Summoned

Chapter 26: Deception at King's Cross

"There were shops selling robes, shops selling telescopes and strange silver instruments... tottering piles of spell books, quills, and rolls of parchment, potion bottles..."

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

July 28, 1995, morning

When Lupin finally came out of the bedroom, tucking his shirt into his pants, Severus had already ordered breakfast for them, had eaten his, and shoved the plate of fruits and cheese and bread and sausages toward Lupin.

"I assumed you would be hungry," he explained dryly, "and that you would not yet be in the mood for a - social gathering."

Lupin tilted his head to the side and grinned lopsidedly at him. "Thanks. - Well - how do I look? Fewer scratches?"

Severus spent a moment examining the werewolf's face and neck and his hands. "From what I can see. - Any unpleasant side-effects?"

Lupin pulled a chair up to the desk and began working on the food on his plate. "No. Nothing I can tell, anyhow. - How was I? I felt - 'tame'." He glanced up and smiled. It was, of course, the term Severus had used derisively slightly more than a year ago to describe Lupin's state while transformed and under the influence of the Wolfsbane Potion. Then, he had mocked the concept of the "tame" werewolf, but knew that the potion did work if taken properly.

That he had cost Lupin his job at Hogwarts had not bothered him at all. The werewolf had neglected that one most important thing that kept others safe when he was around: f he had done it once, Severus believed, he might do it again.

In the year since, though, Severus had realized that the situation that had thrown Lupin off his routine was, despite his desire to believe otherwise, not his fault. Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban, showed up in the Shrieking Shack and - horrible though it had been to finally have to admit it - had been proven innocent of having betrayed James and Lily Potter.

How often was a situation like that likely to repeat itself?

"I have some work to do with Dumbledore this morning," he said. "When will you be leaving?"

Lupin smiled and finished a mouthful of sausage. Then he yawned. "Sorry. Well, there's really no reason for me to stay. - After breakfast."

Severus nodded and pulled fresh parchment from a drawer in his desk and began working on the book and supply lists for the various classes in the coming year.

Lupin ate silently, yawned a few more times, and finally said, "Did you get any sleep?"

Severus didn't stop writing. "I am well enough rested."

Lupin grinned. "You sat up all night in case I attacked, didn't you?"

Severus didn't bother to answer.

"You know, it's a good thing I can't understand human language when I'm in my wolf form."

Severus moved his eyeballs only and met Lupin's gaze. The man was grinning. "No, really, I can't," he said, very happily. "But I can tell when someone is saying, 'This is what I don't want to tell you when you're in your human form.'" He stopped and looked at Severus.

"I asked you," he said very slowly, "if you needed anything. You whined!"

Lupin was still grinning and he stuffed a grape into his mouth. "That was just me telling you I knew what you were doing. I might be a wolf," he said, and added another grape, "but I'm not a stupid one. - From your tone of voice, I'd guess you were saying -"

"That it is time for you to go," Severus finished. He gave Lupin a short glare, then went back to finishing the class supply lists.

Lupin yawned loudly and finished the food on his plate. "Thank you for that other potion," he said.

Severus didn't bother with an answer. He was trying to decide whether or not to require new cauldrons for third-year students. Since he could expect most of his second-year students to return to his third-year class, he knew that most of them would probably be coming back with the cauldrons they'd had last year. And most of those would be nearly worthless with the types of potions they'd be brewing this term.

It would be a difficult cost for many families, but Hogwarts had a fund for students who had limited means. And there was the "other money". He would have to check with Dumbledore first.

And that, of course, led him to the realization that he would be with Dumbledore for a fair part of the day - and not pleasantly.

"Alright, then," Lupin said. Severus looked up. Lupin gathered up the books he'd brought with him to read, repacked his trunk, and sent it floating ahead of him out the door.

"You might still want to exercise caution for the next couple day," Severus advised. "Fenrir may still be looking for you."

"Thanks, I'll keep a weather eye out for him." He paused and held Severus' gaze as if he were about to say something else. Then, instead he just smiled and left.

Severus finished the last of the paperwork he needed to bring to Dumbledore, then tossed some Floo powder into his fireplace. "Headmaster?"

A few seconds later, the man's face appeared in the small fire.

"I have my reports and course lists for you. Is this a good time?"

"Yes, this is fine. -- We'll work on the other thing as well?"

"Lupin has left," he added, realizing that Dumbledore was being oblique in case the man were still there.

"Ah. Alright, the password is - oh, lemon drops!" And then his face disappeared.

Severus knew what that meant, and fortunately, he had prepared himself on his last trip to Hogsmeade. He opened his private storage cabinet and pulled a Honeydukes bag from the bottom shelf and stuck it into one of his pockets. He grabbed his cape, just in case, and his wand. Then, with a set of parchments, he went to meet with the Headmaster.

Dumbledore's door opened as he knocked and the man looked up from his desk. He looked well-rested, Severus was glad to see: the work they were doing was tiring for the practitioner. In his pale blue robes and matching cap, Dumbledore's eyes sparkled vividly in their oceans of aqua-colored gentleness and humor.

He wasn't sure he liked that look right now. It hinted at a state of mind Severus often didn't enjoy dealing with.

"Here," he said curtly, pulling out sizable bag of lemon drops. "Bribery is still an effective means of manipulation, I assume."

Dumbledore grinned and then chuckled. "Only for my favorite students." He opened the bag and grabbed five candies, popping two into his mouth and holding his hand out to offer the others to Severus. The Potions master shook his head and handed him the papers.

