The Book Of Jude

Disclaimer: All characters and situations associated with the Harry Potter series are the literary property of J.K. Rowling and the following companies, including but not limited to: Bloomsbury, Raincoast Books, Scholastic and Warner Bros. All original material is the property of the author. No money is being made from this story, and no copyright infringements were intended in its creation.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Lost and Found

'So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive

Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around.

But lately I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself my light is found'

Incubus, Drive

Jude hadn't slept in...what? Days? Weeks?She'd lost count. Every moment was spent prowling the castle in search of Peter. He couldn't have gotten very far, Jude figured. The dementors were crawling over every inch of the ground outside and Peter would be daft if he'd tried to escape with that lot milling about. No, she reckoned he'd hide somewhere, wisely, laying low until Black and the dementors had cleared off. Then he'd make a break for it.

But she'd been fooled once--and had learned her lesson. She would never underestimate Peter again. The castle needed a thorough going over before she could turn her attention to combing the grounds. But countless hours spent searching every crack and crevice in the enormous castle had turned up nothing. She would have to ignore the fear that threatened to swallow her up and brave the dark expanses of the night if she ever hoped to fix her mistake.

The night wasn't so bad after all, Jude thought as she stepped out into the clean air of early spring. The snows had melted and the wind held only the slightest chill as it blew gently across the star-lit landscape. All in all, it was a lovely night. Jude, however, had little time for admiring the perfect scene--she had work to do. Off to her right she could hear a Quidditch practice in session. She decided to start there--it was well lit after all.

Minutes, maybe hours had passed and Jude had found no trace of Peter. At first she thought she detected the sent leading off of the path from the front doors to the lake, but was thrown off the track when Harry and Ron unexpectedly rounded the corner and came face to face with her. Jude had avoided the boys ever since the night she was accused of killing Ron's rat in an attempt to forgo scenes like this one. She'd apparently startled Harry and as soon as he'd lit the path with his wand, Ron had seized a rock and hurled it at her.

"Get out of here!" he roared as the rock missed her by a good yard. Thank goodness for the kid's bad aim, she thought as she skirted the tree and fled from the light. She did not want to volunteer for target practice. The scent had been lost, however, in those scant moments. It had led from the front steps to...the right? Or left? This could take a while, she sighed and began the search again for the first hint of Peter in weeks. Patience, Jude, she reminded herself judiciously as she padded through the damp grass.

***

Another week had passed and the trace had been lost. The only bit of information Jude had gleaned from it was the general direction in which Peter had gone after he'd left the castle. The only good news was that she had yet to encounter a single dementor. This boosted her confidence only little, however. She was stiff and tired and hungry. Every movement reminded her of her sore muscles. She couldn't go on like this for much longer and decided it would be best to get at least a little sleep. The halls of the castle were cold and quiet and Jude met no one as she climbed the last staircase to the Gryffindor Tower. It was late and everyone was asleep.

On the landing, however, she heard the hushed, yet severe voice of Professor McGonagall. Jude was curious to see whom she was talking to in so strange a manner. A student out after curfew, no doubt, she thought as she drew nearer. There was not a student in sight, however. Professor McGonagall stood facing the portrait that served as the temporary guardian to the entrance of the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Sir Cadogan, did you just let a man enter Gryffindor Tower?"

"Certainly, good lady!" Sir Cadogan answered with annoying chivalry. Jude froze as the full weight of the words struck her.

"You--you did?" said Professor McGonagall. "But--but the password!"

"He had them!" said Sir Cadogan proudly. "Had the whole week's, my lady. Read 'emoff a little piece of paper!"

Through the stunned silence, Jude could hear Ron's familiar voice through the open portrait hole, recounting his daring escape from beneath Sirius Black's knife. Jude did not wait to hear more.

***

"Thought I'd be seeing you here tonight," Black greeted her dispassionately as she rounded the corner and stood in the cave's entrance. "Come to lecture me about my crude tactics?"

Jude huffed with rage and the effort of running through the forest after him on little steam. "You arrogant bastard. You deserve to get caught, do you know that?" She leaned wearily against the wall. "You honestly don't care how this looks, do you?"

"How does it look, Jude?" Black spat the name contemptuously.

