So Close

The house was dark and quiet as the soft green light caused the back door to swing open. Two figures walked purposely up the stairs, the smaller stopping at the first bedroom while the tall, thin one continued on to the large bedroom at the end of the hall. With a sudden flash of red, both doors were blown open and after a moment of confusion, the screams started. The man in bed quickly reached for a thin piece of wood laying at the corner of a nearby table, but as his fingers began to close around the instrument, a thin beam of red light struck severing the fingers at the knuckle.

A loud cold laugh could be heard over the screams of fear and pain. "You will never be quicker than me Banks," the thin wizard said causing the hairs on the other occupants of the bedroom to stand on end.

Just then the other figure came in dragging the first bedroom's occupant roughly by the arm. The girl looked to be no more than five and was crying in fear.

"Let her go!" the man in the bed yelled and tried to stand. Instantly a blue light flew from the standing wizard's wand locking the other man into his position in bed.

"I think not Banks," the wizard said. "You should have known better than to turn down the offer my associate presented you with."

"Please don't hurt them. I'll do what you want, whatever you want!" the man pleaded.

The female hooded wizard laughed and then the taller one spoke, "You had your chance Banks. I do not allow second chances."

The wizard nodded to his companion who pushed the girl against the wall and said 'Crucio'! The young girl's screams filled the house, but her parents were powerless to do anything about them. After seemed like hours, the curse was lifted and the little girl lay twitching on the floor. Her mother had become violently ill watching the spectacle.

"You should have joined me Banks," the wizard said before raising his wand, pointing it at the girl and softly saying 'Avada Kedavra'. The green light flew out and the young girl instantly stopped twitching. The only sound now was the ghoulish laughter from the female hooded wizard.

"Do you think he's ready for his other daughter to die Bellatrix?" Voldemort asked.

After a short laugh, she replied "Oh yes my Lord. Seeing his other daughter die would be just what he deserves."

"What are you talking about? I don't have another daughter," Mr. Banks got out through the gasps of sorrow.

"You don't know! You wife hasn't given you the wonderful news yet?" Voldemort asked causing Bellatrix to laugh again. "Oh yes, you do indeed have another daughter. It seems your wife hasn't found the time to give you the news."

Mr. Banks turned to his wife who was silent with utter terror in her eyes. Her arms were crossed over her stomach as if that act could protect her unborn daughter. The man turned back to Voldemort and said, "No! Please, I'll do anything."

"Bellatrix, I'll leave the decision up to you. Do we give him a second chance and allow them to raise another daughter?" Voldemort calmly asked.

"Hmmm...Let me think..." Bellatrix said as if deciding what to order. "I think... NOT!" she screamed as a red beam lashed out of her wand striking the woman squarely in the stomach causing a large gash. Instantly, the bed was covered in blood and the next moment, the woman's screams stopped.

"I don't think I'll kill you yet Banks," Voldemort coldly said. "I think you should live with the guilt of what you choice cost you. I dare say that the next Minister of Finance will be more accommodating of my wishes. Come Bellatrix," Voldemort added as the two turned and walked out of the room.

Even before they reached the stairs, they heard 'Avada Kedavra' from the bedroom and saw the green light fade. "I thought he would last longer. If I had known it would have been that quick, we would have stayed to watch," Voldemort said before the two disappeared with a crack.

Quickly snapping upright, Harry wiped the sweat from his face and tried to get his rapid breathing back under control. Recalling what he had just witnessed, he ran from his room and barely made it to the loo before getting sick. After wiping his face with cold water, he slowly made his way back to his room, took out parchment and quill and began recording the details of the latest killing. The joy Voldemort got watching others experience pain and suffering almost made Harry ill again.

Walking over to his Owl, Harry softy said, "How can I fight him Hedwig? What do they expect of me?" Harry was absent-mindedly stroking his bird. After a few moments, he shook his head, headed for the shower to start his daily routine again.

After a bite of breakfast, Harry gathered the other dream parchments and placed the latest one on top. Glancing at the stack, he sighed heavily realizing that there were about ten dreams and probably twenty-five deaths. The day after having a dream was somehow easier for Harry. His guilt at what his own actions had causes was tempered by the remorse for the latest family killed at Voldemort's hands.

Just as he was placing the parchments back into his trunk, his silent brooding was interrupted by the booming voice of his Uncle Vernon.

"Get down here boy!"

