Snafu

Snafu - Chapter 6

The corridors of Hogwarts were eerily quiet as Jena made her way to the Headmaster's Office Tuesday morning.

The chicken soup Sirius had brought her the previous afternoon had calmed her considerably, allowing her mind and body some much needed rest.

She realized, when she awoke at four o'clock that morning, that she had had a good fourteen hours of undisturbed slumber. Of course, it had been a few drops of Sleeping Draught that Sirius had surreptitiously added to her soup that had allowed her that peacefulness.

Albus Dumbledore had been to Jena's quarters to see her shortly after she had consumed her meal. "Let her rest, Sirius," she had heard Albus say as she lay in her bed, in a state of dazed sedation. "Whatever she needed to speak to me about can wait." So here she was, five o'clock in the morning, fully awake and contemplating whether or not it was too early to be calling on the Headmaster.

Up until now, Jena had not had an opportunity to meet with Albus since her arrival at the school. She now welcomed the chance to sit down with her affable old friend. It had been years since Jena had last been to the Headmaster's Office and she was having a bit of difficulty remembering the way.

As if on cue, she heard his voice as she entered the corridor where his office was.

"Are we feeling better this morning, my dear?" he asked, in his usual quiet tone.

Dumbledore was standing before a stone statue of a gargoyle, behind which lay the entrance to his office.

She assumed, by the tone of his voice, that he had been expecting her.

"Physically, one hundred percent," she replied with a sniffle. "Well, make that ninety nine percent. Mentally, though, I'm afraid I'm completely drained."

Albus smiled knowingly and conjured a tissue, which hovered before her. Jena glanced at it and smiled.

"Always prepared, aren't you, Albus?" she asked, grabbing the tissue from the air.

"I try, my dear," he replied, placing his arm gently over her shoulder. "Shall we?"

Jena nodded, shoving the used tissue into the pocket of her wool coat. She had put the coat on before leaving this morning, since she still had to collect the mice she had intended to pick up from Hagrid the day before.

"Lemon Posset," Albus said, waving his hand towards the ugly gargoyle; it immediately came to life.

As the passage to the Headmaster's Office opened for them, Albus gently advanced Jena towards the staircase.

She stepped through the doorway, running her hand lightly over the stone gargoyle as she passed.

"Funny, I seem to remember that damn thing being much bigger and scarier looking the last time I was here," she called back to Albus.

She heard the doorway behind her close with a thud as she rode the spiral stairs upward.

"Often what seems large and frightening to us as children," he started, from a few steps below her, a hint of amusement in his voice, "doesn't seem so when we're older and wiser."

Jena was about to respond sarcastically to that comment - she certainly did not feel the least bit wise - but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out.

She reached the top of the staircase and opened the oak office door. Most everything about the Headmaster's Office was exactly the same as she had remembered. With mild hesitation, Jena stepped over the threshold into the room full of oddities.

Albus quietly stood back, watching as Jena took the sight in.

She gazed around the circular office, up to the enchanted paintings of past Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses. Many of them were sleeping soundly within their frames. A few, though, were apparently early risers and offered her welcoming waves and quiet "good mornings", which she respectfully returned.

Her eyes moved to the majestic phoenix, perched proudly on a golden perch, next to the oak door.

"Fawkes?" The words fell quietly from her lips as she reached out her hand. Fawkes nudged it lightly with the red and gold plumage of his head.

"Do you remember me?" she whispered inquisitively, as the brilliant phoenix allowed itself to be stroked. "He's just as spectacular as I remember, Albus."

She finally removed her gaze from the creature, allowing herself to wander around the office.

While many of the contents Jena recognized, she did notice that Albus had acquired a few new gizmos and gadgets over the years that were unfamiliar to her.

She continued around the office, glancing at the vast assortment of books residing on sturdy, wooden shelves. She snickered when she noticed When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemonade by Nadine Chelesvig, among the titles in his collection.

A frayed, patched hat, sitting alone on a stool, caught Jena's attention. She moved towards it apprehensively, picking it up from its resting place, and examining it closely. This was the Sorting Hat. The same hat which, when placed upon the heads of new Hogwarts students, determined the appropriate House placement.

As she held the tattered hat in her hands, Jena wondered to herself what it was like to wear it. She craved to feel the rush excitement that must run through a young child as they anxiously awaited its proclamation.