"You haven't acted like an innocent man. A knife? Are you crazy? Even if I do get Peter now, no one will believe you." Jude buried her face in her hands trying to fight the sleep that threatened to overwhelm her.

"The kid is fine." Black eyed her coldly.

"He woke up in the middle of the night to find a wanted criminal standing over him with a knife...and he's fine?" Jude noticed his eyes flash as she called him a wanted criminal. She touched a nerve and was not sorry in the least. She shook her head and laughed mirthlessly. "Don't you want your life back?"

"Do you honestly think bringing Peter in will change anything? Nothing I can do, nothing I can say will give me back those twelve years." He was on his feet now, pacing furiously. "No, all I want is revenge now. What happens to me...that's inconsequential. I want Peter dead."

Jude sighed. "Peter should pay for his crimes, but you shouldn't have to any longer. You go back to Azkaban and they win." In a trembling voice she continued. "You owe Harry the truth."

He stopped his rhythmic pacing. "And how do you know what I owe Harry?" He turned to face her. His glare was cold and malicious yet she held it steadily. The knife was still clutched tightly in his hand.

"Because I owe him the same thing." Jude watched as his anger melted into frustrated curiosity.

"And why is that? What sort of trouble could you have caused in so short a life?" He gave her an appraising glance. "I bet you just finished school, and like a good little Gryffindor you want to save the world one misjudged wretch at a time."

Jude gave him an incredulous smirk. "Actually, I left Hogwarts almost six years ago...and I was in Slytherin." She almost laughed as Black's face fell in disbelief.

"Slytherin? No wonder I can't trust you." Black smiled a bit. Jude reckoned it had been ages since he'd smiled--it looked like the most unnatural thing to him in the world. Smiles were feeling more and more foreign to her as well--she couldn't remember the last time she'd smiled or laughed from sheer joy or happiness. Maybe she'd never had.

"Spoken like a true Gryffindor," Jude sneered.

"How did you know that?" Black asked surprised to find out just how much the strange girl knew.

"Hagrid." Her answer was purposely cryptic. She didn't want to talk about the past any longer. He had enough clues to go on. If he still didn't know who she was, that was tough.

"It's not fair. You seem to know everything about me and so far all I know about you is your first name, your age--roughly, although I thought you were a lot younger--and that you were a Slytherin." Black was staring at her, grasping for something else to go on.

She shook her head. "That's about it." After a moment's silence, Jude finally spoke again. "So, now that you know more about me are you going to stop being such a pain in the ass and help me?"

"You lost him didn't you?" Black said, with minimal surprise.

Jude's guilt melted into incredulity. "It's like you expected me to lose him or something."

"No. Just figured he'd taken off when I didn't see him anywhere tonight." Black threw the knife at the ground where it stuck, the point several inches deep in the dusty floor of the cave. He sat down wearily next to it and wrapped his arms tightly around his thin frame. "I guess I have you to thank for that."

"I'll find him," she said defensively. He nodded slightly and closed his eyes. "I swear I will. He can't have gone far..." she sputtered weak pleas but was interrupted by Black. "I know you didn't mean to let Peter go. He's around here somewhere and we'll find him. But for right now, will you just shut up and let me get some sleep?"

Jude nodded. "Right." She turned to quietly leave, guessing that that had officially ended the discussion.

"You can stay if you want. I don't imagine you fancy crossing that forest alone tonight."

She scowled at the insolent man in front of her, but accepted the offer all the same. The ginger cat curled up on the other side of the cave and fell asleep almost instantly.

***

"What day do you suppose it is?"

"Dunno," Jude mumbled in reply to Black's question. She was bent over a bramble searching furiously underneath for Peter. It was the billionth such prickly bush she'd searched that day and her back was killing her. They'd spent every daylight hour--and even some nighttime hours, when they felt brave enough to chance the dementors--for weeks combing the forest for any sign of the escapee, and had found little more than some tracks, which could have been made by any creature. Jude was tired and agitated--the last thing she wanted right now was small talk. How could she possibly know what day it was? She hadn't set foot inside the castle in a week, maybe two. The day had not yet dawned, but it held the promise of being sunny and warm--it may have been late April or early May. But was it Tuesday? Wednesday? Saturday? There was no way for her to know. Still, she was curious as to why he asked. "Why do you want to know?"

