Worse Than Crucio

Chapter 3: Dementomins

As soon as they reached the room the meeting was held in Harry slammed himself into the door. he was determined to make as much noise as possible, both to get Dumbledore's attention and to block "KILL THE SPARE!" from his ears.

"PROFESSOR!" Harry yelled as Cedric's blank eyes flashed in front of his face. He pounded on the door as hard as he could, tears streaming down his face as he watched Sirius die again.

"Dumbledore!" Harry shouted as loud as he could as the others pounded on the door. Harry tried to keep his voice steady, but as he was half crying that was impossible. The door opened just as Lily died for the seventh time..

"Harry," said a shocked Dumbledore as the room behind him went deathly quiet. "What the--"

"What did he do to me?" Harry screamed, grabbing onto Dumbledore's arm for support as he lost his balance at seeing Sirius die again.

"Harry? What happened?" asked a very concerned Dumbledore.

"I don't know!" Harry screamed over his sobbing mother. "I dreamt Voldemort put a curse on me and then, this!"

The tears continued to spill freely from Harry's eyes, the owner in far too much pain to even bother to act tough in front of the entire order. He sank onto the floor. Dumbledore lowered himself to Harry's level as he gazed in shocked at Harry, who was rocking back and forth with his arms around his knees as though he was a very small child.

"Harry, what's wrong?" he asked urgently as everyone watched, awaiting the answer. Harry just shook his head. "Harry!"

"Sirius!" Harry whimpered. Dumbledore turned to Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna, who, like everyone else, stared helplessly at Harry.

"What happened?" They shrugged.

"We were talking and he fell asleep. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days. Then he woke up screaming about You-Know-Who and started freaking out," Ginny told them quietly.

"He said he was seeing and hearing things," Hermione whispered.

All color left Snape's face as he got up and walked over to Harry. The concern on his face shocked everyone more than anything else had.

"Potter, did you hear the curse that the Dark Lord used in your dream?"

Harry nodded.

"Well, what was it?" he demanded, sounding more like his usual self.

"A mix between dementor and Legilimens," Harry mumbled through his tears.. Snape closed his eyes, took a deep breath, opened them, and turned to Dumbledore.

"Just what I feared. He has been hit with Dementomins, the only curse that can be cast upon someone without the person actually being present. It is indeed a mixture between dementor and Legilimency."

"What does it do?" All eyes were on Snape, who seemed not to want to answer.

"It goes through your mind and seeks out the worst memories of your life and forces you to watch them over and over again," he answered simply.

"What's the counter curse?" asked Lupin, who had gone very white.

"There is none. The curse is designed to emotionally torture you, just like Cruciatus is used to physically torture you. It feeds, like Dementors, on your happy thoughts and feelings, leaving you with only the bad ones. The only way you can get rid of it is to get rid of the feelings associated with the memories. That is, feel the opposite of what you are feeling under the curse. This is a difficult curse to beat at the highest moments in a person's life. I'm afraid, seeing as how Black only died three weeks ago, this should be impossible to him to beat."

Half the room swore under their breath.

"Harry? What do you see? Tell us, it is the only way we can help," Dumbledore told him, turning pale. Harry looked up. When he spoke, it was like he was in some kind of trance, like the memories were forcing him to speak. As the memories progressively worsened, Harry's voice began to shake.

"I'm in a room, a red one. Reminds me of Gryffindor common room. I see my dad. He yells at my mom to take me and run. We're heading for the stairs at the end of the room. We're at the top, running for the room at the far left of the hall. I-I think it was my room. Crashes downstairs--my mum's crying--Voldemort appears! He yells at her to move, but she won't do it, she won't stop protecting me. She begs him to kill her instead of me. He won't do it--she won't move--"

Harry's eyes filled with tears once more, as did most others in the room.. Harry found it was harder to watch if he was forced to tell what was happening as well, but he knew he had to do what he was told.

"He kills her. Green light everywhere and then--we're back in the graveyard. Screams 'kill the spare'. There's Cedric, I can see him, he's right there!"

Mr. and Mrs. Diggory held their breaths.

"There's Sirius! He's falling behind the veil--through the archway..."

Harry was now shaking with suppressed sobs. Dumbledore placed a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder.

*

Over the next month and a half they tried everything they could think of to help rid
Harry of the curse. They found that if they gave him extremely large doses of dreamless sleep potion, provided by Snape, then the voices would lessen slightly and allow him to sleep. Dumbledore, Tonks, Lupin, Moody, the Weasleys and the rest of the kids were there everyday. Hagrid, McGonagall, Mundungus, Kingsley Shacklebolt, even Snape arrived regularly to help; not that it did much good. It seemed to be working some though, because Harry announced that the yelling had become a little lower. They supposed feeling cared for had helped some, but they couldn't get him to stop feeling guilty.

As August neared an end they faced another problem. Hogwarts would be starting soon, and there was no way that they could expect Harry to be able to concentrate. On the other hand, it would look very suspicious if he was not there. They finally agreed that Harry would return like everyone else, so as not to raise suspicion. Lupin, Moody, Mrs. Weasley, Fred and George would be accompanying them, seeing as Lupin was replacing Umbridge and the others were going to help guard Hogwarts.

Chapter 4: Some Very Unexpected Guests

On September first the group took the Knight Bus to King's Cross. Lupin stood guard over Harry, Moody over Ron and Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley over Ginny, which left Fred and George watching over Luna and Neville. They found a large, empty compartment at the end of the train and piled in. Harry sat between Lupin and Ron with the others spread out throughout the compartment. Soon Neville and Ron started playing chess. Hermione curled up with a book. Fred, George, and Ginny played Exploding Snap, and were doing so in such a loud way that it completely covered up the adult's whispering. Luna moved to sit next to Harry.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"For what?" Harry asked shakily; Sirius had just died again.

