The Death Eater's Daughter

Chapter Thirty-One: The Worst Thing Imaginable (corresponds with POTP Chapter 20)

"Mother, what in the bloody hell is going on?" Draco yapped against the sudden silence.

But his eyes were on Luci. She held his stare, though his face was blurry, as her eyes had filled with tears from the striking pain. It felt like a horrible nightmare.

"Draco..." she started, incapable of keeping her voice from shaking.

"Is this some kind of joke?" he cut in, his eyes leaving hers and going to those of his mother. The woman made no reply.

"It isn't a joke," Luci croaked against her emotions.

But he might not have heard her. He was still looking frantically at his silent mother.

"I can explain..." Luci tried again.

She wanted to run to him, hold him still, make him understand...

Then Narcissa spat abruptly, "You'll do no such thing. I will take care of this."

She went straight for Draco, threw an arm around him, and led him from the room, passing Harry in the doorway.

It was all too much. Draco and Harry, hearing this at the same time. And those marvelous green eyes staring pleadingly, disbelievingly... She couldn't breathe. Her heart was beating so fast, it hurt. And he was just simply waiting. What did he expect her to say? What on earth could she possibly say...?

She chose to whimper, "Harry... I'm sorry. I... All this time, I wanted so badly to tell you..."

He didn't respond, but he stepped backwards, and she thought he looked disgusted with her.

She instinctively went toward him, not able to bare him leaving like this. She'd thought that her father's escape had been the worst thing imaginable, but she'd been wrong. She'd always known that it was this. She just didn't think that it would ever happen. How could this happen...?

"Harry, please..."

"So it's true?" he strangled out.

And now, Luci could only nod. She didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't read his expression, and she was terrified that he'd turn and flee, without giving her a chance to explain. Though she wasn't sure if she could explain, why she'd been lying to him for months, why he should still trust her, after all of it, and why they should be together and happy and...

This is ridiculous.

"But... how?" his voice came again.

The moonlight was dancing in his indignant eyes, and she couldn't stand to face him any longer, so she inhaled slowly and faced her window instead.

Next door, Draco was screaming at Narcissa. Luci winced at the pain in his raised voice.

But she had to focus on Harry. The one who was in the room with her now. The one that she wanted to be in rooms with forever...

The tears had fallen from her eyes. She had been unable to prevent it. Her cheeks were hot, and she merely stood there, gazing out of the window, into nothingness.

Finally, when she was sure that he had left her, Harry's voice broke the silence.

"So you're a Death Eater?"

She pivoted instantly, stunned.

"Oh, god, Harry, no!"

He had moved to the end of her bed, and he looked as though he couldn't possibly believe her denial. It briefly infuriated her that he could think such a thing, but then she realized that he had no reason to trust her, especially now.

So she walked over to him and pulled up the sleeve of her sweater. He studied her left forearm, which showed no marks whatsoever, yet he still glanced up in doubt.

Luci released an exasperated noise and handed him her wand. Obviously, he needed to check for himself.

"Aparecium," he waved at her arm.

Nothing happened, of course, and she gave him a brief and totally unwarranted glare. Then she released her sleeve, snatched her wand and put it back in her pocket, and returned to the window. It was a safe distance. She couldn't inhale his scent, or feel the heat radiating from him, or be as affected by him. Not from here.

"Then I... I don't understand," he muttered.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," was her answer.

But she knew that she owed him more. Much more. She owed him the truth. And for the first time, she was going to give it to him, because the damage was already irreparable.

So she started, "Before you left for the orphanage, you asked me why I was here..."

Harry nodded at her.

"And I told you that it was to report back to the Ministry."

He nodded once more.

This was it. She was going to tell him everything. And he was going to hate her. And she was petrified. Her head was racked with pain.

But she plowed on, "And that was partly the truth... but I'm here because Professor Dumbledore asked me to come."

"Dumbledore?" gasped the beautiful boy on the bed. "His portrait asked you to come?"

"Of course not," she answered.

"But Dumbledore's dead!"

Luci couldn't help but smile, however small an expression.

"Is he?"

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"He contacted me before his death. He told me that my family needed me."

"Your family?"

She halted briefly, remorseful, but then continued, "When I started to show signs of magic, my mother was terrified. She hadn't known that she'd been involved with a wizard all of those years ago. See... Lucius spent a few months abroad and took up with my mother. When he found out that she was pregnant, he ran off, and she never saw him again. I imagine it was pretty important to him that no one ever know that he'd had a relationship with a Muggle. He married Narcissa almost immediately when he got back here."

The story hadn't been told in a very long time. She still hated hearing it, even from her own lips.

Harry's face was distorted in surprise.

"You can ask me anything you want, Harry," she prompted. "I'm obviously done with hiding."

"It just explains... so many things..." He paused. "Malfoy's father must have known that it would come back to haunt him eventually."

