Snafu

Snafu - Chapter 2

Harry awoke the next morning feeling as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. All the worries about Sirius' welfare that had been swimming through his mind the last few months were now gone and he was ready to begin his fifth year.

He was feeling so good in fact, that he simply ignored the callous comments that spewed from Draco Malfoy as he passed by the Slytherin table at breakfast.

"Seems your godfather's a Muggle-lover too, eh, Potter?" Draco hissed. "Probably gonna be hearing the pitter-patter of little Mudblood feet roaming the halls before the year's over."

Draco's cronies Crabbe and Goyle grunted in disgust at the thought.

I wonder if he knows, Harry thought to himself as he took his seat for breakfast, how his father who he holds in such high regards... who he brags about because of his high position in the Ministry of Magic, is nothing more than a petty servant... a mere coward.

Harry almost smiled to himself when he thought of what Draco's reaction would be if he had seen, as Harry had, his almighty father groveling at Voldemort's feet like a helpless child.

"Looks like we've got Muggle Studies first thing today," Hermione said, pulling Harry from his thoughts.

Hermione, being her usual studious self, was reviewing her class schedule. Her tone dropped though as she continued "...with the Slytherins."

Ron, who had just finished a warm cinnamon bun and was licking the icing from his fingers, shook his head, "Poor Professor Kidrin, do you think she has a clue what she's up against?"

Harry took a bite of his scrambled eggs and glanced up to the Head Table where Professor Kidrin was talking with Rubeus Hagrid. Hagrid, as he was known around Hogwarts, another person Harry could proudly call "friend".

XXX

Harry, Ron and Hermione had no problem finding their way to the Muggle Studies classroom. It was located directly across the hall from the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom where Professor Black was preparing to address his own group of students. Harry was tempted to poke his head in the door and give a wave to Sirius, but Hermione was pulling him by his robes in the opposite direction.

"Come on now, Harry," she spoke hurriedly, "we can't be late for class. You've got all year to catch up with Sirius."

Harry reluctantly turned and followed Hermione into the classroom. They took the only two empty seats next to Ron, who was already sitting, gazing around the room in amazement.

"My father would have a field day in here," he whispered, his eyes slowly scanning the room.

The classroom was filled with items clearly from the Muggle world. There were photographs, pictures and posters hanging on the walls, which, unlike the paintings gracing the corridors of the school, did not move or talk.

Some of the students, like Harry and Hermione, had grown up around these types of Muggle things. They recognized the vacuum cleaner, the pencil sharpener, and the piles of Muggle magazines, books and newspapers sitting on the shelves along the walls. Other students like Ron, were unfamiliar with what the possible use of a little metal hook dangling from a string on the end of a stick could be.

Before Ron had a chance to ask Harry or Hermione what some of the items were, Professor Kidrin stood up from behind her desk.

Her long hair, which had been drenched the previous evening, was now pulled neatly back into a wispy knot at the nape of her neck. She was wearing Muggle clothes and reminded Harry of the type of woman who should be sitting behind a desk giving the evening report on a Muggle news program.

"Good morning class," she started, her voice crisp. "Welcome to Muggle Studies. My name is Professor Kidrin." She glided between the tables slowly as she continued.

"Many of you may have noticed that there are no textbooks required for this class. I do not believe that the lessons you will be learning can actually be taught from reading books. I prefer a more hands on approach."

A snicker came from the back of the class as Draco Malfoy mumbled something to Crabbe and Goyle.

Professor Kidrin either didn't hear them or chose to ignore them.

"I am aware that some of you are familiar with the Muggle way of life, either from your own families or from friends, and I hope that you do not find this class too mundane. I am also well aware that some of you may be a little less " - she paused as if searching for the right word - " receptive to my teaching, but nonetheless you are mine for two hours every Monday morning and I will be taking every step necessary to broaden you minds a bit."

She stopped walking as she approached the Slytherin students. "Hopefully by the end of the term each of you will walk away with a newfound appreciation of the Muggle Community... or at least a tolerance of it."

Professor Kidrin's eyes scanned the Slytherins before she turned walked back to the front of the room. They glared back sullenly, and Draco resumed his hushed conversation.

