The Death Eater's Daughter

Chapter Nineteen - The Dream

Back in her room, Luci couldn't stop herself from relentlessly going over the conversation in her head. If she'd only just... But she didn't know what she could have done. If only he hadn't eavesdropped. Yes, that was it. Then maybe everything would be okay. Instead, he was off to Hogwarts by himself and who knew what kind of trouble he'd get into now...

Suddenly, it occurred to her that perhaps she should warn Dumbledore that Harry was coming, if only to assure that the Headmistress was not in her office at the time. It was unlikely, considering the hour, but if Minerva got wind of people sneaking in and out of her private chambers at will...

Luci quickly went for her jar of Floo powder and tossed a handful into her hearth. Then, she conjured the office into the forefront of her mind and slowly thrust her face into the cloud of dust.

When she opened her eyes, she could see the outline of the room, but the area was dim. There were merely shadows of the desk and the chairs, and a few other items catching bits of moon light through the windows.

"Professor Dumbledore?" she hissed into the darkness.

"Luci!" he answered merrily, though she couldn't make out anything more than his frame. "What an odd occasion for a visit!"

"Harry's on his way," she continued hurriedly.

The lights came on, and she was startled, thinking someone had entered. But the room remained empty.

"Curious," said Dumbledore. "He is a bit delayed."

"Yeah, well, he didn't get the message until now. He's going to want some answers."

"None of which you gave him, I assume?"

"No," snapped Luci, "because he hates me."

"Hates you? I find that unlikely." The portrait looked thoughtful.

"He'll join the big club," she muttered.

"Why did you choose the Floo Network this time?" he inquired.

"What?"

"Previously, you came via Muggle fashion."

"Harry has my Pass."

"I see. So you have advised him, as I asked, despite your anger towards me?"

"I'm not..." Luci started breathlessly, and then, "Okay, it makes me a little angry to be used to further your agenda."

"Oh, no, not my agenda, dear girl. You are serving the entire world, Muggle and wizard alike."

His eyes were twinkling. It was barely noticeable from her place in the hearth, but she caught it.

"Well, that just makes me feel guilty for being angry in the first place," she said in exasperation. "Whatever it is, here I am doing it."

"I hope you will forgive me for the demands that I've made upon you," he replied very sincerely.

She sighed in defeat. In truth, she was happy in London, spending time with her brother and with... him. And she should probably thank Dumbledore for it.

Instead, she replied, "I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me."

"Whatever for?"

"Being rude, if nothing else."

The portrait smiled. "Done."

At that moment, the door opened, and Luci immediately withdrew her head.

Looking around her own quarters again, she felt very nearly tolerating of Dumbledore's so-called "demands." It was herself that she could hardly tolerate anymore.

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When Luci awoke the next morning, she laid in bed for a long while, meditating. It took all of her concentration to pull her mask out of its rubble and fasten it into place.

What had happened with Harry had really wrecked her, she'd realized. She didn't know why. All she was sure of now was that she couldn't allow it to show.

Downstairs in the kitchen, the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place were once again in an absolute tizzy over Harry disappearing for a second time.

"I've already checked his room, Molly!" Tonks was bellowing.

Finally, Alastor noticed that Luci had entered the room, and he called her name. Of course, that caused everyone in the kitchen to turn their eyes to her. She straightened.

"Harry seems to have taken off again," Alastor continued. "Would you happen to know where he's gone this time?"

Luci sighed. "He went to Hogwarts. He's safe."

"He isn't safe!" squealed Molly.

Kingsley Shacklebolt shushed her before commenting, "It is probably best that the boy be at school anyhow."

The Weasley matron took an indignant gulp of air. "But I thought we'd all decided that he'd be less... vulnerable here? Where I can keep an eye on him?"

"My god, woman," Luci muttered, and Molly gave her a reprimanding glower.

"I agree that it's probably less risky for him to be here," contributed Arthur. "But he'll be happier at Hogwarts. His friends are there. He's been miserable and bored to death here."

Luci wondered dejectedly if perhaps this was true, and that Harry had been anxious to get away from this place. She certainly had, before he'd come along and brightened everything. But she hadn't brightened anything for him. So of course he'd be thrilled to be out of here.

So would she, at the moment. The members of the Order were still debating what was best for Harry. Luci thought Harry should probably have a say, but since he was a national treasure and all, she supposed that was out of the question.

Molly cut into her thoughts. "How do you always know where he's off to?"

Luci looked back at her, triumphant at the sound of resentment in the woman's voice. "He tells me."

Everyone was peering curiously at her, and she wondered if she should have kept her mouth shut.

"I would appreciate if you could refrain from spending time with Harry," Molly went on sourly.

"Would you?" asked Luci cheekily. "I'd say that's up to Harry."