With a shake of her head, she explained, "He was very young, and I don't think that he was the same person then as he is now. I think he was just scared. His pure bloodline was always important to him, even then."

She realized that she was pacing. The nervous energy inside of her was bursting to get out. She really needed to punch the wall... Instead, she dug her fingernails into her palms.

Harry hadn't said anything more, so Luci took in a deep breath to stop herself drawing blood, and carried on.

"So my mother immediately took me to doctors and specialists, who knew nothing, of course. Finally, one day, one of them referred her to a school in Europe for children with similar 'disorders,' he called them. That's when she got in touch with Professor Dumbledore. I assume he told her that Lucius had gotten married and had a son. I don't really know the details at that point - I was young - but the two of them managed to put the pieces together. I went on with my life. I went to school and became an Auror. It was always in the back of my head that I had a brother and a father, but I... I never thought I'd meet either of them."

Information she never dreamed she'd be revealing, especially to this boy, who she loved so deeply, and who would now despise her, because of what she was. Just like the last one...

Then, suddenly, she needed to be close to him again. If only to seize him and keep him from running out on her like Mark had. She moved in his direction and sat herself beside him on the end of her bed. How many times had she wanted to be upon this bed with him? But not like this.

"So why would Dumbledore ask you to come here after all of that time?" he asked witheringly.

"It was the best way to protect my brother from Voldemort, after all the trouble he'd gotten himself into."

It wasn't the answer that he had wanted, and she knew it, but she'd hoped that she wouldn't have to be the one to tell him the truth about how Dumbledore had died.

"But how would Dumbledore know that Malfoy would need your protection? None of it had happened yet."

Shit, she thought. She was going to have to be the one. Just more knowledge that she'd kept from him, just another reason to make him hate her. Well, at this point, she figured, it was all over. Now she only had to convey the story and leave all of this behind. She realized that she was chewing on her damn thumbnail again. She took it out of her mouth and sighed, bringing her eyes to his. His dazzling, confused eyes.

"Dumbledore knew that he was going to die, Harry."

He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

She took his hand. It was the one with the terrible scar. She ran her thumb over it. The contact made her entire body tingle. But she had to focus, make it as painless as possible.

She went on gently, "It had to happen."

Harry retrieved his hand and stood up quickly. The bottom of the bed scraped against the floor. Fear flooded Luci. This was it.

"He... planned it?" came his voice, soft but blazing.

"Not exactly," she said, standing, as well, and coming toward him again. "Dumbledore knew that Voldemort had sent my brother to kill him. He knew that Draco would try. And he had to protect him. He had to make sure that Draco didn't have blood on his hands."

"What about me?!" cried Harry, in a tone of helplessness, and Luci's heart shattered in her chest. "What about protecting me?"

He was crying now, and he turned his face from her, ashamed. But she had never loved him more. And she had never been so devastated in her entire life.

She touched his arm, delicately, trying to get him to face her again. After a moment, he turned. The green, always so brilliant, was practically glowing with the effects of his tears.

Luci could barely speak, and she was crying again now too. His pain was her pain, and it was stupid, because she knew that he didn't feel the same, but it changed nothing.

She said delicately, "He knew that you had a journey to travel on your own. He couldn't help you anymore. And he knew that you were ready."

"But I'm not ready!" Harry shrieked.

"Of course, you are!" she countered, because she truly believed that he was. "Look how far you've come, on your own!"

He averted his eyes and didn't speak for several seconds. She watched the side of his face, the moonlight illuminating his wet cheeks. She wanted, needed so badly to tell him, had to tell him...

"God, I-"

But this was when Harry saw fit to speak. She almost exhaled in relief.

"Why didn't anyone stop him?" he shot at her. "Why did he have to die?"

Luci had tried to stop him. It had been a futile attempt. But she didn't understand why Dumbledore had chosen to die either. Even with his explanations, she was certain that there would have been a better way.

As she ruminated over this, she noticed that Harry looked slightly dizzy. She moved toward him, and just as his legs were about to give way, she wrapped her arms around him and nearly pushed him the few feet back onto the bed. She sucked in oxygen and sat down beside him again.

He looked at her. He was so miserable.

She smiled faintly, an attempt to soften the blow. "He had his reasons. I don't know what they were."

Harry didn't say anything else for a long while. She ran her fingers along his arm, hoping to comfort him. But it was also slightly selfish, as it gave her a fantastic sensation in her stomach, and she felt like touching him would keep him near.

Eventually, he inquired, "So that's who you were talking to in your fireplace? Malfoy's dad? I mean... your dad."

She vacillated. She knew that she should lie again, but she couldn't stand to.

"No, that wasn't who I was talking to."

"It wasn't?"

He gave her a wary glance.

Luci couldn't help it - she released a bitter chuckle.

