- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Characters:
- Tom Riddle
- Genres:
- Humor Parody
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 01/18/2002Updated: 03/07/2002Words: 16,262Chapters: 10Hits: 4,149
Flower Potter and the Stone of Hot Ice
Someisa
- Story Summary:
- A parody of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that takes place during the Riddle era. Starring the infamous Flower Potter who survived Grindelwalds ye old grande de wrath filling in for Harry, the poor but humorous Haruko Weasley filling for Ron, and the incredibly attractive nagging bookworm Tom Riddle filling in for Hermione. Together, with plot devices, lucky, and insanity, they're going to protect the Stone of Hot Ice from Grindelwald!
Chapter 01
- Posted:
- 01/18/2002
- Hits:
- 1,060
The Girl Who Just so Happened to Live
The address of the street is #69 Perverted Drive, where a man named Vermont Dorksley and his wife, Helga, lived with their daughter named.... Dumass. Dumass was a spoiled little brat who wanted everything she wanted, and got everything she wanted. Go frickin' figure.
Vermont was the head of a company called Grimmlies which made these new fangled things called automobiles. When he went to work that morning, he saw a bunch of owls, and people in long fancy robes. He found that rather strange, but continued walking to work.
After seeing over construction of the new automobiles, he decided to stop at the local pub for a quick brandy snap. There he heard some people in robes talking.
"Did you hear?" said one. "About the Potters?"
"Oh yes, and there daughter Flower survived Grindelwald's mad skillz?"
Vermont could only stare, before he bumped right into a person on the street. Using his manners, he said, "sorry," and began to walk off.
"Sorry? Hah! You think a little shove on the street could piss me off?" yelled the man.
Vermont turned his head at 360 degree angle, and stared. The man had already run off.
"Drunk," muttered Vermont. He went home, ate his dinner, and went to sleep with his wife.
Out on the street, just about at midnight or so, a man with short white hair came walking along. An unsually large owl sat on the sidewalk, and hooted as the man with the short white hair came into view.
"Why, hello Dumbledore!" said the man with the short white hair.
The owl transformed into a rather elderly man. "Hello, Dippet."
They both began walking side by side.
"Is it true?" asked Dumbledore. "About the Potters?"
"Yes, it is," said Dippet. "Grindelwald came to their home and asked them for their cappuchino machine."
"Oh my!"
"Yes, indeed! But, they didn't give it to Grindelwald out of fear of what kind of poisoned coffee he could run on the market. So, they stood upto him! They had a big WWF ordeal where the continued to pound each other until Grindelwald gave up and casted Avada Kedavra onto the Potters. Then he went to kill baby Flower, but alas, she managed to use the Force to counter-attack his Avada Kedavra and by all means, he turned into Jell-O and melted away."
"Weird."
"Very much so! Flower also acquired a scar on her forehead."
"Really?"
"Yep, it has the shape of a circle with three lines inside that look like a Y."
"So.... is someone bringing little Flower here to the... Dorksleys?"
"Yes, the Gameskeepress is."
"THE GAMESKEEPRESS?" screeched Dumbledore.
"God man, keep it down!" yelled Dippet.
"Dippet! YOU'RE INSANE! YOUR LETTING RUBY HAGATHA BRING US THE GIRL WHO LIVED? AFTER TONIGHT SHE WON'T LIVE ANYMORE!"
Suddenly, a woman riding in a flying European Vespa showed up.
"YEEHAW! Howdy there boys!" she yelled. It was Ruby Hagatha. And tied to her in a sack was little baby Flower Potter.
Dumbledore looked like he was about to have a heartattack, while Dippet only lifted a brow and smiled crockedly.
"Good job Ruby," he stuttered. "Lets put Flower on their doorstep now..."
Dippet left a note and Ruby on the doorstep of the Dorksleys. He, Dumbledore and Ruby then all said their good-byes.
"Well, I best be giving back hella sexy Joekur White his Vespa," said Ruby. "I'll see y'all later!" Ruby took off.
"I assume I'll see you at a party?" said Dippet to Dumbledore.
"Indeed," said Dumbledore. He transformed into the owl once more, and began flying towards the moon He would've played amung the stars too if he hadn't other things to do (lord o mighty I RHYMED!)
"Well now... godspeed to you, Miss Potter!" said Dippet as he saluted her then left.
While wizards and witches across all of Europe rose their sake bombers and sang, "FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!" in the name of Flower Potter, Helga Dorksley opened her door and screamed at the sight of her niece.