"The test and essay results for my classes," he said. "All but my N.E.W.T.s. Also, the book and supply lists. I'd like the third-years to have new cauldrons this term. I noticed that many of the second-years were using old cauldrons that hadn't been properly maintained or cleaned, which, as you know, interferes greatly with their abilities to brew potions accurately. This year, the potions are trickier and more susceptible to the addition of foreign objects."

Dumbledore chewed thoughtfully on his candy and looked over the lists of grades, checking immediately, Severus knew, for the Potter boy's final grade.

"An 'A'?" he asked, looking up. "You gave Harry an 'Acceptable'?"

"Against my better judgment," he said tightly.

"I would imagine that if you didn't - intimidate him so much, he might actually earn an 'E', don't you?"

"No." He was not going to engage in another discussion about his treatment of the Potter boy if he could avoid it. But he wasn't going to back away from his evaluation of Potter's abilities either. "If Potter finds me intimidating, he has never indicated it. He simply lacks the ability to concentrate and follow directions carefully."

"Hmm. Doesn't have that trouble in his other classes." Dumbledore went back to the listing and glanced through the rest of the grades, focusing on several other students, as well, but not questioning the grades Severus had assigned.

"Well, everything looks in order. About the cauldrons - I'll get with Minerva about that, have her check the funds for needy students. If we can manage it, I'll approve the order."

Severus nodded once. "There is - the other account," he said. "I feel strongly about the students having clean, well-cared-for, or new cauldrons starting their third year."

Dumbledore finished four more lemon drops. "You've used that money for the student fund before, Severus. I don't like to-"

"It is not doing anyone any good sitting at Gringotts! It might as well be put to good use. Besides, there is more than enough to continue earning interest, even allowing for sixty or seventy cauldrons."

"It's your money, Severus!"

"And I do not want it! - Why not just let me transfer it to the Student Fund?"

"Partly because then it will all come under Ministry control." Dumbledore grinned and popped a drop into his mouth. "And partly because I enjoy seeing students using supplies from an anonymous benefactor and having no idea that the man tormenting them every day is the one who made the donation."

"You have a twisted sense of humor, Headmaster."

"I know." Dumbledore met his eyes and finally stopped smiling. "I'm still waiting for Minerva's lists," he said absently. "And, of course, I'm meeting with Professor Grubbly-Plank to pull together the coursework for her classes."

"And the D.A.D.A. classes?" he asked, not relishing hearing the answer. Dumbledore didn't seem happy with the topic, either.

"Still haven't heard from Fudge," he said. "I've been putting out a few feelers here and there, try to see if I might be able to snag someone the Ministry would approve, but so far..." He shrugged.

Severus nodded, put aside how close he'd been to the post, and moved on. "Have you heard from Hagrid?" He hadn't been told, but it was obvious that it had been Hagrid who had been sent to the Giants. He was, he admitted, a little concerned when Dumbledore shook his head.

"He went with Madame Maxime. I sent an Owl to Beauxbatons, and her assistant said no one there had heard from her, either."

"Had you expected to by now?"

"I had hoped to." He took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes. "Well, on to other matters now."

Severus started to rise, assuming they were going to continue with the Deletrius treatments, but instead, Dumbledore said, "I have a dilemma." His voice had gotten quite serious, and when he put his half-moons back in place, the humor had left his eyes. He even closed the bag of candies and stuffed them into one of his hidden pockets.

"And that dilemma?" he asked, sitting back down.

Dumbledore leaned forward on his desk, his hands clasped. For a moment, he looked at them, as if struggling to find the right words. Then he looked back up. "Abraxas Malfoy."

Oh. Severus sighed. "What about him?"

The look on Dumbledore's face wasn't just serious, now: it was angry. "You told me at the time that you spent the rest of that summer after your father died alone in your house."

"Yes."

"You didn't. You spent it with the Malfoys."

Severus shook his head. "You assume too much from a memory fragment. I spent four days with them," he said, sharply. "That is all."

Dumbledore wrinkled his forehead. "You mean to tell me that Abraxas Malfoy got you out of Azkaban - and, by the way, how did he know you were there? - and then left you to fend for yourself for the rest of the summer?"

"He had no choice. I left. I did not tell anyone where I was going. He might have looked for me - I suppose he did - but he had no idea where I lived."

Dumbledore still didn't look pleased. "How did he know you were in Azkaban?"

Severus sighed again. He really didn't want to go through this. "One of the Aurors who - came to the house. Chantilly LaRue? Her daughter was going out with Lucius. She told him, he told his father. Abraxas showed up and got me out of there. I spent four days at-" he hated saying it, "- Malfoy Manor. By the end of that time, I would have preferred to go back to Azkaban, if I'd had to. When I left, I made sure everyone there was glad to see the back of me. Now, can we get back to -"

"You also told me," Dumbledore cut him off, his voice lowered, "that Lucius never - hurt you."

Boggarts! He felt his mouth go dry and he tried to clear the sudden tightness from his throat. "I - he -" He couldn't think what to say. He looked away, acutely embarrassed. "You said nothing you found out would make any difference," he said angrily.

"Not telling me certain things is one thing. Deliberately lying to me, deceiving me, that's another."

"I didn't -" He shut his eyes. The flashing images in his mind were horrible, now. The memories were surging up like waves of the ocean against his mind. He took several long breaths, realizing that he had actually stopped breathing for a few seconds.