"Would you like to try it on?" Albus inquired, stepping from his place in the doorway.

The sound of the Headmaster's tranquil voice brought Jena from her thoughts and she carefully replaced the hat back upon its stool.

"No, Albus," she replied flatly, "We both know what I would have been."

Jena let out a quiet sigh and stepped away from where the Sorting Hat lay.

"Why don't you have a seat, my dear," he said.

With a wave of his hand, a brown leather button-backed chair appeared in front of his claw-footed desk.

"You are troubled," Albus continued, as he took a seat in his own chair behind his desk, "Am I correct in assuming yesterday's events have caused you some unrest?"

Jena nodded and took a seat in the leather chair Albus had summoned for her.

Dumbledore was examining her, with a look she knew was genuine concern.

Jena's short legs dangled loosely over the edge of the chair, causing the bottoms of her black calf leather shoes to skim the floor. A grin then replaced her solemn expression.

"You find something amusing?" Albus asked, bending his head slightly so that his eyes grazed her over his spectacles.

"I was just thinking of how the last time I sat here, in this chair, my feet wouldn't even touch the floor," she answered, her gaze focused on her feet. "They do now, though."

Albus did not reply, but, to her relief, she did note the look of concern ease slightly.

"You know what's funny, though?" she asked, rhetorically. "I was just telling Ron Weasley the other day how not all those who get sorted into Slytherin are vile." She paused, her eyes moving from Dumbledore back to the Sorting Hat.

"I told him what you have always told me, Albus," she continued, "How it's the choices one makes in life and all... I hope you don't mind me borrowing your speech." She smiled, looking back to the man behind the desk.

"Not at all, my dear," he replied, "I'm actually quite flattered that you would. Makes this old man feel useful."

Jena thought then, of how lucky she was. Albus had always made her feel safe. He was the only living person who knew who she was, where she had come from, and where, she assumed, her path may take her.

You know, Jena," Albus continued, "Harry had a similar dilemma during his second year. He was worried that perhaps the Sorting Hat had put him in the wrong House. It terrified the boy that he may possess the qualities most prized in a Slytherin. I, of course, told him what I've always told you."

"Harry," Jena whispered, quietly. "Albus, I didn't realize how difficult it would be to see the boy again. The last time, he was only barely over a year old. Now he's the spitting image of James," she paused a moment, collecting her thoughts before she continued, "Part of me wants to grab him and give him a big hug and tell him how sorry I am... But what the hell gives me the right to tell him I'm sorry? If it wasn't for me, James and Lily may still be alive."

Her eyes were now welling with tears and she reached into her pocket for the tissue Albus had given her earlier. She found though, that her pocket was empty and she turned to scan the floor, assuming she had dropped it.

"Here, dear" Albus said gently, as he summoned her another.

Jena grabbed the new tissue from the air and began to dab the tears from her eyes.

"Well, aren't I scatty," she started, her bottom lip quivering, "I can't even keep track of stupid tissue."

To Jena's surprise, Albus was grinning.

"Oh, it's not you dear," he replied, "They disappear once they've been used. I find it more hygienic that way. I must say it may be one of my more practical ideas."

Jena looked down at the tissue she had just used and giggled in spite of herself as she crumpled it up and placed it in her pocket.

"Twelve uses for dragon's blood; disintegrating tissues... is there anything Albus Dumbledore can't do?" she asked as her face broke into a smile

"Well," Albus started softly, "I don't think I can possibly relieve you of the guilt you feel necessary to carry with you."

Jena avoided his gaze. She knew the speech he was about to give her by heart, having heard it enough times from Albus, as well as Alastor, Remus and of course, Sirius. Still, no matter how many times they had assured her that she was not to blame, Jena still felt a deep sense of responsibility.

"Albus, please don't," she said, finally bringing herself to meet his stare. The tears were returning once again and Albus, who had left his seat behind the desk and was standing before her, bent down, this time handing her an entire package of his tissues.

She gratefully accepted them, removing one for herself and shoving the remainder of the pack into her coat pocket.

"These aren't going to disappear on me, are they?" she asked through a forced smile.

"Not until after they've been used," he replied, returning her smile.