Most summers it was quite common for his uncle to yell at him like this, but this would be the first thing the man had said to him this year, so Harry was very interested to know what had brought this on. Arriving at the bottom of the stairs his Uncle spoke up again, "Mrs. Figg just called and needs some help around the house."

"Why can't she do it herself?" Harry angrily asked, not wanting to be around anyone at the moment.

"You'll go help her and keep your attitude to yourself. You've done nothing around here but eat our food since you got back," Vernon bellowed back.

"Fine, I'll go help her," Harry dejectedly said.

"You'll act normally around her. None of your funny business," Vernon said narrowing his eyes while staring at Harry.

Harry was already out the front door when he mumbled, "That won't be a problem, compared to her I'm as normal as the come."

Walking along the street, Harry wondered which member of the Order was following him and where they were. He hated that they were trying to protect him so much. "They should be out trying to stop Voldemort!" he angrily thought to himself.

Arriving at the house, Harry took a moment to breathe deeply, trying to suppress the emotions that had been so quick to bubble up in the past few weeks. He knew Mrs. Figg hadn't done anything that would deserve him flying off the handle at. Harry knocked on the door and was not prepared at all for who answered.

"Hello Harry," Remus Lupin said as the door swung open. He looked worse than Harry could remember, with dark circles around his eyes. Harry just stared at the man with so many different feelings running around inside of him. The sound of Lupin's voice refocused his attention, "Please come inside Harry. I want to see how you're doing."

This was the person Harry was both most anxious to see and at the same time dreading seeing. Harry knew he had been responsible for the death of Professor Lupin's best friend, the only friend from school that he had left. He wasn't prepared for this meeting and was trying his best to conceal his panic as he stepped inside, with his head hung low.

Trying to come up with anything to say he managed "Where's Mrs. Figg?"

"Out for a few hours. I wanted us to have some time alone," Lupin said softly.

"Oh," Harry got out and began to worry about how this would go.

"How are you doing Harry?" Lupin asked and then continued, "Your owl paid us a visit yesterday and seemed very agitated."

"So that's where she went," Harry thought. Harry shrugged and said, "I guess I'm ok."

"Really? Then you're doing better than I am," Lupin stated, shocking Harry with his frankness. It must have shown because Lupin continued, "I forgot how bad it was to lose someone you really cared about. Losing James and Lily was so long ago that I didn't remember it being this hard, but it must have been."

Harry just stared as his former teacher, his breathing becoming more rapid. He didn't understand the point the man was trying to make and really didn't feel like having this conversation right now.

After a moment or two of silence, Lupin continued, "You have to be hurting right now, and I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel."

Those words didn't sit well with Harry. Everyone always said they knew how he felt and he knew there was no way they could. "You don't know how I feel, you can't. It wasn't your fault that he's gone, it was mine!"

"Harry! It was not your fault," Lupin forcefully stated. Harry started to reply but the man cut him off, "No one thinks it was your fault. Many things could have been done differently and any one of them could have changed the outcome. You did what you truly believed was the right thing. You risked everything when you thought he was in danger, just as he did for you."

"But he wasn't in danger! I led five other students into a trap," Harry exclaimed.

"Did you ask them to come with you?" Lupin asked.

"No, but I didn't stop them either," Harry quickly replied.

"And they're all ok now. Listen, this is the kind of thing Voldemort thrives on. He wants things to happen that tear us apart. It's not nearly as bad as it was the first time."

Harry looked at the man and sounding defeated asked, "How can you even stand to be around me? I wouldn't want to."

"Harry, Sirius and I always knew something like this could happen. We chose this path. As much as I miss him, I am very proud of him and how he dealt with his life." Lupin paused for a moment before continuing to speak, "I won't lie. Seeing you is hard, but not because I blame you. I just see so much of James in you that it brings up how much I've lost to Voldemort. I'm not your father, or even your official godfather, but I do want to be as much a part of your life as you'll let me. I think we could both use each other; it's going to get worse before it gets better. But, we'll get through this eventually."

Harry shook his head and said, "I can't believe how much I miss him."

"I know Harry, I really do," Lupin said. The two sat in silence for a while before Lupin spoke up, "We'll bring you to headquarters right after your birthday. Your friends are already there."

Harry tensed up before saying, "I'm not going back to that house. I'd kill Kreacher the first time I saw that little traitor."

Lupin must have been expecting this attitude because he calmly replied, "Kreacher has been dealt with. We couldn't trust him in the house and we couldn't set him free."