"He thought I would be better as an ally than an enemy," he finally choked out. "He - tried to befriend me. He did a very poor job of it," he added, his teeth clenched. He finally glanced back at Dumbledore. "But for a while, it served me to let him - protect me."

"Protect you? That's what he called it? Protection?"

Severus didn't bother to answer that. Dumbledore got up and began pacing behind his desk. This was not a good sign. "You were far clever enough - and skilled enough - to not need his 'protection'! You'd kept him at bay the first year. You stopped him abusing other students..."

"And he was the only power in Slytherin House!" Severus shot back. "To go against him meant keeping my eyes open all night, watching my back at all times, and spending more time warding off attacks than I spent on my studies! I wasn't willing to keep using-" he paused and took a deep breath, "--the advanced spells I'd already learned when I got back my second year!"

Dumbledore stopped pacing and turned a curious eye on him.

"I had killed! I was afraid I might kill again! Do you not understand? I was more afraid of myself than of him! Accepting his protection may not have been ideal, but I did not have much choice! I could not keep defending myself against all his cronies every night. I could already count on a regular routine of hexing and jinxing by Potter and Black - and occasionally, Potter, Black and Pettigrew all together. I did not have much choice." He took a long breath and looked away, staring at the odd little silver instruments that sat on Dumbledore's desk. "Besides, as long as I was - compliant - he left the first and second years alone."

"This makes me very angry, Severus. You should have told me what was going on."

"And become known as a snitch? In Slytherin House?" He snorted and shook his head. "You obviously do not know what the life-expectancy of a snitch is. - Do you remember Macnair?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Of course I do, he works for the Ministry-"

"Do you remember that he spent two weeks in the hospital wing his first year? Do you know why?"

Dumbledore didn't respond. He just kept looking at Severus for several long seconds. "Is anything like that going on now?"

"No!" he snapped. "Unlike Slughorn, I keep a very close watch on the power struggles in my House. Draco Malfoy may even outdo Potter for his arrogance, but he does not have his father's deviousness or cleverness."

"And Abraxas?" Dumbledore asked. He met and held Severus' eyes. "Did he - hurt you?"

Severus shook his head. "As far as I could tell, he got me out of there because he had the same feelings about my being there that you had. And because - Lucius told him I was his friend. - I owed Malfoy! He may well have saved my life."

"You owed Abraxas, not Lucius, and you didn't owe anyone what you ended up paying!"

Severus closed his eyes and knew that the images in his head right now would most certainly be the first ones Dumbledore saw today. "I paid much more than that to Tobias for many years," he said quietly. He looked back. "Besides, Lucius knew why I was in Azkaban. If I had made him unhappy, do you think he would have kept my secret?"

Dumbledore pulled the bag of candies from his robes and popped three of them into his mouth. "I think," the man said, "that if I'd known what was happening, I'd have expelled Lucius and his friends and Slytherin House might have been a much better place to be." He gave Severus a sharp look.

Severus felt a sneer crawling on his lips. "So I am responsible for the number of Death Eaters that came out of my class?" He got up. This wasn't turning into a good day at all.

"You're responsible for hiding evil." The look on Dumbledore's face was really not a good one. "So, in a sense, yes, you are. - How might things have gone if you had spoken up against him? If you had told me? Or at least Horace? Or Minerva?"

"It would have been hell," he said shortly. He started for the door. "Abraxas was far too connected with the Board of Governors to have ever stood for having his son expelled. He is, after all, a Pure-Blood. I am not. Just one more dirty little secret I had to make sure never got out!" He made it halfway across the room.

"Severus stop!" Dumbledore descended the steps into the antechamber of his office and stood in front of him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He felt an acute sense of desperation. "I just told you why!"

"Were you - afraid that I might think less of you?"

He smiled tightly. "Which, as it turns out, would have been an accurate prediction on my part! You obviously do.

"I have spent most of my life doing what I needed to do to survive. I have not always made the best choices, I will grant you that. But I am not ashamed that I am still alive!" He paused and felt his bitterness rising like bile in his stomach. "I suppose what you did not know does change things, doesn't it?"

Dumbledore put out a lemon-sticky hand and held him in place. "It doesn't change how I f-" he stopped, apparently reading a warning in Severus' eyes not to finish that sentence. "I could have done a number of things to help you, Severus. Including, despite my fondness for Horace Slughorn, replacing him as Head of House. Finding someone who would be able to uncover what was happening without any overt help from you. Maybe getting Abraxas to agree to transfer Lucius to Durmstrang. Maybe even putting you into another House."

"Oh, really? Which House? Gryffindor? Well, why don't you go borrow a Time-Turner and change the past to suit you better!" He broke free of the Headmaster's grip. "I have work to do in the present."

"When you've calmed down a bit, do come back. I still think we need to work on the Deletrius Charms."

He whirled at the door. "When I calm down?" he hissed. "If you had wanted to work on the Deletrius, you would not have started off by antagonizing me about something I can do nothing to change!"

"Severus-"

"Do you think I enjoy those memories? You and Orestes and the Dark Lord have been raping my mind all summer! Whose debt am I paying off now, Dumbledore? Yours? For trusting me? Or the Dark Lord's, for not trusting me?"

"The Potters. For betraying them."

Oh, that was a low blow! And, as it was calculated to do, it stopped him where he was. He felt his eyes burning, felt a large stone in his chest, felt the breath go out of him.

"Shall we get started, then?" Dumbledore asked quietly. He ate another lemon drop and waited for Severus to walk back toward the bedchamber.

* * *

"Legilimens Deletrius..."