He sighed and sank to the damp ground, looking over the grounds toward the school. "Because, I have an idea."

Jude followed his eyes to the castle then shook her head. "I told you I turned that place upside down--he's not there, Black." She bent back to work, agitated that he was amusing himself by wasting her time.

"I know," he retorted a bit harshly. "That's not it. I have an idea that might help us find Peter a bit quicker than this. It's so brilliant, I don't know why I didn't think of it before." He was smiling slyly as he stared at the castle in the fading night.

"Because it's a brilliant plan, that's why. Gryffindors aren't much acclaimed for their bright ideas." Jude snorted as she crawled through a particularly thick and thorny bramble. "Ow! Bugger!"Another cut to add to her collection on this fruitless effort. Her hands were red and sore, tiny cuts crisscrossed her skin.

Black shot her a sinister glare. "You deserved that, you know."

She stuck her finger in her mouth and narrowed her eyes at Black. She resented having done the lion's share of the work, while he formulated ridiculous plans. But she reasoned that she was the one who'd lost Peter--so it was her job to find him. "So?" she raised her eyebrows in impatient inquiry.

"It'll be tricky...we need to get into the castle." Black returned his judicious glare back to the school.

Jude shook her head in disbelief and resumed poking through the underbrush. "Impossible. Everyone will be up soon."

"Yeah, but..." he was looking across the grounds now to the Quidditch pitch. "I think it should be relatively empty for the good part of the day."

She quickly left the bramble behind and took a seat next to Black, looking over the vista, hoping to be let in on the secret. He may actually have something.

"See those banners?" he pointed a thin finger at the stands which boasted bright banners of scarlet and gold, then green and silver. "There's a game today. And judging from how late it is in the year, I'd wager it's the final!" He stared at the sight of the colors flapping in the light breeze. "Gryffindor versus Slytherin...I bet no one would miss that game--the castle should be entirely deserted."

"Great...but what's in the castle that we need," Jude interrupted some thought of his. The far-off, serene look vanished in an instant.

"A map."

***

They crept around the edge of the forest until they were on the opposite side from the Quidditch pitch. The castle was still silent.

"We'll have to get in there before anyone wakes up, then lay low," Jude said, taking in every inch of the massive stone building with shrewd eyes. "Once everyone clears off for the game, then we can go after it." She paused then looked over her shoulder tentatively. "You do know where it is, don't you?"

"'Course."Black shrugged his shoulders. "It's in Filch's office. Filed under Confiscated and Highly Dangerous."

Jude turned quickly back to him and scowled. "Filch's? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm the one who lost it." He looked a little guilty.

"What the hell does it do? Blow up in your face?" Jude said incredulously.

"Even better!"Black replied, sounding like an excited child. Jude was highly amused, but this was serious business, breaking into Filch's. It had better be worth it. "It shows the location of anyone on the Hogwarts grounds."

Jude looked at him, wide-eyed and disbelieving. "Anyone?"

Black nodded.

"Why the hell didn't you come up with this earlier?" she said, turning back to the castle, clearly irritated.

"Didn't think of it," he defended, but Jude was ignoring him. She was studying the castle, trying to remember the secret passages that link the outside to the inside. Then she remembered. The series of alcoves in the stone...the third one over...there was a hidden staircase that led to a passage behind the large mirror on the fourth floor.

"There!" she said triumphantly, pointing to the entrance of her secret passage. "That's how we'll get in."

"Exactly what I was thinking." Black crouched beside her, staring intently at the point she'd indicated.

"You know it too?" She tried not to sound so put off. It was childish really, to expect that she was the only person in possession of Hogwarts' secrets. Still, she was jealous that another knew. This was her Hogwarts, her home.

"Course I do, they're all on the map."

"You idiot!You mapped out all the secret passages then lost the bloody thing to Filch? No wonder I had such a time trying not to get caught all those years." Jude was scowling at Black once again. She couldn't help being indignant, however. She shook her head. "Amateur."

"Hey! I was no amateur! I was Hogwarts' best," Black said importantly. "You needed a password to see the map."