"Good," Harry stated with some pleasure. "I'm still not going back to that place."

"That's the only place we can bring you."

"Then I'll stay at the Dursleys. There is no way I'm ever going back to that house," Harry stated with determination.

Lupin sighed. "I won't make you come, but think about it. Everyone wants to see you."

Harry felt bad at passing up the chance to see his friends but couldn't bear to think about returning to the house. "I can't go back there." Thinking for a moment, Harry asked, "What happens to the house now? Wasn't it Sirius'?"

"Everyone in the Order plans for something like this happening, so Sirius had made arrangements. The house has been transferred to me, along with half of the remaining family assets. The other half of the family assets was transferred to your vault," Lupin sadly said before reaching into his robes and producing a letter. "Here," he said, handing the letter to Harry. "Sirius wrote this for you. You can read it now or later, I don't know what is says."

Harry looked at the unopened letter for a moment and then said, "I'll read it later."

"Ok. I need to get back. Trust me when I say things will get better. Remember what Voldemort does and why we're in this struggle," Lupin said and then seemed to be struggling with something. "Oh, try to not be too hard on Dumbledore. I think he's concerned what you think of him now. He's trying to do what he thinks is best, don't forget that."

Harry nodded and the two got up. Before Harry could turn to the door, Lupin spoke up, "I can never replace Sirius, but I'd like for you to consider me your backup Godfather. I was next on the list you know."

Harry could tell Lupin was trying to hide his sorrow and genuinely meant the comment. Trying to do the same, and appreciating the offer Harry replied, "Thanks...Remus, I'd like that." Without further words, Harry left and slowly walked back to the Dursleys trying to keep his mind from wandering to dangerous thoughts.

Not remembering anything about the walk, he entered the back door just as Aunt Petunia was about to throw out the leftovers. Remarkably she paused, set the bowls down and went into the living room, giving Harry enough time to make a plate for himself and disappear up to his room.

Harry walked straight to Hedwig, who was sitting near the window and handed her a scrap from his plate. "So, you've been telling on me," Harry said in a non-accusing tone to the owl. Hedwig clicked her beak a couple times before Harry stroked her back and said, "I guess I'm lucky you can't talk, huh?"

After eating, Harry's eyes traveled over the photo album that was still lying open to the picture that showed his godfather smiling up at him. This reminded him about the note Lupin had handed him. Hesitantly, he pulled the note out and just looked at it for quite some time before taking a deep breath and breaking the seal and opening the note.

Harry

First of all, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Now I don't know what happened of course, but I know how you are and have probably been blaming yourself for something careless that I did. Unless you snuck up on me and personally killed me, don't blame yourself. I won't.

Now, let's change the subject a bit. It's been great knowing you and my only regret is that we weren't able to spend much time together doing fun things. We should have been able to travel during the summers and just enjoy being together. Hell, James and Lily should have been with us as well. But, things don't always work out the way we'd like. I'm sure I don't have to remind you of that. You've dealt with more before your sixteenth birthday than most will in a lifetime, and you've amazed me at how you've dealt with it all. Better than I would have, that's for sure. I need to say that you get that from Lily, James wouldn't have done any better than I would have.

This was written right after Christmas, so depending on when you're reading this ,it may be out of date. Lupin and I try to update these kinds of things every few months. It was his suggestion; you know I wouldn't think of things like this. You also had to realize that staying in this house is driving me crazy; it's almost as bad as Azkaban.

Let me guess what happened: I was standing at the door and a big white female poodle walked by...Ah wait, that was a dream.... Let's see, I heard a rumor that worthless slime Wormtail had been seen and I, ignoring Dumbledore's suggestion, bolted out to find him and landed in a trap. Hopefully you didn't hear about it and try to come after me and get yourself hurt or anything.

Ok, good news and then my biggest regret. First, I had a fair amount of gold in Gringotts (how do you think I could get a Firebolt for you). I'm giving half of it to Lupin since the worthless Ministry keeps passing laws that make it harder for him to find work. I'm giving you the other half, even though you really wouldn't need it unless you went really stupid after graduating. You're family did pretty well.

Now, my biggest regret is that I won't be there to give you "the talk". You know about girls. You're going to have to hear it from Moony! I would have been so much better; you could have learned things that would have had them lined up around the block. Ah, but I guess Moony knows how most things go, but I'm sure the way he'll explain it will make it sound like work.