... The Muggle-train ride to London on the 31^st of August that year, to drop off Severus at King's Cross so he could ride the Hogwarts Express back to the school, was much easier than Severus had anticipated. He had presented himself that morning in Dumbledore's office, his trunk packed, his hair washed - and still stringy and greasy looking - his Muggle clothes pressed and clean.

... Dumbledore hovered above himself, his cloak waiting...

"Did you clean up the Potions labs?" he asked the boy as he finished adding a few things to his own, very small, trunk.

"Yes, sir."

He gave the boy a critical glance. "And the storage cupboards? The closet? The cabinets?" With each question, the boy nodded. "So everything will be right where Professor Slughorn left it at the beginning of summer?"

The boy hesitated. "Well, I - I replaced some of the old things with new things," he said.

Dumbledore's gaze became stern. "Old things?" he repeated. "Did it occur to you, Severus, that sometimes potions required ingredients that have been aged in order for them to be brewed properly?"

"Oh, yes, sir, I know that. I just - there were some bottles and jars in there that had 'Expired by' on them, and I just got new ones for what had expired. That's all."

"And what sorts of things are we talking about?"

"Uh, well, just - some things I found in the Forest. And - a couple things I got in Hogsmeade."

Dumbledore just waited.

"Okay, well, lacewing flies - their jar said they'd expired last April! And - I got some - uh, some boomslang skins," he continued, lowering his voice and looking away. "They were - that was a really old jar, too. And some bicorn horn..."

"Severus. Look at me!" He obeyed and knew that Dumbledore could tell the lie. "Have you been making polyjuice potion?"

He hesitated, then nodded.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I - I just thought it would be - fun to try." He shrugged again. Then added, "Sir," quickly.

Dumbledore did not look amused. "Polyjuice potion is not something you're going to have any need of this term," the Headmaster said. "Why did you make it?"

"Well, it is a pretty tricky potion. And it takes a whole month! You have to stew the lacewing flies for 21 days! Then you have to add-"

"I know how to make it, Mr. Snape."

Oh oh!

"Where is the batch you made?"

Boggarts! "In here," he confessed, and opened his trunk and pulled a small jar from under his clothing. He handed it over.

"Is this all of it?"

He nodded. Dumbledore put the jar on his desk. "And how shall I explain to Professor Slughorn why those ingredients have been replaced?" he demanded.

Severus shrugged again. "Well, Hagrid helped me get some of them," he tried. It wasn't that he wanted to get the half-brained oaf into trouble, but it was a possible explanation.

Dumbledore looked over the top of his half-moon spectacles at him. "If there is any praise to be gathered from Professor Slughorn, I will let him know it should go to Hagrid. If there are any negative consequences..."

"He probably won't even notice. Sir." Slughorn was okay, but he sure didn't pay close attention to very much. Except who was related to whom and who had good contacts and good blood. And he paid attention to Lily, but that was just because she was so good at potions!

"Let us hope you're right." He glanced at the hourglass on his desk, then at the clock on his wall. "We'd best be going."

Dumbledore produced Muggle money and bought two tickets for them for the train trip. Once in their car, their trunks stashed, and Severus' nose back in a book, the Headmaster produced more money. "Here," he said, and Severus looked up from the pages of his newest book, the sixth-year text, Advanced Potion-Making. "This is for you to get something to eat on the train," he said, handing him several Knuts, seven Sickles, and four Galleons. It was a lot of money!

"All they've got is candy on the train," he protested slightly, holding out his hands to take the treasures anyway.

"Well - sometimes, it can help to buy something for someone who might not have anything," Dumbledore suggested. Severus winced and looked away, hoping he wasn't trying to get him to buy candy for Potter and Black and Pettigrew. Or Lupin.

"Besides, you could always do with a bit chocolate! - You know, I have my own chocolate frog card?"

He knew that, but since it was something Dumbledore reminded him of frequently, he also knew it was something Dumbledore was very pleased about, so he always nodded interestedly, as if this were the first time he'd been told.

It would probably be a good idea, he decided, to try to get one of those cards on the Express trip back.

"Now. A few things. For the duration of the term, if you need to see me, you can gain access to my office by using the password, 'Lemon Drops'."

"Yes, sir."

"I expect you to continue being discreet about that."

"Yes, sir." Did the man think he'd actually tell someone he could go see the Headmaster whenever he wanted? Especially Malfoy or his group? He actually shuddered. Living with Malfoy was bad enough as it was!

"And if I need to speak to you aside from - normal business, I shall ask you to report to me for detention. Your school mates shouldn't find that worth gossiping about."

"No, sir," he said, looking away. He'd had quite a few detentions this last year: real ones! He had actually decided over the summer that he was going to try to avoid them this year. Which would be easy as soon as he learned how to transfigure Potter and Black into flobberworms. He was still trying to decide what he'd change Pettigrew into.

Dumbledore went back to staring out the window of the train and Severus returned to his school book. Several hours later, the train pulled into the King's Cross station, and Dumbledore and Severus grabbed their things and left the train.

"Oh, my!" Dumbledore said as he looked around the station. It was almost entirely deserted. "I think I may have miscalculated," he explained, and looked for a wall clock. He found one and, sure enough, it told them that they had arrived at about three-thirty in the morning. "I always forget to adjust for Muggle time," he muttered, as if that were supposed to make any sense. Severus decided not to question the statement.

"Well," the Headmaster said, "we have a bit of time. I suppose you'd like to browse in Diagon Alley for a bit?"