"Do you really think my father would have anything to do with me? I'm his greatest shame. He doesn't even know I'm here... Well, he might know now that he's out."

He narrowed his eyes. "Then, who?"

She looked away, knowing that he would despise the answer.

"I thought you said you were done with hiding?" he spat at her.

She tucked in her bottom lip. He was already growing angry. This would only fuel the flames.

"Dumbledore again? Someone was in the fire in his office."

She nodded, conquered by his questions. "That was me, yes, but... most times... I was talking to Severus."

"Snape?" he cried in tones of outrage, pulling away from her.

Luci gave him another nod and braced herself for his temper.

"The coward who killed Dumbledore?"

The statement offended her, though she couldn't say why, and his voice was so loud that she knew the entire house could hear them.

She answered, "Severus didn't want to do it, Harry. He did it for Draco and he did it because Dumbledore asked him to. I think it's killing him... And don't call him a coward."

"What?" he screamed at her.

The outburst almost physically moved her, and she launched herself away from him.

He was glowering. "I can't believe you could defend Snape!"

She knew that Harry hated Severus. But she also knew that this hatred was misplaced. Severus was far from a coward, and for all he'd done for her, she owed it to him to make a defense.

"Look, I know you and he don't like each other, and I agree that he's not a warm person, but he only did what was asked of him... and I have to be grateful that he saved my brother. And he's been... since I've gotten here... I've been able to depend on him."

"Snape has you all fooled! He's a murderer."

"Murdering someone doesn't make you a bad person."

"How can you say that?" he hissed.

"You're going to murder Voldemort, aren't you?"

"That's different! I'm not evil! Snape is evil!"

Then she was angry too.

"What is wrong with you, Harry? Is it impossible for you to see anything from any other viewpoint than your own?"

His face contorted into first, surprise, and then, hurt.

She sighed, distressed to be the cause of that hurt. "There are just aspects of this that you don't understand."

"Oh, and you do?" he snarled.

Luci tried to remain stoic against his rage.

But then came, "Don't you think you've lied to me enough?"

She blinked. Had he stabbed her in the heart? Her chest was throbbing...

When she looked at him for clarification, he was contrite.

"I... I didn't mean that... I just..."

Harry stopped and put his palm against his forehead. His eyes were closed, and he sat that way for a few minutes. She watched him, hating what he'd just said to her, hating herself, but loving him more than she could bear, and then hating that too.

Finally, he sliced through her thoughts. "I need some time, Luci."

Then he stood.

"You and Malfoy and Snape... it's just... a lot."

She nodded, getting up from the bed too. And though she knew that the words would do no good, she pleaded, "Please don't hate me."

His brow furrowed. "I... I don't... hate you..."

His reply barely registered.

She went on fervently, "I need you to know that I'm still the same person. The same girl from the drawing room. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this in the beginning. My brother was my priority at that point and I didn't know that I'd meet you and..."

She halted abruptly. And fall madly for you, she thought, but she concluded, "Now that he knows, it could be a disaster."

And at that moment, the boy that she loved did something merciful.

He said gently, "You'd better go talk to him. It'll be better coming from you."

Luci wiped at her tears, though new ones were now fighting to be released. "I hope you're right."

Then she went to exit the room, knowing that this would be the last time that she would see Harry Potter. She turned, and even if they weren't the words that she needed to say, she added, "Thank you for hearing me out."

He gave her a tired little tilt of his head.

She stared at him for a long moment, trying to memorize his face, the way that his hair fell over his forehead, a little bit tucked beneath the right frame of his glasses, the way that his hands lay feebly at his sides in this horrible moment.

And though she said, "Good night, Harry," what she'd really meant was, "Good bye, Harry. I love you. I hope that you'll forgive me someday."

When he replied, "Good night, Luci," she let her name on his lips melt into her consciousness, so that she might be able to replay it in her head, when the cold future welcomed her.

Then she went into the adjoining room to face her brother and his hideous mother.

They were sitting in silence, waiting for her.

"I can't believe you're both still here," Luci said right away.

There was a long pause, and then Narcissa said unfeelingly, "Draco insisted on speaking with you."

"Good," breathed Luci. "Drake, I-"

"Shut up!" he cut across her, jolting to his feet. "You're a liar!"

She instinctively took a step backwards. She thought she might vomit again.

"Please, lis-"

"No! I just wanna know if it's true. My fa-"

Luci could tell that he was nearly choking on words, on fury.

"My... father knocked up a Muggle and you're the Mudblood result?"

Her brother's eyes were flaring with so many emotions that she could hardly separate them.

She nodded, wounded by his words, but trying to focus on his pain, and not her own.

He released a horrible, guttural shriek of agony.

Then he Apparated.

Narcissa was right on his heels.

"No!" Luci screamed into dead air. Then a dry sob and, "Please, no."