"Right."Jude decided not to egg him on further, even though she was sure he got more detentions than any other student...ever! Mischief making was an art to Jude, not something to take lightly, and not measured by how many times you were caught, but by how many times you succeeded in getting away. It took sly cunning, something she thought Black possessed in only small quantities. "Once we're inside, are we splitting up or staying together?"

"Hadn't thought that far," Black said lightly as if it were inconsequential.

Jude rolled her eyes, visibly annoyed. "Typical," she sighed with a shake of her head. "Just like a Gryffindor...okay, everyone on three!"

"Hey, it always worked for me," he said, a little wounded.

"We'll wait until the coast is clear, then find the map...together." Jude finished and looked to Black for approval. He nodded. "Ready, amateur?"

He narrowed his eyes and growled at her. But she'd already assumed the form of Crookshanks and was skirting the edge of the woods checking to see if the coast was clear. She turned back to Black who was now a large shaggy dog. She led the way and he followed.

***

"What do you mean it's not there?" Jude said, leaving her post at the door to look over Black's shoulder into Filch's filing cabinet drawer labeled Confiscated and Highly Dangerous. Whatever he was looking for, he seemed not to find it. "What does it look like?" she said, examining the biscuit that she'd transfigured into a galleon in her third year. It was passable, but a little rough around the edges--anyone experienced in counterfeit coins would be able to peg it as a fake, but most of her classmates were not experts on the matter. Apparently Filch was, however. Oh, well...at least it had never been traced back to her.

"It's a worn bit of blank parchment." Black was shuffling through various forged permission slips and what not.

"Oh, no problem then," Jude spat contemptuously. "It'll be a cinch to find in this drawer full of worn bits of blank parchments."

"Damn it!" Black slammed the drawer shut. Jude barely had time to pull her fingers safely away from the metal. "It's not here."

"Maybe your friend had the same bright idea you did," Jude postulated as she moved cautiously back to the door to check for unwanted visitors.

Black spun around to face her, frantically glaring. At that moment, he did justice to all of the terrifying pictures of himself in the various papers. "What friend? Jude, what are you talking about?"

"An old school friend of yours has taken the Defense Against the Dark Arts position here. I can't remember his name, though." She shook her head.

"Remus Lupin?" he asked cautiously.

Jude snapped her fingers. "That's it!" Just then, she heard the sounds of footsteps headed in their direction. She turned frantically toward the door. It was Filch approaching his office in little haste. "Look! We probably can't rely on him for help, if that's what you're thinking. You and I are the only ones who know about Peter...I haven't even told Dumbledore."

He nodded wearily, shoulders sagging a bit.

"Well, are you ready to run for it?" Jude called him back from his thoughts.

"Yeah, let's have a little fun." Black returned to the form of the shaggy dog and charged out the door, knocking Filch off his feet and sending Mrs. Norris clambering up a statue of a grotesque goblin. The ginger cat streaked after him, leaving the bewildered caretaker and hissing henchman-cat in her wake.

***

Jude had returned to the familiar task of searching the grounds for any sign of Peter. Only now she worked alone--night and day. Black had taken the news of his friend pretty hard. Whatever he'd prepared himself for, it had been clear that he hadn't expected his last friend to aid in his hunt and recapture. That night, she had tried unsuccessfully to get him to help her find Peter and clear his name. He sat in his cave brooding, as he had for the past few weeks--ever since she'd made the mistake of telling him that bit of information.

"Well, I don't give up that easily!" Jude bellowed to the shaggy man leaning against the wall of the cave, defeated.

"Jude, you don't have to do this anymore. It's over. You're only putting yourself in unnecessary danger." He sighed heavily. "The dementors are getting restless. It's too risky."

She kicked the wall, frustrated. "It's almost daylight. I will find him...with or without you." She made to leave, but turned slowly to the man sitting with his head in his hands instead. "You know, Black, I've figured out that you're arrogant, proud and reckless...but I never would have pegged you as a coward." She left and didn't look back to see if her barbed words had hit their mark.