I know the basic gist of the Prophecy and I imagine you're wondering how you could possibly ever kill him. Well, my advice is to not think about it. The first time around every one of us would have given anything to kill him and we never got the opportunity to try. Just try to live your life as best you can. Play Quidditch, get a girlfriend (or two), and stay close to your friends. Even though the Prophecy says you have to fight him, you don't have to be alone. Don't forget that.

Well, hopefully by now, I've found James and Lily and am in the process of telling them everything I can about you. We aren't gone forever you know. You already saw your mom and dad after your fourth year. Maybe you'll see all three of us before you join us. I will kick your ass if you join us before you're Dumbledore's age though.

Give Moony a chance to be a godfather, he was a bit tweaked at James when he made me the first choice.

Take care Harry. Your parents and I will be watching and if we can ever help, I promise we'll find a way.

Sirius

Harry read the note at least three times before he placed it into the small box in his trunk where his sentimental notes were kept along with his first Hogwarts letter. Harry had expected the letter to make him fall apart but he actually felt a little better after reading it. He still blamed himself for what happened, but somehow things didn't seem quite so dark at the moment.

Before trying to sleep, Harry stroked Hedwig and said, "You can go hunt tonight girl, I promise, I'll be ok." Hedwig cocked her head, appraising her friend closely before nipping his finger and flying out. Harry fell asleep quickly and was having a sound and peaceful sleep until the vision of another man being killed by Bellatrix Lestrange shocked him awake. Seeing the sun begin to rise, he quickly recorded his dream and started his daily routine.

Over the next few days, Harry had done nothing to cause Hedwig to become overly concerned for her friend and she had begun hunting on a regular schedule when it got dark. One night however, this almost resulted in something terrible happening. Harry hadn't received any packages on his birthday and after three days of wondering why, the sadness of this coupled with the guilt of what he felt was his fault had allowed the thoughts of being unable to deal with the future to creep back into his mind. After watching Hedwig fly out the window one night, he barely pushed the thoughts into the background and went to bed still clutching his wand. Soon after falling asleep, he had another dream, one that pushed him to the brink. Voldemort and Bellatrix had just finished killing a woman who looked vaguely familiar to Harry. He heard the whimpering sobs coming from down the hall and heard Bellatrix say, "So, the daughter IS at home."

"Timms was indeed talented. He hid that well," Voldemort said as the two walked toward the door where the sound was coming from. "Nevertheless, his deception didn't change the outcome."

The door burst open and the little girl began screaming loudly. Harry suddenly knew why the lady looked familiar. The girl was Mila Timms, a Hufflepuff two years below him. Harry had noticed her and her friends rooting for Gryffindor at Quidditch unless they were playing Hufflepuff. Hermione mentioned the girls had a crush on him.

Voldemort bent down and picked up something, the Daily Prophet. "Look Bellatrix, she must think him her savior!" Voldemort showed the paper to Bellatrix and Harry saw it was a large picture of himself.

"Ah, does the little girl think Harry Potter will save her?" Lestrange said laughing.

"Harry Potter can do nothing to save you Mudblood. In fact he's the reason you're going to die! He exposed me to the world before I was ready. If I had finished my plan, you would have lived much longer," the evil wizard said before laughing out loud, causing the girl to scream even more. "You can thank Harry Potter that your death has come so soon," Voldemort said before uttering the killing curse, sending a green flash into the girl causing her to slump down silently.

Bellatrix began laughing but Voldemort cut her off, "You see what they think of him! He has made a mockery of me! None of you have been able to stop him, NONE!"

"But Master, I was about to before he showed up," Lestrange said with fear in her voice.

"He is but a boy Bellatrix, how could you have failed?"

"It will not happen again my Lord," Bellatrix pleaded.

"It will be your last if it does. Come, we must get back," Voldemort commanded before they both disappeared.

Harry woke up with tears streaming down his face. "See, if I was gone that girl would still be alive," he thought. "How many more is going to kill just to get back at me? I wish Sirius was here, I can't do this without him." Harry closed his eyes and breathed deeply but couldn't clear the thought. "I don't WANT to do this without him. I want OUT!" Harry gripped his wand even tighter, glanced around the room, stopping on Hedwig's empty cage. "I'm sorry girl, I just can't stand this. I'll miss you," Harry whispered as he wiped a tear before regaining his resolve. Roughly placing the tip of his wand against his chest, he started saying the words. As they were coming out, everything seemed to slow down so much that each syllable seemed to take minutes to complete. "Avada Ke..."