal on the back of the envelope and pulled the parchment out and read it.

'Daniel,

I know you need to say goodbye so I've told Dumbledore to tell you what you need to know. I hope one day you understand why it's been so hard for us. I am so sorry about what happened last night - I never meant for it to go the way it went. I know that you are not responsible for what happened to Kirsty, I know you would have died to protect her and I know that you are torturing yourself over this. I know it's not your fault and I hope that you will eventually know that as well.

This is very difficult for me to write because I know I should have said this to you last night. But I didn't, I couldn't. I'm not a bad person I'm just...I'm still hurting and I took it out on you. I can only apologise for that - that's not like me and I'm so sorry for it. I hope you find what you need - I hope saying goodbye will start to heal the wounds you've got. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself. I can't say I forgive you Daniel, but I don't think that should be the issue. I think you need to forgive yourself more than you need my family to forgive you and I hope that happens for you. Maybe after a little more time has past we can all try and move on together, but at the moment it's just too soon.

I found something I hope will help you so I've included it. You can keep it - I think she would like you to know some things.

Take care of yourself.

Angelina.'

He took a deep breath and looked down at the next sheet of parchment. Immediately he noticed the familiar handwriting and felt his breath catch in his throat.

'I had that dream again. It was weird but nice. Not just nice...perfect. It felt so real that when I woke up I had to check and make sure there wasn't a kid playing outside with his dad's green eyes. It's such a wonderful dream - the perfect life. I wanted to tell Daniel, but he's having it so hard at school. He tries to hide it from me but I know it's getting to him and he's just ready for wiping the smug look off someone's face. Poor guy - seems to forget that I know he'd get his arse whipped. I love him but I have to say that he's not the strongest guy in our year and probably isn't going to make anyone run for cover if it came to a fist fight. But, he has got the whole arrogant exterior down to a fine art - which I gotta admit I like. It's more than a little bit sexy to see a guy stand up for himself. NOT that I will ever admit that to him of course, that would be stupid. After all - I've been trying to get him out of that house for years so saying that I find his Slytherin qualities appealing would not be a good thing.

I think I'm crazy sometimes, you know? What kind of idiot gets involved with a Slytherin now of all times? Me...I guess. Ravenclaws aren't supposed to be idiots but...it is madness. Insanity. Craziness...but I can't help it. It's just...natural. Like it was meant to be. It's bizarre - I mean it just feel right. It felt right when we were 12 and it still feels right now. Destiny/luck/fate - that's what Daniel thinks and I'm inclined to believe him. Maybe it's just we're both insane and that's why it works - that's what my mum and dad think anyway. It's just...when I'm with him I feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the room, like there's no one else there. I don't know how he does it. It's maybe the way he laces his fingers between mine when he holds my hand, or maybe the way he will wink at me across the hall when we pass each other. Or maybe it's the way he looks at me and gives me that smile when he can finally let his guard down - that look and that smile he gives me before he kisses me. Whatever it is - whatever we are and have been, I know it's forever. I wasn't sure that was the case not so long ago. I was so scared for him, for the both of us. I just imagined getting a stupid owl during the holidays saying he'd been killed and it nearly drove me crazy. I can't imagine my life without him in it and that's scary as hell but the risk of losing him is always going to be around. It's a war - there will be casualties and it could be us. Scary thought - horrible thought, but, I think the risk is worth it. I know the risk is worth it because - we're...stuck together I guess you could say. I guess it's like if you tie a rope around two peoples wrist and tell them to walk in opposite directions. They'll only ever be able to move as far away as the rope allows and even if they disappear from view - they're still connected together. That's kinda like I imagine me and Daniel. We're connected and always will be no matter what happens. That's...reassuring for me even if it doesn't make any sense. So, because of that I know my dream will come true. No matter what shit the world throws at you - things always work out the way they're supposed to. No matter what happens at school, or with You Know Who, or this stupid war - no matter what, someday, somehow, things will work out for us. I believe that completely - no matter what happens - that's why I'm not scared anymore for us. It's amazing how invincible you can feel when you're in love. Damn, listen to me - all this talk of invincibility and connections - maybe I am insane after all...but, if I am - long may it continue. At least until after we get our happy ending...'

As he held the torn page of the diary, his hand trembled uncontrollably as he read the words scribbled by Kirsty. Her thoughts...her feelings...her dreams. He stared at the page, his eyes focusing on every word as he brought his other hand up and held the wrist of the hand that had the letter in it in an attempt to steady it as he reread every word over and over and over again. "Connected and always will be...no matter what. No matter what..." he whispered. "You were so right, Kirsty. So right about this and everything else."

He took a deep breath as he folded the parchments carefully and put them in his pocket. He raised his eyes towards the sky as his thoughts raced around inside his head. There had been a lot to take in but somehow one thing kept replaying over and over again - that he could now say goodbye to her and tell her everything he needed to tell her. That one thought seemed to ease the weight that had gathered around him in the past weeks and for the first time he felt that he could look forward to the future, even if the future he was looking forward to was simply one that would let him start to make amends for the evil he had done. He put a hand to his neck and grasped the ring that was hanging under his robes tightly as he kept his gaze to the sky. "I'll make this right, I promise you. I'll make this right for you - I'll make you proud and I'll make them pay. I swear I will."

~ The End ~