***

The woods behind Hagrid's hut were thick and only minimal sunlight crept through the foliage. She could feel somehow that she was getting closer--Peter was nearby. An exhaustive search had turned up nothing on the right side of the clearing and the left side was beginning to seem just as fruitless. She'd lost track of the hours she'd spent digging through the brambles and thorn bushes, only to come up empty handed every time. Having abandoned her cat form forty or so minutes ago, she was now on hands and knees in the black dirt and decaying leaves.

The day was growing hot as the sultry afternoon sun cast long shadows through the dark forest. She was grateful that a cool breeze had managed to penetrate the walls of the forest and smiled as she straightened her sore back. She needed a rest but could not justify one lost second now that she could feel she was getting closer to her goal. Her smile faded as the pleasant breeze became unbearably colder. Her breath caught in her chest as she turned around, against her better judgment, to face what she knew was behind her.

A dementor towered above her, filling every spare inch of the clearing. Jude struggled to breathe, but felt the familiar and suffocating cold sweep over her. She was drowning. She squeezed her eyes shut against the inevitable sights. She knew she was going to see him again...staring at her in pain and disbelief. It was Rhys, his glorious eyes leveled at her with contempt--seeing her for the first time for what she was. He had left her at that moment--not after. It was there that she had lost him. He hadn't even given her a chance to explain, to say she was sorry and that she would never hurt him for anything. He was gone, leaving her to be tormented by this moment for eternity. This was her hell.

The forest had long ago faded into blackness, and all she could feel was the acute, penetrating cold. She did not feel the slimy hands seize her by the collar and pull her upwards. Every happy memory she'd ever had--perfect moments she'd spent with Rhys--were ripped from her, twisted and turned into something ugly...he'd been happy with an illusion, not with her...she'd deceived herself. Those moments had been stolen--they belonged to someone else, and now it was time to pay.

The swirling, howling sound of the wind filled her ears and sounded almost like the loud, booming barks of a dog. Was it a dog? It was getting harder and harder to focus on that sound, she was so distracted by the enveloping, blackness--the cold. Then she felt herself hit something--hard. The ground? Someone who was holding her up had dropped her on her wobbly legs, which collapsed underneath her.

Someone was shaking her. "Get up, Jude! Get up now!"

She blinked back frigid tears that streaked her pale and sweaty face. She took huge, gasping breaths of air but still felt the unrelenting weight on her chest.

"Jude, listen to me now! Conjure a Patronus--it's our only chance." The voice beckoned her away from the darkness and back to the shadowed and warm clearing in a thick wood. She was being hauled to her feet.

"What?" she managed weakly.

"A Patronus. NOW! I can't hold it off much longer without a wand." The voice sounded familiar--raspy, as if it hadn't been used in several years and was now only rediscovering its purpose. Black?Was that the voice? "Think of something happy. Come on."

He was shaking her violently by the shoulders. A happy thought? She didn't have one. It was as the darkness said...her perfect moments had been stolen...they didn't belong to her.

She held out her left hand and thought hard of one of those marauded memories. She may have stolen them, but she would pay whatever price asked to have had just one such moment with Rhys. At that moment in time--a park, dusted lightly with snow...couples dancing...he was there...and she was with him. No! Not her--it was another her--the person she'd always wanted to be...that Jude was loved and adored...beautiful and...happy.

That was not who she was now, but for that moment, she had everything. She focused on that, eyes closed, trying to emulate the feelings, the sights, the sounds of that one perfect evening. It must have worked, because a second later she heard the voice again.

"It's gone, but we can't stay here, it'll be back...it's seen me," Black sounded a little relieved, but anxious not to remain in that clearing. He grabbed her by the arm and hauled her to the edge of the forest. She was dazed--it felt as if she was recovering from a severe bout of the flu...a flu that made you hopelessly depressed.

She tried to control her shaking, but it was a losing battle. Her eyesight was becoming less fuzzy, however, and she was grateful when the world came back into focus. The slanting orange rays of the sun, the dark shadows of the forest melting into the golden hues of the afternoon light. They were behind Hagrid's hut, just out of the cover of the forest. She was about to pull Black back into the cover of the forest, away from the exposed spot they stood in when she noticed something curious about ten or so yards in front of her.

She pulled her arm from Black's loose grip and gasped, "It can't be."

A white rat, frightened and fleeing some threat with as much speed as he could muster, was streaking across the grounds, coming straight toward them.