Then she traipsed from the room, feeling half victorious and half troubled, because it had been up to Harry, and he'd made his choice.

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Later that evening, after everyone had finished dinner, Luci and Draco were playing a game of chess in her room.

"You're rubbish tonight," commented Draco, after Luci tried to move one of her rooks diagonally.

"Yeah, sorry," she sighed, returning it to its previous square and choosing another piece.

"It's not the curriculum planning again, is it?"

He sounded a little concerned, and she chuckled. "No. I just have this kind of ominous feeling."

"In regards to what?" asked her brother before putting her king in check.

In regards to Harry, she thought to herself. And it was true. She felt worried about him, and she didn't know why. Though she was also still very upset that their friendship was over. God, she was going to miss him...

But she shrugged at Draco and replied, "I'm not sure."

"I hope everything is going well with the Death Eaters," he said, and then, "Checkmate."

Luci groaned at his win and ignored his remark.

"What do you expect?" teased her brother. "You have to be spot on to even have a chance against me, and though you usually are -"

At that moment, the door flew open, and Tonks was standing there, looking alarmed.

"The Death Eaters have attacked Hogwarts!" she exclaimed before hurrying back the way she'd came.

Luci was on her feet immediately, in pursuit, and she heard her brother on her heels.

In the kitchen, frantic voices were all mingled together. Luci could see Minerva standing on the other side of the room, waving her hands to quiet everyone.

And then, Alastor grumbled, "SILENCE!" into the small crowd, and all of the questioning ceased.

"Thank you, Alastor," said Minerva wearily. "I don't have long, and much has occurred."

"I hope someone killed Potter," whispered Draco from behind Luci, and it threw her into sudden horror. But she could only shove her elbow into his stomach.

"Ow!" he hissed, but didn't say anything more.

"Tell me the children are alright," Molly was pleading, and for once, Luci was in total harmony with the woman.

"Every single student is just fine," confirmed Minerva, and Luci felt like crying for joy. "But we've lost..." - she sniffed - "Pomona and... and Hagrid."

The room erupted again, but Luci didn't know either of these people. All she remembered was Harry mentioning Hagrid, the gamekeeper, with absolute fondness. Funny enough, Draco always referred to the man with disgust. And to her dismay, she saw that her brother was smiling.

But Minerva had continued shakily, "The only thing I know to do is close the school. I'll be sending the students home tomorrow morning."

Remus raised his hand at half-mast, to draw attention to himself, and suggested, "Don't you think there should be some kind of... service? So that they might say good-bye to their professors?"

There was a moment of silence while the Headmistress considered the proposal. Finally, she agreed, "Yes, very well. Students shall be allowed to stay for a service."

Then she turned to Luci, who was, under her sudden gaze, a bit taken aback.

"Miss Keegan, Hagrid was to return this to you." Minerva held out the Professors Pass.

"But..." choked Luci, stepping forward and retrieving the medallion from the Headmistress's wrinkled hand.

"Please see that Harry doesn't use this to sneak into my office again," Minerva frowned at her. "Now I must return to the school and send out notices to all of the parents."

And she was gone.

No one spoke for a couple of seconds.

But then Draco huffed, "I don't see what all the fuss is about," and plodded from the room.

Luci felt her cheeks turn red for shame of her brother. She looked around the room, muttered, "Sorry about him. He doesn't mean it."

Then she hurried to catch up with him.

"Hey," she snapped, barging into his room. Narcissa was already there.

"Were you never taught to knock?" the woman hissed.

Luci clenched her jaw. "Can I talk to Draco? Alone?"

"No."

She turned her eyes pleadingly for her brother's permission instead.

"It's alright, Mother," he allowed.

Narcissa looked put out, but she patted his shoulder lovingly. "It's wonderful news," she cooed. And then she left the room.

"Wonderful news?" gaped Luci.

"We've hated that Half-Blood animal for years," Draco said nonchalantly.

"He wasn't an... animal." She could hardly believe what she was hearing.

"You never even met him! He was only half human. So that's at least half animal."

Her brother was sneering, and she could only muster, "But it was a life. A life is gone. Two, in fact. And you're... happy?"

He shrugged.

Luci scoffed. "I don't even know who you are right now."

Narrowing his eyes, Draco shot, "I could say the same. The death of a Mudblood of any kind is always a triumph."

She sucked on the insides of her cheeks for a moment before strangling, "I can't look at you anymore," and darting from his presence.

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He was silent, but his shoulders were shaking. Was he crying?

Luci moved towards him, touched the small of his back gently. He turned to face her, not at all surprised by her being there.

She looked up into his wounded green eyes, and he whimpered, "Hagrid."

"I know," she said softly.

He fell against her, and she stroked the nape of his neck lovingly.

"And it's my fault," he muttered into her hair.

She pulled away, only slightly, and shook her head at him.