Severus nodded. He didn't realize that the stores there would be open at this hour. They were.

They spent about two hours shopping at Obscurus Books, The Apothecary, one of the stationery stores, the second-hand robes shop - where Dumbledore refused to pay for a robe - and then, finally, at Madam Malkins' Robes for All Occasions, where Dumbledore bought him a completely new set of robes, cloaks, capes, a hat and boots. And hadn't yet taken back any of the money he'd given him earlier!

"Now," he said, looking at Severus dressed in his new wardrobe, "you look like quite a self-respecting wizard!" He almost thought Dumbledore was proud of him: he smiled broadly, and spent a few minutes admiring himself in the mirror. He looked like a self-respecting wizard, he thought. Until he looked at his own face, his large, misshapen nose, and realized that nothing would ever make that look self-respecting!

Slightly deflated, he changed back into his Muggle clothing and he and Dumbledore headed for Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, where they both consumed large ice cream sundaes and listened to the owner talk on a bit about medieval sorcery.

By the time they left, Severus had fallen in love with the idea of purchasing a particular book Fortescue had mentioned. "Ensnaring the Senses: Forbidden Potions from the Middle Ages," he repeated to Dumbledore as they headed back toward the rail station. "Can't I please go look for it? We've got hours still before the train-"

"I told you in there," Dumbledore said sternly, "that is not a book you may have. Maybe when you're older -"

Oh, he hated that phrase! How often had he heard that at home? How often did it mean, "Just sit down and shut up and don't ask questions!"

Well, this time, he wasn't going to just sit down and shut up.

"Why not? Sir?"

Dumbledore glanced down at him as they walked - away from the bookstores - and said, "I should think the subtitle to the book would be illuminative in that regard, Mr. Snape: 'Forbidden Potions' means - well, forbidden!"

"Forbidden in the Middle Ages!" Severus protested.

"Forbidden Potions from the Middle Ages," the Headmaster corrected. "They are probably still forbidden. Pay attention to prepositions, Mr. Snape, they can make a world of difference. The book might be in your future, Severus, but it is most certainly not to be gotten now. Am I clear on that?"

He mumbled an assertive response. But as he walked next to Dumbledore silently, he paid close attention as they passed it, how to get back to Obscurus Books.

"Well, here we go," Dumbledore said as they re-entered King's Cross Station. The clock there told them they still had more than five hours before the Hogwarts Express would show up.

"You can go ahead and leave," Severus said, trying to sound as if he were struggling to sound brave. "I'll be fine here. I've got all these to read," he said, gesturing to the armload of books Dumbledore had let him purchase.

"I'd feel better if -"

"Sir. What if - well, what if some of the other kids arrive early, too, and they see you here? With me, I mean? They'll think..." He left the sentence unfinished.

After a few seconds - or minutes, it seemed - the Headmaster crouched down and looked Severus directly in the eye. "Will you promise me that you will stay right here?"

"Yes," he lied.

"You won't leave the station. You'll wait right here until it's time to board?"

"Yes, sir," he lied again.

"You won't let anything lure you away, right?"

What did he think, Severus wondered: that he was going to be kidnapped by someone? "I won't let anything lure me away," he lied a third time. And why in the world was he keeping track?

"If you miss the train... You do want to come back to Hogwarts, don't you?"

"YES!" Well, that was the truth. He couldn't think of not going back. No matter how bad it could get there during the school term, it was still the only home he had. And there was still Lily...

"I'm reluctant to leave you here this long," the Headmaster said, and Severus felt his heart sinking. He wasn't going to go! "But - I'm going to trust you."

He ignored the slimy feeling inside him. "Thank you, sir. I'll be on the train, I promise!" There. Another true statement. One more and he could probably call it even. "I don't want to miss the feast." There, three truths for three lies. He could stop feeling guilty.

Dumbledore continued to hold his gaze, and for an uncomfortable minute he thought the man was trying to read his mind. Could he do that, too? he wondered. Just in case, he pushed aside all the thoughts about buying the book, and just thought about staying right here until the train came.

Finally, Dumbledore stood back up. He picked up Severus' trunk and set it on the bench behind them. "Alright, Severus. I'm going to go back to Hogwarts. I'll see you this evening."

"Yes, sir. Don't worry about me, sir, I'll be there!"

And then Dumbledore did something he'd done a few other times, but since there was no one he knew around he didn't really mind it. The old man wrapped his arms around the boy and gave him a long, hard hug and kissed the top of his head. Then, without another word, he turned and walked away. Severus watched until he couldn't see the man any longer, then sat on the bench.

He waited another fifteen minutes before he risked leaving. First, he bewitched the exterior of his trunk to make it look like part of the bench. He didn't want to have to cart the trunk around on Diagon Alley with him. Not only would it be awkward, he also knew he might accidentally forget it somewhere, and he'd never be able to talk his way of out that when Dumbledore found out.

Then he set off for the magical alley of stores, a powerful sense of excitement growing inside him. He fingered the money in his jeans pocket and as he finally made his way back to the Leaky Cauldron, and then to the stone wall, he felt his heart beating almost twice its normal pace.

This was his very first wizarding adventure, he thought to himself. If he didn't count the forays into the Forbidden Forest as adventures: but he'd mostly been with Hagrid when he went there. This time, he was in a completely wizarding world and he was completely on his own!

He made his first stop at Obscurus Books. He wanted to find the spell book first, and then, if he had time, he might go back to the ice cream shop.