"Now, I noticed many of you admiring my collection of items here in the room. You will be given an opportunity in a short time to explore my treasures, but first I will be asking you to complete a short assignment. What I would like from each of you is a short essay, not more than a page or two describing your feelings about Muggles." She stopped short and looked over to Hermione who was pulling a quill and blank parchment from her bag.

"No dear, you won't be needing those," she said as she made her way towards a tall metal cabinet. She pulled open the doors of the cabinet revealing what Harry recognized as Muggle school supplies similar to those that his Uncle Vernon bought for Dudley each year. There were pads of paper, pens, pencils, paper clips, scissors, rulers and more. Professor Kidrin pulled two boxes of pens from the closet and handed them to Neville Longbottom, who was sitting closest to the cabinet.

"Would you be a dear and hand these out for me, sweetheart?" she asked, handing the boxes of pens to Neville. He nodded and began walking between the tables, handing one to each student.

Professor Kidrin stooped down and began pulling pads of paper out from the bottom shelf of the cabinet. She counted out twenty four pads and carried them up to her desk.

"I'm getting hungry," Harry heard an odd voice call out, and he looked quickly around the room. None of the other students seemed to have noticed the voice.

Professor Kidrin glanced at her watch quickly, then looked searchingly around at the students.

"You there in the back," she said looking directly at Draco Malfoy, who was snickering at Neville as he fumbled with the pens. "Would you mind giving me a hand and passing these out to the other students? One to each, please."

Draco looked appalled to be asked to do anything to assist her, but knew better than to flat-out refuse a Professor's request. He stood up and began slowly walking up to the desk, reaching inside his robes for his wand. If there was anything Draco detested more than Muggles, it was manual labor. Unlike Neville, who had finally finished his task and was once again seated at his desk, Draco planned to use magic to distribute the paper.

Professor Kidrin had her back to Draco and the rest of the students, and was leaning over a small box that lay on a table behind her desk. Whatever was in the box was apparently alive and giving her some trouble. Harry and Ron could hear her mumbling something as she thrust her hand sporadically into the box.

Draco stood in front of her desk and pointed his wand at the stack of paper pads.

"Wingardium Leviosa," he said lazily.

The other students waited, expecting at least one of the pads to levitate from the desk.

Nothing happened.

Draco looked confused and moved closer to the desk, his wand still pointed at the paper. "Wingardium Leviosa", he repeated, his voice more commanding this time.

Still nothing happened.

The other Slytherins looked baffled, while some the Gryffindor students tried to stifle their giggles.

"Gotcha, you little rodent," exclaimed Professor Kidrin, pulling something quickly from the box and hurrying towards a large glass tank a few feet away. The large tank looked something like a display of greenery with a wide variety of plant life. She dropped the item she had carried to the tank into it. The class had been watching her movements with curiosity, and now, as the thing falling though the air writhed and screeched, they could see it was a small white mouse. Within moments they all understood why the mouse had been so desperate to avoid capture.

They all watched silently as, from the back of the tank, gliding seamlessly between two rocks, came a russet red colored snake. It raised its body slowly, swaying its head ever so slightly as it rose. The little mouse did not have a chance to react. Before it even saw its attacker, the snake had swooped down up it locking it in its jaws. The mouse squirmed for a few moments as it dangled from the snake's mouth, finally becoming still and allowing itself to be swallowed slowly.

Professor Kidrin turned back to her desk and saw that Draco was staring at the scene that had just unfolded in the tank. His wand was still pointed at the stack of paper on her desk, which still had not moved.

"Oh, sorry, dear," she said, bringing Draco's attention away from the snake's feast, "I forgot to mention that you cannot do magic in my classroom. You'll need to go and hand those out one by one as the other lad did."

Draco's mouth dropped, "Excuse me, Professor. What do you mean we aren't allowed to do magic in your classroom?"

"Can't do magic, sir. Meaning you cannot do magic in my classroom, it is physically impossible. I can't very well teach you to appreciate the lifestyles of Muggles if you are constantly doing magic in class, now can I?"

She picked up the stack of paper pads and handed them to Draco who reluctantly took them.

