Dark Lord's Little Helper

Back to the Chalkboard

Draco Malfoy approached platform 9 ¾ with head hanging, dragging his feet like a man condemned. So this is what it all came down to. He'd left his family, deserted his cause, absconded to the side of the light, and lost everything. It was...well, the old Draco would have said something like tragic or unconscionable, but this Draco was simply too tired and too beat down to be so theatrical about it.

Molly Weasley ruffled his much-abused hair, and Arthur shook his hand, his face somewhat less full of disgust than on the first night they'd gone to the Burrow. Then, Draco turned and joined his--his comrades? Acquaintances?--the others; Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione on the platform.

And this, he was sure, was where it would all end. The Gryffindors would abandon him to the wolves--or the snakes, which were even more frightening. He wouldn't have admitted it for his own line of hairstyling products, but he had a squadron of prop fighter butterflies zooming round in his stomach. He was not looking forward to seeing Crabbe and Goyle--or any of the other Slytherins, for that matter. He was even more worried about that evening, when he'd be alone in the dark with them, trapped in the bowels of Hogwarts. Previously, he'd thought it was splendid that he resided where no one could hear you scream. Now, he was beginning to have a few minor misgivings about that.

Potty, Weasel and Mudblood all hopped happily on the train, smiling and chatting inanely, not even bothering with a glance in his direction. Actually, he rather thought that Granger had shot him a worried look, but Ron pulled her away, distracting her with comments about keeping the rest of the train in line. Squaring his shoulders and raising his chin, Draco prepared to board as well. Never let it be said that Draco Malfoy didn't meet his fate with courage and noble poise.

"Draco, wait up!" he heard Ginny say exasperatedly, and turned in surprise. It wasn't exactly that he'd forgotten the girl; he was just assuming that she'd forgotten him. She was on the ground, re-lacing an old and rather ratty shoe.

"Dear lord, you mustn't draw attention to those things," he reprimanded her. "They're ghastly. Until we can get you more appropriate footwear, do try to hide those under your robes, would you?" He made a show of looking around and smoothing his wayward, yet still gorgeous hair. "You're embarrassing me."

True to form, Ginny merely rolled her eyes. "Merlin, Malfoy. Yeah, I can only imagine the tremendous shame and mental anguish my boots are causing you. Will you just shut up? We haven't even made it onto the train, and already you've given me a headache."

Striking a pose and giving her a smile filled with chivalry, Draco offered her a hand up, and she accepted, laughing a little wryly. "You never take me seriously," he commented. "And think of all that's been ruined by one glimpse of your dilapidated shoes; no longer shall I be able to realize my dreams of obtaining aesthetic glory, as my eyes have been damned by your revolting choice--"

"Draco," Ginny said in a warning tone. He arched a brow, thinking it was all part of the game, but then he saw her expression. "Here come your former lackeys."

"Well, well...look what we have here," someone behind him said. "Malfoy's got himself a girlfriend."

"Ah. From that astoundingly cliché line, I must assume my childhood chums have arrived." He swivelled on his heel, keeping his face impassive and his tone bored. "How spanking lovely to see you again."

Both Crabbe and Goyle stood there, shoulder against shoulder, expressions menacing. "What does he mean, 'lovely?'" Goyle asked suspiciously. "I thought he was supposed to be scared?"

Crabbe thought this over a moment, before his eyebrow lowered threateningly. "He is scared; aren't you, Draco? He was never as strong as us, so he's definitely scared." Crabbe was always the quicker of the two, but not by much.

Draco cocked his head and smiled disarmingly, making certain they didn't notice the fact that he was insinuating himself between Ginny and the goons. "I assure you gentlemen that I'm not frightened of you," he began, but Crabbe went on with his speech, which he'd obviously practiced.

In a stilted voice, with his eyes squinting a bit, he repeated, clearly by rote, "We heard where you was switching to the wrong side," he said.

"Were," Draco corrected automatically.

After a second or two, Crabbe's eyes focused on him. "What?"

"'You were switching to the wrong side,' you big lummox. Were, not was. Continue with your travesty of a warning, if you would."

It took a bit for Crabbe to stop staring at him; Goyle had to nudge his partner and mutter about their mission, but finally he continued. "Oh. Oh. Er... We heard where you was--"

"Were."

"Ah...yeah...were switching to the wrong side. And the Dark Lord doesn't like that. He is not happy with you. You had better c-consider your...position carefully. Because after what you done, you are going to be in big trouble, and--ah--um--and...oh, yeah! And I would watch my back, if I were you, you...um. Ah. Goyle? What was that last bit again?"

"Huh? Oh...you...dirty...little...tailor," Goyle said, after several moments of tense concentration. They both broke out into wide grins, pleased with the completion of their assignment.

"Traitor, I think you'll find," Draco offered in an unimpressed voice.

"Eh?"

"You dirty little traitor, not 'tailor,' although it's nearly as insulting. I should certainly hope I'd never have to stoop to that sort of labour merely to continue my existence. Oh, and also, you messed up your tenses again. You should have said, 'after what you have done,' or 'after what you did,' because--"

"Malfoy, that's enough," Ginny hissed in his ear. "Stop giving them grammar lessons and let's get on the train!"