The owner looked a bit surprised to see him back. "Well, then? What'll ye be needin' here?"

"I'm looking for a copy of Ensnaring the Senses."

The older man, whose hair was plaited in long, grey braids on either side of his head, scowled. "Oh?"

The man gave him a few more seconds of glare-time, then turned and began looking through the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that lined the wall behind the counter. "Nope," he finally said, climbing down from the wall and turning back. "I can order it for ye," he offered.

"How much?"

"Two Galleons. - Pre-paid!"

"Uh, okay." He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out two of the four Galleons Dumbledore had given him. "Does that include the owl?"

"Yep." The man took the money and grabbed a scrap of parchment and quill and started writing. "Name?"

"Severus Snape."

"Hogwarts?" he asked. Severus nodded.

"So - when the owl comes, I won't have to pay anything more, right?" He'd seen other students, especially Malfoy, receiving gifts and packages from owls, and many of them had given the owl a Knut or a Sickle before it flew away. He wasn't sure how that worked, and he wanted to make sure he didn't draw any attention to himself when the bird arrived. He needed to make this look as if he got Owls all the time.

"Ye can always give it a tip," the man said, writing down the information of the book and not looking up. "Prefers fish to money, though."

"Oh. Okay." He stood there nervously and started glancing around him, making sure no one else came into the bookshop who might recognize him.

"So - this a gift fer yer gran'father?" the man asked, finally finishing the writing.

"My grand - Oh, uh, yeah, yes, a gift for him."

The man's eyes narrowed and more quickly than Severus could have guessed, the owner's long fingers grasped the neck of his shirt and pulled him halfway over the top of the counter. "Ye'r a sneaky little liar, aren't you?"

"What?"

The man let go of him and pushed him back hard enough that Severus stumbled.

"That was Albus Dumbledore in here with ye earlier! You think anyone workin' here don't know Albus Dumbledore?" He leaned across the counter again and Severus stepped back to keep from being grabbed again. "Dumbledore don't have no kids! Can't have gran'kids, then, can he? So why do you think yer so important to have him come to Diagon Alley with ye?"

"I -"

"Must think yer worth his time, I figure. But I think he must be wrong, you sneaking off like this, behind his back!"

He felt a familiar clunking panic in his stomach, but he felt an even more familiar anger. "Are you going to order my book for me or not?"

The man snickered. "Oh, I mostly leave my scruples at home when I come in to work here," the man said. "Yer money's good, I'll get yer book fer ye. Have it delivered to Hogwarts. - But ye better be sure from here on that if you walk through those doors again, ye have money in yer pockets, cause now I know yer a sneaky, lyin' little git, I'll be watchin' yew real careful from now on! Don't want ye sneakin' outta my store with things don't belong to ye!"

He felt his mouth go dry. He started to back out of the store. "How - how long will it take? To be delivered?" he asked, a bit of courage still left to ask the question.

"Prob'ly a week. Maybe two."

He nodded and then turned and got out of the store as fast as he could.

He made it back to the train station with more than two hours still left before the Express arrived. He uncharmed his trunk and grabbed it and put it next to him on the seat, then pulled out one of the other books and opened it.

But he couldn't concentrate. He read the same three lines over and over and still he didn't know what he was reading.

He was a sneaky liar. There was no way around that. He'd lied to Dumbledore, he'd gotten the book he'd been told not to have, and he fully planned to keep it hidden once it arrived.

He could almost imagine the look on Dumbledore's face if he ever found out...

He made up his mind quickly and glanced at the clock at the station. He had a bit less than two hours. If he hurried, he cold make it.

He put his book back in the trunk, charmed it again, and raced out of the station. Back to the Leaky Cauldron, back through the wall, back to the junk shop he had passed earlier. There, in the window, was a small metal contraption with five silver legs on which sat what seemed to be a small box. For some reason, Dumbledore had stopped and stared at the queer thing for almost a minute earlier.

He grabbed it and took it to the counter.

"Two Galleons, seven Knuts," the man told him.

"But what is it?"

"An enchanted candy box, of course. Seventeenth century, one of only four that I know to exist. - Do you want it?"

He did. He handed the man the money, paid another two Knuts to have it wrapped, and then sped back to the train station.

The clock said two minutes until eleven. He grabbed his trunk and stuffed the box into it, then hastened through the barrier. He was one of the last four students boarding.

Boggarts! He wasn't going to get much of a choice of whom to sit with.

He checked through the cars as he walked the long corridor, looking for Lily. He found her: but she was with Potter and Black and Pettigrew and Lupin. Great!

He kept moving, though he knew they'd seen him, and finally found a car with only two other students in it. He slipped in, tucked his trunk in the compartment above them, and sat down, determined to concentrate only on the book he had in his hand, Advanced Potion-Making.

The first two hours of the trip went well. The two boys in the car had exchanged names with him when he got on, and then they went back to playing Gobstones while he read.

And then the ugly side of Hogwarts showed up. Potter and Black opened the door of the car and as Severus looked up, he saw nothing but malicious delight on their faces.

"Well, Snivellus, how was your summer?"

"Fine." He went back to the book. The next second, Black had wrenched it from his hands and was looking at the cover.

"Oh, look at this, James! The sixth-year textbook for our little third-year Slytherin! Wow, Snape, you going to teach Potions this year?"

"Give it back." He shouldn't have said that. The moment he did, Potter pulled out his wand and aimed it at the book. Instantly, Severus pulled out his wand and aimed it at Potter, and Black pulled out his wand and aimed it at Snape.