Earlier that year, a girl named Haruko was born into the Weasley family, a poor all-wizard family that had tons of children. Four years earlier, a woman died giving birth to her son, Tom Riddle. By the destiny of fanfiction, the mind of a psychotic writer, and a day off from school, these three will meet each other, become friends, and go on adventures like any other kid from a fantasy novel.
The address of the street is #69 Perverted Drive, where a man named Vermont Dorksley and his wife, Helga, lived with their daughter named.... Dumass. Dumass was a spoiled little brat who wanted everything she wanted, and got everything she wanted. Go frickin' figure.
Vermont was the head of a company called Grimmlies which made these new fangled things called automobiles. When he went to work that morning, he saw a bunch of owls, and people in long fancy robes. He found that rather strange, but continued walking to work.
After seeing over construction of the new automobiles, he decided to stop at the local pub for a quick brandy snap. There he heard some people in robes talking.
"Did you hear?" said one. "About the Potters?"
"Oh yes, and there daughter Flower survived Grindelwald's mad skillz?"
Vermont could only stare, before he bumped right into a person on the street. Using his manners, he said, "sorry," and began to walk off.
"Sorry? Hah! You think a little shove on the street could piss me off?" yelled the man.
Vermont turned his head at 360 degree angle, and stared. The man had already run off.
"Drunk," muttered Vermont. He went home, ate his dinner, and went to sleep with his wife.
Out on the street, just about at midnight or so, a man with short white hair came walking along. An unsually large owl sat on the sidewalk, and hooted as the man with the short white hair came into view.
"Why, hello Dumbledore!" said the man with the short white hair.
The owl transformed into a rather elderly man. "Hello, Dippet."
They both began walking side by side.
"Is it true?" asked Dumbledore. "About the Potters?"
"Yes, it is," said Dippet. "Grindelwald came to their home and asked them for their cappuchino machine."
"Oh my!"
"Yes, indeed! But, they didn't give it to Grindelwald out of fear of what kind of poisoned coffee he could run on the market. So, they stood upto him! They had a big WWF ordeal where the continued to pound each other until Grindelwald gave up and casted Avada Kedavra onto the Potters. Then he went to kill baby Flower, but alas, she managed to use the Force to counter-attack his Avada Kedavra and by all means, he turned into Jell-O and melted away."
"Weird."
"Very much so! Flower also acquired a scar on her forehead."
"Really?"
"Yep, it has the shape of a circle with three lines inside that look like a Y."
"So.... is someone bringing little Flower here to the... Dorksleys?"
"Yes, the Gameskeepress is."
"THE GAMESKEEPRESS?" screeched Dumbledore.
"God man, keep it down!" yelled Dippet.
"Dippet! YOU'RE INSANE! YOUR LETTING RUBY HAGATHA BRING US THE GIRL WHO LIVED? AFTER TONIGHT SHE WON'T LIVE ANYMORE!"
Suddenly, a woman riding in a flying European Vespa showed up.
"YEEHAW! Howdy there boys!" she yelled. It was Ruby Hagatha. And tied to her in a sack was little baby Flower Potter.
Dumbledore looked like he was about to have a heartattack, while Dippet only lifted a brow and smiled crockedly.
"Good job Ruby," he stuttered. "Lets put Flower on their doorstep now..."
Dippet left a note and Ruby on the doorstep of the Dorksleys. He, Dumbledore and Ruby then all said their good-byes.
"Well, I best be giving back hella sexy Joekur White his Vespa," said Ruby. "I'll see y'all later!" Ruby took off.
"I assume I'll see you at a party?" said Dippet to Dumbledore.
"Indeed," said Dumbledore. He transformed into the owl once more, and began flying towards the moon He would've played amung the stars too if he hadn't other things to do (lord o mighty I RHYMED!)
"Well now... godspeed to you, Miss Potter!" said Dippet as he saluted her then left.
While wizards and witches across all of Europe rose their sake bombers and sang, "FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!" in the name of Flower Potter, Helga Dorksley opened her door and screamed at the sight of her niece.
Earlier that year, a girl named Haruko was born into the Weasley family, a poor all-wizard family that had tons of children. Four years earlier, a woman died giving birth to her son, Tom Riddle. By the destiny of fanfiction, the mind of a psychotic writer, and a day off from school, these three will meet each other, become friends, and go on adventures like any other kid from a fantasy novel.