"Hmm? Oh, very well. Well, boys, you did a bang up job, considering what little you had to work with. You may tell your employer that I was utterly terrified by your predictions of horrible doom, and that I shall commence trembling in fright and reassessing my loyalties at once. Or as soon as I have a spare moment, at any rate. Was that all? Good, then. Have a nice day."

Crabbe and Goyle gave each other a confused look as Draco shoved Ginny towards the train, trying to rush her and still keep his dignity. She shot him a look over her shoulder when she realized what he was doing, but kept moving. "Uh...that went well," they could hear Crabbe saying, not sounding completely convinced.

"He didn't seem that scared to me," Goyle responded.

"Well...yeah...but he said he was really scared," Crabbe replied in a voice laden with inspiration. "And that's all we have to tell them, isn't it? 'He said he was scared.'"

"But he didn't say that. Um. He said he was utterly terrified, but he didn't sound utterly terrified."

"Who cares how he sounded? He said he was...utterly terrified of our predilections of doom, and...um...he would...comment on our tremors of fright...no, wait. He said he was terrified of our perfection, trembles are commerce...immediately, and...er...he will reassure his loyalties. And go spare. Or something. Wasn't that what he said?"

Draco caught a glimpse of them as he got on the train. Goyle looked worried. "I don't think so," he said slowly. "Did we screw something up?"

Crabbe looked uneasy for a moment, as well, before his face hardened. "No. No," he repeated. "We just go and tell them he was scared, that's all. Okay?"

Draco followed Ginny into a compartment with Harry, and collapsed on the seat next to her. "That wasn't as bad as it might have been," he said with false cheer.

"What are you doing here?" Harry looked hatefully at his rival. "Aren't you supposed to be making sure no one's getting into trouble? That's what Ron and Hermione are out doing."

"I've already finished," Draco told him smugly. "And besides, the worst troublemaker in the whole school is you, so I'm better off in here if I want to work preventive maintenance, aren't I?"

"Shut your gob hole!" Harry snarled, yanking out his wand. "I'm not in the mood to put up with your attitude today, Malfoy!"

"My attitude? My dear chap, I'm hardly the one behaving like an overwrought Hamlet at one moment, and then transforming into Attila the Hun the next!"

"You know what, Malfoy?" Harry shouted. "I don't even need my wand! I'll just punch your lousy teeth in!"

"Boys. It's sweet of you to fight over me, but really, you don't have to make quite such a fuss," Ginny said loudly, and there was a sudden silence as both of them turned to gape at her. "Really, you're embarrassing yourselves," she told them. Harry's face was turning dark red, but Malfoy was beginning to look amused.

"You don't miss a trick, do you?" he inquired, laughter playing at the corners of his mouth.

She merely smiled smugly at both of them, and Harry coughed and looked away. Draco sighed. "What shall we do to pass the time? Exploding snap? Which Wizard? Spin the Bottle?" He winked at Ginny, who gave him a withering look in response.

"You are absolutely depraved, Malfoy," Harry said in a tight voice. "And if Ron hears you talking like that, he'll shave your head and have a pair of socks made from the hair."

"Why, is he jealous when other men hit on you?" Malfoy taunted, and brought his wand up just in time to use Impedimentia on Harry's fist. Harry, realizing his fingers were right near Draco's cheek, yanked them back as though he'd been burned, face filled with revulsion.

"You! He! I!"

"A threesome, you mean? Potter, how unexpectedly naughty of you!" Draco sneered. Harry lunged.

"Stop provoking him, damn it!" Ginny growled. She had one hand on Harry's chest, and was trying to prevent him from tearing Malfoy into little pieces with his bare hands.

"For God's sake, the boy needs to grow a sense of humour," Draco groaned. "He knows I'm not serious. I've heard the two of them discussing the finer points of Lavender's quickly developing assets, so I would have to doubt their homosexuality. Not that I care," he added apathetically.

"Right," Harry retorted, still looking enraged. "Because you and your blue-blooded perverts of a family probably all sleep together in the same bed. How could you judge anyone even if they weren't straight? Be a bit of a hypocrite, wouldn't you?"

Draco stiffened at this. "Typical Gryffindor response. You can't think of anything original, so you accuse me of having relations with my mother, father, and the family dog."

"Oh, the dog, too?" Harry shot back smugly. "I knew it. You couldn't get a date outside the family tree if you wanted! All normal, healthy witches would throw up in their cauldrons if you looked twice at them!"

"Oh, really?"

Ginny saw the steely glint in Draco's eye right before he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER! I'LL TELL RON!" Harry roared, clutching Ginny's other arm and yanking her away.

Draco maintained his composure. "I trust you have little desire to be ill?" he asked her solicitously.

Ginny gave a great sigh and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Draco, that was very nice. Now if we'll all just calm down--"

"Nice?" both Harry and Draco said in unison.

"Just nice?" Draco asked, right as Harry said, "Kissing Draco Malfoy is nice?"

