Crazy Game of Poker

"There will be a student poker competition held in the Great Hall, Friday night at seven o'clock. In place of chips, the wagers shall be Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. The teaching staff encourages all students to attend this display of House unity."

A messy haired sixth year by the name of Harry Potter sighed loudly. The teachers had been trying all term to "Promote House Unity." Especially between Gryffindor and Slytherin, whose animosity had not decreased in the slightest, despite the teachers' efforts. This was partially due to Harry and a group of his friends getting some of the Slytherins' fathers landed in Azkaban at the end of last term. The Slytherins resented that for some odd reason.

Unlike other attempts, this idea actually sounded fun. He would have to ask Ron and Hermione about it, but he thought that they should go.

Ron and Hermione agreed, and Harry placed a massive order to Honeydukes for Every Flavor Beans. On Friday night, the trio headed down to the Great Hall, loaded down with the multi-colored candies.

As they entered the hall, strange sights met their eyes. The house tables had disappeared, and dozens of poker tables were arranged around the hall.

All the teachers, the Head Boy and Girl, some of the prefects, and various other students were dealing, dressed as employees of casinos in Las Vegas. If you had asked Harry to make a list of things he would never have expected to see in his lifetime, "Snape in a bright red visor" would have been close to the top.

But there Snape was, dealing stud to a table of frightened looking second years. It looked like Professor Sinistra was dealing a game of Blackjack 21 over at the far end of the hall. It was hard to tell at this distance, but Harry thought he saw Professor Flitwick grab Sinsistra's arse as he walked by. And Harry had thought Flitwick's bread was buttered the other way!

Harry, Hermione and Ron walked over to where Hagrid was cashing beans behind a counter. Harry shoved his beans over to Hagrid and got in return 27 black licorice (or belly button lint) flavored beans worth a hypothetical galleon, 46 white vanilla (or soap) flavored beans worth a sickle, and 53 green apple (or algae) flavored beans worth a knut.

When Ron and Hermione had traded their beans, they looked around for a table. Harry finally spotted three places at Mandy Brocklehurst's table, and the three of them sat down.

The game was Texas Hold 'Em. Harry won the first hand with pocket queens, but Ron won the next one with a full house.

Sometime during the third hand, Harry noticed the amount of Butterbeer flowing in the Great Hall.

Everyone from first year up was drinking quite a lot of the delicious liquid. Professor McGonagall had a large bottle of the drink and was guzzling it down rapidly. Hermione, to Harry's surprise, seemed to be swallowing copious amounts of it.

Butterbeer has a low alcohol content, but drinking it in vast quantities can cause drunkenness. Everyone has a tolerance limit, and there were people starting to hit theirs all across the room.

When Laura Madley went all-in in the seventh hand, and Hermione beat her with a flush, she went into hysterics and had to be taken to the hospital wing by a rather tipsy Madame Pomfrey.

Hermione turned out to like playing for heavy stakes, and she bet all the beans she had to Siofra Mahoney in a spectacular bluff, which unfortunately failed.

"Well," she said jovially, taking another swig of butterbeer. "At least I went out with a bang!"

She hung over Ron's shoulder for another quarter of an hour before wandering off, muttering vaguely about getting another drink.

Ginny Weasley came over and plopped down beside Harry in the eleventh hand. She then proceeded to give him advice on the game. "Nice poker face, Harry!" she'd exclaim. "No one would ever guess that you were bluffing!" She gave him advice about when he should bid, what he should bid, and when he should just fold. As she was more than a little drunk, he didn't pay her any mind. He loved the littlest Weasley absolutely to death, but he didn't want her to interfere with his poker game, damn it.

Hermione came back about the fourteenth hand, looking distinctly stewed. She resumed her place leaning over Ron's shoulder. She kept giggling madly and whispering things in Ron's ear. Harry didn't know what those things were, but whatever she was saying was causing Ron's ears to turn a very interesting red color.

About the twentieth hand is when things started to get crazy.

Owen Cauldwell of Hufflepuff, Stewart Ackerly of Ravenclaw, and Malcolm Baddock and Graham Pritchard of Slytherin gave a loud, raucous rendition of "Dancing Queen" over at table thirteen. Other students (and Professor Grubbly-Plank) joined in enthusiastically.