"Of course it's not your fault!"

He blinked, and then he leaned down and kissed her. Kissed her hungrily.

Then he pushed her onto the bed, the bed that hadn't been there just moments ago...

They were tearing at each other's clothing, their breathing coming low and fast, and she was engulfed in flames that licked at her skin...

She awoke with a start. After a dream like that, she expected to be sweating or at least breathing heavily in actuality. But she wasn't. She sat up, her mind still foggy, his face still swimming behind her eyelids. She wanted to hold onto the reverie, to fall back into it, but it was slipping away as consciousness crept in on her.

What did this mean? She had discovered this silly little crush on Harry... But she'd never dreamt about him this way. She'd had innocent dreams, sure, like the one where he was asking her if he should start wearing a top hat. But this dream... She had hurt for him, experienced his misery, longed to comfort him. And then...

Her heart was racing.

"Just fucking great," she muttered aloud to herself.

She had to push it out and it would go away. Except that she didn't want it to...

She wanted to see him. Talk to him. Touch him.

She growled aloud.

She should send an owl to him.

Except that he wouldn't want to hear from her. Ever again, she was sure. But she wanted... just some kind of contact with him. So she swallowed every ounce of pride, everything that was telling her to leave him alone, and rolled out of her bed.

Igniting a lamp on the desk, Luci retrieved a piece of parchment and her silver quill. She dipped the point lightly into the inkpot and poised it over the paper. Her hand was shaking.

"Stop it," she told herself. "Now. How to begin?"

Should she say, "Dear Harry," or something less obvious?

She chose simply, "Harry," writing each letter of his name slowly, trying to forget how his lips had felt in her dream...

She shook her head and continued.

"Minerva told us what happened. I'm SO sorry about Hagrid! I understand that you were close to him. Please give Ron and Hermione my sympathies, as well. You know I'd do anything for you so let me know-"

No, scratch that. Something more formal.

"And if there's anything that I can do for any of you, please let me know. Really. Anything."

She read the paragraph over a few times. Why did she need so much for it to sound perfect?

Part of her wanted to write, "I've just had a lovely provocative dream about you and would like very much to act it out, if you're up for it." But, of course, that was out of the question.

You're sending a letter to his school, you idiot, she scolded herself. That's right, because he's a student, and he is way out of bounds. Pull yourself together. Besides, he's just lost someone, and you should be focusing on consoling him.

Yes, because he probably needed consoling. He'd have Ron and Hermione and stupid Ginny. But if Luci knew him at all, and she liked to think that she did, she was sure that he was feeling accountable for the attack.

She began another paragraph.

"And I hope that you aren't blaming yourself for any of this, Harry. Terrible things happen, albeit with strange frequency, but they are not your fault. Trust me. I know what a wonderful person you-"

Scratching out the entire last sentence, she sighed.

"The Pass was returned to me, but I'm sending it back to you, even if I've been practically commanded not to by a stern woman that we all know so well... I understand that Hagrid was supposed to bring it to me, before it all happened. You'll have to explain to me how you lost track of it."

Straightforward, to the point. A completely innocent paragraph. Even though she'd almost printed, "I wish I were there with you."

What was wrong with her?

"Somehow, it's dreary here without your presence. I miss you."

She considered omitting it all, but then simply scribbled over that final line.

"And I'm pretty bored, to tell you the truth, so I hope you'll return soon. But even though the school is supposedly closing for the time being, I have a feeling that I won't be seeing you for a while, so please take care of yourself."

That was platonic enough, wasn't it? Luci hoped that it implied that she wasn't anxious to see him. She knew that he had a lot to do and would probably want to stay away from Grimmauld Place, and her, for as long as he could.

She was preparing to sign the letter when she decided that she couldn't ignore their last conversation. She had refused to tell him why she had the Professor's Pass, and he had accused her of being a rotten liar. It was very nearly possible that he hated her, at this point. The notion made her stomach churn unpleasantly. But if she was going to send this, she needed to acknowledge that she remembered all of the above very well.

She concluded, "And I want you to know that I hate the way that we left things. -Luci"

She had toyed with, "Yours, Luci," or some such intimacy, but had emphatically talked herself out of it.

Hedwig was sitting on the windowsill of the room that Harry shared with Ron. The breathtaking owl watched Luci curiously as she stepped into the room.

"Hi Hedwig," she said.

The snowy bird made a small chirrup.

"Will you take this to Harry for me? I know we don't know each other very well yet, but-"

Before she had finished the sentence, Hedwig had extended her right leg in reception.

Luci smiled and stroked her affectionately on the head. "So smart. Thank you, you beautiful girl. And be sure to give him a little extra love. He's had a rough night."

The owl almost seemed to nod in concurrence as Luci attached the parchment. Then she gave a warm hoot and soared into the night sky.