A Tale of Little Plot

Snape: Why what?

Harry: Uh, why do you like your hair greasy?

Snape: I don't like my hair greasy! Are you implying I have greasy hair??

Harry: [watching some grease drip from the end of a strand of Snape's hair and land on the floor with a 'plup'] Uh...

Ron: You know, you did that exact same thing five minutes ago?

Harry: Three minutes ago. Shut up, Ron. Sir, you said yourself just before that you like your hair greasy.

Snape: Don't be ridiculous! Why would I say that??

Ron: I think he's losing it... Plus we've been talking to him for more than a chapter and he hasn't threatened us with detention yet.

Harry kicks Ron in the shins but it is too late. Snape's eyes light up.

Snape: [gleefully] Detention! Both of you!

Harry: Damn. Stupid Ron.

Ron: [after a few moment's pause] ... HEY!

Harry: So if you DON'T like your hair greasy, can we exchange this shampoo for Hermione?

Snape: [snatching the shampoo from Harry] Silence! I am confiscating this shampoo, you do not need to carry it around and it is surely of some distraction during lessons! Your detention is tomorrow evening in my classroom, be off with you.

Harry: Damn.

Snape examines the shampoo.

Snape: Pantene Pro-V?

Harry: Yes, sir.

Snape: You know Herbal Essence is much better. (there you go, kelc =oO=)

Harry: Uh... we couldn't get any, sir.

Ron: You see, someone had put an advertising curse on all the staff -

Harry: - except you, for some reason -

Ron: - and we had to buy some to get rid of the curse.

Harry: And we thought we were being very clever and killing two birds with one stone.

Ron: But we hadn't thought out the plan properly.

Harry: Again.

Ron: Yes.

Snape: I see. Leave! now!

Harry and Ron stand there, not moving. Because they're standing there. And they wouldn't be standing there if they were going anywhere, would they?

Snape: I said go away!

Ron: No, you said 'Leave! Now!'.

Snape: Well NOW I'm saying go away!

Harry: Shan't, it's not your corridor.

Harry and Ron remain where they are. Snape glares at them. They still do not move. Snape glares at them some more. Harry and Ron stay put. This continues for about five minutes until Snape gives a loud huffing noise and returns to his office, slamming the door. Something inside says 'uuwa! Big sound!'.

Harry and Ron look at one another, then link arms and begin to do something remniscient of a Morris dance, with much stamping of feet. After a while they stop and begin to sing loudly and raucously. Harry sings something approaching a harmony part.

Ron: MY OLD MAN SAID FOLLOW THE VAN, AND DON'T DILLY DALLY ON THE WAY

Harry: - Way, way, way -

Ron: OFF WENT THE VAN WIV ME OLD MAN IN IT, I FOLLOWED ON WIV ME -

Harry and Ron: - OLD COCK LINNET -

Ron: BUT I DILLIED AND DALLIED -

Harry: - Dallied and dillied -

Ron: LOST MY WAY AND DON'T KNOW WHERE TO ROAM -

Harry: - roam, roam -

Ron: YOU CAN'T TRUST A SPECIAL LIKE THE OLD TIME COPPERS -

Harry and Ron: WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR WAY 'OME!!

Harry: Home home home!

Snape bursts out of his office, eyes popping. He glares at Harry and Ron.

Snape: Shut up!!

Ron sticks his tongue out.

Ron: You can't make us, 's not your corridor!

Snape looks even more furious than before, if that is possible. Harry sticks his tongue out too and they begin to sway from side to side, humming and waggling their tongues at the fuming potions master. Snape goes back into his office, grabs something, and hurls it at them. Harry catches it. It is a Furby.

Snape: Right! There's your friend! Now GO AWAY AND STOP SINGING! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SINGING!

Harry and Ron abruptly stop their swaying, tongue waggling and humming.

Harry: You have to change her back too. We don't know if it's really her.

Snape: Of course it is!! Do you think I have LOTS of Furbys?

Harry and Ron: Yes.

There is a pause.

Snape: How did you know? HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Ron: Well, we -

Harry treads on his sidekick's foot and shakes his head, tapping the side of his (own) nose.

Harry: Ah!

Snape: ... Very well, I'll change her back. But if you tell anybody, I will personally -

Harry: Ensure that we're expelled?

Snape: Actually I was going to say I would personally slit your nostrils open with a boathook. But that too.

Harry and Ron yet again exchange bemused glances as Snape takes the Furby from them and wombles* into his office, slamming the door behind him. At length he ushers Hermione, who looks as bemused as all four of Harry and Ron's bemused glances stacked on top of one another, with added bemusement, out of his office. Harry and Ron grab her by the wrists (one wrist each) and begin to drag her away.

Hermione: Uh... what happened there?

Ron seizes this fabulous oppurtunity to cause Hermione unjustified embarassment.

Ron: Snape kidnapped you for use in orgies.

Hermione: WHAT?

Harry: Furby orgies?

Hermione: Wha - ?

Harry: Snape turned you into a Furby for being late. I had no idea orgies were involved.

Ron: Aww, Harry...

Hermione: Nice try.

Harry: On the other hand, this is Snape we're talking about here, you never know.

All of them think about this for a while.

Harry and Hermione: Eurgh.

There is a pause. Ron looks deep in thought.

Ron: Eurgh.

Harry: Let's go and do something interesting to take that thought out of our minds, shall we?

Ron and Hermione nod, and they all go off to do something interesting to take that thought out of their minds.

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Well, there you are! All done! *beams* Now go do something worthwhile!