"Expelliarmus!" Black shouted and Severus' wand flew backwards onto the floor.

"Evanesco!" Potter cried out, and the book disappeared from his hand.

Then, at nearly the same second, Black's wand made a large arc and emitted a faint, blue light, and Severus found himself the victim of one of his own curse: his tongue curled up in his mouth and he could only make awful, gagging sounds. Somehow, they had figured out how to use his own Tongue-Tying jinx on him! He was furious!

They were laughing like idiots, and so were the two Ravenclaw boys who'd been there with him. Then he heard a sound he really had not wanted to hear. Not right then.

"What are you doing?" Lily Evans demanded, startling Potter and Black as she came up behind them. "Leave him alone!"

She pushed her way past them and as Severus stood silently seething in the car, she looked him in the eye. "I wanted to talk to you," she said. "But not in front of them!" She grabbed his hand and tried to pull him out of the car.

He yanked himself free and grabbed his wand, then followed her. The tongue-tying spell was wearing off, and in a few seconds, he'd be able to speak. It was a good thing he couldn't right now, though: he'd be very sorry later for using the curses that he really wanted to throw at them!

"Oh, Snivellus, give her a nice big snogging for us!" Black called as they left, their uproarious laughter following them until they got to the car Lily had been in earlier, with all of them. Pettigrew was gone, but Lupin was still there, curled on the seat in the corner, looking ragged and reading a book.

"Where were you all summer?" Lily demanded as soon as she closed the door to the car. "I went looking for you-"

Oh, he didn't want to talk in front of Lupin. He glanced at the boy meaningfully, and Lily sighed. "He's fine," she said.

He did not share that conviction. He moved a bit closer to her and whispered, "I t-told you, I was s-staying with relat-tives this s-summer," he stammered, the leftover effects of the curse lingering longer than he'd hoped.

She looked at him deeply, her green eyes sparkling with concern. "Well, I sent you Owl after Owl! I even sent you letters by regular post to that address you gave me. They all came back to me! Even the owls couldn't find you!"

He felt just a little badly about lying to Lily. But there was no way he'd risk telling her anything about what really happened. "Sorry. Maybe you d-didn't use enough p-postage?"

She scowled at him.

"I'm sorry, Lily. Look, after we get through the S-sorting and the feast and all, w-want to meet me in the Astronomy Tower?"

He cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "Not to snog!"

He smiled, even though her words hurt just a bit. "No. I got a c-couple new books. Think you might like to see them." He felt much better already. Lily smiled at him and the world made sense again...

... Dumbledore hovered, still waiting, not sure why these memories were coming up, not sure where the pain was...

...The book arrived four days later. Not the way he'd expected...

... And Dumbledore remembered...

At dinner, Dumbledore came down from the staff table and stood right behind him. "Mr. Snape, I'd like to see you in my office when you finish. Please do not linger." And then he walked out of the Great Hall.

Malfoy, who hadn't yet demanded anything from him this week, gave him a long, suspicious look. "What've you done already?"

He shrugged and finished eating as quickly as he could. His stomach had turned to a knot the moment Dumbledore had spoken, so his appetite was already ruined. He hurried to the gargoyle, gave the password, and rode the staircase up to the office. He knocked.

"Come in."

Dumbledore was at his desk, looking distinctly unhappy. He raised a hand and beckoned him forward. "Come in, come along. Shut the door."

He did and climbed the steps to where the desk was and stood there.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

Boggarts! "Uh, I - lost one of my books on the train," he said. He figured Dumbledore had found out about that - probably overhearing Potter and Black joking about it. He knew Dumbledore would not be pleased.

But the Headmaster merely nodded and then said, "Is there something else you'd like to tell me?"

Severus looked away, frantically trying to figure out what Dumbledore knew that he had done. And then the answer came to him and he felt literally so sick to his stomach that he was afraid he'd throw up. "Uh, I - uh, well-"

"Look at me when you speak to me, Mr. Snape!"

He looked up: the anger in Dumbledore's eyes was bad enough. But there was so much more there, and it wasn't something he wanted to face at all. "I - I bought a book - after you left me at the station."

"Mmhmm." He reached under his desk and held up a brown-paper-wrapped package. "This book, perhaps?"

He was going to puke, he just knew it! "Uh, I guess so," he confessed. But the book was still wrapped, so how did Dumbledore know what it was? "I mean - wh- what book is it?"

Dumbledore tapped his wand on the package and the paper dissolved. Sure enough, it was The Book!

"Mr. Filch told me this arrived today. It was addressed to me with a note. Shall I read you the note?"

"No, sir?" he pleaded. He really didn't want to hear what the owner of the store had said about him.

"Too bad," Dumbledore responded. He picked up a folded piece of parchment, and then began reading. " 'Dear Headmaster, this book was purchased by a young boy who was in your company in this store earlier tonight. He tried to tell me it was a gift for you, but I saw through his lies. Thought you'd want to know what the boy was up to when you weren't around. Sincerely,' etc.." Dumbledore put the note down and glared at him.

"I'm - I'm sorry, sir."

"Sorry? Sorry, Severus? You lied to me. You betrayed my trust. And you did something I had specifically said you were not to do. - I also learned that you barely made it to the platform in time to catch the train. Sorry doesn't cut it! What else did you do after I left you?"

He felt hot tears burning behind his eyes and blinked them back. "I - I got something else, sir."

"What?"

"It's - it's in my room, sir."

"I said what, not where!"

