Worse Than Crucio

Chapter 1: Return to Headquarters

Harry was back at the Department of Mysteries, more specifically the Death Chamber. Once again he was standing in front of the archway--the veil that Sirius had fallen through. If Harry had just gone and pulled Sirius out of there--

Suddenly the veil began to move, as if someone was standing right behind it, trying to get out. Then four figures immerged slowly. They were all glaring at him as they arranged themselves in a line before him. Harry's stomach squirmed with guilt as he saw the look of hatred and anger on Cedric's face. The same green eyes that Harry had inherited stared back at him, hard and cold. His father had his arms draped protectively on his mother's shoulder. Worst of all was the person standing next to James and Lily. The look of hatred and betrayal in Sirius's eyes as he looked down at Harry was unbearable. As he started to back away, his father's voice called out to him, angry and bitter.

"What were you thinking, saving Peter like that?! He sold us out, the lying, traitorous, backstabbing piece of shit. And you let him escape and bring Voldemort back!!" Then Lily spoke.

"I gave my life so that you could live. So that you could defeat Voldemort, and all these innocent lives destroyed is all you have to show for it! I should have just let him take you!"

"Let's both take the cup," spat Cedric. "Let's ignore the fact that this is the last chance for whoever-put-your-name-in-the-goblet to kill you. Yeah let's both take the cup, what a great idea! Thanks a lot, Harry!"

Harry's eyes filled with tears as he backed away from the angry voices. As Sirius spoke he froze, his foot accidentally resting on the dais in the middle of the room, making Sirius's voice get even louder than the others.

"I look after you! I break out of Azkaban to protect you from Wormtail. I risk my life to be near you, to help you, to be there for you when you need me. I couldn't have loved you more if you were my own son, and this is the thanks I get? YOU KILL ME!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm sorry!" Harry whimpered as the figures walked closer. He continued to walk away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!"

Harry sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in cold sweat, shaking. He pulled on his glasses and looked at the clock on his bedside table. 6:24. Lupin and Tonks were coming at noon to pick him up and bring him back to Order Headquarters. That left him five and a half hours to get over that dream.

Harry had that dream a lot. That was one of the reasons that he had only slept three times during the last week. He'd always have different dreams all too similar to the one he had just had. Sirius hating him; Cedric blaming Harry for his death; his parents reconsidering the sacrifice they had made to save Harry.

Blinking furiously, Harry got out of bed and walked over to his trunk. He had barely unpacked it. He had finished all of his homework within the first few days of break to give himself something to keep his mind off of the huge amount of guilt that had settled over him. He had also cleaned the entire house, the lawn, the shed, his room. His trunk had been repacked almost immediately. Now he dug through the neat stacks of books until he found what he was looking for. He flipped through the pages until he got to the right page.

This was the only picture of his godfather that he had. The one where he was best man at Harry's parent's wedding. All three of them were standing there, laughing and waving. This time Harry couldn't help it was tears rolled silently down his cheeks. They were all so happy, oblivious to the fact that two of them would be dead within the next two years, and that the third would be unjustly confined to a cell in Azkaban for the next twelve years of his life. Not knowing that within the next seventeen years all three of them would die for the same person-famous Harry Potter.

Harry set the picture down on the nightstand and rested his head in his hands. How was he going to survive this? How did they expect him to ignore the gaping emptiness that was taking over the inside of him, like a black hole, letting no light out, concealed to a life of darkness as the star died. Sirius, the dog star, the brightest star in the sky, had died, leaving behind a giant black hole to slowly take over Harry, and he hated it. How was he supposed to ignore all that had happened to him last June, and still find the powers and strength within himself to kill and destroy Voldemort? How?

While Harry sat, trying to find the answers to the impossible questions, not to mention the strength to get up off the floor, the sun had crept silently up higher into the sky. By the time Harry could stand up it was 11:43. he had sat there for five hours, trapped within his own head. He finally threw the last of his belongings into his trunk and slammed it shut. He then carefully tucked the picture of Sirius into his pocket for safekeeping. Then he went downstairs to wait.

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang and Harry ran to answer it. A small smile crept onto Harry's face at the sight of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks., whose hair was still bubble gum pink. They looked relieved to see Harry as they stepped inside and closed the door behind them.

"Wotcher, Harry," greeted Tonks.

"How are you?" asked Lupin.

"Fine," Harry lied, who didn't see the look of skepticism on the professor's face as he turned to shake hands with Tonks.

"How have the Muggles been treating you?" she asked as Lupin went upstairs to retrieve Harry's trunk.

"Actually, I haven't seen much of them," said Harry truthfully. "I spend most of my time in my room."

"I don't blame you," she sighed as she looked around the downstairs. "I still think it's way too clean. Where are they anyway?"

"Oh, they took Dudley and his gang out for pizza," Harry told her as Lupin appeared at the tops of the stairs.

"At noon?"

"Yeah. Apparently this was a reward for Dudley having lost two hundred pounds."

"Two hundred pounds?" shrieked Tonks incredulously. "How much did he weigh?"

"About the same as a young killer whale," Harry informed her as he turned to Lupin. "So, how're we getting there? I doubt broom since it's broad daylight. Not to mention there's only two of you."

"No, we're using a Portkey, now that we don't have to worry about Fudge arresting us," said Tonks before Lupin could answer.

"Why not?" Harry asked. Lupin laughed.

"Come on, Harry. After all that they did to us over the past year? We practically own them."

"What about the Weasleys and Percy?" Harry asked. "Did they make up?"

"Sort of."

"What do you mean, sort of?" Harry inquired. Lupin sighed.

"Molly, Arthur, Bill, and Charlie forgave him."

"What about the others?"

"They wouldn't hear of it," said Tonks. "Percy's staying at Grimmauld Place. The twins, Ron, and Ginny refuse to speak to him."

"Great," Harry muttered, feeling guilty.

"Oh, look at the time," gasped Tonks. Whether she just happened to look down at her watch or whether it was to change the subject, Harry didn't know, because she continued. "We're late. Harry, grab this-" she held out the book Quidditch Through the Ages. "Good. One...two...three...go!"

For the sixth time in his life, Harry felt a tug somewhere around his navel.