Draco's face reddened and he looked as if he wanted to hurl the paper right back at Professor Kidrin, but the thought of losing House Points from Slytherin kept him at bay. Instead he forced a more civilized reply, "Of course not, Professor. One to each then, correct?"

She nodded, and he turned quickly to pass them out.

"All right then, class," Professor Kidrin said, turning to the rest of the students, "You are now being given pads of paper, and I see you already have your pens. You will not be using quills and parchment for any assignments for my class. Throughout the year, you may need to replenish your supplies so feel free to take whatever you need from the supply cabinet." She pointed back to the tall metal cabinet from which she had retrieved the pens and paper.

Draco finished passing out the paper to each of the students and resumed his seat, slouching disrespectfully.

"Now that you have your supplies, you may begin writing your essays. When you have finished, please bring them up and lay them on my desk. You are then free to peruse the room and handle anything you'd like. You will not be graded on today's assignment, they are just going to be used to give me an insight into your thoughts, so be honest.

"Oh, and please don't forget to put your names on your papers," she added before taking a seat at her own desk, and shifting though her class agendas for the week.

Harry had barely finished writing his name on his paper when Draco stood up from his seat and strolled to Professor Kidrin's desk, paper in hand.

Professor Kidrin looked up from her reading as Draco lay his essay down on her, a smug look on his face.

"That was quick," she said picking up his essay. "Muggles are useless, defenseless gits," she read out loud from his paper.

Draco smirked and glanced back toward his little circle of Slytherins, who had burst into mocking sniggers.

"Well, that's brutally honest then, isn't it?" she said, scanning the rest of the paper, "but it seems you forgot to put your name on it. Here, you can use one of my pens." She handed him a pen from her desk drawer and Draco scrawled his name and handed both items back to her.

Professor Kidrin read his name and a look of comprehension came over her face. "Draco Malfoy. Any relation to Lucius?"

"He's my father, Professor", he replied proudly.

"I see," she said with a cold glare. "Well then, since you've finished the assignment why don't you look around the room at my collection of Muggle items until class is over. Feel free to handle anything...except Addie" - she motioned towards the snake's tank - "she's a bit temperamental."

One by one, the students finished their essays, and began their appraisal of the sundry assortment of Muggle objects.

Seamus Finnigan, a Gryffindor student, was admiring a 1994 World Cup Program signed by the entire French team.

"That was quite a game." Professor Kidrin said coming up behind Seamus.

"You were there?" Seamus exclaimed excitedly.

"Are you kidding? Football has always been one of my favorite sports. You're a fan, I take it?"

"Absolutely! Emmanuel Petit is my hero. Man, can he play."

"Not only is Emmanuel a superb player, but he's a really splendid man."

"You know him?" Seamus replied, his eyes practically bursting out of their sockets.

"Oh, yes," she continued aptly. "He taught me a few of his better moves. I've got a ball around here somewhere. Maybe one day we can take the class outdoors and teach them how to play."

Seamus was overjoyed with that idea, "That would be wicked, Professor!"

"Well, make sure you take a good look around at everything...football isn't the only good thing about Muggles you know," she said as she turned away.

She scanned the room, watching as the students studied all the Muggle items.

Hermione was busy trying to show Ron how a fishing pole was used as an amused Harry watched Ron's look of utter bafflement.

"So you're telling me," Ron said, "that in order to catch a stupid little fish, you have to put... what is it called again?" he asked, looking over at Harry.

"Bait," Harry replied trying not to laugh.

"You have to put bait like a worm or something on the end of this hook" - Ron continued pointing to the shiny silver hook at the end of the line - "and then you have to drop it in the water and wait for a fish to bite it?"

"That's right," replied Hermione matter-of-factly, "Then, when you feel the fish biting on the end of the string, you turn this little wheel here and it brings the fish up to you."

"But how long does it take for a fish to bite at the bait?" he asked.

"Well, it varies. Sometimes a few minutes; sometimes you have to wait a longer."

"That's just nutters," Ron stated, disgusted, "Seems like a big waste of time to sit around all day hoping that one stupid fish bites for ya'."

Hermione rolled her eyes, realizing Ron would never get it. She replaced the fishing pole against the wall as Professor Kidrin addressed the class.