"It was - a box, sir. An old box." There was no way he was going to tell him what he'd bought to give him. If he gave it to the Headmaster now, it would be like brown-nosing or bribery, and that's not how he'd intended the gift.

"Mmhmm. - What am I going to do with you, Severus?"

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. If he'd had the courage to even move, he'd have fled from the room and the castle and run as far away as he could rather than to have to see the disappointment and hurt in Dumbledore's eyes.

"Are you - going to - expel me, sir?"

There was horrible, long pause. "Not tonight." He tapped his wand on the book and the brown wrapping covered it again. "This will stay here in my office until you leave Hogwarts for good. It is yours, you paid for it. But you will not have it while you are here. - Do you know why I didn't want you to have this book, Severus?"

"Because it had forbidden potions in it?" he tried, hoping to salvage something from this meeting.

"Because almost everything in this book either involves Dark Magic or is carefully controlled by the Ministry of Magic. Having this book, at your age, could actually get you not only expelled, but put back in a place I think you don't ever want to go back to! Is my meaning clear?"

He nodded. "Yes, sir."

Dumbledore continued to stare at him a moment longer. "What was it about this book that was so enticing that you lied to me and disobeyed me to get it? What was so important about this book that you were willing to betray my trust for it?"

Put like that, of course, he couldn't think of a decent answer. He felt his dinner churning in his gut. He shook his head and looked at the floor.

"Look at me when you answer me, Mr. Snape!"

"I don't know, sir."

Dumbledore picked up a stack of index-sized cards. "Do you know what these are?"

Sadly, he did. "My detentions from last year, sir."

"And how many are there?"

"Thirty-three, sir."

"Mmhmm. Thirty three. And who are your usual victims?"

"Potter and Black. And sometimes Pettigrew. And - once, Malfoy." Oh, and hadn't he paid for that! Not from Dumbledore... He pulled his mind away from those thoughts.

"And why wouldn't you think about using some of these - forbidden potions - on them this year?"

"I just wanted to learn them, sir, I wasn't going to use them!"

"Severus!"

"Really! I wasn't thinking about using them on anyone!"

"Not even if they deserved it?" Dumbledore prodded.

A small, flame of anger began to flare inside him. "Well maybe they do!" And that was the wrong answer!

"Ah. Exactly! Now, do you know what I would be required to do if I found you using any of these - potions - on another student?"

The anger fizzled and he just felt sick again. "Report me? To the Ministry?"

"Yes. And the Ministry presumes that all magic practiced here will be under the guidance and supervision of a qualified instructor. What do you think would happen if word got out that I had let you practice these - potions - here? Or even worse, that you had been doing so without my knowledge?"

His legs began to feel weak. "I dunno," he mumbled.

"I would, at the very least, be removed as Headmaster of Hogwarts, you can be quite certain of that. So, in case you find yourself tempted to try to get this book from me before I had it over to you, keep in mind that more than your own freedom is at stake."

"Yes, sir."

"Now. Go to your dormitory. Do not leave the castle tonight, do you understand? I want you here before first period tomorrow to face the consequences of your actions. - Do show me that you have that much honor left."

He nodded. "Yes, sir."

He got out of there as fast as he could without actually running. He made it down the winding staircase, then took the stairs to the dungeons three at a time. He gave the password to the hidden door to the Common Room and was glad to see it was nearly deserted.

Just not nearly enough.

"Snape! Well, what happened with Dunder-more?" Malfoy asked. Avery and Goyle were there, too. They laughed to pleased Malfoy.

"Nothing, I've got -" He didn't have time to finish. He raced up the steps to the bathroom, shoved open one of the stall doors and threw up his dinner. Then, feeling quite sure he was still alone, he sank to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He dropped his head to his knees and cried, very hard.

He had ruined everything! Everything! For a stupid book! Dumbledore was never going to trust him again! He'd be lucky if he didn't get expelled tomorrow. Dumbledore probably already knew he was going to do it: he'd be kicked out, sent back on the train, left alone at King's Cross, and then...

Then he'd have nowhere to go back to except the house on Spinner's End...

... "Deletrius..."

"Hey! Snape! Come on, what happened?"

He looked up into the eyes of Malfoy. Damn it! He wiped his face with his sleeves and started to get up but Malfoy sank down next to him on the floor and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It can't be that bad, can it? I mean - did he hit you? If he hurt you, I'll tell my dad and he'll -"

"No!" He tried to pull away, to get up, but Malfoy held him with both hands. "Let me go!"

"Not until you tell me what happened. - Hey, you're my boy, right? Nobody hurts you that doesn't answer to me!"

"Oh, really?" he snapped. And regretted it instantly. "I mean - you can't fix everything."

"No, but I bet I can fix Dumbledore!"

He didn't like the sound of that. "Just leave me alone, Malfoy."

Slowly, Malfoy got up. "You come talk to me before you go to bed," he ordered. Then he left the bathroom.

It was a long, long night. He went to talk to Malfoy, as ordered, but Malfoy didn't want to talk. As Prefect, and given the attendance at Hogwarts this year, he had his own room, now. He could do whatever he wanted and no one else would ever know.

When Severus finally went back to his own room and crawled into bed, he stared at the ceiling while hot, silent tears fell into his ears and onto the pillow, and he wished, not for the first time, that he could die...

"Deletrius," Dumbledore whispered, and threw his cloak over the boy...

"Somnus," he commanded, and the Potions master's eyes shut. After a moment, Dumbledore dried his colleague's face with the back of his hand, then left him to dream.