Jena blew her nose quietly, stood up and stepped past the Headmaster. She went to the window, overlooking the front lawn of the castle. The sun was beginning to rise now, and her eyes lingered a moment on the cloudless sky before looking back to Dumbledore.

"I know in my heart it wasn't my fault, Albus. Honestly, I do," she began, shakily. "It's the 'what-ifs' that drive me mad. Every night for the past fourteen years I've tried rationalizing it. It all goes back to Malfoy, really. What if Lucius hadn't heard of Sybill's prediction? What if he hadn't been so quick to act on that information? None of it would have happened."

Her eyes went back out the window to the lawn where, less than twenty four hours ago, she had had Draco pinned to the ground.

Her mind wandered back to the previous day, vividly recalling Draco's eyes, cold, grey and, if only for a brief moment, terrified. She knew he'd been afraid, if only for a split second, that she was going to kill him. She had wanted to, too. For a fleeting moment, the normally cool-headed professor had wanted nothing more than to break Lucius's son's neck right then and there.

To think of it now made her stomach ache; she began to fidget with her necklace in a vain attempt of comfort.

"I've become the kind of person I hate, Albus," she started slowly, her voice barely over a whisper, "I yearned to end that boy's life yesterday, simply because he bears the Malfoy name." She let out nervous laugh. "How hypocritical is that?" She turned her gaze to Albus, who was considering her uneasiness with a light blue stare.

Jena held up the gold charm she had been nervously fingering.

"He saw this yesterday, Albus," she said, as the Headmaster glanced at the charm momentarily, "I was curious to see if he would recognize it. He left quickly after our duel yesterday, no doubt to write to his father. I suppose Lucius will be here for me soon."

Albus raised his hand, causing Jena to silence herself.

"I highly doubt that Lucius will move so quickly this time," Albus spoke calmly, "He is pompous. He is arrogant. But Lucius is no fool, Jena. I am quite certain he will take no chances in repeating his past mistakes."

Jena stepped from the window and began to walk around Albus's office again, as she thought over what the Headmaster had just said. He was right, Lucius wouldn't move quickly, not after the snafu his last rush to action had caused.

As she paced the floor, something on Albus's desk she hadn't noticed before, caught her eye. It was a shallow, stone basin, it's edge bearing the carvings of ancient runes and symbols. She was mesmerized by the placidity of the gaseous liquid contents as they rippled and shimmered inside.

This, she knew, was a Pensieve. All of its owner's memories and experiences could be housed within it, for later use.

"Needed to clear your head, eh?" Jena asked Albus, motioning towards the Pensieve.

"Actually, that is yours. I felt a need to refresh my memory as to why exactly I hold so much trust in our beloved Potions Master," he replied, "I pull it out every so often, when Severus tests my nerves."

Jena knew that her Pensieve, which held only one horrible memory, had been in Albus's care for years and was curious as to what had led the Headmaster to use it.

"What did Snape do?" she asked, puzzled.

Rather than reply, Albus's brilliant blue eyes danced towards the office window.

It suddenly occurred to Jena, as she went back to the window, that Albus's office overlooked the front lawn and that he, in fact, must have seen her confrontation with Professor Snape.

"You saw it all, didn't you?" she asked quickly. "You sat up here and watched Severus curse me, didn't you?"

"I may have noticed the two of you conversing."

"Conversing?" she exclaimed, in disbelief, "Albus, he hit me with a Rooting Charm and left me out in the middle of a massive downpour."

"I was curious," he replied, not flinching in the least at her miffed tone.

"Curious," she repeated, with an air of annoyance, "What exactly were you curious about? Perhaps you wanted to see how long it took for the wicked witch to melt?"

"Let me ask you something, Jena," he said, his tone remaining placid. "I know for a fact that Alastor taught you how to counter a Rooting Charm some years ago. My question is: What exactly kept you from using it?"

Jena sank back slightly, considering his question.

It was true, Alastor had taught her to counter the Rooting Charm. In fact, he had taught Jena a number of things over the years she had spent under his supervision.

Alastor Moody, or "Mad-Eye", as he was more commonly known, was an Auror. It was his job, as such, to capture those who were a threat to the Wizarding world, mainly Death Eaters. Jena had witnessed more violence on these "outings", as he had called them, than a young child should.