"If everyone would be so kind as to put away everything and return to your seats, it is almost time for class to end."

She watched as the students began putting the Muggle items back in the appropriate places and headed back to their seats. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle were still standing however. Draco was holding something in his hands, which Crabbe and Goyle were staring at with their usual bewildered looks.

"Those, Mr. Malfoy, are numchucks," stated Professor Kidrin.

Draco looked up for the object towards Professor Kidrin as she continued, "They are used as a form of defense in the martial arts field. They are quite dangerous when used properly."

Draco smiled slightly, "You've got to be joking Professor." He held the numchucks up for the whole class to see. "Muggles actually defend themselves with these?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy. Believe it or not, Muggles have quite a few weapons they use to defend themselves against each other and even against Wizards."

Draco and many of the Slytherins laughed out loud at her last statement.

"No offense Professor," Draco drawled sarcastically, "but I hardly doubt that anything could protect a Muggle from an attacking Wizard." He laid the numchucks back on the shelf from where he got them and started back to his seat as if the subject was closed.

Professor Kidrin however, continued, her eyes beading up, "You're sadly mistaken, Mr. Malfoy. Muggles are a lot stronger than you give them credit for. But seeing how closed minded you are on the subject, how about we have a little fun?"

Draco leaned back in his chair his arms folded across his chest, eyeing her suspiciously.

She continued, "How confident are you that Muggles are completely defenseless?"

He thought a moment as his classmates stared at him. "I'd bet my life on it Professor," he replied callously, staring her straight in the eye.

Professor Kidrin did not blink, but returned his stare. "Well, Mr. Malfoy, you're too young to die just yet. How about House Points for Slytherin."

Draco looked at his fellow Slytherins, not sure where this was going. "What do you mean, Professor?"

Professor Kidrin relaxed a little and looked around at the class before her. She could sense the contagion of confusion running through her students.

"A challenge, Mr. Malfoy, I'm challenging you. Next class, which is week from today, you and I will go head to head. You will of course be armed with your wand and I will not. You may use any curse, hex or spell you wish as long as it isn't life-threatening, of course. We can't have you expelled for offing a teacher."

She smiled as she watched the look on his face. He was no longer looking as confident. She continued, "I will be allowed no magic whatsoever. In fact, I won't even arm myself with any type of Muggle weapon."

Draco looked completely lost. "So, let me get this straight, Professor. What you are proposing is that I attack you using magic and you will attempt to defend yourself with nothing more than your own hands? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Absolutely not, and to make it even more interesting, let's wager fifty of Slytherin's House Points. If you are successful, Slytherin receives fifty House Points."

Whispers broke out among the other students who could not believe what Professor Kidrin was proposing.

She continued, "But if I am successful in defending myself, I shall deduct fifty House Points from Slytherin."

Draco looked around at the other members of his House who were nodding him on frantically. They seemed quite sure there was no way they could possibly lose.

"All right then, Professor, I'll accept your challenge, but I will need to get the terms in writing. I don't want to be in any trouble for attacking a teacher," he said with a smirk.

"Of course," she replied, reaching over her desk for a pen and paper. She took a moment to write something down, tore the paper off the pad and carried it back to Draco. "Here you go Mr. Malfoy, this should be sufficient." She said, handing him the note.

Draco read what she had written.

I, Jena Kidrin, do hereby challenge Draco Malfoy to a duel for the purposes of a class demonstration on Monday, September 9th , to take place outdoors. Use of any of the Unforgiveable Curses is forbidden. Signed Professor Jena Kidrin.

Draco folded the note neatly and placed it in his inside robe pocket, nodding.

"All right, class," she said, glancing at her watch, "next Monday's class demonstration will be held outdoors since magic cannot be done in the classroom. We will be meeting at the front entrance doors of the castle. I hope you all have a good first week and I will see you all next Monday. You are dismissed."

The students filed out quickly, anxious to talk about the upcoming event. Draco and his cronies were already bragging.

"This will be the easiest fifty points Slytherin has ever earned," stated Pansy Parkinson, one of Draco's Slytherin classmates, "I almost feel sorry for Professor Kidrin making a fool of herself and everything."