The Insanity of Draco Malfoy

He´s out-done himself. Seamus Finnigan has managed to out-do himself so much, that he´s all the way past out-do, right into flat out surpassed!!! He didn´t tell Potter, thank Merlin. I actually thank him for at least keeping that promise. But he did go and tell someone else, which is probably even worse then telling Potter himself. No, he didn´t go and tell Weasel, nor Parvati Patil, or even Lavender Brown. Seamus Finnigan went and told someone much worse than all of them put together.

Hermione Granger.

In the name of Salazar Slytherin´s skivvies, what was Finnigan thinking?! Bloody Mudblood, Potter´s best friend that actually has a brain cell, Hermione Granger. I might as well go throw myself out of the Astronomy Tower right now. Well, I would do, but I know for a fact that Blaise is in the middle of seducing some fifth-year Hufflepuff up there, and there is no way I want to be walking in on that. It´s a bloody challenge trying to direct Hufflepuff´s to the Astronomy Tower, nevermind actually seduce them. I never thought that Blaise would stoop that low.

Anyway, I have no time for throwing myself off high buildings at the moment - I have a Quidditch match to attend! I´ve, er, kinda been, um, dropped though, from the Slytherin team. That twat Marcus Bent said I was a hazard to the teams winning streak after I managed to not see the snitch when it was hovering right above my ear during the last match. That´s all Potter´s fault too. Damn him and his stupid sexiness.

Sigh. Never did I think the day would come when I´d be dropped from the team even when father bought us all new Firebolts. Or the day that I´d call Potter sexy. Hmmm. Something is seriously wrong with me.

~*~*~

So, I was walking down to the Quidditch pitch, shouting loudly about how Slytherin were going to slaughter Gryffindor from here all the way to Timbuktu, when Professor McNoFun came stomping across the grounds.

"MR MALFOY!" she screeched, sending a few first-years into deafness. "NEVER in my life have I heard such language!"

I frowned. Language? Sure, there were a few obscenities here and there, but nothing for her to get her overlarge knickers in a twist about.

"That´s it! You will sit with me in the Gryffindor stand for the match!"

Well, that´s taking it all a bit too far. All of a sudden I was forced up to the Gryffindork´s stand and here I am, being plonked down in a seat right next to that Mudblood.

That´s it, Merlin hates me.

"Malfoy, shouldn´t you be up there with all the other Slytherin´s?" Granger says, smiling sweetly, "Oh wait! You got dropped, didn´t you?!"

"Oh go brush your hair, Granger."

Professor McStern glares down at me. "Malfoy, you will stay here for the rest of the match. If I so much as see you take one step out of your seat, it will be off to the Headmasters office for you."

Threatening me with Dumbledore? Jeez, now there´s a heart-stopper.

"Malfoy! What a pleasure to see you here!" Finnigan is making his way down the row, throwing himself down in the empty seat next to me and waving a Gryffinbore flag in my face.

"Shut it, Finnigan." I yawn. "This match better be over quickly."

"Don´t worry," Granger says. "Harry will catch the snitch soon."

"You mean without falling off his broomstick? Now, that would be a miracle wouldn´t it - Potter not biting the dust in a Quidditch game."

Granger scoffs, "Oh, I forgot how you´ve been monitoring Harry very closely lately."

Finnigan coughs and pretends to be absorbed in the Ravenclaw stands and it takes all my might for me to not send him an Avada Kedavra glare. I think Granger would pick up on that too easily. After all, she has sent many a-my way.

"Monitor Potter? Granger, it´s not hard to monitor Potter. You can see him wherever he goes as he always seems to be followed by some bright beacon of red hair in shabby robes. I believe he´s known as your boyfriend."

She makes some strange noise in her throat. I frown. Gryffindors are weird.

"Well I´ve heard you´re very interested in Harry..." she says, giving me a pointed look.

"Yes, yes, our is a forbidden love." I roll my eyes. "Did you know Crabbe and Goyle have just beaten you in an Arithmancy exam, Hagrid´s been made Headmaster, and Weasley over here has just inherited enough money to buy some robes that aren´t second hand."

Either Granger didn´t hear my remark, or she chose to ignore it as Dean Thomas and Finnigan started up that stupid "Go, go Gryffindor!" chant. Honestly, how boring is that chant? We Slytherins have many chants going on about `ripping their ****ing heads off´ and `slamming them with bludgers´, but these bloody Gryffindors just sit there and sing "Go, go Gryffindor"!
"Go, go Slytherin!" I shout, mimicking them. All of a sudden a load of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans came raining down on me.

"Hey! Watch the hair!" I turn round and glare at the offenders - two third-years who are now cowering in their seats.

That´s it, feel the Malfoy wrath!

I turn back to the game and watch as the Quidditch players zip around on their brooms. I´m glad to see that we´re winning 40-30. I love Quidditch; it´s one of my few passions in life. That, and annoying people with my sarcastic wit. Both a whole lotta fun.

"Malfoy, can´t you just go and annoy someone else?" Weasley sighs.

"Sorry, part of my charm. Anyway, you heard McMardy over there; I´m not allowed to leave."

"And you really care about what McGonagall thinks?" Granger says.

"Granger, I may not be, well, you, but believe it or not, I do at least play by some rules," I reply. "Dumbledore´s hardly the scariest man in the world, but I don´t really want to be spending my nights cleaning toilets with Filch from now on."

Granger sighs, "You are such an idiot, Malfoy."

"So I´ve been told."

Slytherin lose the match. Ha. Should´ve played me, the idiots. The reserve Seeker they used was crap, Potter beat him easily.

Don´t think of Potter. Don´t think of Potter. Don´t think of Potter.

"Hey, Malfoy."

I turn round to see Granger running up to me as I walk back to the castle, wondering if Blaise was too busy to attend the match, "What do you want?"

"I want you to leave Harry alone."

"What are you talking about? I haven´t even been near him." I shake my head and carry on walking.

"I don´t want you to start, I dunno, coming on to him or whatever you´re planning to do. He doesn´t need that," she says, following me.

I roll my eyes. "Oh, stupid me, and there I was about to jump on Potter. Just so we´re clear, you know your nuts, right?"

"Just leave him alone, Malfoy."

I ignore her and carry on walking. She halts before running in the opposite direction. I always thought she was a bit weird, but she´s worse! Must be all the library air, does things to the brain. Come on to Potter! HA!

This Potter Plague has got to go away.

(A/N: Contains quotes from `Buffy The Vampire Slayer´ that don´t belong to me *grins*)