Harry caught sight of Draco Malfoy snogging Pansy Parkinson in a corner.

Soon a large group of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs left the Great Hall. A few minutes later, loud voices and splashing were heard from the grounds. Hermione rushed over to one of the windows and looked out. She came back snickering loudly. "They're skinny dipping!" she cried, howling with laughter.

As another group of people left the great hall, Harry caught sight of Draco Malfoy and Lisa Turpin of Ravenclaw snogging in a corner.

Speaking of snogging, there seemed to be a lot of that going on as well.

Ernie Macmillan was snogging Hannah Abbott in an alcove, somehow still managing to look pompous.

Dean Thomas, it seemed, had finally given in to the inevitable and was heatedly kissing Parvati Patil.

Theodore Nott and Eleanor Branstone were snogging enthusiastically under the Slytherin banner.

Draco Malfoy had moved on and was now kissing Susan Bones of Hufflepuff.

The teachers apparently had no interest in stopping the students, as Professor McGonagall had conjured up a karaoke machine and was giving a stunning performance of Christina Agulera's song "Dirty," as Snape and Sinistra dirty danced by the stage.

No one was playing poker anymore, they were all running around crazy and drunk off their asses. This whole inter-house unity thing might not have been such a great idea, although there seemed to be a lot of inter-house snogging going on.

Draco Malfoy proved this point by moving on yet again and snogging Lavender Brown.

Seamus Finnigan might have pounded Draco's face, but he was too occupied zealously kissing Siofra Mahoney, the fifth year Ravenclaw who had beaten Hermione.

The most surprising sight of the evening, though, was when Harry caught sight of Neville Longbottom rather clumsily snogging Luna Lovegood. You go Neville! Harry thought with a grin. Then his thoughts took an unpleasant turn. Jeez, Malfoy, how many girls can you kiss? Harry had just caught sight of the Slytherin Prince snogging Mandy Brocklehurst.

His thoughts were interrupted by Professor Sprout running across the Great Hall, clad only in purple spandex and yelling, "I'm the queen of the world!"

Harry wished that he knew how to work the Obliviate spell. Gross.

That's when Harry decided that he'd had enough. He got up to leave, catching sight of Rose Zeller of Hufflepuff and Euan Abercrombie snogging in a corner. The Great Hall suddenly seemed to have way too many damn corners.

He wondered where Ron and Hermione had gotten to. Probably found a convenient corner, he thought sardonically.

As he walked out of the Great Hall, Ginny came over to him, looking thunderstruck, but still drunk. "What is it, Ginny?" Harry asked with much trepidation. He had a strong feeling that he didn't want to know what "it" was.

"I...oh Merlin...Harry...I..." Ginny stuttered.

"C'mon, Ginny," Harry said gently. "Spit it out."

"I..." Ginny took a deep breath, then continued, "I saw Lavender snogging Draco Malfoy." She looked horrified.

Harry grinned wryly. "Yeah, her and half the girls at this school."

Ginny burst out laughing. "Really?" she asked, tears of mirth streaming down her face. "Okay, I don't feel so bad now. But I thought they only accepted smart people to Hogwarts!"

She walked with him as he headed back to the common room. He surreptitiously diverted her attention from Owen Cauldwell, who was urinating into a suit of armor.

They walked down the hall for a few minutes, and then Harry saw another occupied corner. Three guesses who was in it.

Apparently Harry had been correct in his earlier assumptions. Ron and Hermione had indeed found themselves a convenient corner. Harry had not realized how weird it would be to see his best friends locked together at the lips, and rather wished he hadn't seen it.

As they climbed one of the many staircases, Lisa Turpin came running up past them, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"AHH! THE EVIL, RABID FLOBBERWORMS ARE AFTER ME!"

Then she ran into a wall and fell to the ground. Harry decided that she probably had a concussion, so he should take her to the hospital wing.

"Mobilicorpus," Harry muttered. Lisa's limp body rose into the air. He turned to Ginny only to realize that she was no longer beside him. She was halfway back down the hall, examining a painting which depicted a dozen or so mice frolicking in a field. He heard her muttering under her breath, and as he approached he caught a few of her words.

"Run, mouses, Mrs. Norris is gonna gets you. C'mon, cutesies..."