"For everything that you've had to go through. I wish I could do something to help."

As she said those words Harry felt a little better. The room in his head faded a little.

"You just did," he told her. She looked up surprised. Then her eyes widened.

"Harry, I've just thought of something," she told him, reminding him very much of Hermione. "What if we've been doing this all wrong? What if instead of trying to make you happy, we just try to make you feel something other than sad?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, wincing at Cedric's death.

"I mean, what if we just had to make you really mad at someone, or something--"

"I don't think that will work," chimed in a new voice. They both looked up to see Hermione standing there.

"Why wouldn't it work?" asked Luna. Everyone froze to watch.

"Because Professor Snape said that he had to feel the opposite of what he was feeling now. And the opposite of sad is happy."

"Listen," said Luna, losing her patience. "When you're sad you cry; when you're happy you laugh. Maybe laughing and crying are too similar, so--"

"Oh, please," snorted Hermione.

"Well, it's worth a try isn't it? I mean, being mad does dull the pain of things," Luna snapped angrily.

"Exactly, it dulls the pain. It doesn't make it go away!"

Luna and Hermione argued on and off the whole trip. Harry happened to agree with Luna, but didn't admit it. Then Hermione would get mad at him and it would undo everything that they had worked on that summer.

Harry tried not to look at the thestrals as he climbed into one of the carriages. He was followed by Luna, Lupin, and Moody. Harry didn't even look to see where the others sat, though he was pretty sure he heard Ron complain to his mom that he wasn't a baby and didn't need her to look after him.

People waved and called out to Harry as they made their way up to the castle. He forced a smile on his face and kept walking, whimpering whenever Sirius disappeared behind the veil. Students called out to Fred and George, who had become Hogwarts legends the year before. They beamed and started to hand out fliers for their joke shop at Diagon Alley, stopping only when Mrs. Weasley threatened to drown them in the lake. Moody earned himself stares and whispers, but nearly everyone in fourth year and above, who had had Lupin, stopped to wave. Needless to say, it took the group a very long time to reach the castle.

When they finally reached the Great Hall they all took off in different directions. Luna wandered off to the Ravenclaw table; Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville slumped down at the Gryffindor table. The rest joined Dumbledore up at the head table. The headmaster nodded his head to Harry before addressing the students to eat. Harry barely picked at his food. More to stop Hermione from glaring than anything else, Harry forced himself to eat a few bites of mashed potatoes, feeling angry with Hermione for thinking that he could enjoy meal while watching his loved ones die. Once again, the room in his head faded a little.

Up at the head table Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat. That was when Harry first noticed that he had completely missed the sorting. That thought was forced painfully out of his head as he watched Sirius die again.. He barely heard any of Dumbledore's speech. Only when he heard an all too familiar "hem hem" did he look up, started.

Delores Umbridge and Cornelius Fudge were walking towards the head table.. Most of the staff and students glared. Dumbledore, however, smiled.

"Cornelius, what bring you here?"

"We wish to speak with Harry Potter," Fudge announced. "We have something to give to him."

The smile immediately fell from Dumbledore's face. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that he's not feeling well. Perhaps you could return at some other time.."

"Nonsense, he's right there. I can see him. Harry come on up here," Fudge called.

"Harry don't move," Dumbledore commanded. The Great Hall was still.

"Come now, what's all the fuss about?"

"He doesn't want to talk to you," said Dumbledore, which was true enough..

"He'll want to hear this," Fudge assured him.

"It's okay, Professor," Harry called, standing up and getting a hold of himself. "What do you want?" Harry asked bitterly, standing before Fudge.

"The Ministry of Magic is proud to present Harry James Potter with this Order of Merlin, third class, for informing the world of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's return," Fudge announced in a business-like tone, handing Harry the award. Harry took it and stared at it, unsure if this was supposed to be some kind of joke or not, trying to concentrate on that and not the continued pleading from his mother. After earning himself a behave-yourself glace from Dumbledore, Harry muttered a shaky, "Thanks."

"You see everyone," boomed Fudge, "this is what you get for telling the Ministry of Magic the truth."

That was too much for Harry. He slammed the Order down so hard that the goblets started to shake.

"Harry," warned Dumbledore, "behave."

"Fuck behaving, you wanna know what I got for telling the Ministry of Magic the truth? I get Umbridge sending two dementors to attack me." There were gasps from the crowd. Umbridge stirred uncomfortably, but Harry continued, ignoring the continuing gasps from his classmates. "Then I save me and my Muggle cousin from having our souls sucked out of us and what do I get? Expelled. Then I spend three weeks carving the words 'I must not tell lies' into my hand, writing it in my own blood," Harry shouted, waving his hand in front of their faces. Lupin and the other Order members leaned forward In their seats, but Harry still was not done. "I get kicked off of the Gryffindor Quidditch team for finally giving Malfoy a little of what he's had coming for the past five years; I get kicked out of Hogsmeade for giving an interview which you had your ministry buy back...then I have Umbridge kicking Dumbledore out, forcing Hagrid into hiding, sending McGonagall to St. Mungo's....you threaten me with the Cruciatus Curse and you make the entire wizarding world believe that I'm a freaking lunatic who tells 'evil, nasty, attention-seeking stories.' That is what you get for telling the Ministry of Magic the truth. Or don't you believe me?"

The entire hall erupted with cheers. Harry glared at Fudge as he stormed back to his seat, the room in his head dimming. He had barely taken five steps when his scar exploded with pain.