While she had known that what Alastor and the other Aurors did was for the greater good, she could not help but come to the conclusion that magic was simply too easily abused.

That was part of the reason why she had left Alastor's care when she had come of age. Jena had wanted to shut down that part of herself. She felt she needed to break free of it completely, and had chosen to live a simple, magic-free life.

"I was afraid, Albus," she finally answered, "I haven't so much as touched my wand in nearly seven years."

Albus nodded in comprehension.

"Plus," she added as an afterthought, "I deserved it."

Jena thought back to her confrontation with Snape. His voice had been so harsh, his stare so cold and void of recognition.

"Do you really believe that?" Albus asked. "After saving him from a most certain death, you feel obliged to allow him to treat you like that?"

"First off," she started, "My saving him was completely unintentional. I was merely attempting to tell him...."

"That James had not abandoned Harry and Lily," Albus, stated, completing her sentence.

"Right. Secondly, I'm not so sure it's such a blessing to him that he did live. I mean, really, he seems to me to be completely miserable, Albus. Never smiling, rarely speaking and when he does open his mouth, there's not a single kind word that comes out of it. I'm under the distinct impression that he'd rather have died that night."

To Jena's astonishment, she saw a slight smile forming from the corners of Albus's lips.

"Severus's less than formidable attitude should not be solely attributed to that night's events. He's always been a bit - how do I say this nicely - churlish."

"Oh, wonderful. Isn't this going to be a pleasant trip," she breathed with sarcasm, rolling her eyes.

"What's that?"

"We had a wager that if I won the duel, Severus would escort me on the first trip to Hogsmeade," mumbled Jena. She was now second-guessing that brilliant idea, now realizing what a completely sour individual Snape really was.

Albus peered over his spectacles at her, a distinct expression of puzzlement upon his face.

"And he agreed?" he asked her with surprise.

"Well, yeah. I suppose he was confident that Malfoy would win."

"That's curious that he would even consider such a proposal," Albus said quietly.

"Why is that so curious?" asked Jena, now baffled, herself, by Albus's reaction. "Is he that tart that he would detest a single day in public with someone like me?"

"There is something I need to let you in on regarding Severus, Jena," said Albus, "You see, dear, he has not left the boundaries of these castle grounds for nearly fourteen years."

Jena's mouth hung open in shock. She was completely speechless upon hearing this revelation.

"Immediately after Voldemort's downfall at the Potter's, I suggested to Severus, that he remain within Hogwarts, for his own protection. With Voldemort out of the way, so to speak, I knew the Aurors would be taking in a number of suspected Death Eaters. I didn't want Severus harmed, either by an overzealous Auror, or a Death Eater who may have caught on to his activities."

"Fourteen years of solitude - that explains a lot," said Jena, still in shock.

Jena had so many questions she wanted answers to now, but they would have to wait.

There was a knock on the oak office door, which opened, before Albus could answer.

"Oh, here you are," said Sirius, breathless from running up the staircase to the office. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt...."

"No, I believe we're done here," said Jena, "Besides, I need to pick up those mice for Addie. No doubt she's famished."

Sirius, who had now entered the Headmaster's Office, closed the door behind him and replied, "Don't worry about that. Hagrid took care of her yesterday for you."

Jena was pleasantly surprised to find that someone would be so kind as to think to take care of her pet.

"Well, it's good to know that if anything ever happens to me, there is at least one person who will look after my Addie," she said, heading for the door.

Stopping, just short of the door, Jena turned back to Albus.

"Actually, Albus, there is one more thing I wanted to run by you, if you can spare me a few moments."

Albus nodded as he picked up Jena's Pensieve.

"Of course, dear, let me just put this away," he said, heading towards the stairs that led to a landing overlooking his office.

Jena turned to Sirius.

"Save me a place at the table?" she asked, hinting to him that she wanted to have a few more moments alone with the Headmaster before coming to down to breakfast.

"Sure," replied Sirius, opening the door to leave. "Oh, and Jena," he started, "thought you might like to know, you're hanging out."

Sirius motioned towards his chest and Jena looked down at her own, horrified. She then saw that it was, in fact, her necklace he was speaking of, and she replaced it promptly under her blouse.

"Thank you," she said, blushing at her misinterpretation.

Sirius gave her a wink and exited the Headmaster's Office, closing the oak door behind him.