He pulled her back to Lisa's body, which was still hanging in midair. He wrapped his arm securely around Ginny's waist to keep her beside him. Ron would kill Harry if he lost his little sister.

They went up to the hospital wing, where they encountered a slightly more sober Madame Pomfrey. Laura Madley was lying in a bed deep in slumber; sleep was one of the after-effects of a sobering potion.

Harry quickly told Madame Pomfrey what had happened, and she had him put Lisa on a bed. She shooed him and Ginny out of the hospital wing, and they made their way, again, to the common room.

As they passed the Room of Requirement, they heard noises coming from the interior. Before Harry could tell Ginny that she probably didn't want to know, she had opened the door and stuck her head in. She abruptly pulled her head back out, blushing to the roots of her fiery hair.

"Michael and Cho," she said shortly. Harry almost felt sick, but then he remembered that he didn't care about Cho anymore.

Then he remembered that Ginny had dated Michael Corner the previous term. He looked over at the red-headed girl, and saw that she had tears in her eyes. She hurriedly wiped them away as he looked at her.

"Sorry, Harry," she said softly. "It's just that...well...Michael was my first boyfriend. Okay, so he wasn't that great of a kisser, and he was a little on the whiny side. He wasn't really all that bright either, and he never got my jokes. He was also kind of immature, and really unromantic...wait! Remind me why I dated him in the first place?" She smiled wretchedly. "Oh yeah! Because I couldn't have you." Harry gaped at her as she covered her mouth, looking mortified.

"Harry...I...you...sorry...I didn't mean..." she trailed off into uncomfortable silence. Harry recovered from his initial shock as she stood there looking uneasy. "Hey," he said, smiling. "It's alright, Ginny."

He had no idea what to do now, but luckily, they were interrupted.

Draco Malfoy and a group of Slytherins came running down the hall, pursued by a group of students from the other three houses, led by Seamus Finnigan.

"Get Vader!" Seamus hollered. "We're taking over the Death Star!"

"What in the bloody hell is the Death Star?!" Malfoy yelled.

"I don't know!" shouted Siofra the Ravenclaw. "But whatever it is, we're taking it over!"

And then the two groups of students ran down the hall, around a corner, and out of sight. All but Seamus Finnigan.

Seamus was standing in the middle of the corridor, his face screwed up in concentration. "Er...Seamus?" Ginny asked. "What are you doing?"

Seamus looked at Ginny disbelievingly before replying, in a tone of voice that suggested every idiot should know the answer to her question, "I'm using my JEDI MIND POWERS to bring Darth Vader back here!" He screwed up his face again, ignoring Harry and Ginny.

Harry laughed so hard he thought he might explode, whilst Ginny stood there looking utterly confused.

"C'mon," Harry said, taking her hand again. "Let's get out of here."

"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!" Seamus yelled after them.

They continued to their common room, Harry anxiously waiting for whatever happened next. The trip was pretty uneventful, if you didn't count the reappearance of Professor Sprout, Queen of the World. Ginny screamed as she caught sight of the purple spandex garbed Herbology professor. Harry didn't blame her, he had a sudden urge to squeal in a no-doubt girlish manner every time he saw Professor Sprout.

They finally made it to the common room. Harry said the password ("Royal Flush") and the two Gryffindors clambered through the portrait hole. Ginny clambered rather ungracefully, as she was still rather drunk. Harry didn't think she could get herself up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. He certainly couldn't take her, he didn't fancy a tumble down the stone slide anytime soon.

He was just about to lay her down across a couch and let her sleep there, when he caught sight of Victoria Frobisher, sitting at a table alone, playing solitaire.

"Vicky?" Harry asked, approaching the girl cautiously, in case she was drunk too. "Could you help Ginny up to her dormitory? She's kind of toasted."

The girl nodded, then spoke to Ginny in a kindly voice. "Come here, Ginny-girl. Let's get you into bed, shall we?" She took Ginny's hand and led her towards the stairs. Harry was strongly reminded of Madame Pompfrey.

As Harry watched the red-headed fifth year stumble up the stairs, with lots of help from Vicky, he wondered if she would remember anything about tonight.

If it turned out that she didn't, Harry would deeply envy her.