Ginny was now standing in the aisle between them, and shifted nervously from one foot to the other. "Well...yes. Er, it was quite wonderful, actually," she said, feeling like she ought to show a bit of loyalty to...whatever it was Draco was to her. Malfoy relaxed a bit at this, but Harry looked even more upset. "Er...not that I've had a lot of experience kissing boys," she added modestly.

"Right," Harry said. "Well, that explains it. You don't know what a kiss is supposed to be like, but it certainly isn't a disgusting ferret slobbering all over you." He was taking his glasses off as he spoke, and Ginny froze. Surely he wasn't going to... "It's--it's--supposed to be--more like this," he stuttered, and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.

There were supposed to be fireworks. Violins. Magic. She was kissing Harry Bloody Potter, for pity's sake, the boy of her dreams, her childhood crush! Instead, Harry's lips were chapped and he was awkward, and though she'd only kissed three boys herself, she was clearly more experienced than Harry, who seemed to have no idea what he was doing. And just a couple of years ago, it still would have thrilled her to the core.

"It's supposed to be like that," he said breathlessly, pulling back and looking anxiously into her eyes.

Ginny didn't know how to respond. She tried smiling tentatively, and saw Draco from the corner of her eye, stiff and glowering. "Well...yes, that was nice, too..." she said eventually.

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say. Harry looked hurt and a bit miffed, and Draco shot out of his seat, his eyes cold. "Well, that was fun, let's all do it again sometime," he said in a livid voice, pushing past her. "I'm just going to go make sure the world is still spinning on its axis without my supervision, and I'll leave the two of you to your disgustingly unsurprising snuggling. Good day."

Ginny watched him go past, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "But--I--"

"You needn't bother," he snarled, shoving her hands away from his sleeve and stomping out the door, where he nearly ran into Ron and Hermione.

"Is everything all right?" Hermione inquired, her eyes darting from Draco's face to Ginny's.

"The world is a magnificent place filled with roses and sunshine and revolting little puppies that piss on your rugs," Draco spat. "And I'd really love to stick around and throw various witty insults at you, but they're all over your head and I've become ill from your presence. So, if you'll pardon me," he added, stalking past the two of them and heading off to Merlin knew where.

"Well! He's in a bit of a tetchy mood, isn't he?" Hermione said, smoothing her robes.

"Hmph," said Harry, scowling out the window.

"Well, at least he's gone," Ron said, sitting beside his friend. "Right, mate?"

Harry shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Ginny and I probably both going to die from some horrible Death Eating Disease from that kiss, though."

Ron boggled. "What? Are you saying that you kissed Draco Malfoy?"

Harry gave him a scornful look. "No, you idiot. I'm saying that Ginny kissed Malfoy."

"What?"

Hermione's brow was wrinkled. "How on earth would you catch a disease from that?" she asked Harry.

"Because I kissed Ginny after she kissed Malfoy," he explained rather patiently, considering he went off like a firework at the least little thing these days.

"What? You kissed Ginny!?" Ron exclaimed. "Good on you!" he nudged Harry a bit in the ribs, smiling widely. "Took you long enough; always knew it would happen!" Harry smiled a little.

Ginny resisted the urge to hex her brother's ears off, and dug her nails into her palms. As the boys exchanged a few quiet laughs, Hermione pulled Ginny into a corner of the car and put up a quick silencing charm.

"Are you all right?" she asked, warm eyes full of concern. "I'm not going to have to curse their co--er, you knows off for any inappropriate behaviour, am I?"

Ginny giggled, raising a hand to shield her glowing face. It was hard to imagine Hermione--always rather prudish--saying a dirty word. What was worse, she couldn't help but imagine what Draco's face would look like if he'd been there. "No, I'm fine," she assured the older girl. "I'm just..." she trailed off, shrugging. "It wasn't what I was expecting." She glanced nervously at the boys and admitted in a small voice, "But Draco's was much, much better."

Hermione snorted. "Well, it wouldn't surprise me if he were a bit of a playboy. You'd best stay away from him, though. Really, Ginny, I know he's awfully cute, but think of the trouble it would bring! Just...be careful and really give it some thought, would you?"

Ginny nodded miserably. Of all the people she knew, she'd expected Hermione to understand, somehow. Now, instead of having an ally, she was one more person who disapproved. And how could she ever be happy if it meant making everyone else angry?

When Hermione took down the silencing charm and everyone started talking again, Ginny sank silently into her seat, lost in thought. She'd really like to see what Draco thought of all this--if he thought anything at all. Now that they'd be back at school, maybe he wouldn't bother flirting with her. After all, Pansy Parkinson was obviously interested in him, and a lot more accessible.

Grimly, Ginny shook her head a bit, trying to break out of the cloud of depression that seemed to be settling over her. It wasn't like she had to throw herself at Draco; there was surely some way of getting him alone to talk things over. Er. To talk about...things, at any rate. And if the subject of what he planned to do now they were back to school came up, it was really only natural. Yes, that would probably work. Discreetly slipping a piece of parchment out, Ginny set about scrawling a quick note to set her plan into action.